Saga -Lyssophobia- (written for the Essential OC challenge)

I wrote this for Essential OC Challenge, which is as follows: ...let your OC face a seemingly impossible task that then is solved by tricky thinking.

This fic was inspired by a very strange, and realistic dream that I had. It kept nagging at the back of my mind, bothering me. So I wrote it down, and this is what I came up with.

It looks really long, but it's a quick read as it's mostly dialogue.

Thanks for reading, friend, I really appreciate it.

~!~

Lyssophobia: The fear of going insane.

~!~

Date: /12/42/3 ABY/, 1203 hours
Trial #6031M, Coruscant Crime Courtroom
Media type: Sound Recording

?My name is Obert Rime and I?m not insane.?

?Please tell the court what you mean by that, Mr. Rime. Aren?t you, in fact, pleading ?not guilty by reason of insanity???

?Yes, Sir. But I thought I wasn?t supposed to lie on the stand.?

*Sounds of general disorder*

?Order! Order! I will have order!?

*static*

~!~

?Obert, sweetheart, could you please drop this package off at Mrs. Renksnout?s? Her children all have the Bantha Pox again, so I mixed up some of my special herbal lotion.?

Obert took the package from his mother?s hands with a dissatisfied frown. ?What difference does it make? They?re Gamorreans. They?re always warty. That nasty brood of kids doesn?t deserve??

The slap across his face took him completely by surprise and his eyes welled with startled tears. He wiped them away angrily.

His mother was a hard-working woman and it showed. Her hands were rough and calloused. Her face rarely showed anything but the deep tiredness that had settled on her soul the day her husband died. Her hair was short and frizzled and her face was nothing to look at: she had buggy eyes and a wide nose. The only good thing about her appearance was her slim, well-shaped figure. ?Obert Rime!? Right now her tired face had taken on a new energy, but it was an energy brought on by anger. ?I don?t ever want to hear you saying anything like that again. The Renksnout?s are wonderful people. They have kind hearts and intelligent minds. They are as good of people as we are, maybe even better.?

?Better?? Obert couldn?t help but scoff. ?They?re not human.?

Mrs. Rime shook her head. The anger that had etched her features before had melted away and was replaced by sorrow. ?Your father would have been ashamed to hear you say something like that.?

Obert threw the package to the ground. The bottle broke and it?s contents slowly oozed out. ?Shut up!?

The anger was back. She pointed her finger at the door. ?Out. Get out.?

Obert stomped outside, taking care to step in the spilled lotion and track it across the floor.

~!~

Date: /12/32/3 ABY/, 1032 hours
Patient #70,354. Psychiatric Ward, Coruscant Mental Hospital
Media type: Sound Recording

?Why were you at the park that day, Obert??

?Which day??

?The same day we?ve been talking about this past hour.?

?Oh, well, my cousin works there as a gardener. I go there to see her. I think that was probably why I was there.?

?Do you remember what happened that day at the park, Obert??

?Yes, Sir. Mostly.?

?What parts don?t you remember??

?I don?t know, Sir. I can?t remember them.?

*sigh* ?What I mean is, what places in your memory are blank or fuzzy??

?The parts I can?t remember.?

?Y?es. I know that already.?

?Good. Can I go now?? *chair scraping on floor*

?No, I?ve still got a few more questions. Please sit back down.?

*chair scraping on the floor*

?Thank you. Now, what happened at the park that day, Obert??

*static*

~!~

Obert stalked along with his shoulders slumped and his hands stuffed in his pants pockets.

It was easy for him to spot his cousin, Syrra. She was the only gardener on the whole of Coruscant who had an aurra of coolness about her. She always wore tons of red lipstick and black eye makeup. She never dressed in colors, either. It was always

 

That was really good. I like the way you mixed court records(?) with events.

I had to look up lyssophobia though.

 

"Order! Order! I will have order!"

I'll have a ham and swiss on whole wheat toast.


she had buggy eyes and a wide nose.

Well, if she was a Rodian, she'd be gorgeous... I suppose.


They have kind hearts and intelligent minds.

Wait, we're talking about Gamorreans here?


"Of course I didn't know, you crackpot!

LOL!


"-I saw Obert. He was standing over the body. He looked, um, distant. Vacant. When I looked in his eyes it was like there was no one there. It was like he was dead too. Then he saw me and started running again."

"But did you actually see your cousin fire the shot?" would be my question.


"It worked! Thank you, Syrra!" *clattering* "Thank you Syrra!"

Well, now all he has to do is take a couple of weeks and prove to the nuthouse docs that he's cured and out he comes. And then he has to teach his cousin to be able to do it too... or else.


Great viggie!

 

That was a great vig. I really liked the broken narrative and the impossible problem was delightfully original! Well done!

 

Intriguing title + powerful writing... Excellent story!

 

What an excellent story! Great mixing of the scenes and extremely creative!

Bravo!

 

moosemousse: Well, I did provide a definition. Thanks so much for reviewing, moosemousse! I'm glad you liked it.

BrentusofGath: *snork* Always the witty one, aren't you? Thanks for your review, I never know what you're gonna say!

yodas_waiter: Thank you very much, yodas_waiter. "Delightfully original"? I couldn't ask for a better compliment.

