Misguided attempts to connect to the OT (humor)

Discussion in 'Revenge of the Sith (Non-Spoilers)' started by AdamBertocci, Jun 8, 2003.

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  1. AdamBertocci Manager

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    It is very important for Episode III to provide a smooth transition from the PT to the OT. The visuals, the cinematography, the design... everything has to flow correctly.

    But there are some things from the OT I just don't think we need to link back to, and I shall list them now.

    ? In order to set up Luke and the Lars' story, Reel 6 is a short documentary detailing the history of hydroponic moisture farming on Tatooine
    ? While Anakin gets cybernetic implants to become Vader, Yoda is digitally blasted apart and put back together with rubber to become a Muppet
    ? In a hilarious nod to the unusual coincidence of everything in the saga revolving around Tatooine, there will be a running joke of characters simply not being able to leave the planet (huge magnet sucks ship back to the ground; travelers keep missing their flights offworld; deus ex machina Hand of God hurls characters back to the Dune Sea every time they reach Mos Eisley)
    ? Clonetroopers convert to cheaper stormtrooper technology; Anakin turns to the dark side out of frustration of being made to shave the fins off 1,200,000 clonetrooper helmets
    ? Private Ackbar undergoes a Trap Classification and Detection training session
    ? To usher us into the 1970s look of ANH, and to mirror the musical sequence at the end of ROTJ, the ending montage will be played either to "That's The Way I Like It" or "Disco Duck"
    ? Loss of the pristine, ornate, beautiful look of the Republic explained by showing Christopher Lowell executed onscreen
    ? Chewbacca given a midi-chlorian test, just for the hell of it
    ? History of the Millennium Falcon 'explained' with amazing coincidence that it was partially built with the bit of Anakin's lightsaber that was lost in the Geonosian factory
    ? Palpatine's first act as Emperor: All government facilities to have Huge Freakin' Reactor Shaft For Some Reason
    ? Obi-Wan plans to tell Luke everything about his heritage and decides to write down exactly what he wants to tell Luke at his house in ANH. Dictates the speech to Jar Jar; Jar Jar confused, only sets down about half the story
    ? As speculated by many, Obi-Wan takes his name from Ben Quardinaros the Podracer; their meeting takes a mere half-hour of plot time to arrange and is an utter delight to all six fans of Quardinaros


    Can you think of more?


    Rick McCallum loves you!
    AdamBertocci, Jun 8, 2003 at 7:06 PM
    #1

  2. Garth Maul Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 18, 2002
    star 6
    lol well done!

    Perhaps GL could throw in an explanation as to the dual suns of Tatooine causing 2X as much UV radiation, which is why poor Ben Kenobi looks so old in ANH, even though he's only supposed to be around 50(?) years old.

    Since the Dark Side has been/will be triumphant in the PT, it actually sucks light and joy out of the entire galaxy, leaving white, black, grey, and tan as the only colors that people are allowed to wear, except for maybe special occasions, where perhaps a yellow jacket might be permitted.

    Actually, speaking of Tatooine, I'd like an explanation as to why one of the galaxy's biggest crime bosses lives in the middle of nowhere.

    Also, why is he so feared when he weighs 8,000,000 pounds and can't really move. At all.

    I think we also need an explanation saying that the Jango Fett Genetic Template was damaged in the Clone Wars, leading to an inferior product. I.e., it's hard to believe that the crack troop Clone soldiers turn into the bowling-pin Stormtroopers without a huge mistake somewhere down the production line.

    And we'll see a polarization in Episode III, where the clean-shaven, Roman-looking guys will decide to be evil and Imperial, and all the bearded, Socrates-looking guys will decide to be good and Rebel, thus setting the stage for ANH.
    Garth Maul, Jun 8, 2003 at 11:16 PM
    #2

  3. Darth_Sacrilicious Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 30, 2003
    star 2
    i love the disco idea. they must have vader dance.
    perhaps a scene where obi-wan and palpatine goto relax at the Foutain of Old Age Resort and Spa after all the fighting.
    Darth_Sacrilicious, Jun 9, 2003 at 4:55 AM
    #3

  4. Mace Windy Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 1999
    star 6
    Sure, Han tells us aboard the Millenium Falcon that "traveling through hyperspace ain't like dustin' crops," but until I actually see a character crop dusting in the prequel trilogy, I just don't know if I can believe it....





