ST Make Your Own Star Wars: The Force Awakens Dialogue

(Shortly before Episode VII....)

SNOKE: My new grand scheme....is to build a huge superweapon!!!

HUX: Great idea, Supreme Leader! And very innovative as well!

Hux leans over to Kylo and whispers, "What the hell is he thinking??? That never works!"

KYLO: Shhh....

SNOKE: It will be able to destroy worlds!!! Doesn't that sound good, Kylo?

KYLO: Um, yes...of course, Supreme Leader! I would advise, though, just make it so that it can't be easily blown up by a lone starfighter.

SNOKE: Have you been looking at the plans???

 

Kylo: I feel cranky and pubescent today, and I don’t know why. Urghh! I’m going to take it out on people I like!
____
Finn: Love your hair.
Poe Dameron: What?
Finn: No. I-I...I love...the air.
_____
Kylo Ren: How did you find me?
Han Solo: Oh, it was easy, really. I just listened to the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that.
_______
Finn: *exists*
Poe: Take my jacket!
*throws jacket*
Poe: Take my droid!
*tosses BB-8*
Poe: Take me!
*Jumps into Finn's arms*

 

Chewie looks at Leia. He's failed. Leia: "It's not your fault." Chewie moans. Leia: "It's mine." Beat. Chewie hugs Leia and she breaks down, tears soaking his fur.

 

*going to Starkiller Base at light speed*

Han: I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! Let's do it!

*Millenium Falcon explodes into 12,488,593,057,592,657,240 pieces*

 

Rey: Luke... Will you train me?

Luke: Aww, but I was gonna go to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!

Rey: you can goof off with your friends once your chores are done.

*a single tear falls down Luke's face*

 

Rey: What the hell just happened? I should not have gone in there.
Maz: That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him ... and now it calls to you!
Rey: Wow. That’s some "call". Couldn’t it just have beeped or dinged or something? Or a little “hey, Rey, take me with you … “… This place is insane . I’m outta here back to Jakku,
Maz: Han told me (Maz takes Rey’s hands) Dear child, I see your eyes ... you already know the truth. Whomever you are waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back … but, there's someone who still could.
Rey: What?... Maz, what does that even mean? Is this about Luke? Still could what? Come back? Or are you saying … exactly what are you saying? This is getting too confusing.
Maz: The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes, feel it. The light. It's always been there. It will guide you. The saber … take it."
Rey: Keep the bloody saber, Maz. I have my head blown with terrifying and heart wrenching visions, then you talk in riddles. When I ask you for a clearer explanation, I get more gobbled prattle.
Maz: Take the freaking saber, Rey! Is that clear enough?
Rey: No! I … do … not … want … it.
Maz shoves the lightsaber forward attempting to put it in Rey’s hands.
Maz: Take it, you ungrateful little snip! I am your mother. Luke is your father. This is your destiny. Now take it!
Rey: What? What? You all left me on Jakku with Unkar Plutt? All this time, everything I have been through? Seriously? Now you want me to go bonkers getting hallucinations from this thing?
Maz: It was all part of things you do not understand … you needed to be toughened up for what lies ahead … take the saber. Take it and fulfill your destiny.
Rey pushes back on the saber. The two struggle for a moment back and forth. Then, inadvertently, the lightsaber ignites, piercing Maz’ chest.
Rey: Oops.
Maz (looking down at the humming blue beam through glasses that are beginning to steam up): Uh-oh. Not exactly what I had planned.
Rey: Geez … sorry … uh, Mom.

 

Han: "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
Kylo: *Stabs Han*

 

Rey approaches Kylo Ren and Phasma next to a small shuttle.

Phasma: %#€* this £¥$& I'm out, I'll leave you two to your hokey religions.

Phasma leaves in the ship.

Rey: my powers have doubled since we last met.

Kylo: you do realize that the last person to say that got his head cut off with his own lightsaber.

Rey: well Maul had the high ground in TPM and look what happened to him.

Kylo: but Maul survived with robotic legs.

Rey: and then had his brother killed by his former master.

Kylo: still survived.

Rey: we don't even know what happened to him! I mean, we are supposed to know but we saw him in the rebels season 2 trailer and in the order of release dates we still don't know what happened to him.

Kylo: yeah... Let's be stereotypical now and talk about how cool Darth Revan is, hate on the prequel trilogy, and burn disney for getting rid of the old canon's stuff.

Rey: ok! I brought an X wing here so if you get in the droid slot and hold your breath until you pass out we can probably make it to Hoth.

Kylo: that won't work though because disney doesn't like old planets. Let's go to Jakku instead because the only other planet I remember from TFA was blown up!

Phasma lands the ship back next to Kylo.

Phasma: see what I meant by hokey religions? We have to go, there is a control room you haven't destroyed.

Kylo: aww, but Mooooom...

Phasma: you killed your dad and are probably going to kill your mom and then maybe Lando and then sacrifice yourself for Rey and ultimately be forgiven for killing the entire original cast and then some. Wait, I think something got in my voice box, I think it was something from your weekly church where you burn the special editions of the original movies. what I meant to say was shut the %€£^ up and get in the damn ship.