JCC [Moon Hitler] It's Christmas Time!

John Lewis have released their annual Christmas ad, and what better way to usher in the season than with a bloated, over-indulgent attempt to sell stuff. I may post previous years' ads, but for now this is the one for this year, followed by a nice article from The Grauniad.



John Lewis Christmas advert: who is Moon Hitler?


Why has the old man been sent into space? Is he a war criminal?

How come he’s on the moon? That’s probably the first question you asked yourself upon seeing the new John Lewis advert this morning.
Well, maybe not the first – that was either “What sort of little girl owns such a powerful telescope?” or “How is he still alive without any oxygen? Shouldn’t his skull have exploded in a huge arc of bone and gore the second he took his helmet off, like that bit in Total Recall?” – but it’s likely to be the one that stuck with you.
Clearly, the answer is that the old man is a monster. That’s the only logical explanation. Napoleon only got exiled to a Mediterranean island, for crying out loud, and he was Napoleon. But this guy has literally been jettisoned to the moon. He is hundreds of thousands of miles away from the nearest human. What could he possibly have done to warrant such punishment?
How many people must he have killed? How many lives must have been crushed into nothing under his vicious boot? Is he a war criminal? Is that it? Is he Hitler? Is this whole advert just a berserk wish-fulfilment fantasy about how the international community should have treated Hitler if they had caught him before he killed himself? If that’s the case – as I strongly suggest it is – the advert’s slogan probably should have been revised from “Show Someone They’re Loved This Christmas” to “Don’t Give Balloons To Moon Hitler, You Idiot”.
Even though this reading of the advert is absolutely spot-on, John Lewis could have saved any potential misunderstanding by just reining it in a bit. Because until now, even at their most avant-garde, the store’s Christmas adverts have always somehow managed to be about John Lewis.
There was the advert where a woman aged gracefully, surrounded by John Lewis products. You could reasonably infer that the little boy who couldn’t wait to give his parents their Christmas present bought it from John Lewis. The snowman who somehow gained sentience in a horrifying moment of God-defying witchery still physically ended up in a branch of John Lewis. If you visited John Lewis after watching the penguin advert last year, what could you buy? That’s right, a penguin.

There’s none of that this year. Does John Lewis sell telescopes powerful enough to scan the moon for individual human beings? No. Does John Lewis stock cuddly toys shaped like brokenhearted old men whose milky eyes are full of regret for the atrocities they have definitely committed? No. Not a single frame of this advert is even tangentially related to John Lewis.
Things desperately need to be brought back down to earth next year. Part of me hopes that the big 2016 John Lewis advert is just the guy from the Safestyle double glazing ads standing in a branch of John Lewis shouting “BUY YOUR MUM A KETTLE” over and over again. Because otherwise, at this rate, next year’s advert will be the story of an alcoholic carrot or a plasticine spaniel with abandonment issues or just a damp napkin with a frowny emoji drawn on it, and it’ll be three times longer than it needs to be, and it’ll cost the equivalent of Portugal’s GDP to make, and it’ll be soundtracked by a melancholy plinky-plonk cover of the Big Break theme tune, and we’ll have to go through this palaver all over again. I’m not sure I’ve got the patience for that.
At least the little girl bought him a telescope, though. She could have bought him food, or a companion, or a ticket back to Earth. But no, she bought a telescope, dooming him to spend the rest of his miserable life watching everyone else have much more fun than him. What a fist to the face. Take that, Moon Hitler.



So Merry Christmas, one and all! Only 50 or so days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here, have the Vader version of Moon Hitler!







What is everyone hoping Moon Hitler will bring them this year?

 

It's fun to mock sweet and touching fantasy films by calling their characters mass-murderers! Yay! You have successfully rebelled against kindness!

 

Dear Moon Hitler,

Hogwash Harrington has been a very good boy this. Please bring him:

1. A LEGO Millenium Falcon

2. A new tool bench

3. A chillax pill

4. Mariah Carey's Greatest Hits CD

Love,
Doggy

 

Better now.

 

I think this commercial is even darker than that. It seems to be asking the question "isn't it time to forgive moon hitler?"

John Lewis: hitler apologists.

 

A scene that was eventually cut out would have shown the little girl to be called "Erika Goebbels".

 

And they're back, selling tramapolines!



Badgers are vicious bastards, they'd rip the faces off the foxes.

But they don't know that, do they!

 

I thought this was going to be about Moon Man

 

Badgers are satan's representatives on Earth and must all be shot on sight.

 

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/anima...ike-trampolining-say-hedgehogs-20161110116924

Hitler apologism and encouraging children to abuse hedgehogs and feed foxes' faces to badgers. Shame on you, John Lewis.

 

I still want all those other questions answered, like why is he so comfortable in near total vacuum?

Moon Hitler is obviously an evil extra-terrestrial scout sent to provide advance intel for the invasion of earth and extermination of all life on it. But his telescope broke, so he hasn't been able to do his job. Through an act of extraordinary kindness, a little girl provides the ET with a new telescope. Now he can finish his work and greenlight the invasion.

Goodbye human race.

(and Merry Christmas!)

 

If your assumption that Moon Hitler is in fact an extra-terrestrial, it cannot be assumed that his head would explode in a near total vacuum.

I would have suggested that he perhaps has technology advanced enough that he has some sort of invisible force field protecting him, but then you'd wonder they'd not developed better visual technology than a telescope. Maybe it's like the aliens from signs; sure we can travel faster than light across the galaxy, but doors? Noooooooooooope.

 

The new one is out. And it appears I skipped a year. Oops.




This one isn't bad, but it's no Moon Hitler. Apart from it being a better ad, I also got to upset someone with the OP. And that's always a winner.

 

The way this thread opened I thought it was a rainbow serpent parody

 

I kind of hoped this thread would be Diggy leading JCCers back through time to expose their bottoms to Hitler.

 

I was thinking it'd be about that one Japanese mahjong comic.

 

Die capitalist scum!

 

This is last years one. I didn’t post it because the whole thing was a too close to home metaphor for how I and @Rylo Ken got together, rode each other and then broke up (he snores).

 

I like the Burberry Christmas ad better mainly because M.I.A is

 

My snoring is legendary. if only @Diggy were the first person whose last words to me were "I can't take this **** anymore!"

 

I'm an epic snorer, as well.

 

I'll bet Moon Hitler was too, and that's why he was marooned on desolate lump of rock millions of miles away.