Discussion in 'Mojave Desert CA' started by Stridarious, Feb 21, 2003.
I'm WORKING ON IT!
Well get writting! Chop! Chop!
I am to write a side novel to the main story now. It will be Brins activities during the main novel as nothing will coincide.
The New Sith Order: The Devil Dodan Pt1.: Search for the Devil.
Chapter 1: Mikael Tchareot
It had been eight weeks since the Devil fell to Iridonia. No word of its whereabouts had caused a lot of commotion among the Sith navy. During the second week after its theft, a task force of Dodans was sent to Iridonia and were confronted by the Devil Dodan. Only one member survived to come back to the space fleet. Exar Kun.
It was then decided by Brins that he needed to go down to the surface and interview the most advanced of regional Dodan leaders. These leaders are like the local sheriffs of each region on Iridonia. And when you have as many as Iridonia does, some are strong and good warriors while others aren't as good. It was the Itanilia region that Brins decided to check first. During the eighth week after the theft of the Ulitmate Dodan and its transformation to a Devil, the pod containing Brins, Faye, and the Shining Dodan landed on Iridonia. After hiding it, Brins entered the main city of Romino, looking for some answers.
The town was worn down, obviously the seedy underside of the rich and powerful Sith who lived on the other side of the planet. The buildings were small, and made of clay, each with two stories at most. Parts of the town were completely demolished and Brins wondered what may have happened to cause all this during the week-long flight to the surface of the planet. Walking up beside Brins, just within the entranceway of the city, Faye asked,"What has happened here?"
Brins looked around. "I have no idea. Something is up though. I never heard of this city seeing this much destruction before." Brins said as he started walking down the street.
Faye stood stunned for a second then ran to catch up to Brins who was setting a blistering pace. Faye was about to catch up when Brins held up his hand to stop her and he screamed into a dark alleyway, "Quit following us! If you want to talk, just come out!"
With that, a small man of about 50 with tattered clothes and a whitened beard stepped out of the shadows. "What do you want old man?" Brins said as he looked at the man.
"You out of this city. We don't need your kind." The man said as he drew a vibro-dagger.
"Hold on. What do you mean by my kind?" Brins said as he used the force to control the man's hand.
"You! One of the Dodan fighters fighting in this ridiculous tournament to gain somekind of ultimate weapon." The man answered, struggling to get his hand free.
"Where did you get this information?" Faye asked, coming up beside Brins.
"Kun. He announced it about a week ago. Ever since, the regional leader has been holding battles in this city. It is crazy. I just want our town back." The man said.
"Hmm. This has become more complicated. I must talk to the leader of this region. Now I promise, if we have to fight, I won't let any more damage come to this city." Brins said as he took the vibroblade from the man's hand.
"Yeah. That is what they all say." The man said as he walked away.
"You know what that is all about?" Faye asked.
"No, but this has gotten a lot more interesting and we can't leave the atmosphere in the dodan." Brins said as he turned to walk into the bar that wasn't far away.
"We can't? Oh. Then what are we going to do." Faye asked as she ran after him.
"Get some answers."
Mikael Tchareot stood watching the news. Ever since that Kun had offered the winner of a year long tournament a chance to pilot some grand weapon, business had become harried. The tournament was amongst the leaders of each region, but there were two very special participants. One was Master Brins, and the other was a mysterious fighter that no one seemed to know. This was going to be an intense battle. It had already begun that way. The first few battles he had been a part of had destroyed parts of this town. Like it mattered to him. It was a
That is one great Chapter BartSimpson-SithLord very well detailed. It really flows with great amounts of details left out of your last chapters to tie everything together. , have you ever thought about taking on a writting career?
Great job with that first chapter. Your stories just flow along and it all works out good and you have everything that is needed such as details and information. Keep it up
Yes, absolutely great story! Now, all we need is your newest chapter Mertroid.
Chapter 2: Boxer
"Hey all you people in the streets! Welcome to glorious Amerikaneo! We're gathered her today to celebrate our everyone's local hero, Chibidi Krokate and his Dodan Max!" The beautiful female announcer said as the parade started off. The streets of the main city of the prosperous Amerikaneo region were very beautiful and the ticker-tape that was being thrown from the windows of every building along the parade route created a masterful allusion of wonderment and hope that seemed to have hypnotized this nation into thinking itself immune to the destruction already caused by the Dodan Tournament. This regional nation was known for its idealism, its hope, and its promise of rags to riches stories.
