Menagerie's Labyrinth [Pre-TPM] Post # 4 now up 3/26/03

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Arldetta, Dec 13, 2002.

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  1. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Well, I really wasn't going to post this until much later, but I figured, why not go for broke! This was a PB I had a long time ago and just got the urge to work on. In all honesty, this is crap, and I feel bad for putting it as such, so please forgive me. Anyway, here you go.

    Title: Menagerie's Labyrinth

    Author: Arldetta/Knight_MysAri

    Disclaimers: Don't own SW, never will.

    Summary: Obi-Wan will face a challenge that holds his life as well as Qui-Gon's in the balance.

    Author's Note: italics mean thoughts and emphasis. This was partially inspired by a very small section in the Tripod Series by John Christopher. Like I said, this is crappy and I hope to re-write it soon, but this is what it is for the moment. Thanks.

    ---------------------------------------------

    Sparks lit small fires against the soft skin. Jaws set in determination only reflected the taut muscles of both bodies. Finally, one manage to push the other away and then twist away to pounce from a different angle. His opponent dodged, deftly maneuvering himself behind.

    The two stood opposite each other as they paced, searching for an opening to exploit. Both were exhausted having been there fighting for hours. The muscles strained and weary from the demands imposed upon them. Tunics were soaked, clinging to bodies moist from exertion. Grips tightened on hilts in hopes that their hold would withstand the tenuous clasping of sweaty palms.

    Now they watched one another, hoping that their next strike would end this conflict. Desperation gave birth to rash actions and one figure jumped high into the crisp air above, twisting to land further behind his rival. Once his feet touched the ground he bound again for the wall, running and leaping up, turning again to confuse the other. His varied approaches did their job and he effectively knocked the prey off his feet and onto the floor. The light ?saber touch to the fallen?s chest drew a hiss between clenched teeth.

    A raspy yet cultured voice asked, ?Do you yield?? An eyebrow cocked up, taunting the downed challenger.

    ?Yes.? Came the fatigued and proper response. And the blade that hovered almost too close for comfort withdrew back into it?s hilt. As soon as the blade had gone a hand replaced it, offering assistance. ?You cheated,? the young man said as he accepted the help and pulled himself up. ?That was an advanced Kata that I haven?t learned yet.?

    ?Don?t be such a sore loser, Garen. In battle, there is no way of knowing what your enemy has had training in.? Obi-Wan smiled that broad charming grin that reflected his uncanny ability to be both right and cunning at the same time.

    ?Force, remind me never to practice with you again. I don?t need two Masters.? The young man chuckled and shook his head in exasperation.

    ?Well, with some of the moves you made, maybe you do need two Masters,? the ginger-haired youth teased his friend. Together they laughed releasing most of the tension that filled the room only moments before. ?Let?s go get changed.?

    The two senior Padawans headed for the showers to wash up and dress. This was the first time in months that both boys had been in the Temple simultaneously and they promised to spend some time together in case this didn?t happen again. The best coincidence to this chance happening was the fact it was the Mid-Festival Week of the year and there were many events taking place around the city planet, giving them some much needed relaxation time.

    Once they had finished cleaning up, they headed out into the adjoining sector to take in the decorations and see what might interest them. For a while they watched a traveling performance group act out a couple of short comedies before heading off to find some food. As growing young men, their appetites were never fully satisfied. Close to the gypsy troupe, they found a street vendor selling wrapped sandwiches, which they purchased and ate greedily.

    Together they walked along the colourful avenues cat
  2. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Hmm, most interesting premise there. :) I likey. :D
  3. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    I like it, Arldetta! I sent you an e-mail reply to what you sent me. :D
  4. Sebulba2179 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2002
    star 4
    Ahh, so it has begun. :D Good opening piece you've got here. Now that the semester's winding down, I just might have a bit more time to...well, ya know. ;)
  5. sabercrazy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2002
    star 4
    Wow...do you know how to lure a gal in or what?
  6. jacen200015 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
  7. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Jedi_Suzuran - THank you, and more is to come. ;)

    Cas - :D I'm glad you did. I really liked the serises. The funny part is I know the TV show did go on for a while, but I don't know exactly where it ended. The last episode I remember is Will floating down the river after he escaped the City of Gold. I found the City itself as most fascinating. As I have mentioned before the show really impacted me life. Made a very strong impression on my mind. :D Thanks!

