Saga "Miss Congeniality--Miss Alliance, misdemeanors and misunderstandings--Qualified for Best Collab

Black screen.

A bright white light shines directly into the camera, silhouetting six shadows.

VO: They've taken on the Death Star.

Zoom in to three of the figures.

VO: They've taken on scoundrels.

Zoom in to one.

VO: Can they take...the competition?

Lights come up on Leia Organa, wrapped in a heavy blanket and shivering violently. She whips open the blanket to reveal a neck-to-knees bathing suit, then bundles up again and bolts from the stage.

Shot of Han, Wedge and Leia in the mess hall.

Leia: There?s no way in hell you?ll get me on that stage! I?d rather kiss a rancor!

Han rolls his eyes.

Han: We?ve got reason to believe there?s a mole in Echo Base. And we?ve narrowed it down to one of the contestants.

Leia glowers.

Leia: All right, nerf herder. I?ll do it. However, I?m doing this for Carlist, not you. Get it?

Han shrugs.

Han: It'll be all right. You'll see.

Leia smiles graciously at two passing officers.

Leia: Hey, guys. What?s up?

They snap to attention as if being inspected.

Shot of Leia shaking her head, dressed in a long white evening gown.

Leia: I was wrong. A rancor would be merciful.

MISS CONGENIALITY

COMING TO A SAGA BOARD NEAR YOU

COURTESY OF DARTHISHTAR AND RK_STRIKER_JK_5.

 

*Looks up* Heh. Pretty good teaser trailer there.

Here we go!

*****
?No, no! There?s no way in hell you?ll get me on that stage! I?d rather kiss a rancor!?

Leia Organa crossed her arms and stood with her face to an icy wall, her aristocratic nose jutting up into the air as she ignored both Han Solo and Wes Janson. The former moved in with a swagger and reached out with his hand. ?Now listen, your worshipfulness. This contest?s gonna raise a lot of credits for the Alliance. And with your pretty face and obvious ?talents?, I?m sure-? Han?s little speech was abruptly cut off when Leia whirled around and delivered a lightning-fast blow to his stomach, sending him to his knees in a wheezing, panting fit.

?Now listen to me, you scruffy little pirate.? her eyes glanced up and she made Wes? forehead become damp with sweat. ?And you listen up too, you immature prankster, A ?Miss Rebel Alliance? contest is a bad idea from the start. Any broadcast would have Vader and his forces at Hoth in an instant. And knowing you flyboys, there?ll be a swimsuit contest!?

Wes shrugged. ?Well, we?ve got a pirate broadcast feed that actually is untraceable. And we?ve got an idea about the swimsuits. You see-? he swallowed as Leia stalked up to him, fixing the pilot with her best ?I stare down Sith Lords? glare, ?you wouldn?t actually go out in them. Just wear a coat, take it off for a second and has anyone ever told you you?re gorgeous when you?re angry??

Han ran over and quickly got between Wes and Leia before the latter eviscerated the former with her glare. ?Leia, Leia! There?s two very good reasons why you should do this. The first is?? he hesitated and took a deep breath before continuing, ?you seem to be? I don?t know, distant from the regular troops. They?re almost scared of you at times.?

Leia scoffed at him. ?You?ve got to be kidding me! I?m not distant.? She brushed past him and walked out of her quarters. Two maintenance techs were walking down the corridor and Leia called out to them, waving. ?Hey, guys. What?s up?? Her face fell when both techs stopped, straightened up and looked like Darth Vader was coming. ?Is there a problem?? she asked, uncertainty creeping into her voice.

The first tech spoke up. ?No, ma?am! There?s no problem! Everything is running at 100% efficiency. We?re all good.? She leaned in a bit. ?Is there a problem that we don?t know about??

Leia sighed and waved her off. ?No, no. Everything?s fine. Have a good day.? She turned back to Han and Wes, tears brewing in her eyes. ?I-I didn?t know how-?

Han walked over and wrapped his arms around her. ?Hey, it?s okay. We don?t all think of you that way. You?re a great person, once people get to know you. And this pageant is a great way for that. Right Wes??

At the pilot?s nod of approval, Leia?s body loosened up a bit. ?Okay, but wait-what?s the second reason? You said there were two.?

Han and Wes shared a glance. ?Well, you see, we?ve got reason to believe there?s a mole in Echo Base. And we?ve narrowed it down to one of the contestants.?

