Misguided attempts to connect to the OT (humor)

Discussion in 'Revenge of the Sith (Non-Spoilers)' started by AdamBertocci, Jun 8, 2003.

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  1. obi_wan_kanathan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 10, 2001
    star 4
  2. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    [face_laugh]

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  3. ThePhantomMonkey2 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2003
    In a truly unprecedented move, George Lucas pulls the somewhat sagging Episode 3 out of theatres for two weeks in order to capitalize on the 80's nostalgia craze then currently sweeping the country. When it returns, fans are enthralled by an extra two hours of footage featuring the exploits of Michael "Jedi" Knight (played by David Hasselhoff) and his sleek, solid black talking X-Wing, KITT.

    Ticket sales in Germany alone top $300 million, making this the most successful Star Wars movie ever.



  4. Tatooine_Fireman Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2003
    star 4
    We see the Empire designing those shuttles from ROTJ, without Wookiees in mind, while they had slave-Wookiees working on them.
    I know it sounds strange, but it makes sense...from a certain (GL's) point of view...
  5. Dori Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2003
    star 1
    The whole film will handle about Jabba, since he's been so popular in the other episodes. The "Anakin-becomes-Vader" story will be told in ten minutes, and the next two hours will be Jabbas life story, in original Huttese. 8-}
  6. obi_wan_kanathan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 10, 2001
    star 4
    To parallel with ROTJ and also show how they could beat the stormtroopers so easily, the Ewoks, not Vader, wipe out the Jedi by beating them with stones. To keep ANH free of plot holes, Obi-Wan's line about how Vader helped hunt down the Jedi is replaced with one spoken by a CGI Sir Alec Guinness.
  7. Tolkien101 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2003
    star 3
  8. Darth_Sacrilicious Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 30, 2003
    star 2
    Boba is actually a different clone than the one in episode 2.

    instead of lava, palpatine rescues anakin from carbonite, but he misses a few parts and so anakin needs to be put in the suit.
  9. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    We see Anakin strapping small animals to sticks and lowering them near curling irons just to hear them scream to prepare us for Han on Cloud City.

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  10. Daughter_of_Yubyub Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 6
    Wedge Antilles, Biggs Darklighter and Jek Porkins are get in a fight at daycare wearing bright orange pajamas. Only Wedge walks away.

    YubYub and TG- Protecting fangirls from hormonally gifted fanboys since 2002
  11. Tatooine_Fireman Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2003
    star 4
    In a huge Force-battle between Darth Sidious and Yoda, Darth Sidious uses his all-mighty Sith powers to "muppetize" Yoda, explaining why Yoda was CG in the PT and a muppet in the OT.
  12. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    -We discover that Owen wouldn't let Luke have Anakin's lightsaber because, according to the early-training tradition of the Jedi, "old enough" is thirty-six hours after birth.

    Obi-Wan: "Look, you just kind of tie it into his hand like this . . ."
    Owen: "Get that thing away from him, you old fruitloop!"

    -Magnetic sealant is wasted and the fate of the Empire is preordained when a Geonosian translator mistakenly writes "garbage compactor" instead of "small thermal exhaust port" in the Death Star's assembly instructions

    -Somebody referrs to Obi-Wan's astromech unit as "your droid," and he makes an indignant 5-minute speech about how the Jedi are an anarchal collective in which possession is forbidden. This is to tie in with the fact that he doesn't remember "owning" a droid in ANH.

    -We meet IG-88 hauling harvested crops around the Lars farm. It is revealed that Anakin built the assassin droid years ago, "to help Mom." Owen fires him when baby Luke arrives, because he figures he now has another pair of hands for the harvest. (Tattooine harvest machines are powered by bio-energy batteries worn on the fingers.) As IG-88 trudges sadly away, we overhear Owen telling Beru that this year they will have a harvest with "no disintegrations" thanks to the murderous droid's absence. All of this ties in with the dramatically understated "family reunion" scene in ESB, in which Vader echoes this cutting line to his childhood creation.

    -In a rare and poignant moment of self-revelation, Obi-Wan tells R2-D2 that he plans to spend his time in exile searching for a hive of scum and villainy more wretched than Mos Eisley spaceport. This scene is echoed in ROTJ when Vader says that Obi-Wan's "failure is complete."

    -Obi-Wan is sitting in a class called "Strategic Lying 101" when he receives the urgent call that Anakin has turned to the Dark Side. He rushes out just before the instructor says, "And never claim that a 'young Jedi' is named 'Darth' anything."
  13. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    I thought it was Boba Fett he says 'no disintigrations' to. In which case...

    *Darth hires Boba as his personal chef. Boba constantly turns the toaster oven on too high, disentigrating Darth's english muffins, much to the chagrin of the dark lord.

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  14. MeBeJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    star 6
    "Darth Sidious uses his all-mighty Sith powers to "muppetize" Yoda, explaining why Yoda was CG in the PT and a muppet in the OT."

    Actually, Yoda was "crude matter" (i.e. a muppet) in TPM. Through his knowledge of the Force and 800 years of steady meditation, Yoda raised his consciousness to a higher level, that being a mass-less CG "spirit" in AOTC, one step below that of a "luminous being".

    Unfortunately, due to a major Force battle with Sidious in EP.III: AVBE, the "Dark Side" knocks Yoda back to his initial muppet state, which we see in the OT.

    Luckily, instead of having to wait another 800 years, he makes the lucky mistake of turning away from Luke, resigning himself to the fate of ultimately dying as a muppet (and positioning his hindquarters in a prime position for Luke to place his hand) and accidentally mutters the magic words that he had been capable of saying all along.

    Thus, Yoda achieves "luminosity".

    Ah, the miracles of the Saga. :D
  15. ThePhantomMonkey2 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2003
    We see a younger (but still rotund) Jek Porkins dismissed from his job as a Republic Driver's Ed instructor. Chief among his student's compliants (aside from "he just looks creepy in his helmet" and "he always hit on" his female students) is the fact that the only driving instructions he ever gives is "Stay on target...Stay on target!"



  16. Fall-on-Jin Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 22, 2001
    star 3
    We watch an extremely thin Jek Porkins go through a stage of depression, and gather several eating disorders.







    Every character will be CG. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
  17. Tatooine_Fireman Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2003
    star 4
    Because of a freak accident, Palptine/Sidious, turns into a creatures that looks like a crossing between an old woman and a monky face, explaining why Palptine looks the way he looks in ESB
  18. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    * We see a young Han Solo in school addressing teachers as 'sweetheart' and 'your teacherfulness'

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  19. ophelia Cards Against Humanity Host. Ex-Mod

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 6
    During the climactic duel, a fallen Anakin taunts his former mentor with the words: "The circle is about halfway complete," and "Your powers are average, middle-aged man."
  20. Lukecash Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
    Anakin decides to get a PHD , but only gets his Masters of Evil.

  21. MeBeJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    star 6
    [face_laugh] That would also be a great "Austin Powers" joke. :D
  22. DarthLeia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 1
  23. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    A warlord named 'Hell' takes over much of Tatooine. He establishes a tariff on workers being tardy on the South Range, thus explaining the seemingly anomalous line-
    "Well, he'd better have those units in the south range repaired by midday or there'll be Hell to pay!"


    -sj loves kevin spacey
  24. redleader92055 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2003
    star 2
    LOL x 10000000000000000000!!
  25. Tatooine_Fireman Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2003
    star 4
    Can we get some Gundarks in the movie? I really want to see someone pulling the ears of a Gundark, or falling into a Gundarks nest!
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