    Sebulba - Have you been waiting and watching?? ;) And I'm glad you'll be around to help. I had this on the back burner because of all my other fics, but I woke up one morning and had to write it. So here I go again. *rolls eyes at myself* But I would still be most appreciative of your help. :D

    Sabercrazy - I don't know how to hook anything. But I am glad you liked it so far. ;) :D

    Jacen200015 - Actually, this was bad. I feel like this might turn into another 'Recuring Nightmare' type of story. That one was awful too. *sigh* I guess we have to have our bad ones too. ;) But Thanks for reading!! And I'm glad you liked it, even if I didn't. ;) :D
  8. sabercrazy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2002
    star 4
    I don't know how to hook anything

    Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure...
  9. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Sabercrazy - If you thought that was a hook, this is the second half of that chapter. [face_devil]

    Cas - I added to this. I hope it enhanced it, let me know. Thanks. :)


    Well, here's Part 2 of Chapter 1. ;) Have fun!!

    ---------------------------------------------

    Later that night, Obi-Wan lay in his bed staring at the ceiling. He was debating on whether or not to find out what the ?games and challenges? were that were waiting for him. And more importantly, to find out why he had been picked. The invitation had said for only him to come so he had not asked his Master what he thought. For some reason, Obi-Wan knew that Qui-Gon would suggest ignoring it and concentrating on more important things. But Obi-Wan?s curiosity only grew as he lay in the darkness. Finally, he rose from his sleepcouch and crept out into the common room.

    There he paused to look toward his Master?s room. Stretching out with the Force he could sense his Master was sleeping deeply. Carefully, he exited their apartments and made his way back to the streets of Coruscant. Heading for a public transport stop, he glanced down at his chrono. He would be cutting it close but he should get there just before 1 if he hurried.

    Despite the fact that it was well into the sleep cycle for this half of the planet, Coruscant still bustled in the main areas. As Obi-Wan journeyed to his destination down to the lower levels, there were fewer and fewer beings shuffling around, until the avenues were void of life all together. Finally, he stopped before a doorway and double-checked to see if he had the correct address.

    He was about to press the control panel to make his presence known when the door slid open. Alarmed but not yet feeling endangered, Obi-Wan cautiously made his way inside. As soon as he passed through the doorway it closed behind him, leaving him in the dark. Suddenly, a tingling in his spine told him everything was not right. He whispered in the darkness, ?I have a bad feeling about this.? And admonished his gullibility. How could you walk so blindly into a trap, Kenobi?

    Instead of giving into his fears, he called out, ?Hello? Is anyone there?? He tried to let his eyes adjust to the darkness in order to get some idea of the room he was in but quickly had to shield himself when the lights flooded the room.

    ?I?m so glad you could make it, young Kenobi. You don?t know how pleased I am to see you.? A jolly voice announced as a middle-aged man sauntered up. He was dressed in fine robes, but not like those of the various Senators that resided here. Hands were extended and came up to rest on the Padawan?s shoulders.

    Disturbed slightly by the older man?s chipper greeting, Obi-Wan managed, ?Thank you for the invitation, mister?.?

    Placing a hand on his forehead, the man realized his error. ?How rude of me not to introduce myself, I am Sevan Scingh Annex. Please, come in,? he said as he motioned for Obi-Wan to step further into his home.

    Warily, the Padawan allowed himself to be guided inside. ?May I ask why you only invited myself to your party?? The question had been itching to be asked since the moment he read the invitation.