"And here comes our main man, Chibidi Krokate!" She said as a Dodan came walking down the street lined with skyscrapers. The machine was holding a man in its palm, the man was Chibidi Krokate. Krokate was a medium sized man, of about six feet with a skinny physique but a chiseled face. He was an extreme hit with the ladies, most of which found him near to impossible to resist. He was the classic type of man from this region, talented, attractive, and a kind heart. But more important to him were his best friends, the four girls that comprised the crew that helped him fix and maintain his Dodan between battles. Cat, Bunni, Jaanette, and Sherli were following right behind the Dodan in a red landspeeder. This was truly a marvelous spectacle being put on by a region in awe of one of their own piloting the ultimate weapon offered by Kun.
"Turn that thing off, will you?" Brins said as he watched the holocast on the holoscreen in the corner of the bar he was sitting in.
"I'm sorry, sir. But I watched that boy grow up. Why, he's a hero in these parts. He was just a lowly thief, living in the underside of this great city when he was little, but by training hard to be a boxer he became famous and it all paid off when he won a boxing match that granted him the right to be the defender of this region in the Dodan Max." The bartender said as he continued to clean some glasses with a dirty rag.
"Yeah, mister." A little boy said as he came up beside Brins holding something twisted into a roll. "He's fighting in a boxing match coming up." the boy said as he unrolled what was now revealed to be a poster for the upcoming Sith Unification Boxing Match.
"Is that so?" Brins said as he took the poster from the child and studied it closely. "Mind if I keep this, Kid?"
"No, mister. You can have it." The boy said with a smile as Brins patted him on the shoulder and left the bar.
That night, in a local gym, Chibidi's opponent in that same boxing match was training hard for the upcoming match. He was a tall man, taller than Chibidi at any rate. His muscles were very prominent and he was sweating very hard as he continued to hit the punching bag. "That little runt. I'll show him what it means to be a boxer!" The man said as he let out one big punch that sent the bag flying off the track and straight at the door. And into the arms of Brins Hamid. The man, surprised by the fact that the newcomer was here at this time of night let alone that he caught the bag, said, "What do you want, little man?"
"You can't fight in that tournament tomorrow night." Brins said as he effortlessly through down the bag.
"And who in the galaxy is going to stop me." The man said as he cracked his large knuckles.
"I will. If I must use force then so be it." Brins said calmly as he stepped forward.
"Well, you'll have to use force then." The man said as he raised his right hand to land a powerful punch. But it never reached even close to past Brins' shoulder as it was caught by Brins in the force.
"Now you will use that energy against yourself." Brins said as he brought the man's arm down and made him uppercut himself. The man went flying back, unconscious, and fell into a group of workout machines. The sound was like a horrible car wreck and he broke several bones in his legs. There was no question that he would n
[face_shocked] Man, that is long, I think it may take me some time to read it.
That is long! But great! I absolutely loved it! That was intense! I'm looking forward to chapter 3.
Now here is chapter 15...
"The Time has Come"
? How much longer is it going to take that coop to figure out that his lady is missing?? a young Sith growled.
He had brunette hair, with highlighted spikes, and hazel eyes. The Sith was tall and strong. He stood 6?1? and mysterious he looked. Young and naÃ¯ve as well. The color scarlet was vibrant inside his cape. Very similar to Inferno he looked as well. Lean and severe. Inferno sat at his desk, typing a few things, grinning away and shaking his head to this.
? Athrenino has always needed grease for the wheels in his head,? Inferno chuckled as he looked up to see Vanessa lying there in the prison, staring up at the ceiling.
Inferno and the young Sith were sitting behind a tinted, glass window.
? So beautiful yet so deadly,? Inferno sighed as he continued to work.
? What are we to do with her Master?? the Sith asked, looking at Vanessa as well, and coming closer up to the window.
Inferno stopped typing and placed his arms up on the desk surface. He leaned in a little and stared for a moment. Sighing and staring at Vanessa, thinking he was.
? Nothing, she?s just bait right now, and also we gained information from her after she had come to visit and cleverly tried tricking us. It wouldn?t be right to harm another Sith, and one so fare at that, who is intelligent as well. We?ll just wait for someone to get her, and then that?s when we?ll be able to see Athrenino, but he probably won?t come. So?oh I have an idea,? Inferno smiled and stood up from his desk.
Jean watched as Inferno walked up to the window as well and waited for his answer.
? Maybe she?ll be our little spy, and she?ll come and report more information of what is going on in the Sith order and more,? Inferno rubbed his chin with his gloved hand and looking at Vanessa.
? Won?t they get suspicious of her constantly leaving?? Jean asked.
? No, Vanessa seems to be an outgoing person, doing her own thing and going without question. They know her and they wouldn?t be worried,? Inferno glanced over to Jean and then over to Vanessa once again.
? So should I go and bring her before you Master?? Jean asked as he paced towards the door.
? Yes, that would be very good of you Jean. Bring her to me,? Inferno spoke as he stared and stared through the window.
