Before Melting Point (Qui, Obi, Snow) Updated 1/1 Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by azizah, Dec 30, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Title: Melting Point
    Timeframe: Obi-Wan is 13 and a new apprentice
    Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan spend a night in a brothel during a snow storm in a remote outer rim space port

    Notes: This is not a new story but new to these boards (as am I). I thought I would try it for my first post. Don?t let the summary fool you, it is a harmless story despite the setting and some innuendo.

    Melting Point

    The room was warm, a welcome change from the biting cold outside, but Qui-Gon Jinn hesitated in the doorway. The air was thick with the smell of many occupants, mingled with the sweet smell of perfume and the faint musty smell of spice. Qui-Gon quickly scanned the interior, taking in the décor and the inhabitants. He was no stranger to the seedier side of outer-rim space ports, and this one was no different from his previous experience. He knew a brothel when he saw one.

    Behind him his young apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, shifted from one foot to another. He was not usually prone to fidgeting, but he couldn?t feel his feet. They were frozen from hours of marching in the raw wind and bitter cold. He was curious about his master?s hesitation and he shifted his position trying unsuccessfully to steal a glance into the room over Qui-Gon?s broad shoulders.

    Qui-Gon sighed, this was not his first choice of shelter, but they had been caught unprepared by the planet?s unpredictable weather systems and were not equipped to spend the night outside in subzero temperatures. They were also out of money, so it appeared they were out of options. Qui-Gon sensed some hostility, defiance toward authority in general, but no real danger. He strode into the room, his apprentice close at his heals.

    It was Obi-Wan?s first opportunity to see the interior of the building, and he found the occupants were as fascinated in him as he was in them. He took in the details of his surroundings without appearing to show the slightest interest, a Jedi trick. The mish mash of inhabitants in the room had no such skills. They stared round eyed and open mouthed. Laughter and talk turned to whispers, then finally died out altogether.

    Qui-Gon strode forward purposefully, apparently unaware of the stir their presence had caused. Jedi were not the usual custom of the place.

    ?C-can I help you?? The young girl behind the counter was young, younger than Obi-Wan. Her face was heavily painted making her look older, but her expressive eyes betrayed her youth. Her situation saddened Qui-Gon, but he was careful not to let his feelings show. There was nothing he could do to help and his pity would not change things. When he spoke his voice was gentle.

    ?There is storm approaching and we have no where to stay. We have no credits to pay for a room, but any place you can find to give us shelter would be appreciated.?

    ?Run along Sarra,? An older girl sauntered up to the counter. ?And don?t worry, I will take special care of our guests.? She turned to the Jedi. ?I am Errita, my uncle owns this establishment, and you would be??

    ?I am Qui-Gon Jinn,? Qui-Gon bowed formally, his manners the same for chancellors, senators, and prostitutes. ?My companion is Obi-Wan Kenobi.?

    Obi-Wan bowed as well, following his master?s lead. When he looked up he found the woman eyeing him with interest. She was beautiful, long dark hair, clear skin and brilliant hard green eyes. He tried to keep his gaze steady, but he found he could not meet her openly appraising stare. He looked away confused, his face burning in embarrassment.

    ?No money? I?m sure we can work out payment somehow.?

    She laughed brazenly but after a quick look at Qui-Gon turned suddenly and walked jauntily toward the stairs. Her green silk dress clung seductively, ?This way, gentlemen.?

    They followed her up the stairs and down a long hallway. Privacy apparently not a concern, doors on either side left carelessly open exposing the occupants inside. Obi-Wan carefully kept his eyes on his master?s back. The storm outside suddenly did not seem so threatening.
  2. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I like the setup. I could just picture the cold and the brothel and how Obi-Wan wanted to see and not see what was going on around him. I liked, too, the way Obi-Wan's frustration came out in his arguing with Qui-Gon.
    I hope Qui doesn't get into too much trouble. [face_worried]

    Very good job. Please put me on your PM list for this story.
  3. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    ?I try, Master.? Obi-Wan came and sat cross legged on the floor beside his master. ?But
    sometimes it is easier to see the future than what is in a person?s heart. I listen and I hear nothing.?


    LOL, definitely sounds like Obi-Wan.

    The words came out harsher than Qui-Gon had intended, but he meant them. It was not a padawan?s place to question his master. And he had no time to argue or for the hurt, bewildered expression on Obi-Wan?s face.

    Awww. :( And of course Obi-Wan will listen to Qui-Gon and not attempt to follow. o_O

    Excellent start, might I also be added to the PM list?
  4. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Oh...nice start! Please add me to the PM list. Is this a long story, or just a few chapters? Either way, I'm happy.

    It'd be funny to see Obi-Wan fend off a few ladies while he's waiting, but still he's awfully young for that. Will he obey, or follow - if the latter will he save Qui or need to be saved by Qui?

