Movie Quotes, Please

Steve Martin: He says, You've got me all twisted up and the cool points are out the window.
Queen Latifah: Really? (pause) That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.


-Bringing Down the House

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Funniest line ever!

"How was your flight?

Oh, nothing that sleep and a good *$@% wouldn't cure."

-LA Story

"How did the Antichrist [a jeep] climb a tree?"

"Do you know she has flowers on her panties?"

"That explains everything."
--the microbiologist and the bushman-driver The Gods Must Be Crazy


"Difficulties? What 'difficulties'? We hope the public enjoys the movie as much as we have making it!"
--Philipe, "Day for Night"


"Here's a map. And here are the tickets . . ."

"These are tickets to the opera, Mr. Briggs."
--Rose and George, "Enchanted April"

It was wonderful to see Mr. Kitchen in a leading role, in TV's "Foyle's War." I think you can guess my age, viz, "Day for Night."

"I have 13 dead bodies... in my attic... all women... with flashing neon lights on them!"

-Cary Grant, Arsenic and Old Lace

Finally! My kind of site!!

On the topic of 2001: A Space Oddessy...

RealLifeComics

quotes from The Royal Tenenbaums:

Royal: The past six days have been the best six days of probably my whole life.
Narrator: Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.

Eli: I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her. She's married you know.
Richie: Yeah.
Eli: And she's your sister.
Richie: Adopted.

ALL from Bridget Jones' Diary:

Mark Darcy:I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences.... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much.
Bridget Jones: Oh, sure, apart from the smoking, and the drinking, and the vulgar mother, and the verbal diarrhea...
Mark Darcy: No, I like you. Just as you are.

Bridget Jones: Wait a minute... nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark Darcy:Oh, yes, they f-ing do.

Bridget Jones: This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.

Bridget Jones: I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan.

Mark Darcy:Daniel, outside.
Daniel Cleaver: What do you mean, outside? Should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword?

Bridget Jones: Did I really run round your lawn naked?
Mark Darcy:Oh, yes. You were four and I was eight.
Bridget Jones: Well, that's a pretty big age difference. It's quite pervy really.
Mark Darcy:Yes, I like to think so.

Daniel Cleaver: [to Mark Darcy] My, what a gripping life you do lead.

American Psycho-

"Feed me a stray cat."

"You look... marvelous. There's nothing to say."

Strictly Ballroom:

"Having a bit of trouble with your bogo pogo, are you?"

I shall forever be known as the man who opened the door! - Leonardo DaVinci in Ever After

You had the quote right the first time:

"Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for sega"

Via the man himself, the view askew site

the actual sound bite

Some of my favorite lines from movies are the openings:
EDWARD SCISSORHANDS OPENING:
OLD KIM:Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there.
GRANDDAUGHTER:Why is it snowing, grandma? Where does it come from?
OLD KIMh, that's a long story, sweetheart.
GRANDDAUGHTER:I want to hear.
OLD KIMh, not tonight. Go to sleep.
GRANDDAUGHTER:I'm not sleepy. Tell me, please.
OLD KIM:Well, all right. Let's see. I guess it would have to start with scissors.
GRANDDAUGHTER:Scissors?
OLD KIM:Well, there are all kinds of scissors. And once there was even a man who had scissors for hands.
GRANDDAUGHTER:A man?
OLD KIM:Yes.
GRANDDAUGHTER:Hands, scissors?
OLD KIM:No, scissorhands.
You know the mansion on top of the mountain?
GRANDDAUGHTER:It's haunted.
OLD KIM:Well, a long time ago, an inventor lived in that mansion. He made many things, I suppose. He also created a man. He gave him inside, a heart, a brain, everything. Well, almost everything.
You see, the inventor was very old. He died before he got to finish the man he invented. So the man was left by himself, incomplete and all alone.
GRANDDAUGHTER:He didn't have a name?
OLD KIMf course, he had a name. His name was Edward.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST OPENING:
"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter?s night, an old beggar woman came to the castle, and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift, and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.
And when he dismissed her again the old woman?s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late. For she had seen that there was no love in his heart, and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast, and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose that would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time.
As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?"

THE PRINCESS BRIDE OPENING:
Grandfather: I brought you a special present.
Grandson [excitedly] What is it?
Grandfather: Open it up.
[The Grandson opens it]
Grandson: A book?
Grandfather: That's right, when I was your age, television was called books, and this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father...and today, I'm going read it to you.
Grandson: Does it got any sports in it?
Grandfather: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, Giants, Monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
Grandson: It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.
Grandfather: Oh, well, thank you very much. That's very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. Oh...alright. The Princess Bride by S. Morgenstern, Chapter one.
[The Story begins...]
Grandfather: Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. Her favorite past-times were riding her horse and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was Westley. But she never called him that.
Isn't that a wonderful beginning?
Grandson: Yeah...it's really good.