The room was dim lit and mysterious the room was. A scarlet rug swept across the floor, oval chandeliers with candles burnt, wax ran down the candles. Brown, velvet seating was in the back, right corner of the room. A lamp with a metallic, silver rod hung by the end of a lounge chair. A couch was there and a mahogany wood, coffee table too. The room was quite intimate, but dark as well.
Jean walked through the glass halls and waved his hand for the two wookies to back away. Walking quickly and gracefully as a Sith did, he was in front of the prison that Vanessa lay in. Vanessa turned her head and saw Jean. Her hair hung on her arms. Bringing her arms back down, and sitting up, her hair had fallen down back behind her shoulders. Jean ignored her beauty and did what he must. Pushing in a code on the right side of the prison, the red, flared door opened up. Walking forward to Vanessa she was staring, no sound was made.
? My master wishes to see you now,? Jean spoke politely, but demanding as well.
Vanessa walked past Jean and followed the hall back to Inferno?s office. Her hair waved back and forth, brushing against her back and shoulders. Her black cloak waved with her footsteps gallant and graceful. She stood tall and showed where she came from by showing her pride. Jean walked not too far behind Jean.
? In here,? Jean spoke as he whipped up in front of her and held his hand out to show the door.
Vanessa walked in and the door swished up. Jean followed behind and the door shut quickly behind them. Vanessa stared at the man who stood at the tinted window, watching the prison still.
? You may go Jean,?
Now it is Alex's turn I believe to post chapter 16
Oh, is it my turn, eh?
Yes it is your turn and I hope you read my chapter to know what is going on.
(Ex: And then Vanessa died! ) See?
*growls, tackles him*
Great chapter, Mertroid.
Here's my next one. Hope you like.
Chapter 3: Flame of the Dragon.
The man went flying out of the bar with a resounding thud as the man who had punched him cracked his knuckles. ?Heh. I would?ve thought you might put up more of a fight.? The man said. He claimed to be Si Siicee, the pilot of the Dodan for the Chinois region. What he was doing leading the Black Dragon crime syndicate was anybody?s guess. ?All right everyone. Listen up. This town now belongs to the Black Dragons. If you don?t believe us, ask our pet.? He said with a smile as a giant mechanized Dragon head burst through the ceiling.
Brins and Faye stepped out of their landspeeder at the entrance to a large town in the northern part of the Chinois region. Brins had been reluctant to come here, the news that two weeks into the competition, the Chinois Dodan hadn?t even fought a match. But when the news came of the sudden attacks of the Black Dragons, he knew that something was amiss and had to come. This region was supposed to be one of the most peaceful. A region that still clung to the Sith teachings of a long dead sect. It was noble, simple, and old. The buildings rose in a strange architecture known exclusively for the Far Eastern regions of Iridonia. In all aspects, with the few cities and massive mountains, the land was beautiful. That was before the Black Dragons showed up.
The Black Dragons were a crime organization known for their ruthlessness, but they usually stayed in the southernmost city. What they were doing this far north is what was troubling Brins. Perhaps this would be the region he?d finally get close to Brinis and the Devil Dodan. ?Come. We need to carouse the local bar.? Brins said to Faye as they entered the town.
Inside, Brins immediately started talking to the bar tender a surly man of about 40. ?Hello. Do you know anything of the Black Dragons?? Brins asked
?Oh, you don?t want to talk about them in these parts. Word spreads quickly when someone mentions their name and before you know it, the whole town?s in a mass panic.?
?But why? Are they close?? Brins asked, inquisitively.
?Yeah. The town not ten miles to the northwest of here was hit by them. They burned it to the ground with that huge Dragon machine that they have.? The bartender said in a somber mood.
? So, they are close.? Brins added as he began to rise. ?Faye, we need to lea?? Brins never finished for at that time the roof came crashing down as a giant Dragon head broke through the ceiling.
Once it was inside, the head opened up to reveal a person standing in its jaw. ?I am Si Siicee, Leader of the Black Dragon clan. This town now belongs to us.?
?Oh, yeah?? Brins said as he staggered to a standing position. ?You are also the pilot of the Dragon Dodan, are you not??
?Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?? The man said with an arrogant flair.
?Because I am the pilot of Shining Dodan. And I challenge you to a Dodan fight!?
?I?m sorry, old man. But you won?t live long enough to fight me!? And with that, he hopped out of the massive jaws and ignited the Dragons breath. Flames erupted from the machine and engulfed Brins. ?Heh, I knew he couldn?t handle it.? But the cocky expression on the man?s face soon turned to one of dread as the flames began to disappear as if being absorbed by an unknown force. When they had fully come to stop, the horror of the situation was evident. Brins had used the force to absorb the energy of the flames and was standing there, unscathed. ?What are you??