Golden_Jedi: I'm so glad you liked the title! It took me ages to come up with something that worked well with this fic. Thank you for reading, Golden_Jedi! I appreciate it.

Jade_Pilot: I'm honoured you thought so, Jade_Pilot. That means a lot to me, coming form you. Thanks so much.

 

Okay, these last two fics I've read have definitely showed a devious side to you my apprentice. I love it.

 

This is a great story!
Very intense and the unusual format fits it perfectly.

I don't know what to say, this is just so good.

 

Well that was longer than I expected, but it was WELL worth it. Thanks for giving me the link to this, it was a lot of fun to read.

 

ZaraValinor: Glad you approve, Master.

MsLanna: Thanks very much, MsLanna! It's good to hear that you liked the format; I was a little worried it would be confusing. *rolls eyes at self*

Ben_Watson: Thanks for reading, Ben_W! Yeah, it's a little long. I thought about breaking it up into two posts, but that would really just be psychological trickery to make it seem shorter, as the two posts would be shorter than this one. In reality it would be exactly the same length.
You wouldn't want me to trick you, now would you?

 

Wow. That was absolutely terrifying. I love the way you used the court records and such, it was extremely well crafted. Wow. An untrustworthy mind is my worst nightmare, and this fic is the reason why. Wow.

That, my friend, was a marvelous bit of writing.

 

Excellent writing, Meredith. It was chilling to follow Obert as he dealt with his fear of losing control of his mind and the seeming inevitability of it. It was good to see his reasoning of why he hated nonhumans so much, and I thought it was very believable for him.

I liked seeing Syrra being understanding and trying to help her cousin, and I felt really bad when her tricky thinking idea backfired and the Twi'lek woman was killed. Plus Obert's "waking up" and not knowing what was going on or what he had done... *shudder*

Like others have mentioned, I thought the format worked well for this story.

Great job with this!

-Thumper

 

....

....

Wow.

That was just.... just wow....

 

I'll echo everyone else here and throw in my own WOW. That was one intense and awesome piece of writing, there. The blending of the court records and the narrative was excellent, the story was fascinating... yeah, it was pretty much all around fantastic.

 

I enjoyed it very much. Nice concept and interesting characters. The dialogue was very natural and well written. Bravo.

 

Ah, flashback and time-shifting is something that I can very much appreciate, Meredith

This was told in a very unsual fashion and the story benefited greatly from it. Tying in themes from the courtroom/psychotic evaluation to the events previous really helps to build the climax even further than it otherwise would. Brilliant job on that!

Another wonderful challenge entry. An may I say a very unique choice of plot

 

I thought this was really, really good, and quite sad. Makes you feel bad for those in such situations. Great job!

Raptor517

 

Loved the fic, Meredith. Absolutely loved it. So dark, so disheartening!!

I must confess I?m left wondering if his problem was truly fixed, but perhaps that is all part of your nefarious plan!!!!

I really enjoyed the audio-style in which the current events were conveyed, which then lead to the sections of flashbacks.

 

Fantastic writing, Meredith!

Creepy, dark, tragic - perfect way to tell the story of an insane person. Obert's self-awareness, and lyssophobia, made for a good hook to the story. If anything, his fear of insanity has made him even more paranoid and insane. I adored the narrative editing, as you cut to the records from the institution and the trial. All the dialogue worked to excellent effect - in terms of tone, characterization, and realism.

?Well, they believed in this thing called the Force. The Force is in everything: living things, dying things. I think that when people die, they become a larger part of the Force.? Syrra gestured around them. ?There?s a little bit of everyone?all the dead people?in those trees, and those flowers.?

?That?s kind of creepy, Syrra.?

Great response to that.

Awesome vignette, and very original take on the challenge!

 

Loved your story. Journals of a patient, intermixed with dialogue and those court recordings.

 

Onoto: That, my friend, was a marvelous bit of writing. Thank you very much, Onoto! I am glad you thought so.

Thumper09: Thank you for the review, Thumper! I was very glad to see that you thought his hatred of nonhumans was believable.

Jade_Max: That was just.... just wow.... Thank you, Jade_Max.

Commander-DWH: ... yeah, it was pretty much all around fantastic. Thank you so much.

OmonD'Narde: I enjoyed it very much. Nice concept and interesting characters. The dialogue was very natural and well written. Bravo. Thank you!! I really appreciate that.

Luton_Plunder: Another wonderful challenge entry. An may I say a very unique choice of plot Cool, thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

Raptor517: Makes you feel bad for those in such situations I'm glad you thought that! That was precisely my intent! Thankee, Raptor!

BigE: I must confess I?m left wondering if his problem was truly fixed, but perhaps that is all part of your nefarious plan!!!! EXACTLY! You got it!

The_Face: Awesome vignette, and very original take on the challenge! Thank you veyr much. You had me blushing.

earlybird-obi-wan: Loved your story. Journals of a patient, intermixed with dialogue and those court recordings. Thank you, earlybird!!

 

So I finally got a chance to read this in its entirety, and I'm really impressed. This is some beautiful work. The scenario and Obert's history are both creepy and believable, and your writing did the premise justice. I also loved how you handled the formatting; it was very effective. Wonderful job with this.