Saga Mark Of The Betrayer (Qui/Xani vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by female_obi_wan, Nov 3, 2003.

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  1. female_obi_wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2002
    star 3
    Timeframe: Er...sometime in TPM. After the Council Scene.
    Genre: Angst, angst, angst and did I mention angst? :p
    Summary: Qui muses over the differences between him and his fallen apprentice

    Mark Of The Betrayer


    As cold as fire, hot as ice
    All who love must pay a price
    Sun in winter, snow in spring -
    But did I pay you
    everything?

    Sharp as touch and soft as blade
    The darkness came from what I made
    Light as dark and dark as light
    The stars now don't come out at night...

    Dark as the things I didn't do
    I always will remember you
    Blue as blood and red as sea
    But would you have remembered...me?


    I have a broken-circle scar too. It's on my arm. And I didn't burn the shape into my skin myself. Obi-Wan did it. Not on purpose, of course. We had a training duel one day when he was sixteen, and he caught me on the arm. For some reason it left a particularly painful sting...and the scar. I was horrifed when I saw what it looked like. It was like he'd...that's Xanatos, not Obi-Wan...left a mark on me.

    Like a mark of betrayal....

    Or the mark of the betrayer.

    He....my Padawan...he's not here with me. I think he's asleep. He always slept far more than I ever did, which amused me. I don't sleep any more than I have to, you see. Ever since I was a teenager.

    I wonder what he's dreaming about?

    I wonder if he is dreaming? After Xanatos tried to kill me, I never wanted to sleep for fear of nightmares, but when I slept I didn't dream at all.

    I heard that was a sign you're going mad.

    As soon as I knew there weren't any nightmares in my mind, they came. Every night I'd dream about him...expressions on his face, hatred in his eyes, the jump into the pool...

    Those dreams were by far the worst. They felt like they were real. The pain and the fear and everything. Knife-like liquid filling my mouth and ears and eyes and lungs. Hearing nothing but faint screams...not knowing what was blood and what was acid...eyes going out....everything going...

    Is he going to dream about me now? Things like...seeing me as a Sith and himself as my apprentice? Seeing me and Anakin standing side by side and cutting him down?

    I hope not.

    I pray not.

    I should never have let this happen. Never let one betrayal rule my life.

    Because that turns you into the betrayer.

    And it just goes on forever.

    Unless Obi-Wan breaks that chain. Another burden to place on him. Not that I think he'd betray someone, however. I just can't imagine it.

    Why couldn't I break the chain?

    Why can't I go to him now, and beg for forgiveness?

    Maybe when we land and I've had time to think things out. A lot of the things that happened today came from not thinking.

    I wonder if Xanatos simply didn't think.

    No...I'm sure he was thinking. He wasn't thinking what I was thinking when I made my betrayal. What was I thinking of?
    Hope...we need hope now. Don't we? But if you have to sacrifice so much to get it...if I had to sacrifice so much...am I being selfish? But I love my Padawan....

    Is love selfish? Were they...right when they said a Jedi should not love?

    Were they?

    But the Force...it keeps telling me. Telling me the Chosen One will bring balance...somehow. And if the Council won't train him, then won't I have to?

    Unless I misheard the Force.

    But he has to be the Chosen One, I'm sure of that. He's destined to do something...

    But how?

    And who, if anyone, will suffer because of it?

    Chosen Ones aren't meant to betray anyone...

    Betrayal...I've thought of that word a hundred times. I keep thinking no, it's not a betrayal...I gave him what he wanted...but I don't know. I just don't know.

    But...oh, Xan. I did forgive you, but I never understood you. I never understood the whispers that said you're wrong and the other whispers that say you're right, the sheer determination and fear that makes you have to be right, because otherwise...

    I can't take se
  2. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    :eek: If I may say so, that was kind of creepy! :p Just in a sense, though. ;) I think that happens whenever you create (or observe) parallels between a good guy and a bad guy - especially that one that was not redeemed, like Xanatos.

    It was very good - I liked it a lot. It really felt like Qui-Gon was thinking it, kind of meandering here and there, hesitating sometimes. I really liked just the concept itself, too - that Qui-Gon never really understood Xanatos, and then at the end . . . he did. Very interesting parallel.

    Wonderful little viggie you have here. :)


    [edit]First post! :D
  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hey Sarah I really liked this vignette. I liked how you balanced what was going on with the implied Council scene and what had happened long ago with Xan. I thought that Qui-Gon's musings were very sad and poignant as he hoped that he was not the betrayer this time.

    Good job.
  4. Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2003
    star 4
    Wow, I really liked this, Sarah. Qui-Gon's increasing doubt that he himself might be what he most feared, and hated - yikes.

    Why can't I go to him now, and beg for forgiveness?

    Maybe when we land and I've had time to think things out.
    That's so sad because - and I think I'm right in assuming this is just before they return to Naboo and confront Maul - is that he really doesn't get that chance.

    Good job. :D

    Edit: I forgot to ask about the opening poem ... did you write that as well? I love the flow of it.
  5. Lurkalidth Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2003
    star 2
    Wow! This is a unique take on how Qui-Gon perceives his relationship w/ Obi-Wan. Very gripping, emotionally evocative writing here. Thanks for sharing this. :)
  6. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
  7. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, Sarah, that was great. Qui's emotions were really powerful and the parallels you found between him and Xanatos were fantastic. Well done!

    Shaindl
  8. female_obi_wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2002
    star 3
    obaona: Thank you :)

    dianethx: Thank you too :D

    Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Yeah, it's just before Naboo. :( And I did write the opening poem...I'm glad you liked it! :D

    Lurkalidth: You're welcome :D

    obi_ew: Thanks!

    Shaindl: Thank you. [face_blush]
  9. Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2003
    star 4
    And I did write the opening poem...I'm glad you liked it!

    Neat! You write both prose and poetry so well, then. :D

    *whispers* UP!!!

    :p
  10. Laine_Snowtrekker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2003
    star 5
    This viggie was sweet! I so felt like I was getting into Qui's head. You write so well.
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