ST Make Your Own Star Wars: The Force Awakens Dialogue

Mace Windu (Force Ghost): Describe what Jabba the Hut looks like
Han:What
MW: Say What again. I dare you I double dare you Wookie lover
H:He's big
MW: Go on
H: He's brown
MW: uhuh
H: He's a blob.
MW: Does he look like an Ewok?
H: What????
zuuummmmm Tiisss
H:aaaaarggh
MW: Does Jabba the Hut look like an Ewok?
H:no
MW:(mod edit inapproppriate comment about Ewoks)

 

Rey: What's wrong Luke?
Luke: I see force ghosts

Poe: I'm flying in my X-wing like a boss, I'm flying in my X-wing like a boss, All you Tie fighters can get lost, I said all you Tie figh- oh **** I've been shot, Princess Leia is going to be cross, I'm about to crash oh my gosh.

Luke: Ben I err, I appreciate you sticking around as a force ghost and helping me out with your guidance and all that stuff, err, it was a big help, but erm, can you err, maybe you could err.. can you just stop watching me take showers please! its creeping me out...

Announcer: And this years winner for coolest guy in the galaxy goes too...
Kylo Ren: Come on Come on
Han Solo: Ah I don't care this year I've won so many times
Chewie: Argh
Lando: Well surely it can't be me again
Boba Fett: .............
Poe: Well I've already won best pilot so..
Luke: I've been rocking the robotic hand look, that's got to increase my chances
Hux: I'm just happy to be nominated, and surprised to be..
Ackbar: It's a trap
Announcer: ...Finn!
Finn: Damn right.

 

Finn: I'm havin a bad day! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up!
_______
Rey: I'm not questioning your sanity, Kylo. I'm denying it's existence
___________

 

Finn (to Rey): What's up with that little droid following you?

Rey: I don't know, I guess that's how he rolls.

 

Maz: I see your eyes. I know your eyes!
Rey: My eyes can deceive you, don`t trust them.

 

Maz: Who are you?
Rey: I'm no one.
Maz: I have lived long enough to see the same eyes in different people. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! I see your eyes. I know your eyes!

 

Finn: I have no idea what I'm doing right now but I know I'm doing it really, really well
_______
Kylo: I have a feeling we should kiss, is that a good feeling or a incorrect feeling?
Phasma: Well, Sometimes I have the feeling I can do death sticks but then I think "Mmm, better not"
_____

 

EXT. LONELY WINDSWEPT ISLAND
Chewbacca and the droids stand at the bottom of some steep stone steps that appear to have been cut into the hillside. High up nearing the top of the steps are the figures of Rey and Leia, they near a cave cut into the hill and enter it.

INT. CAVE
Rey and Leia enter the cave, in the darkness they can just make out the shape of a person dressed in a robe, their hood covering their visage.

LEIA: Luke?

LUKE: Leia.....Kira?

REY: No my name is Rey!

LUKE: Your name is Kira Rey Skywalker......and I am your father!!!!

THE END

 

BB-8: eeheevebedffiiiliiinebeetdis
Rey: You have a bad feeling about this? Why you even have a fee-
(explosion)

 

I translated the Japanese subtitles from the international trailer into Prequelese:

 

Luke: "Snoke knew as I did, if the Emperor had any offspring, they would be a threat to him. That is why your lineage remains safely anonymous."

 

Villager: You`re burning down our village!
Phasma: Where there`s Snoke, there is fire!

 

Luke: The Force is strong in my family....my father has it....I have it...my sister has it...and now, you have it....
Jar Jar: Yousa really thinken so!? Oh! Muy, muy 'citing dis is!

 

Finn: Where's Han?
Rey: He's dead. Kylo turned him into a baby and threw him off a cliff.

 

"Hello, my name is Kylo Ren. You watch me kill my father. Prepare to die."

 

Luke: Winter is coming...

Maz: For the galaxy is dark, and full of terrors!

Rey: You know nothing, Han Solo.

Phasma: I call this blaster...Oathkeeper.

Kylo: For the Watch!