    ?But..?

    ?Padawan.? The word had turned into a soft warning.

    Obi-Wan knew better than to argue with a master, with his master, but he just could not stop the words from coming out. ?How am I to learn if you never take me with you? I want to help you.?

    The moment of dark silence before Qui-Gon spoke told Obi-Wan he had gone too far, though he could see nothing of his master?s expression in the darkness. When Qui-Gon did speak his low, emotionless tone was anything but reassuring, ?What you can learn, Padawan, is your place. This pointless arguing gains you nothing. You can help me by staying here and being rested and ready to leave the moment I return.?

    The words came out harsher than Qui-Gon had intended, but he meant them. It was not a padawan?s place to question his master. And he had no time to argue or for the hurt, bewildered expression on Obi-Wan?s face.


    That's so JA Obi and Qui. The argument also reminds of Obi's smackdown to Ani in AoTC.
  5. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Dianethx - I will PM you but I warn you it is a very short story. Thank you for leaving feedback. I was holding my breath.

    Healer Leona - Obi-Wan listen to Qui-Gon. I don?t think so! Thanks for reading.

    Valairy-Scot ? Thank you for reading. It is short, but its done so I won?t leave you hanging.

  6. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Chapter 2


    Despite his master?s orders, Obi-Wan did not sleep. He knew it would be useless to try. He sat on the cold hard floor in the middle of the room, trying to work through his anger and frustration. He knew he had acted childish. But Qui-Gon was supposed to teach him and yet here he was alone, again. This was not the first time Qui-Gon had left him on a mission. On Gala, Qui-Gon had gone off to make contact with the dangerous hill people alone, leaving Obi-Wan on his own at the queen?s palace.

    At least there he?d had something to do. Obi-Wan stood impatiently, stalked over to the window and looked out.

    The world outside had been transformed. The storm clouds had cleared and stars glinted in bright hardness against the jet black sky. Moonlight cast shadows across the transfigured landscape, coloring the scene in a thousand shades of white and gray. The barren ugliness of the planet transfigured into something alive and new, that seemed to have always been there waiting to be revealed. It was beautiful.

    Qui-Gon?s orders had been clear, but Obi-Wan could stay in this cold, empty room no longer. He made his decision in an instant and would suffer whatever the consequences it brought with his master later. His curiosity about the snow got the best of him and suddenly he was no longer tired. He would go outside and explore.

    He quietly stepped out into the hallway and stood for a moment, listening. The entire floor seemed deserted and everything was still. The cold was intense. Obi-Wan moved swiftly down the long corridor then paused at the top of the stairs to listen again; the misty swirls of his breath wreathed his head. He clenched and unclenched his fingers to warm them.

    He was down the stairs and almost to the door when he heard voices. Something made him stop and listen.

    ?Blast this snow! As if we don?t have enough troubles already.? Obi-Wan instantly recognized the deep throaty voice of the girl, Errita. He turned from the door and moved toward the sound. It was coming from a room at the back of the building, light pooling on the floor from the partially open door. Obi-Wan crept silently forward and peered in.

    Errita?s back was to Obi-Wan as she rummaged through storage bins, swearing colorfully, obviously looking for something. The younger girl, Sarra, sat in a chair, feet tucked up under her robes, hugging herself trying to stay warm.

    Errita,? she began thoughtfully, ?Errita, remember when we were children and how we used to love the snow. Do you remember the snowball fights we used to have??

    Errita stopped her search and turned toward the younger girl. Her hard face grew soft in remembrance, her voice was reproachful but gentle. ?That was a long time ago, Sarra, you would do better to forget it and help me get the heating unit restarted. Our uncle will not be happy for the loss of business and you know as well as I what he is capable of when he is not happy.?

    Obi-Wan stepped forward automatically. At last he could do something useful.

    Errita turned, startled, as Obi-Wan entered the room. She was instantly on guard, her voice had an angry, threatening edge, completely different from only a moment before. ?Well, if it isn?t our pretty little Jedi boy. What are you doing sneaking around down here in the middle of the night??

    Obi-Wan felt his face flush and he could not keep the stammer out of his voice when he spoke, the truth the only answer he could think of. ?I-I was going outside to see the snow and I heard you talking.?

    She laughed a hard laugh. ?A little eavesdropper. Well, don?t let us stop you from freezing to death. Oh and by the way, this room is off limits to guests. So get out.?

    Obi-Wan remained where he was, he wanted to help, but was unsure if his offer would be welcome. ?I can help you fix the heating unit.?

    Errita stood and strode toward him, her voice bitter and hateful. She waived the hydro spanner in her hand dangerously close to Obi-Wan?s face. ?We don?t need any handouts, Jedi, we get by just fine o
  7. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Oh, delightful! Are they going out for a snowball fight?