?I am a Sith Master young man. And I intend to kill you!? Brins said in a cold and evil tone of voice, immense anger seething into him.
?No!? Faye screamed and Brins turned around just in time to see that one of Siicee?s henchmen had grabbed her and was running into the jaws of the Dragon.
As the man entered the mouth, Siicee jumped in himself. ?Sorry, to burn and run, but I?m tired and have a full day of looting tomorrow.?
And like that, they were gone. With Faye.
[face_shocked] Another long one? "You're killing me SMALLS!"-Sandlot I think I may need time to overlook this chapter. I will givre you my imput possibly tonight or tommorrow. Till then...
WOW! Great job! Again another great chapter! Keep up the great work! I love reading this story!
ALEX POST THE NEXT CHAPTER!
I am working on it Very slowly however...
Let's pick up the pace there now Alex!
I am moving as fast as I can move...okay so maybe I am not. So perhaps this may take some time before I may get it up, as I may working on many different other things .
OOC: Okay, I moved "The Captured Fighter" to chapter 5. Also, I want to challenge my readers. I have based all regions of Iridonia on real life countries. My challenge to you is to guess which countries have made appearances.
Chapter 4: Challenge of the Rose Knight
The stadium in the major city of Parisionne in the Franco region of Iridonia was all in an uproar. Today, the most noble and honorable George Dehsahnd was to fight the region leader of Kubaa. The two dodans were standing in the ring while each fighter boarded their craft. George, the man known as the Rose knight, was a noble man who fought for the honor of his region. Which is what made him the best candidate to pilot the Dodan Rose. On the other side of the arena floor stood the Spider Dodan, piloted by Ceasare Gastro. As the Dodan Rose picked George up, he turned and waved to the crowd that in turn erupted into applause. A moment later, he was in the cockpit, and it was time to start the match.
The Dodan Rose was shaped to look like a knight. With its head shaped like a hat, cape and fencing sword, it pulled off this illusion masterfully. Yet, the cape held a few secrets of its own. George started off by charging the Spider Dodan and slicing at it with is sword, but the other fighter jumped to the side and dodged. The battle had begun.
High above the arena, in the local government?s blimp, a young blonde girl was overlooking the fight. Her name was Maria- Looise, and she is the daughter of the regional governor. And, she was in love with George Dehsahnd. With a worried look on her beautiful face, she watched silently as George continued to push himself in his constant quest to defend and prove the honor of his family and region.
The match was nearing its halfway point, and George had begun to gain the upper hand when a small tremor struck the stadium and, with a roar, the Shining Dodan burst from the river and landed in the middle of the stadium?s arena floor. ?George Dehsahnd. I challenge you to a Dodan fight.? Brins said as he stopped the machine.
?I?m afraid I can?t do that, monsieur.? George said as he brought down his sword.
?But why not?? Brins asked.
?Article 5, section 3 of the Dodan fight international rules states that all matches must be one on one.?
?And I don?t intend on letting this match end!? Came a voice from behind and Brins turned around to see the Spider Dodan coming in on him.
?Not so fast!? Brins said, as he let his anger flow into his arm and igniting the shining finger. As the Spider Dodan came in, Brins caught the head with his hand and crushed it. ?Article 6, section 1 says that a Dodan whose head has been removed from the body can not continue any further in the tournament. Now leave George and I to our fight.?
?No, monsieur. I won?t fight anyone that is as barbaric as you are. My honor as a knight is at stake.? As George flew off, he threw what looked to be a metal rose at Brins. Brins reached up with the arm of the Shining Dodan and caught the rose, only for it to explode in his hand and damaging the arm component.
That night, Faye and Brins were back at the old monument they were using as a base of operations. Faye was working on the arm of the Shining Dodan, damaged by the explosion while Brins let his anger show through.
?I can?t believe he just blew me off like that!? Brins said as he kicked the side of the monument.
?Well, you did interrupt and official match.? Faye retorted from the palm of the hand.
?I don?t care about this tournament. We are on a mission!?
?Yes, but I have a feeling that if we try to win this tournament, everything will fall into place in the end.? Faye replied as she peeked over the hand, down at Brins.
Brins sighed. ?I just want to get this over with.?
Faye began to laugh.
?What is so funny?? Brins asked, looking up for the first time.
?You might as well face it, Brins. You are stuck with me for a full year.? Faye added while still laughing.
?And you think this is funny?? Brins inquired.
?What? You don?t think t
Very well written story. I think I may know one country for the moment. Is it Paris? The others I may need to overlook agian.
Just keeps getting better and better
Yes it does... As for our story I am no longer sure as to where I will take it. I am stuck and have a huge case of Writers Block .
Will a shot make it better?!
*gets a shot*
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANYMORE WRITER'S BLOCK!