Mason's Comedy Club

Discussion in 'State College, PA' started by jangoboy71, Nov 19, 2002.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
  2. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    When computers and Hicks collide:

    1. Log on - makin the wood stove hotter
    2. Log off - Dont ad no more wood
    3. Monitor - keepin an eye on the wood stove
    4. Download - gettin wood off the truck
    5. Mega Hertz - what happens when you carry the wood wrong
    6. Hard Drive - gettin home in the winter
    7. Windows - what to shut when it gets cold
    8. Byte - what them dang flys do
    9. Mouse Pad - hippi talk for rat hole
    10.Floppy disk - what you get from carrin to much farwood
  3. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    Please log on

    I do system support for a law firm. the other day i had to log a user off and then back on again. after being informed her password was "genius" i typed it in. when it came back access denied i asked to spell it.

    her answer was "G-E-N-I-O-U-S"
  4. CommanderSesfan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2001
    star 4
    Intriguing...let's call Wes in here and have him make Yoda do standup, ok?
  5. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    Job Oppurtunity

    My son was playing the video game Zelda. halfway through the game he realized he forgot something at the beginning. rather than starting over he kept going figuring he could accomplish it with out it.

    Suddenly i realized i would no longer have to worry about a job for him. he would be perfect as a microsoft program engineer.
  6. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    No Enemies

    An old lady was talking to the minister one day and said.
    "I have no enemies"

    "that is a beautiful thought" replied the minister

    "yes sir" she answered "i am thankful to say i have outlived them all"
  7. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    Men Jokes

    Q. What's the best way to kill a man
    A. Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him and tell him to pick one

    Q. How does a man keep his youth?
    A. By giving her money, furs and diamonds

    Q. How do you keep your husbnand from reading your emails?
    A. Rename the folder to instructions manual
  8. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    sayings on office inspirational posters

    1. doing the job right the first time gets the job done, getting the job done the fourteenth time gives you job security

    2. Eagles may soar but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines

    3. Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

    4. Never put off til tommorrow what you can avoid altogether

    5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

    6. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all

    7. When the going gets tough take a coffee break

    8. Aim low reach your goals avoid disapointment

    9. Succeed in spite of management

    10. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker
  9. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    s'all for now my fingers are sore from typing
  10. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    NTSB Survey

    the national transportation safety boards did a survey in which they added a black box into cars and trucks. in 49 out of 50 states they were surprised to find that 61.2% last words of drivers were "Oh (expletive)"

    the only exception however was tennessee where 89.3% of the final words were "hey y'all watch this!"
  11. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    Hunting Mishap

    Bubba was trying to explain to the officer at the police station why his cousins shot him.

    "well, we wuz havin a good time drinkin when ma cousin ray picked up a shotgun and said 'der yer fellers wanna go huntin?'"

    "then what" said the officer

    "From what i remember i stood up and said 'sure i'm game'"
  12. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    Human Nature

    Two men are chased by a bear which is rapidly gaining on them...

    the first man stops to put on running shoes

    "i don't know why you're bothering!" screams the second one "we're never gonna outrun that grizzly"

    "I know" said the first "but all i gotta do is outrun you"
  13. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    ok so a penguin, ferret and a priest walk into a bar. the bartender looks up and says, what is this..some kind of joke?
  14. wesjanson1138 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2001
    star 4
    Are these stolen? I don't think you made them up yourself. Some of these were VERY poor taste.
  15. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    they're not stolen....a friend gave them to me.which ones are you referrring to? oh and could you do some yoda stuff?
  16. Jedi_Master_Mazzara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 5, 2001
    star 4
    Poor taste, as in barbaric, uncivilized, uncouth...etc...

    What do you do with a dog with no legs?
    -Take it for a drag
    Where do you find a dog with no legs?
    -Where you left him
    What do you call a dog with no legs?
    -Whatever you want, he won't come.

    Now I am just waiting for the PETA gestapo to descend on this thread, :p
  17. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    thank you for showing us the meaning of bad taste
  18. wesjanson1138 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2001
    star 4
    Anyway. Why did the ewok cross the path?
    TO GET TO THE OTHER TREE!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaa.....haha...whew...That one always cracks me up...
  19. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
  20. Jedi_Master_Mazzara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 5, 2001
    star 4
    your-welcome... ((bows)). Now, would you like me to show the meaning of decapitation... ::ignites sabre:: :D
  21. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
    you guys gotta learn to do this yourself
    [[[[o]]]===========================
  22. Jedi_Master_Mazzara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 5, 2001
    star 4
    And you gotta learn how do to this yourself...

    .._-0""""""""""""""""""""
    ./

    Dooku style...


    EDIT: Never mind, this {expletive deleted} board is {family board} with my message...arrrrrr
  23. CommanderSesfan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2001
    star 4
  24. jangoboy71 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 4
  25. Jedi_Master_Mazzara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 5, 2001
    star 4
    So anyway, there were two bears in a bath tub. The first bear says, "Please pass me the soap." The second bear replies "What do you think I am, a typewriter?"



    HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA =D HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.