    :cool: Mace Windy,
    this signature blows!
    Mace Windy, Jun 9, 2003 at 11:39 AM
    #4

  5. Ligh7BehindtheLeaf Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Chewbacca given a midi-chlorian test, just for the hell of it


    LOL

    Just for continuty's sake, episode III is just ANH in its entirey with no changes
    Ligh7BehindtheLeaf, Jun 9, 2003 at 12:02 PM
    #5

  6. Darth_Sacrilicious Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 30, 2003
    star 2
    perhaps the falcon was made for dusting crops.
    Darth_Sacrilicious, Jun 9, 2003 at 12:06 PM
    #6

  7. Darth_Banal Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2002
    star 6
    * Special "Small Creatures Slaughtering Division" of Stormtroopers trained, used on Tatooine in ANH, then decomissioned. Only one of this proud band of warroirs is on Endor's moon in ROTJ. Disaster ensues when standard-issue Stormtrooper helmets block out anything under 2 feet tall.

    Private Ackbar undergoes a Trap Classification and Detection training session
    * Fellow Private Tarkin cuts class that day, misses Danger Assessment Test. Instead, smokes cigarettes under the bleachers at Corsucant Stadium with cadet Needa.

    * Yoda graduates from the Coruscant Culinary Institute with honors. Final Thesis: Making Tasty Stew With Ingredients From A Slimy Mudhole. "Crank it up a notch, you must."

    * Anakin/Vader's wardrobe session with Coruscant clothier: "Sea Green? Too trendy. Mauve? Taupe? Tan? Too sandy. Ah hell, just make it black!"

    * Tarkin's 1 hour liposuction surgery scene deleted due to his ongoing malpractice suit. "I said take me down to 175 pounds, NOT 125!!! I look like freakin' Skeletor!"

    Darth_Banal, Jun 9, 2003 at 4:47 PM
    #7

  8. Obi-Ewan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2000
    star 4
    ? Loss of the pristine, ornate, beautiful look of the Republic explained by showing Christopher Lowell executed onscreen

    Actually, this sounds like a good idea.
    Obi-Ewan, Jun 9, 2003 at 8:26 PM
    #8

  9. AdamBertocci Manager

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    Feb 3, 2002
    star 7
    Heck, even Christopher Lowell himself thinks it's a faaaaabulous idea! The execution could be done in maaaaaarvelous maroons and yellows -- oh, dearie me, what WILL we do with those curtains?

    Anyway, here's a couple more...

    ? Jar Jar grows crap-load of hair, turns into Chewbacca
    ? Naboo turns into Dagobah... and Hoth... and Endor
    ? Lucas decides that the most important line in ANH was "Pick up your visual scanning"; has every frickin' character in Episode III announce it
    ? Han's toolbox from ESB makes subtle cameo in a nod to its loyal fans
    ? To establish "there'll be Hell to pay" and "I'll see you in Hell" in ANH and ESB, we visit the planet Hell, just before everyone goes to Tatooine again
    ? To establish why Dagobah seems familar to Luke, the twins are bathed in swamp mud
    ? In order to make sure Luke never thinks he has a sister named Leia, even subconsciously, Leia always referred to as "Edgar" in Luke's presence
    ? To connect with Threepio's floating chair in ROTJ, chairs in Episode III become sentient beings and fly all by themselves
    ? Salacious Crumb cackles gleefully as Anakin falls into the lava
    ? Lava pit actually the cantina from ANH



    Rick McCallum loves you!
    AdamBertocci, Jun 9, 2003 at 11:19 PM
    #9

  10. lorn_zahl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 4
    Jar Jar grows crap-load of hair, turns into Chewbacca

    LoL [face_laugh]
    lorn_zahl, Jun 10, 2003 at 11:52 PM
    #10

  11. Ganner_The_Hero Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2003
    star 4
    * cantinaband members become main characters
    * instead of inferior battledroids, the trade fed. now uses wampas
    * all speeders now tremble as they fly and the cant do anything else than driving around in cirkles.
    * tk-421 males a cameo
    * ughnauts everewhere !!!

    when the federation is about to invade a planet, they get a holo-message: we don't serve their kind here. Your droids, they'll have to wait outside.
    Ganner_The_Hero, Jun 11, 2003 at 3:41 AM
    #11

  12. masterknight Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Obi wan will arrive with Luke to Tatooine. Once there he will realize his mistake:
    "Oh sshi.. the girl, I left the girl!!!!.
    masterknight, Jun 11, 2003 at 11:07 AM
    #12

  13. masterknight Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Jar jar: I´m your father
    Chewie: Nooooooooooooo
    masterknight, Jun 11, 2003 at 11:21 AM
    #13

  14. IliveinHoth Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 22, 2002
    star 2
    *news Bulletin: the emperor has abolished many schools, especially those that teach people to make sleekly designed star ships. The term "Aerodynamics" was lost when the jedi archives were destroyed. The emperor also insisted that all compter displays be simplified, and after a few fryings the new motto was, " Are you sure it has to be something that is powered by energy?" Prompting several design wars based on the abbacus.
    IliveinHoth, Jun 11, 2003 at 5:36 PM
    #14