 

*villagers die*
Finn *internal monologuing*: Oh my god, this is horrible. Am I really capable of allowing such madness- *interrupted by screams of villagers*
Finn *out loud*: Hey I'm trying to have an internal monologue here and you guys are really being distracting! Can you keep it down!
______
*Finn in stormtrooper*
Commander: WHY ARE YOU HERE?!
Finn: I don't know! I don't even know what you want from me!
Commander:
____
Hux: I hope you die, you douche-bag
Kylo: Well not going to happen, douchier-bag *to self* nailed it
*Phasma facepalms in distance*
Phasma: You're both idiots
_________
Kylo *to Hux*: Well go break a leg...or two...you know what just go and break everything
______

 

*Kylo starts attacking Hux*
Phasma: Dammit, Kylo, calm down and act like an adult!
Kylo:

_______
Kylo: Can you for once stop acting like you're better than everyone else
Snoke: It's not my fault. I'm a sith
Kylo: What does that have to do with anything?
Snoke: Sith are the superior race. I can't help that I was born this way
Kylo: You know I've been working with you for over 10 years and I never realized how racist you are till just now
Snoke: Is it really racist if I'm the last of my kind in this galaxy?
Kylo: I...well now that I think about it I don't know

 

Random street vendor: "Hey dude, yeah, you in the hoody, wanna buy some death sticks? I got a good variety here. Come on and get yourself a death stick or two."
Kylo: "I already have one." ignites his lightsaber, and holds it to the guy's throat "You want a hit?"
RSV: "Uh, no dude, I'm cool. You just take your industrial strength sparkler thing and move along."

 

L(uke): There is a 11% probability that you, Rey are in fact Kira.

Kylo: I've got things to do.
Phasma: What things? You don't do things.
Kylo: Yes I do. I take enthusiastic walks through the woods.
Phasma: And have lightsaber battles with former stormtroopers?
Kylo: Veeeery enthusiastic walks.

Again, Kylo. On his way to kill Han.

Out of my way. I'm going to see my father.

 

Kylo: Hi, master!
Snoke: Tssk, what sort of infantile greeting is that!
Kylo: Ah, sorry... *kneels down, clears throat* What is thy bidding, my master....
Snoke: That's better. Now take off your mask and kiss my podium.
Kylo: ...Excuse me?
Snoke: You heard me. Mask off. Podium. Kiss. Now.
Kylo: You... what? No.... noo! That's disgusting! What's wrong with you!
Snoke: Nothing is wrong, but things will get wrong if you don't do as I tell you.
Kylo: But master... the podium is all dusty and.. Dirty!
Snoke: I know... But this is part of your final test into becoming a true Knight of the Ren.
Kylo: Ahh... seriously?
Snoke: Yes... My former master once asked me to do the same thing.
Kylo: *scratches head*
Snoke: Don't be shy. Just do it.
Kylo: *slowly takes off mask, leans forward, swallows, hesitates*
Snoke: DO IT!

 

*after Kylo does something annoying again*
Hux: I am the leader here! I will punish you!
Kylo: Any man who must say "I am the leader" is no true leader. I'm sure you'll understand that once I've won your war for you
Hux: I won the real war. My army destroyed the Resistence while you were scavenging around for Sith Junk!
*everybody else gets silent and they all wonder what Kylo's response will be*
Kylo *using the jedi mind trick*: You're going to leave now and never speak to me that way ever again
*Hux leaves*
_______
Hux: Everyone is mine to torment. You'd do well to understand that, you little freak
Kylo: Oh, "freak". Perhaps you should speak to me more softly then. Freaks are dangerous and, just now, generals are dying like flies.
______
BB-8 *in droid*: You have saved my life, I am enternally grateful
Rey: Yeah, yeah whatever

*BB-8 continues to follow Rey*
BB-8: You have saved my life, I am eternally grateful
Rey: Will you just leave me alone!
_____
*Kylo puts on black hood*
Kylo: Look I'm a sith!
Phasma: I don't know what that is
Kylo: You uncultured swine!

 

Rey, now with new found purpose walks up the steps of the ancient temple. Approaching a distant hooded figure at the top. She reaches her destination and the figure removes the hood, revealing the face of Luke Skywalker!
Luke: "Sorry Rey I can't train you because I died and became a force ghost "
Cue end titles music

 

"The Force is strong in my family"
"My father has it"
"My sister has it"
"I have it"
"Talkin' to yourself again? Crazy old hermit. By the way, your dad's dead, remember?"
"noooooooooooooo that's not true, that's impossible!!!"
"what a loony"

 

Lor San Tekka's message to the Resistance:

Help me Leia Organa. You are my only hope.