    It looked like no one wanted his help tonight. What had he done to make her hate him so much?

    Obi-Wan almost turned to go, but something stopped him. His master?s words echoed in his head. Look closer, it might not be as it appears. He looked at Errita, really looked at her for the first time, reaching out through the Force, trying to touch the Living Force connection that bound all living things together.

    He took a breath and was filled with a rush of emotions that were not his own. Hate was not among them. If anything what he felt most was fear, overcome only by a powerful sense of protectiveness for the helpless, especially her young sister. And pride. She clung to her pride like a treasured possession, the last remnant of a lost home and childhood. It was her greatest strength and her greatest weakness. She would never willingly become indebted to anyone for anything.

    He suddenly knew what to do. He stepped forward and reached to take the hydro spanner from her, his fingers brushing the back of her hand. She refused to let go and they both gripped the tool in a silent struggle. He chose his words carefully. ?If I help you it would not be a handout. We are indebted to you for the room you gave us, it would be repayment.?


    Ah, Obi-Wan's learned a lesson. This was really good; I hope Qui appreciates Obi's taking his lessons to heart.
  8. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I'm thinking he's going to get up close and personal with the snow. Good!!

    Excellent post azizah.
  9. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I'm glad that Obi-Wan took Qui-Gon's advice to look deeper and find out how to help the girls. They must be wary of outsiders, especially in their business. I liked that Obi-Wan was thinking about the snow and then the girls were talking about how they used to love to play in the snow. How sad.

    Good job.
  10. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwwww what a good story. Really loved your characterizations of both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. Excellent work, can I be added to your pm list ? :)

  11. Cole_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2005
    star 2
    I feel sorry those two young girls, having to work in those conditions can be very dangerous espially since they are girls. Obiwan let his true colors show, I'm glad he helpe them and not just go on his way when she first turned his help down. Quigon would be proud. I hope they make amends, I hope they get a chance to make amends. lol Luvly udpate, Happy New Year's!

    If you have a PM list,can I please be added? Thanks.
  12. Luminara_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 6, 2006
    star 2
    I'd like to be pm'ed too, please!
  13. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Valiary_Scot , Healer Leona, and Dianethx - thanks for your comments and your help, I really appreciate it.

    I'm thinking he's going to get up close and personal with the snow. Hah Wait and see.

    Layren ? Thank you. You are added, but this is the last post.

    Cole_Kenobi ? Make amends, that?s my favorite part!

    Luminara_Kenobi ? PM on its way.
  14. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1

    It had been a long night. The dark snowy journey to the rendezvous point had been difficult and treacherous. Then suddenly the weather had changed yet again. The storm clouds slipped away silently in the night and dawn broke clear and warm. The newly laid blanket of snow dissolved quickly in the morning sun, soon rushing water from the melting snow swept up dirt and rocks forming hazardous rivers of icy water and debris, making the return journey almost worse.

    Qui-Gon slogged through the slush and mud, eager to get back to his padawan. He knew his parting words had stung the boy and he was anxious smooth things over. He had meant what he?d said and did not regret his decision to leave the boy, but his harsh words had haunted him through his solitary night journey. He was surprised how much he had missed having Obi-Wan by his side and soon began to wish that he had shown more understanding. He remembered what it was like to be young, and his padawan rarely complained.

    The sight of Obi-Wan waiting for him in front of the building made him smile. The young Jedi was leaning against the wall just outside the door, eyes closed, his face turned toward the sun, basking in its radiant warmth. A rare picture of relaxation for a padawan so utterly determined to succeed in all things.

    Qui-Gon was still a distance from the building when Obi-Wan sensed his presence and eagerly rushed forward to meet him. They exchanged no words of greeting, it was not their way, but there was a welcome in their silence just the same.

    When they reached the doorway, Qui-Gon turned and regarded his apprentice fondly. The boy looked up at him, a wordless apology written all over his young face.

    Qui-Gon offered an apology of his own. ?I am sorry I was delayed, Padawan. It took longer to locate our contact than I expected, he is a very nervous man. I will go inside and give directions for them to settle our bill with the Temple, then we must leave at once. There is information on this disk that the senate must act on immediately.?

    ?The bill is taken care of, Master. And I am ready to leave when you are.?

    Qui-Gon was surprised, apparently his padawan had been busy.

    He took a moment to study the young man before speaking. Something had changed that he could not quite put his finger on. Qui-Gon was pleased to see that the impatience and frustration his apprentice had struggled with earlier were gone, but the feelings that had replaced them he could not quite identify. And there was something Obi-Wan was obviously dying to tell him, but the boy stood silently, respectfully playing the proper padawan, waiting to be addressed.

    ?You have something to say, Obi-Wan??

    ?I am sorry for my behavior, Master. It was inappropriate. I behaved like a youngling and I am ashamed. I know I still have much to learn.?

