Man Bites Dog - the zany headline game - game has a winner

PREZ 25 points
DOC 10 points
Mayor 25 points
ACCUSED 10 points
BIZARRE 50 points

Bizarre Mayor Accused Prez

The mayor of a little town in Iowa accused the president of the US of having too many kittens.

 

Devoted Thug Missing Jealous Wife

25 + 25 + 50 + 10 + 10 = 120

120 + 190 = 310


She may have been overbearing, manipulative, and overprotective, but he loved her dangit. He loved her.

 

Indicted psychic blames bored star.

10+25+25+25+10 = 95


Galaxy famous psychic, Jymes Vyn Pryn has been indicted for boring holonet star Alina Jalay into a coma during their one and only session. According to reports, By the time Mr. Pryn, who was filming the session for his next special, finished bloviating about his talent, accomplishments, and guests, Ms. Jalay had slipped into a deep coma. Mr. Pryn adamantly denies responsibility for her condition stating he is too fascinating a person to have caused that level of boredom.

 

HEIRESS 50 points
DUMPS 25 points
MOB BOSS 25 points
SUSPECT 25 points
LOST 10 points

Heiress Dumps Mob Boss because she suspected him of losing her grandmothers necklace.

50+25+25+25+10= 135

 

Naked Judge Revealed Wall Street Jewels

50+25+20+10+25= 130

They were behind that desk you always see the big important people standing behind. Yes, he was really naked. That's how he got them to leave so that he could find them.

 

Drugs Exec Convict Dead
85+105=190

A kingpin of a drug ring has died recently in custody, but the cause of death is unknown.

 

Crazy Psychic Dog Attacks, Stabs

25+50+10+25+10= 120+235= 355


The famous yet pshyco psychic dog "Rovespa" has een charged with the brutal attack of former competitor "Madame Meow," a fellow late-night infomercial animal psychis. Madame Meow was struck in the tail 7 times with a Swiss Army Knife, police say. The defense believes itself to have an impenetrable defense; Rovespa is a dog, and since dogs do;t have aposeable thumbs, she couldn't possibly have held the knife. No one is sure how this story will unfold, but [insert animal pun here].

 

INDICTED NUN SUES CROOKED THOUSANDS!

25 + 50 + 10 + 25 + 10 = 120

310 + 120 = 430


Mother Pride, who is herself accused of embezzling church funds, has filed a lawsuit against over 9000 people she claims have sinned far too much and have infringed upon her rights in this country. Upon hearing of this lawsuit, the judge was heard exclaiming "WHAT? 9000?"

 

LOST 10
DEAD 10
RUNS OFF WITH 50
THUG 25
COP 10

Lost Cop Runs Off With Dead Thug

Three days after vanishing from his home, his fellow police found him holed up with the body of a robber he was supposed to catch.

75 + 30 = 105

 

EXCLUSIVE! doubles score
BLAMES 10
BIZARRE 50
VACCINE 25
INTERN 10

Bizarre Intern Blames the Exclusive Vaccine.

After spending hundreds of dollars on an Exclusive one time only Vaccine that is supposed to cure bizarreness, but was really a scam. The Intern says that he didn't have enough vaccine to cure his bizarreness.

50+25+10+10=95, doubled=190

 

BITES 10
BLONDE 25
WEEPS FOR 25
TEEN 10
340LB 50


340LB blonde bites, then weeps for teen.

An obese blonde psych patient bit a fellow patient to get his attention and then burst into tears for injuring her innocent friend.

50 + 25 + 10 + 25 + 10 = 120

 

Last Devoted Urologist Revealed Actor

195+140=335

The last remianing full-time urologist, after seeing a mistake during a play, revealed yesterday that an actor whose real identity was unknown, because he always wore a mask, was actually an escaped convict from the local penitentiary. Now, that actor is behidn bars, where he will serve a sentance for escaping and using a fake identity.

 

EXCLUSIVE! FIRST LADY WANTED HUBBY INDICTED!

25 + 10 + 10 + 25 = 70x2= 140
140 + 430 = 570


This is not the Bill and Hillary headline you are looking for, move along.

 

MISSING 50
TELLS ON 25
TYCOON 25
EXEC 10
BIZARRE 50

Bizarre Exec Tells On Missing Tycoon

The president of Awesomesauce Inc. spilled the dirt on the disappearance of the railroad tycoon.

50 + 25 + 25 + 50 + 10 = 160

 

DEFENDS 10
NUN 50
BLIND 25
SECRETARY 10
FAKE 25

Fake Secretary Defends Blind Nun.

Mr. Harker, a secretary who was a fake. Defends a blind Nun against a an angry dog.

 

CROOKED 25
COP 10
RIPS OFF 50
BRAVE 10
MAYOR 25

Crooked Mayor rips off brave cop.

25 + 25 + 50 + 10+ 10 = 120

In a bizarre incident, Mayor Binks denied officer Kenobi the reward money offered for safely rescuing the kidnapped nephew of multibillionare, Cos Palpatine, stating the money would be better served being donated to the entire police department instead of one heroic individual who risked his life to save another.

 

Psychic Mob Boss Shoots Banker First
335+135= 470

A mob boss with psychic powers was able to discover, through ESP, the location of a wealthy banker on his way from a large downtown bank. The boss confronted the banker at gunpoint, and was suprised that several people were walking by as he held the man back. To keep the people from running off and telling the poice, he opened fire, hitting the banker first before hitting several onlookers. The boss is now wanted for attempted murder of these people.

 

Thanks

 

SHEDS 10
THUG 25
TOURIST 10
RUNS OFF WITH 50
NAILS 10

Thug Sheds Nails, Runs Off With Tourist

25+10+10+50+10= 105

He couldn't hold onto her properly with those acrylics.