Most Rotten Ideas of 2011: "American Psycho" Remake et al.

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AUGUST: DIRTY DANCING TO GET REMADE TOO; AT LEAST IT WAS, BEFORE FOOTLOOSE CAME ALONG

"And now, back to more remakes. Musicals have always been a bit more prone to remakes than some other genres (except horror, that is). One reason is that changing tastes in music can allow for an old idea to be dusted off in a new genre, as in the various remakes of A Star is Born (which is also being remade by Clint Eastwood, with Beyonce starring, when she's done with her current pregnancy). But in the case of the new plans to remake Dirty Dancing, that's not even the case, as the plan is to go right back to the original early 1960s setting, and use a lot of the same music too. The biggest problem here appears to be pretty simple: who exactly can replace Patrick Swayze? Well, that's Kenny Ortega's conundrum to solve, and the fact that he is the guy behind High School Musical probably gives us a clue: Ortega's choice for the new Johnny Castle more than likely rhymes with Back Saffron."

 

SEPTEMBER: JUST ANOTHER SCARFACE IN THE CROWD

"September may have been a slow month for Fresh Developments, but there were plenty of Rotten Ideas, such as the planned remake of Point Break and the idea of a sequel to Beetlejuice. The most Rotten Idea of the month, however, is arguably indisputable: Universal Pictures is developing a new Scarface. Admittedly, Brian de Palma's 1983 film was itself a remake of the 1932 film starring Paul Muni, but it also has the distinction of becoming a cultural landmark more memorable than the original. The plan this time around is for the new Scarface to represent a different culture than the first two films (Italians and Cubans), although exactly what that might be is not yet known (Russians? Mexicans? Who knows?)."

I am not a fan of the Da Palma version and its one-word screenplay, but Pacino's dynamism in the part would probably be impossible to match.

 

DePalma's Scarface is a remake insofar as it follows the broad-stroke outline of the original: Urban criminal named Tony (who has a scar, you know, on his face) rises to power through violence and trade in a prohibited product; the crimes seen on-screen are based on real events but fictionalized to fit the script; Tony murders his best friend over a secret affair (and marriage) with his (Tony's) sister; Tony holes up in house and sees his sister killed before his enemies do him in.

The rest -- the style, the setting, the characters' names and nationalities, the details of events, the illegal product being sold, the relationships among the characters, the nature of the enemy which ultimately kills Tony, and the manner in which he dies are all distinct from film to film. It's kind of a re-make and on the other hand, no it isn't.

EDIT: If some filmmaker is ambitious enough to attempt to improve on brilliance with an updated, perhaps Mexican setting and characters, bring it on. I'll trash it if it sucks and embrace it if it succeeds.

 

They did keep the Caesar/Lucrezia Borgia incestuous subplot over from the first film...

 

Incestuous perhaps conceptually, but certainly not physically -- in either version.

 

But clearly, in both films, intended to be taken that way. I mean, neither film is particularly subtle in the way that relationship is depicted.

The first film is the better movie by far, economical and taut, where the remake is sprawling and sketchy. But Pacino's astonishing performance in the remake is essential viewing for sure. I doubt they can better either film with another remake.

 

Thank you.

There are a few other performances in the De Palma film that are worthwhile. Namely F. Murray Abraham and Robert Loggia. And the soundtrack is a killer. But beyond that, I'll take the Hawks film every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

 

OCTOBER: HOLLYWOOD'S LOVE AFFAIR WITH HORSEY MOVIES EXTENDS TO MISTER ED TOO

"If there's a trend in Hollywood more annoying to many adults than the constant barrage of remakes from their collective youth, it might very well be talking animal movies, especially when they're also adaptations of TV shows well past their prime. Usually, they manifest as things like the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies. In October, we found out that Fox 2000 and the producer of the Doctor Dolittle and Big Momma's House franchises has his eye on adapting the 1960s TV show Mister Ed. Mister Ed was, of course, an old black and white TV show about a man with a pet horse who could talk, but only talked to him, leaving everyone else to think that Wilbur (the human) was most likely wildly schizophrenic. Or maybe he was?"