Leia broke from Han?s embrace and raced over to Wes. She got to within a few centimeters of his face before half-shouting at him. ?WHAT? Why the hell hasn?t Carlist been brought in on this? Why haven?t we been locked down? Our entire security is at stake, and we?re holding a kriffin? beauty pageant to get the perpetrator? What the hell is the matter with you???

Han walked over, grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from Wes. ?Easy, sweetheart! Wes doesn?t need to go deaf.? He spun her around and flashed her one of his patented Solo half-smiles. ?We told Carlist all about it and have his blessing to run the operation how we see fit. It kills two birds with one bolt, too. The Alliance gets some needed credits and we might catch a mole in Echo Base.?

Leia paused and considered his words. Finally, the princess spoke. ?All right, nerf herder. I?ll do it.? Her brown eyes suddenly narrowed, causing Han to sweat a bit. ?However, I?m doing this for Carlist, not you. Get it??

?Go

 

Leia broke from Han?s embrace and raced over to Wes. She got to within a few centimeters of his face before half-shouting at him. ?WHAT? Why the hell hasn?t Carlist been brought in on this? Why haven?t we been locked down? Our entire security is at stake, and we?re holding a kriffin? beauty pageant to get the perpetrator? What the hell is the matter with you???



Gosh, this is hilarious.

The perfect remedy to my current cold.

I'm sure this promises amusing results!

 

This is going to be good. Looking forward to more.

 

Idrelle-Sorry to hear about your cold. Glad to hear this is cheering you up.

Chewie-Fan-Hey, me too! I love the Wookiee. And I'm looking forward to what Ish does as well.

Hmm. I will admit it'll be interesting seeing the differences between Ish and I concerning posting, responding to our readers and the like. Should be... fun. *Mysterious smile*

Up!

 

Leia: All right, nerf herder. I?ll do it. However, I?m doing this for Carlist, not you.

And Carlist is God, right?

I've been looking forward to this it was mentioned on the Resource board...and it's even better than I'd hoped!

 

Different . . . But interesting. This could go ANYWHERE!
Hehe!

 

Oh, I'm sooo going to read this! The story (while inspired by something else) is interesting, and setting it in GFFA opens a wide range of possibilities and plot twists. The beginning is great, I love the absolutely perfect dialogue. Keep it up, girls!

 

Oh, no, you did NOT just call Jon a girl...

:ucks for cover.::

Jon, hon, great post. And please don't kill my ex-Padawan. She knows not what she does!

 

The moment Leia's name appeared on the roster of contestants, everything changed. It was not just the fact that she was being covertly mocked by half the men on the base, but all of a sudden, she seemed to have a retinue of women following her.

They were a motley crew, ranging from those who wanted to give her tips on her makeup to those who wanted to bully her out of competing. While she appreciated the camaraderie implied in the former and was slightly amused by the latter, it seemed like a wretched way to run a war.

"It's ridiculous," she complained to Luke at lunch. "I've only been a contestant for a day and I've been late for my shift twice because they won't stop following me around."

"I'm surprised Rieekan hasn't excused you from your shift," Luke countered lightly.

Her expression darkened considerably at the thought. "He tried, but I threatened him with both a court-martial and disembowelment if he mentioned it again."

"Charming," Luke laughed. "I assume you'll treat the judges the same way?"

Finally, she managed a smile that was more predatory than pleasant. "No, that's what my blaster's for."

"But you're going to compete," he reminded. "Surely it's for..."

"The good of the Alliance and my image as a wise and benevolent leader," she recited dispassionately.

"But you want to win?"

She looked away, cheeks flushing slightly. "More than I'd like to admit," she conceded. "After three years of being told I'm too strong of a character to be a woman of the Alliance, I want to be recognized for the person I am."

It was a complaint that she had voiced several times over the years, but finally, she had a way to effect that change.

"The problem," she admitted, "is that I have no idea what to do."

He frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

She blew out her cheeks in obvious frustration. "I'm not hardwired for this sort of thing," she protested. "I don't like to strut, I don't like to play dress-up and I really don't like poofy hairdos."

He smiled sympathetically at last, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "Don't worry," he consoled. "I'll talk to my squadron. There's sure to be a few sympathetic people who would love to help out."

It was a joy to see her looking so utterly relieved at the idea that she was not alone. Standing up, she bent to kiss his cheek, then straightened with a genuine smile.

