Story [MCU] The Siberian Road Trip Experience [Inter-CACW, TS]

Title: The Siberian Road Trip Experience
Author: daenabenjen42
fandom: MCU/CACW
Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, T'Challa, the people of the Sakha Republic, Siberia...
Notes: So I got reminded that Tony would not have been stranded if they'd left him without a quinjet to escape with... that led to a google search or three to find out about Oymyakon, Siberia, Sakha Republic. (Which is 20 hours by car from the nearest airport in Yakutsk and is one-half of an apparently awesome road trip through the Siberian Wilderness that one should not try against a doctor's recommendation. No really. Go look it up.) With all of that in mind... yeah... I totally went there and made Tony drive the snowmobile thing. (The level of general crack!fic is intentional.)

~*~*~*~*~​

Upon reaching the surface, Tony found that he wasn't stranded. Left behind was a very large, snow encrusted snowmobile. Shivering against the cold, he stared at it for a minute before climbing into the cab and shutting the door. There, he found a note from Steve attached to the steering column as he stowed the shield and the cybernetic arm.

Apologies for not leaving you a jet, Tony. Had to get Bucky to treatment ASAP, and I was going to go back down there for you, but saw this thing. There are rental papers that Bucky translated as saying this thing came from the nearest settlement, called 'oymyakon' or something like that. Not sure I trust that spelling, coming from a man with a concussion. That settlement is five hours away, and they'll probably be missing their snowmobile. Take it back to them?
Will call you or contact you somehow from somewhere safe.
-Steve

Tony stared at the note, momentarily stunned at how cordial the note was. Then he frowned and his eyes narrowed. "Five hours?" That's when he saw the post script.

PS: There's also a map with those papers, with the route Zemo took marked. Enjoy your thinking time, Tony. Apologies for leaving without you.

Tony looked up from the note and stared out at the snow-covered top of the missle silo and the wilderness beyond. Thinking time? What if he didn't want thinking time?!?

~*~*~*~*~​

Five hours later, Tony Stark pulled the snowmobile into a settlement that didn't even really look like anybody actually lived there full time, and he got out, his suit covered by a parka that had been in the snowmobile. He was still angry at the situation, but Steve had been right: it had been plenty of time to think.

At the rental office, he was greeted with a smile and another note, this one from King T'Challa.

Mr. Stark,
There is a rental car waiting for you that Mr. Zemo drove to Oymyakon from the nearest airport in Yakutsk. It is a twenty hour drive. In Oymyakon, they are waiting for you at the local clinic to check you over and get you out of that suit of yours. Have a good night's sleep and then take that rental car to the airport, weather and doctor's permission permitting.
Enjoy the hospitality of the people of the Sakha Republic, Mr. Stark. They are much nicer than I would be to you at this moment.

Tony blinked again. So the King of Wakanda was upset with him, and also wanted him to get treatment in some kind of weird scavenger hunt? He looked at the man behind the counter. "English?"

"Da," the man said. "Enough."

"Where is this local clinic mentioned in this letter?"

"Across the street, two doors down."

Tony nodded. "Thank you."

"And Mr. Stark? That parka needs to be longer."

Tony froze. "How'd you-"

"We have television."

"Ah."

The man pointed out the door. "Go get seen to, then catch a nap, like he said." Tony paused. "Problem?"

"Just wondering what it's like to live here."

The man chuckled. "Do you like snow?"

"I'm from New York. We have snow."

"But do you like it?"

"Not all the time, no."

"Then you'd hate it here."

"It snows that much?"

"We even have snow in summer time."

Tony shuddered at the thought of that. "How do you people live here?"

"We're born here. Usually, we never leave."

"Never?"

"Siberia is a big, cold place, Mr. Stark."

"Right." He nodded curtly to the man and then went out to find that medical clinic, all the while muttering about how a certain captain and the King of Wakanda were complete and utter dung.

~*~*~*~*~​

Getting out of the suit ended up being a complicated affair involving tools and the doctor on duty laughing at him. Tony wasn't sure if the man was actually laughing at him, or at the situation, but at least he was able to finally get out of it with help and finally, at long last relieve himself. That counted for something.

After that, the doctor was surprisingly professional, if candid. "So... how end up like this?"

"I fought a super soldier. I lost."

The doctor shook his head. "No one wins in fight. Not even victor. Fight... just a fight."

"You have many fights here, Doc?"

The doctor pursed his lips. "Have vodka and snow."

Tony simply looked at him, wondering if they all answered everything like that. He so wanted out of Siberia, like right now. "So..."

"And no Vodka for you." He pointed to the cot in the corner with a thick blanket. "You sleep. We talk again after."

"Don't want to sleep, Doc."

"Not a choice."

"Argh!"

~*~*~*~*~​

Ten hours and three nightmares later, he was laying on the cot and watching the doctor take inventory of everything in the small clinic and wondered if the man had gotten some sleep himself. "Uh..."

"Go back to sleep, a little longer."

"Not tired." The doctor looked at him wryly. "Sore."

"Is long car ride to Yakutsk. Sleep do you good."

"Doc..." The doctor continued to look at him expectantly. "Right. I hate it here."

"Sleep and get out of here sooner, then."

He got the impression that the doctor didn't like him, either.

~*~*~*~​

When he woke again, a tray of some kind of soup, steaming, was waiting for him on a TV tray next to the cot. He stared at it. "What is this?"

"Reindeer Meat Soup. Good for you."

"Reindeer?"

"Yes, Mr. Stark."

Tony sighed and sat up, accepted the fact that he was going to be eating Rudolph, and dug in.

As it turned out... the soup wasn't that bad. Needed more salt, though.

~*~*~*~​

After meeting what seemed like three hundred of the five hundred people who lived in the settlement... apparently new people were a big thing out here in the boonies... the doctor finally cleared him for travel and handed him a map. "Visit if you ever in Siberia again."

Tony nodded. He never planned to be anywhere in Siberia again, but it was nice to feel wanted by strangers. "I'll consider it."

"Have good trip."

He did.

~*~*~*~*~​

In Yakutsk, at Yakutsk airport, he was greeted by a smiling airport security person who handed him yet another explanatory letter from the King of Wakanda, travel papers, and tickets to get home via Iceland. "It was such an odd request, for such an interesting reason, we had to honor it. Welcome to Yakutsk, Mr. Stark."

"Ever been to Oymyakon?"

"Once. How was the soup?"

"Needed more salt."

"But was it a good visit?"

Tony paused. "After the week I've had? I think it was."

"Then good." He motioned to the airport terminal. "Have a good flight."

"I just want out of Siberia. Even if it means getting out via Iceland Air."

It was a long flight back to the states. He almost considered staying in Reykjavik. Almost.

~*~*~*~​

A/N: The settlement of Oymyakon really does consist of 500 people who subsist on Reindeer meat and other things that they can catch, because they can't plant crops due to the permafrost.