    Smiling, Sevan deferred his answer, ?Ah, I will explain further, but right now, let us dine together.?

    ?Forgive me, but I have already eaten.? Obi-Wan bowed lightly, as the diplomacy Qui-Gon had taught him over the years shown through. He also noted the grin broaden on the gentleman?s face and nodded his acceptance of the Padawan?s answer. Obi-Wan then remarked with a hint of sarcasm, ?And isn?t it already quite late to be eating??

    Sevan was pleased by the obvious finesse that the youth displayed, as well as the playful remark afterward. Indeed, this will be most gratifying. ?True. Then share with me a light snack and some tea, so that I may explain my proposal.?

    Again, the young Jedi bowed, more pronounced this time. ?As you wish. I am rather intrigued by what you have in store for those ?games and challenges? you ment
  10. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    See? Told you I'd eventually find another of your stories! :D

    Cliffie? Not too bad - I'm sure you have worse ones in store for us. A living museum, hm? A diabolical mind you have dear - that would be an awful form of captivity - frozen completely with full awareness of what's going on. At least if you're in a cell you can move.

    Great work - I demand more soon! :D

    Shaindl
  11. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    HOLY SITH!!!!! *takes deep breaths*

    Must find out what happens more!!
  12. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    A living museum? Most interesting. :D I'm sure I saw or read something with this idea. Where did you get the inspiration?

    This is great. :)
  13. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Oooh this looks very good so far. Well done! ;)
  14. jacen200015 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    How cruel. permission to wham Sevan? *picks Sevan up and throws him hard against a wall.*
  15. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    You know I like it so far, Arldetta. :D Please post more!
  16. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, thanks guys. :D I'm really bummed that this isn't up to the caliber it should be but, since the Muse is talking, I'm listening.

    I will post again tomorrow, I want to finish up the next chapter of F&B first.

    Thanks for being patient!! :D
  17. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Shaindl - Thanks for stopping by, but I fear this is not going to be one of my better ones. :( I'm really concentrating on Forsaken but this muse said, "WRITE ME!!!" So I did. It was something I found most intriguing in the Tripods and it has stayed with me for a long time. I think the idea was rekindled because of Farscape. They had an episode in which John was going to be turned into a living statue. Oh well.


    Arwen - Wow, thanks. :D I hope you like it.

    Jedi_Suzuran - I mostly got it from the Tripods series by JOhn Christopher first. And then I also had a bit of influence from Farscape. BUt thanks, I appreciate it. ;)

    Luvewan - Thank you!! :D

    Jacen200015 - permission granted. ;)

    Cas - I'm glad you do. :D I just hope the rest turns out like I want it to. [face_worried]




    As I have already mentioned, I apologize for the shoddy work that has been displayed and I fear the next section is not any better. Please, please forgive me. :( I will do my best to give you all better work. Anyway, here's a post.

    ---------------------------------------------

    Darkness gave way to the bright rays of morning. For the first time in a long time, he wanted to refuse to wake. The night had been long and restless, only to find deep sleep in the dark hours of morning. Sluggishly, he decided to get up and get dressed.

    Pushing himself up, he felt stiff and his mind had not shaken out all of the dreamy cobwebs that were formed during the night. Something in the back of his mind told him that everything was not right on Coruscant, but he couldn?t quite place his finger on it. Instead he pushed the vexation back into the depths of his mind and prepared for the day ahead.

    Today would be a free day for both of them, and he thought it would be nice to take it slowly and just enjoy each other?s company. Fixing himself a cup of tea, Qui-Gon readied himself for morning meditation. He glanced over at his Padawan?s bedroom door and smiled. Instantly, he decided to let the young man sleep. Their last mission had not been difficult, which was a relief, but it still had been long and tedious.

