[Mini Task #5] Just.. die.

For an extra point this week:

Write an obituary for yourself.
Be creative, too.




~ James

 

The world had lost a significant part of it. Crowds of mourners gather from every town and village from New York City to the jungles of Sri Lanka and to the deserts of Mongolia. All of the people in the world join together to mourn the loss of one of it's most beloved members. Edward Mullaney was a genius, this is an intellectual as well as comic genius. He had an ego as big as the galaxies' core and was always there to help those who were not as gifted as himself. The masses loved him, the elite loved him, the world loved him, and now he is gone.

-Seldon

 

^^^^^^^\/^^^^^\/\/\/^^^^^\/\/\/\/\/\/^^^^

Indianapolis FanForce News.....December 8th, 2004

[image=http://mywebpages.comcast.net/Sebulba/avatar/powell.jpg]
Logged on 3/11/00, Thread closed
by God 12/08/04;  simmering a bit
whilst   his   un-hell  request  sits
unanswered.

Sebulba-X  meandered  about the
boards   for   nearly  five   years,
producing  an even ten  thousand
posts   consisting   hit   or   miss
funny   replies,  bad   ideas,  and
even worse photoshopped images.
He  is survived by his large silver
star,  31 socks, and  86 watched
users.

Services will be delayed until Cel-
ebration 3 in Indianapolis, on April
24th wherein the ashes of his user
profile will be flushed down the 5th
urinal  of  the  second  floor  men's
restroom. Donations will be accept-
ed on behalf of the Foundation for
Obsessive  Fanboys of  Secondary
Bad Guys of Space Fantasy Films.

^^^^^\/\/\/\/\/\/^^^^^^^^^^^\/^^^^^\/\/\/

 

*The Noblesville Daily Times*

Sonja Proffit Age 21, past away today during a crazy accident. To her online fans she was known as PrincessKenobi or the Punk_Rock_Princess. She was loved by many and hated by few. She has left behind a father two brothers and a boyfriend. On the late evening of September 23rd she and her friends were at the Circle Center Mall. When a gang of Space Thugs appeared out of no where firing laser pistols.

Also another group of men with lightsabers appeared out of nowhere. Tossing one to each of her friends. They fought a brave battle which conviently was caught on camera soon to be realeased to the evening news. Then to a made for t.v. movie. While in the midst of battle there was a small child who wonder in the midst of it and Sonja jumped in the way of gunfire to push the child out of the way and took a deadly shot to the heart from a laser.

There will be a memorial first down her in the Capital to reconginze her and her friends who saved our fine town this late evening. Then another memorial service held in her home town of Noblesville, Indiana. Then a rememberance service held at Celebration 3 April 24th, 2005 in Indianapolis and then again at Gen Con August 18th thru 21st 2005. Just so everyone has a chance to pay thier respects to her royal internet Highness.

~PK~

 

The Daily Waller Times

SW_R passed away tragically this weekend after what many are calling a reported "spam attack". He was a simple man, generally keeping to himself up until his death, and enjoyed his beer.

Many, especially family and friends, are puzzled why such a seemingly normal young man would resort to something so insidious and dispicable as spamming, which ultimately cost him his life.
"Yessum, we did raise our boy right. Taught 'im his wrongs n' his rights, that queers are bad, and to always let them ladies go first les' they get in a hissyfit" said Otis Revelation, his father "I jus' don't understand where ma' boy went wrong."
Family aren't the only ones puzzled; many of his friends are as well. "He seemed pretty normal to me--you know, go to work, drink a couple of beers with the boys afterwards, then come home so drunk that he'd try to have sex with his fake tree, then pass out in the bathroom. Good times." said a teary-eyed Amos Fitchner, friend of 12 years.

In memoriam, his family has dedicated his favorite song to this segment of the article:

You can tell the world you never was my girl,
You can burn my clothes up when I'm gone,
You can tell your friends just what a fool I've been,
And laugh and joke about me on the phone.