"Thank you so much," she breathed. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"My pleasure," Luke said solemnly.

She was halfway to the door when she abruptly turned, a look of pale alarm on her face.

"Luke, there are no girls in Rogue Squadron!"

He simply blinked in innocent surprise. "Is that going to be a problem?"
*****
"It's always good to go with basic black," Hobbie reasoned.

"Except we don't want her to bear a striking resemblance to Darth Vader," Wes protested.

"She won't," Wedge assured them both. "She'll look elegant."

"She looks elegant in white," Tycho insisted wistfully, squinting at Leia, "and it shows her patriotism, since she's a true daughter of Alderaan."

"Patriotism is all well and good," Wedge agreed, "but if she's in white, she'll blend into the background."

"No, she'll stand out!" Tycho persisted.

"ENOUGH!"

They had obviously forgotten that the object of their discussion was in the room and fully conscious. They certainly didn't expect her to have an opinion on any of this.

Leia was a lovely shade of scarlet, hands clenched as she strained to avoid open hostility. "Look," she said patiently, "I appreciate the help of you fine officers, but if we're going to spend the entire time arguing, I'm going to kick you all out of the Alliance."

"No, you won't," Wes countered.

"Oh, no?" she snapped. "Try me."

"You won't," he said reasonably, "because you want to win and we're the only gentlemen brave enough to tell you what makes you look like a very sexy..."

Her fist cocked and he quickly reconsidered.

"A very refined, beautiful credit to the Alliance," he yelped defensively.

Her fist u

 

Oh force!!! This is hilarious!!!! Can't wait for the next post! Are you doing PM's? If so, add me!

 

Only you, Ish. Only you.

*dies excessively*

 

Great, Ish!

 

*covers mouth* Oh dear, what a terrible faux-pas!

My humblest apologies, Jon! I had no idea. I'm going to hit myself on the head with a dead chicken and stand in the corner.

*thinks*

I may even... I may even sit... in... *ends in whisper* the comfy chair!

[image=http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c251/Tauriel/anyway.jpg]

Ish, darling, that post was superb! Brilliant dialogues! I loved the bit between Luke and Leia, it fits so well to their characters. And the Rogue Squadron boys being her robes council! Lovely indeed.

"You won't," he said reasonably, "because you want to win and we're the only gentlemen brave enough to tell you what makes you look like a very sexy..."

Her fist cocked and he quickly reconsidered.

"A very refined, beautiful credit to the Alliance," he yelped defensively.

Her fist uncocked and her hand dropped to her side in defeat.

That. Was. PERFECT!!!

"There are," Tycho agreed, "but unfortunately, there is also a matter of your weight."

"I was under the impression that I am perfectly healthy," Leia said cautiously.

"Yes, but they don't want healthy contestants," Wes informed her, "and you are five pounds over the allowed weight range."


I'll may sound like a nasty insensitive bastard here, but... Somebody FINALLY told her!

Hilarious fic, so far. Keep it up, guys!

 

Liesl-To Ish, he is. And she's got some good reasons for that, too. Thanks, I try.

Sethathoryune-Thank you. And anywhere... is right.

Mar17swgirl- Keep it up, girls!

...

...

*Powers up hiten mitsirugi style and readies reverse-blade lightsaber*

*Sees Ish*

*Powers down*

I accpet your apology. *Deactivates lightsaber*

Ish, that was a kick-butt post! Loved the Rogue dialogue and Tycho showing up. Now I gotta get going on my next post! *Leaps up and ties bandana around forehead and poses while light shines in the background*

Can you tell I watch way too much anime...

 

I have brilliantly logical reasons for the fact that Rieekan is god. Glad you went easy on my ex-hijita. Glad you liked the Rogue dialogue. I've been waiting to write Tycho for so many years. He's my favorite, but I'm just a little too light-hearted to write him at times. Now go, write!

I loved writing the bit with her threatening them into submission because that's the one way she totally reminds me of Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality--ready to pull a gun on anyone who mentions a corset. And don't you talk about weight here. It's a sensitive subject for me and Leia. LOL.

LOL, thanks, Idri.

Dying once is excessive. But thanks!

I'll start up a PM list. Glad you're enjoying.

 

The next post is mine, and should be Tuesday.

*Poses with reverse-blade lightsaber while explosions go off in the background*

 

Ooh, I just found this, and it looks like such fun! Please add me to the PM update list!