    Kneeling down, he stared out the glass doors to their humble balcony. Just beyond he watched as the morning traffic traversed the skyways. There was a certain beauty in the industrialized landscape, that the Knight found soothing. He had just settled himself to begin the meditation when he heard a chime at his door. Curious about the early visitor, Qui-Gon quickly rose and made his way to the door. Opening it, he was even more surprised to see who had stopped by. ?Padawan Muln, good morning.?

    The young man smiled his greeting and answered, ?Morning, Master Jinn. May I come in??

    ?Of course, forgive me,? the tall Jedi said and moved aside to give Garen room to enter. ?I?m afraid Obi-Wan isn?t up yet.? He added while he led the Padawan to the common room.

    Garen remained standing even after Qui-Gon offered him a seat. ?Actually, Master Jinn, I came here to see you.?

    Taken aback by the admission, the Jedi Master retrieved his mug and came back to stand in front of the Padawan. ?Me??

    ?Yes, Master.? Garen took a deep breath and let it go along with some of his anxiety. What he was about to do seriously jeopardized his relationship with his dearest friend but he felt it was the right thing to do. ?I?m concerned about Obi-Wan.?

    The Master lowered himself into his favourite chair and stared up at the younger Jedi. ?How so??

    Encouraged by his conviction, Garen stared hard into the Master, ?I fear he might push himself too hard.?

    ?You shouldn?t concern yourself, he?s a capable young man.? Qui-Gon sighed his relief, as he felt the young Padawan was over reacting.

    ?I know he is, Master, but I believe we all have limits.? The stern visage did not relax at the Master?s dismissal, in fact had deepened. ?And I think Obi?s still trying to find his.?

    Contemplating what the young man said, Qui-Gon put
  18. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Oh, please.

    You're worried? The post was great - I like the interraction between Qui and Garen - disbelief on one hand, quiet certainty and worry on the other. Really good characterisation.

    Will Garen be involved in the rescue operation? I hope so - I like how you're writing him and I would really like to see more of him in this fic.

    So - **picture me shaking finger at you rather vehemently** - stop worrying. This is good stuff and your readers are happy. More soon, right? :)

    Shaindl
  19. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    This is good, Arldetta!

    And I like the way you're writing Garen, too. Wonderful conversation and interaction.

    I'm looking forward to more of this. :D
  20. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Cas - :_| Remnants is completed!!! :_| All the fics I've been reading are getting finished one by one and I'm still searching for some replacements. :_|
  21. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    You shouldn't worry, this is turning out great, Arldetta. :)

    I loved Garen's concern. Nice writing there. Can't wait for more. :)
  22. Sebby_the_Snowdug Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 17, 2002
    star 1
    I find that just because we authors aren't satisfied with the effort, it doesn't mean that the readers will be equally dissatisfied. In fact, I find that the precise opposite is sometimes the truth. So don't worry 'bout it! :D This is coming out very well. Anything's possible in the GFFA, and check out how many readers you've got already. :)
  23. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Ohh ] ]Arldetta this isn't awful- I'm really enjoying it :)
  24. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Shaindl - Thanks. :) But I'm a bit disappointed with myself. I know I can do better, but it's not coming out that way. And what makes it worse for me is that the Muse demands I write it. So it's like, I have to appease the muse or myself. (Most often the muse wins. :( ) I really want to write this one, it's just not coming out as I hoped it would. Now, as for your new story, You posted right when I had to leave!!! :_| Argh! I will reply as soon as I can though. ;)

    Cas - Well, I am glad you are liking. Things will get crazy from here though. And I can't wait. [face_devil]

    Jedi_Suzuran - Thanks. :) I know it's just me, but I will try and do better. I like Garen's char too. Hopefully we'll be seeing him around more. ;)

    Sebulba - I know, I know. I might hate it but readers like it. That's what my entire story 'Iedos Liberare' is like right now. I'm just pulling stuff out of my butt but people seem to gobble that up. *sigh* BUt I will need your help very, very soon. ;)

    PadawanKitara - It is, but it's ok, I guess. Thank you! :)
  25. jacen200015 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
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