    Qui-Gon said nothing, he knew there was more.

    The words once loosed, came out fast and breathlessly, ?I have learned so much from you already. You were right about people, Master. It just takes time to see what is on the inside. I listened to your advice and I have new friends and a new understanding because of it. I felt a Living Force connection to a stranger like I have never felt before. You have shown me that and I am grateful. I learned a great deal last night.?

    Obi-Wan?s smile was bright and infectious. Qui-Gon returned it warmly as he put his hand on Obi-Wan?s shoulder. ?When there is time, you must tell me about it. But I am afraid it is past time to be on our way.?

    ?I am ready, Master, though I shall be sorry to leave.?

    They encountered no one as they made their way through town, the motley assortment of inhabitants apparently unwilling to brave the messy conditions of the roads. Beyond the last decrepit building that defined the borders of the city it was worse, the road had been washed away completely.

    The Jedi had little energy spared for talk as it took all of their concentration to navigate their way through the shifted landscape and to keep their footing on the i
  15. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    That was truly wonderful and you have a gift for description. I could feel the ice and slush...brrr.

    Loved, loved, loved how Qui got that idea and just couldn't wrap his mind around it.

    It was then that he saw it. It was gone in an instant, that spark of light in Obi-Wan?s eyes that was the only outward sign of his apprentice?s quirky, often ill-timed sense of humor. A brilliant flash of sky that told the older Jedi that Obi-Wan had finally understood what he was thinking, and was now convinced that his master had gone totally batty.

    When Qui-Gon looked again he saw nothing but a proper padawan expression of obedience and respect, but it had been there and he had seen it and Obi-Wan knew he had seen it.

    ?Padawan,? his effort to sound stern almost ruined by the tremor of uncertain laugher in his voice, ?Will you please tell me what we are talking about??


    Force, that was great! =D=
  16. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4


    That was a very nice story, thanks for sharing it :cool:
  17. Luminara_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 6, 2006
    star 2
    lol, so totally Qui and Obi! Loved the spot about the flash in his eyes, and the way he delivered the last line was priceless.
  18. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    That was delightful! =D= Qui-Gon was a bit careless, leaving his young apprentice alone in an unfamiliar brothel for the night. And what he much have thought when he found out Obi-Wan had been with two women for the night and ruining his pants. [face_mischief] But he forgot about the snow, too. Obi-Wan got to satisfy his curiosity there, and hove a little fun with his master, too.
  19. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwwwwwwww [face_love] What a wonderfully sweet story, so glad Obi-Wan learned something. So glad Qui-Gon was understanding and decided to question his padawan about what happened rather than assuming automatically.

    Excellent job!! Thanks for the PM.
  20. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Yay that Obi-Wan managed to not follow his master and still learned a lesson. Bad Qui-Gon for letting his mind wonder on what lesson his apprentice may have learned. :p

    Both?!

    [face_laugh] Loved that Obi-Wan had his master going!!

    Lovely fic azizah. Thanks for sharing it.
  21. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I could really feel the cold and the wet. I found it amusing to hear how Qui-Gon's imagination was running away with him - thinking that Obi-Wan had enjoyed 2 girl's company - at his age. I thought it was very funny that Obi-Wan realized what Qui was thinking and thought it very amusing. Really cute.

    Loved this A rare picture of relaxation for a padawan so utterly determined to succeed in all things. A great description of Obi-Wan.

    Great job. =D=
  22. Cole_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2005
    star 2
    Aha, that was hilarous, I luved it! Such a good story. Awesome job.
  23. Veloz Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 30, 2004
    star 6
    [face_laugh] this was awesome... i could totally picture Qui Gon's face [face_laugh]

    Great job with this =D=
  24. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    So nice to see you here girl! :)

    Loved this just as much as the first time I read it. Absolutely adorable and wonderful characterization.

    Perfect timing to post this :)

    --shan
  25. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Valairy_Scot ? Glad you liked it. That was my favorite part to write.

    Gkilkenny ? Thanks for reading

    Luminara_Kenobi ? Thanks, I think Obi-Wan has a great sense of humor.

    Ardavenport ? Thanks for reading. It was fun to mislead a Jedi master for a while.

    Layren ? Thanks. He just should have asked earlier. How could he suspect the poor innocent boy?

    Healer Leona ? Definitely bad Qui-Gon! What a gutter mind he has!

    Dianethx ? re the cold and the wet. This was originally written for a snow story challenge. I was thinking of a subject that could make Qui-Gon uncomfortably warm in the miserable cold and it kind of went from there.

    Cole_Kenobi ? Glad you liked it.

    Veloz ? Both?! Like I said what a shocking gutter mind for a Jedi master.

    Shan ? Hey there! Thanks as always. :)


    Thanks to all for the warm welcome.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.