I've heard Leia looks good in red...She chose a good color!

 

Hey, I can legally start harrassing Jon to update this...

 

Just found this - it's very funny! Can't wait to see where it goes...

 

It's Tuesday, time for an update!!!

 

You can 'legally' harrass me, Ish? Hehe. And yeah, dm1. Time for an update.

Here we go!

*****
?All passengers, please get your gear ready. The Bright Hope will be touching down in ten seconds? five, four, three, two,? a dull thud rippled through the old transport, ?touchdown.?

Mara Jade, the Emperor?s Hand, picked up the satchel at her booted feet and slung it over her shoulder. She followed the crowd of other rebels down to a hatch near the midpoint of the cabin. She made sure to have her identification ready while simultaneously scanning for clues to where this planet was. She quickly passed through the checkpoint and, after looking around, hid herself in the shadow of some dilapidated freighter. After a few minutes, Mara emerged and made her way across the hangar area to a set of doors in the bedrock. Her nascent ability in the Force was drawing her there, not sure why?

?Are you all right??

Mara nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the voice. She gritted her teeth and slowly turned her head to see?him. Luke Skywalker. The slayer of the Death Star and rallying point for the insurgents.

He?s kinda cute, actually.

Mara?s eyes widened and her skin paled as she realized what she had just thought. She shook her head and gripped the strap for her satchel tighter. ?Yes-no!? She let out a sigh and slumped her shoulders before batting her eyelashes. ?Well, you see sir, I seem to be a bit lost.? She chuckled and glanced around, throwing her arms out as if to take in the hangar bay. ?It?s so much larger than my old assignment!?

Luke swallowed and tamped down a rising blush. ?Ah, yeah.? He held out his hand and Mara handed him her identification. ?Okay, Miss? Nese Emerald. It looks like you?re billeted in section five. Want me to show you there??

Mara ?Nese Emerald? nodded, silently reprimanding herself for not being able to slip away undetected-and for the thought she had earlier. Where did that come from, anyway? She followed Luke down several frosted-over corridors, brushing past other Alliance personnel. She could sense excitement in the air and tension, but it wasn?t battle-lust or anything like that. ?Something going on?? she asked casually.

Luke glanced back at her and shrugged. ?Oh, have you heard of the ?Miss Alliance? pageant?? At Mara?s nod, he continued. ?Well, it?s being held here. And Princess Leia?s taking part in it.? He smiled shyly as they came to an intersection and made a left. ?But you?re probably not-?

The stunning redhead-where did that come from?-interrupted him. ?Oh, no! That sounds pretty fun, actually.? She scooted ahead of him and twirled about, showing him her lithe, athletic body. ?Is it closed to new contestants??

Luke?s eyes opened and closed several times before he could properly respond. ?? I can see if they?ll take you, Miss Emerald, but I don?t think it?ll be a problem.? His blue eyes suddenly landed on a door sign. ?Ah, looks like this is where you?ll be staying.? He reached out and swiped Mara?s ID card through a reader mounted on the wall. An indicator light next to it flashed from red to green and the door opened with a click. ?If you need anything else?? His voice trailed off and he scratched the back of his head.

Mara sighed. ?I?ll be okay, Luke. See you around?? At his nod, she smirked. Luke then turned and walked off. Mara?s green eyes locked on him. He didn?t even try and kiss me! Finally, she blew out a strand of hair out of her eyes. ?Man, he is such a-such a farm boy!?

She entered the room and placed her bag on one of the beds. Due to a premium on space, just about everyone had a roommate. Mara grabbed a hologram projector off of an old storage cabinet and flipped it on. The emitter crystal glowed and projected a few word in midair. ?My father and I.? It then showed an image of a young woman about Mara?s age and an older man with brownish hair and sad blue eyes. Mara gasped as she recognized him. Carlist Rieekan? Suddenly, she turned off the proje

 

So this pageant is open to anyone? That's just asking for comedy...

 

One letter or vowel shift in the first name, second name is green, just like Jade! I had that one figured out really fast, even before I read the end. Yeah for me!!! Will write more when I finish reading the post, I just got so excited when I saw the name... Alright, fork over the points!

Good post, Mara's gonna get swept into this whole Miss Alliance thing! Maybe by the end, she'll forget why she's there?

 

Um, is Nese japanese for bitter just as Mara is in hebrew and emerald and jade are both shades of green?

Edit: Oh, and I like Itzel already.