 

You can watch it twice in the time it would take you to watch the remake once. At that rate, let's just take it twice everyday, not just Sunday!

As to Mr. Ed, the show is perversely funny if you watch it today and pretend that Wilbur's actually nuts. It's kind of a brilliant show, actually. The movie should take that tack.

 

NOVEMBER: A THIRD TITANS MOVIE BEFORE THEIR WRATH HAS EVEN BEEN RELEASED

"The reason the word "reboot" is being used so often these days instead of "remake" is that the implication of a "reboot" is that it can then lead to new sequels and a new franchise. Warner Bros' remake of Clash of the Titans is an excellent example of that, since the sequel Wrath of the Titans is already on its way on March 30, 2012. Last month, however, Warner Bros revealed their hurried interest in a Titans franchise a bit too overzealously, perhaps, by hiring screenwriters to already start work on a third Clash of the Titans movie. Throw in the fact that the first remake didn't score that well with critics, and the logic behind a third movie before the second one even comes out seems especially shaky."

 

Aren't a lot of these things planned as trilogies anymore? This is honestly par for the course.

 

Oh noes, it didn't score well with the critics?

I suppose those idiots at Warners and Legendary should have completely ignored the nearly half a billion dollars it made internationally, huh.

Still, this whole thing of prepping sequels before the original comes out is particularly dangerous and not entirely necessary, but this is just a script. No problems there.

 

Precisely. Sure, the first one was not all that great a film (I honestly bonded more with the wooden guy who grunted for language than any of the human characters ) but it was pretty dang popular, and the second will probably be too. There's a silly veneer of nostalgia over the original; it's not that good a movie with mind-blowingly awful f/x, especially for a post-Star Wars film. The remake/boot (whatever it is, as I don't think you can "reboot" a single film) is not that much better, but at least it's nice to look at.

 

DECEMBER: REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE NINTH OF DECEMBER

"Okay, so that title probably would have made more sense if V for Vendetta was getting a remake or a sequel, but still, it's a very catchy rhyme, right? Anyway, that week of December 9th saw three different stories being published which all can claim a three way tie for being the most Rotten Idea of the month (especially since it was a short month because of the holidays). Whether you choose the American Psycho remake, Adam Sandler developing a sequel to Grown Ups or Michael Bay returning for the fourth Transformers movie, there's something truly Rotten there for everyone."

 

american psycho was sooooooo good. i don't see how they could top it, even if they made it super-faithful to the book.

 

Most of these ideas are schlocky, if you will, but alot of them arent bad from an investment standpoint, if your step into the shoes of a producer that has a deeper understanding of what makes money in the movie meta:

Lethal Weapon is a lucrative franchise and you can hand off the torch to Rock and a young crazy white cop lol.

I totally see where the premise of The Bodyguard makes women want to spend money.

War Games was (is still) an incredibly prescient film. A seriously approached, well done sequel with as many of the original actors could definitely work. Thats not even a bad idea creatively.

Seven Samurai inspired films are here forever and i would just resign myself to that.

The Clash Of The Titans remake made a boat load of money and a sequel was inevitable.

They've been kicking around the Scarface idea for twenty years. This isnt a new bad idea lol.

I'd love to see American Psycho redone. The original was one of the most disrespected literary adaptations since Jurassic Park.

 

Most of these ideas don't even seem all that inherently bad. They'll probably turn out poorly, yes, but that has rather more to do with the likely execution than the concepts themselves.

 

I dunno, Bayformers 4 is definitely what I'd call inherently bad.

 

Alright, that one I'll grant you.

 

Sandler doing a sequel to Grown Ups? How do you do a sequel to a movie that had no plot?

 

I would hate to be the actor who would attempt to play Bateman after what Christian Bale did with it.
Bale did a great job.

And I also wouldn't want to be that guy because he'd probably have to live at a gym for awhile to
equal Bale's physique in that film. There would inevitably be comparisons.

Christian Bale has got to be one of the most insanely focused actors ever. But that's a good thing.