Minacia's Silly Sprinkles Thread

Help!! Maybe the Imperials are right! Mynocks are trying to get to the jolties in my pants!

-Axe

 

Axe, you have some real strange problems.

 

You'd be shocked to know how often that happens to me...

 

Axe,the pants watching droids are equipped with defensive weapons to take out anyone or anything that goes after your pants. Those pesky mynoks will not be a bother to you anymore. Your droid and procurement specialist will always take care of whatever a Jedi might need or want. Let me know how big to make the next sprinkle shipment. Between you, me, and the rest of the crew I am going to have to bring in a lot!

 

Late breaking holonews...


"Surgeon General's Warning: Sprinkles may result in serious injury to pants and result in loss of jolties via mynocks.

2-1B
Medical Droid"

 

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I can supply anyone with droids to watch over your pants or your sprinkle stash.
Contact Beenca Spunpatch on The Pride's Revenge. We are currently awaiting our departure from Mon Calamari. I can make delivery arrangements to any sector. But wait, there's more... If you order now I will throw in a case of Rainbow sprinkles just to get the droids setup.

 

Kessel spice mines

The Kessel spice mines?!?!??!?!?!?! is that what that harbinger of death Brightstar told you? You don't mine sprinkles is some cave on a backwards moon. Your ignorance of their origin astounds me. SPRINKLES ARE DEAD MIDI-CHLORIANITES!! COME ON PEOPLE GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK REBELLION SYMPATHIZING SKULLS!!!!

They are scrapped from the decaying corpses of dead Jedi or Sith before they are burned. The are the chaff of fallen warriors who were not deemed worthy of joining the force in their death!

You say you have mouths to feed, Ha! You have pockets to line, Sabacc debts to pay, Hutt bosses to bribe. You justify your actions at the expense of thousands of lives.

Keep turning a blind eye, it will make it easier for the Empire to sneak up on you!

 

So I have some scores to settle, some debts to pay. Big deal. And if you believe that sprinkles are really from fallen jedi and their midi-chlorians, I've gotta piece of swamp land on Tattooine to sell you. Unless some big bad Jedi battle happened on Kessel, I stand by my words...

By the way Beenca, make sure your commercials don't air in my sector of space. Business is getting VERY tough with all these troopers around.

 

No problem Jace. I am not trying to step on your turf. I am just trying to make a few bucks to get out of my own debts and support my kitty. I would never want to compromise a fellow distributor's business. There is plenty to go around. I do think The Empress should increase our cut, as we are the ones taking all the risk with the Imperials. Does anyone know if the lab guys ever perfected the Code Red sprinkles? I think they could be even more addictive than Jolties.

 

Hmmmm... Dead Midi-Chlorianites, eh? I thought something sounded rather sinister about those candy toppings...

Of course, now that I'm opening up a 5-star resturaunt on Coruscant (The Chez What?), I may have no choice but to deal in sprinkles....

 

If the sprinkles are made out of dead Jedi then put me down for a couple of crates...Jedi had to be good for something. Other than target practice, that is.

 

It's merely propaganda. Don't listen to those Imperial lies!

::Looking around to make sure no Imps are listening.::

Sprinkles are NOT made of dead Jedi. They're made of good things. Glycol and food coloring are vital to the health and well-being all of creatures.

Got sprinkles?

 

Ah, Imperial propaganda never ceases to amaze me. But, I have survived their attacks before, and will do so again.

And for those who are interested, my mad scientists have almost perfected the formula for Mountain Dew Code Red sprinkles. They should be even more addicti...er...tasty than any other sprinkles that have come before.

 

Shavit!

And I was so hoping for the Jedi sprinkles...I was going to add them to my Pit of Carkoon, Carkoon being my cat and the pit...well, kitty needs some new litter.

I dunno about giving myself another addiction...I'm still trying to kick the habit of wanton destruction and being evil.

Does it come in Coconut flavor?

 

Everyone not trying to rip you off knows that they are gathered from fallen Jedi. Why do you think they are so quick to burn the bodies of Jedi who do not disappear?

There are perfectly acceptable alternative sprinkle products on the market. Synth-O-Sprinkles are proven to taste just like the real thing only without all the death involved with real sprinkles.

 

I have to disagree with you there. No synth anything can be as good as the original. Witness soy burgers and tofu hot dogs. *ecch!*

No, if I must deal in sprinkles, I'll take the real stuff....

 

unfortunately, i cant buy sprinkles here in the west coast, and a recent LA ordnance has banned them for possesion

 

It makes no difference to me what the sprinkles are made of. Jedi, sugar, ewoks...I don't care as long as I get paid.

Now, you better get cracking on the Code Red sprinkles Minacia. I have a feeling that is going to be one hot item. And the sooner I get them, the less chance we have of Imperials cracking down (you don't scare me Jedireject).

 

I gotta agree with you Jace! The Code Red sprinkles will be a very hot seller. I ain't afraid of Jedireject either.

 

You see!!! You see!!!

I don't care as long as I get paid.

Money, that is the only thing sprinkle smugglers care about. They don't care about your life.

You know the true meaning of the above words!! What they are really saying is:

I don't care about hurting people as long as I get paid.
I don't care about children suffering as long as I get paid.
I don't care about destroying the environment as long as I get paid.
I don't care about spotted tree owls as long as I get paid.
I don't care about being responsible for the deaths of thousands as long as I get paid.
I don't care about snapping the necks of innocent little bunny rabbits as long as I get paid.

You users just remember this the next time your in some seedy dark alley buying sprinkles.

 

Yo Jedireject, have some sprinkles and CALM DOWN. Sprinkles are not the cause of all of the galaxy's problems, The Empire is. Sprinkles are nothing but an aid in dealing with everyday stress and hassle. Sprinkles ain't hurting nobody. They make people feel good and some of us are able to make ends meet by helping people procure them.

 

I checked out the TFN website today. Amazing!!

So which of you sprinkle distributors is supplying them?? Judging by the opening page, it must have been a pretty large shipment!!

 

Bunny Rabbits??? Spotted Owls??? Man, I think you've been taking something far more hallucinitory than sprinkles. But yeah, otherwise I don't care as long as I get paid.

 

Just for the record, no furred, finned, or feathered creatures are harmed in my sprinkle trade. In fact, I donate a portion of my sprinkle profits to Galactic Friends of Animals.