You can tell my arms go back to the farm,
You can tell my feet to hit the floor,
Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips,
They won't be reaching out for you no more.

But don't tell my heart,
My achy breaky heart,
I just don't think he'd understand.
And if you tell my heart,
My achy breaky heart,
He might blow up and kill this man.

You can tell your Ma I moved to Arkansas,
You can tell your dog to bite my leg,
Or tell your brother Cliff whose fist can tell my lip,
He never really liked me anyway.

Or tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please,
Myself already knows I'm not O.K.,
Or you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind,
It might be walking out on me today.

But don't tell my heart,
My achy breaky heart,
I just don't think he'd understand.
And if you tell my heart,
My achy breaky heart,
He might blow up and kill this man.


[image=http://www.utdallas.edu/~mmac/pics/mullet%201.jpg] (SW_R pictured in front of his truck, Rebel)

In loving memory... 1982-2004

 

«Au revoir, Grégoire»
par Eve Marceau - le 25 septembre, 2004

Ce matin, un jeune homme s'est éteindu.

Il s'appelait Grégoire.

Grégoire, Grégoire...c'est lui qui nous a donné tant d'humour, tant d'amour. C'est lui qui nous a fait rire et pleurer. C'est lui qui a touché nos c?urs.

Il est mort à cause d'un accident tragique. Le garçon jouait à la cornemuse (son instrument préféré), quand un petit Gallois est tombé du ciel et a écrasé le pauvre Américain.

Il était intelligent. Il était si beau. Il était câlin et potelé. Il avait l'air français. (On parle de Grégoire, pas le petit Gallois.)

Mais maintenant, il est parti. Ses mots derniers, ceux qui m'inspirent tant, étaient «La blennorragie... ça, c'est poisseuse.» Non, ce n'est pas vrai. Il a simplement dit, «jumhnik»

Au revoir, Grégoire. Tu nous manqueras. Tu manqueras le monde.

(...ok...why the heck was my obituary in French? )

 

I dunno, a translation would be nice, because Babelfish isn't going to do me any favors

 

*sigh* Fine, allow me to butcher the beautiful French language myself, then.

"Goodbye, Gregory"
by Eve Marceau - September 25th, 2004

This morning, a young man passed away.

His name was Gregory.

Gregory, Gregory...it was he who gave us so much humour, so much love. It was he who made us laugh and cry. It was he who touched our hearts.

He died due to a tragic accident. The boy was playing the bagpipes (his favorite instrument), when a small Welshman fell from the sky and crushed the poor American.

He was intelligent. He was so handsome. He was cuddly and chubby. He looked French. (We're talking about Gregory, not the small Welshman.)

But now, he is gone. His last words, which inspire me so much, were "Gonorrhea... that's gooey." No, that's not true. He simply said, "jumhnik."

Goodbye, Gregory. We will miss you. The world will miss you.

Happy now?

 

I wasn't being entirely serious. Now I feel bad for making you do something against your will Forgive me?

 

Only if you maul yourself beyond recognition.

 

I...okay.

 

Carmen T. N. passed away this evening at the age of 23. She is survived by her parents, Roger and Maria, and her awesome younger sister Danielle. Her death has ended her long term relationship with her boyfriend Will who, although he was a nice guy and all, didn't deserve her and could be kind of a jerkwad. Carmen had a passion for counseling and helping others, she cared deeply for those around her and always used her homework for counseling class on them. She was working towards a Masters degree in counseling and guidance. She was the McNerf's number one enemy.

 

Taydon M age 21 died this week when the pully broke and the horse fell. Historical rumormongers are investigating.

 

Rhett B. died in the early morning hours of November 3, 2004, due to an apparent suicide. He is survived by no one important, because everyone close to him also died from apparent suicides. His final wish was to be buried face down and shallow, so that he could be used as a bicycle stand.

[valid only in the event that John Kerry wins the presidential election]

AYBABTU