  15. IliveinHoth Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 22, 2002
    star 2
    *news Bulletin: the emperor has abolished many schools, especially those that teach people to make sleekly designed star ships. The term "Aerodynamics" was lost when the jedi archives were destroyed. The emperor also insisted that all compter displays be simplified, and after a few fryings the new motto was, " Are you sure it has to be something that is powered by energy?" Prompting several design wars based on the abbacus.
    IliveinHoth, Jun 11, 2003 at 5:41 PM
    #15

  16. IliveinHoth Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 22, 2002
    star 2
    *news Bulletin: the emperor has abolished many schools, especially those that teach people to make sleekly designed star ships. The term "Aerodynamics" was lost when the jedi archives were destroyed. The emperor also insisted that all compter displays be simplified, and after a few fryings the new motto was, " Are you sure it has to be something that is powered by energy?" Prompting several design wars based on the abbacus.
    IliveinHoth, Jun 11, 2003 at 5:43 PM
    #16

  17. OutlawYoda Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2002
    star 4
    C3PO will FINALLY do something worthwile in the whole movie, save people before R2D2 does!!!! [face_laugh]
    Or he will just not say anything at all.. :p

    Since the digital Yoda will be gone and replaced with the original puppet.
    Tarkin will be replaced with the digital Yoda designs!!! Heres the scoop: Tarkin will play a small relative of Yodas who gets squished in one of those smashing machines on Geonosis, after getting crushed, hes much taller and his flabby long ears have been pushed back inside his head, and his green skin color turned peach color after being burned by hot lava. Now you know why he hates the Seperatists and joined the Empire!! You see guys!! It ALL fits together!!! [face_laugh]
    OutlawYoda, Jun 14, 2003 at 5:13 PM
    #17

  18. rsterling78 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 5
    Great thread, AB! Lets see now...

    Wuher the Mos Eisley cantina bartender shows up in the final battle of the Clone Wars fighting for the Loyalists. "I hate droids!" and "I'm gonna open up a bar on Tatooine!" are his only lines.

    Obi-Wan, in his Jedi Starfighter, approaches the VERY incomplete Death Star and says "That's no moon...it's a couple of girders being welded together by a Geonosian!"

    A 5 year old Biggs Darklighter is shown...with a full black mustache.
    rsterling78, Jun 14, 2003 at 7:42 PM
    #18

  19. OutlawYoda Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2002
    star 4
    CG Vader will sing a duet with CG Palpatine of "Fly Me To the Moon" when the Empire has risen, so it parallels with ROTJ.. (ala Jedi Rocks)

    ........Except this one will be called Sith Rocks!!!!!
    :D :D :D
    OutlawYoda, Jun 14, 2003 at 7:53 PM
    #19

  20. AdamBertocci Manager

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    star 7
    Battle of Tanaab takes place. A young Lando does a little maneuver.


    Rick McCallum loves you!
    AdamBertocci, Jun 15, 2003 at 8:44 AM
    #20

  21. JKBurtola Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Feb 4, 2003
    star 4
    Obi-Wan, in his Jedi Starfighter, approaches the VERY incomplete Death Star and says "That's no moon...it's a couple of girders being welded together by a Geonosian!"

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Thats just classic.
    JKBurtola, Jun 15, 2003 at 9:05 AM
    #21

  22. Jedi Daniel Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2000
    star 5
    *lol* That was hilarious. Well done :)
    Jedi Daniel, Jun 15, 2003 at 9:09 AM
    #22

  23. OutlawYoda Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2002
    star 4
    To connect with ANH, we will see Greedo chasing after Han really fast with classic Benny Hill music. lol

    in episode 3 We will see Tarkin "tighten his grip" and he will somehow get "star systems" inside of his actual palm [face_laugh], so it fits with what Leia said in ANH, then right before the Death Star blows up, the tiny star systems will actually slip right through his fingers!!! Strange huh? [face_laugh]

    Padme is forced to dress in Leias bikini for Nute Gunray, but she eventually chokes him to death with a chain to fit in with ROTJ.
    OutlawYoda, Jun 15, 2003 at 1:20 PM
    #23

  24. rsterling78 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 5
    [image=http://www.starwars.com/databank/character/droopysnitmccool/img/movie_bg.jpg]

    One solid hour of nothing but Droopy McCool in Episode III.
    rsterling78, Jun 15, 2003 at 7:18 PM
    #24

  25. Tatooine_Fireman Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2003
    star 4
    In order to connect E3 with ROTJ SE, Padme, with Dorme en Sabe in the background, will sing a Madonna-song.

    This will fit in with the extended music scene in Jabba's palace in ROTJ.
    Tatooine_Fireman, Jun 16, 2003 at 5:07 AM
    #25
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