This may not be entirely accurate, but I think it is close. It's my al time favorite non StarWars non Monty Python scene.

Are you the Miracle Max that worked for the King all those years?

The Kings stinking son fired me, and thank you for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it why don't you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice over it! We're closed!

[more knocking]

Beat it or I'll call the Brute Squad!

I'm on the Brute Squad.

You ARE the Brute Squad!

[I can't remember this line]...I'll probably kill whoever it is you want me to miracle.

But he's already dead.

He is huh, bring him in, I'll have a look at him.

[my memory is a bit foggy in here]

Do you have any money?

65

Never have I worked for so little, except for once which was a very noble cause.

This is noble sir, his wife is crippled, children are on the brink of starvation.

Are you a rotten liar! He probably owes you money, well let's find out what he has to say.

He's dead he can't talk.

Woohohoo look who knows so much, it just so happens that you friend here is only mostly dead. There is a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please open his mouth. See, moslty dead he's slightly alive; all dead there's really only one thing you can do.

What is that?

Go through his clothes and look for loose change. [Pause] Hey! Hello in there! What's so important, what you got here that's worth living for?

[grunt] Troooo Luuuvvv

True Love you heard him? You could not ask for a more noble cause than that!

True love is the greatest thing in the world, except for a nice MLT; mutton lettuce and tomato where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato's ripe. But that's not what he said, He distinctly said "to blave" and we all know to blave means to bluff. You we were probably playing cards and he cheated.

Liar! Lia-aarr!

Get back witch!

I'm not a witch I'm your wife, and after what you just said I'm not even sure I want to be that any more!

You never had it so good!

He said true love Max! You see, ever since Prince Humperdink fired him his confidence was shattered.

Why did you say that word, you promised me you would never say that word!

What, Humperdink?

Ahh!

Humperdink, Humperdink, Humperdi-ink, Humperdink-Humperdink! Your old life is expiring and you don't even have the decency to say why you won't help them!

This is Buttercup's true love! You heal him, he will stop Humperdink's wedding!

That is a noble cause, give me the 65, I'm on the job!

[Later]

The chocolate coating makes it go down easier, but you have to wait 15 minutes for potency and you shouldn't let him go swimming for at least an hour.

Yeah an hour.

Thank You for everthing!

Bye Bye boys, have fun storming the castle! Think it will work?

It would take a miracle. Bye Bye!

Ok I saw this again on tv tonight...My best friend and I could NEVER understand why Andie didn't choose Duckie. I still don't....Poor duckie I can NEVER see that scene where Duckie lip syncs to ?Try a Little Tenderness? too many times?. Wow.

Duckie: Here?s the point, I?m not particularly concerned if you like me, cause I live to like you. And I can?t like you anymore.

Duckie: He?s gonna use your ass & throw you away, I would have died for you.

Duckie: So when you get your heart splattered all over hell and you need someone to pump you up, don?t look to me. Cause maybe for once in your life I wont be there.

Duckie talking to himself in the mirror:Oh God, I love this woman. I love this woman and I have to tell her. And if she laughs, she laughs, and if she doesn't love me, she doesn't love me. Oh God I love her so much.

Andie:I hope I'm not the only one in the world that knows what an incredible person you are.
Duckie:Well at this time, you are.

Iona: Does he have... strong lips?
Andie: How can you tell?
Iona: Did you feel it in your knees?
Andie: I felt it everywhere.
Iona: Strong lips.
[laughs]
Iona: I know I'm old enough to be his mother, but when the Duck laid that kiss on me last night, I swear my thighs just went up in flames! He must practice on melons or something.

Duckie: What now?
Andie: Bed.
Duckie: Yours or mine? Ours? Can I at least have a ride home?

Andie: You know your talking like that just because I'm going out with Blane
Duckie: His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!

Duckie: You know what an older women does for me?
Iona: Changes your diapers?
Duckie: Touché.

Steff: I've been out with a lot of girls at this school. I don't see what makes you so different.
Andie: I have some taste.

Duckie:Hey, drinking & driving don't mix. That's why I ride a bike!

Iona:Oh, why can't we start old and grow young?

Iona:Either it's all the drugs I took in the 60's or I am really in love.

Andie:I just wanna let them know that they didn't break me.....(cue the "If you leave" music)...

While watching the italian job, I was so shocked I almost fell out of my seat, because they used a line I had only see in someone's fan fic. I have used that line many times in profiles and such and believe what it says. I don't remember the exact line in the movie, but basically this is what it says.

You know what fine means. Freaked out, Insecure, Nerotic and Emotional.

So whenever I use the word fine, that is what I mean.

Oh I loved that movie!! Jason Statham is smokin hot!
I think the scenes where Seth Green makes fun of him and the chick are the greatest!

Speaking of Jason movies.....While the plot was TERRIBLE in the Transporter, he is shirtless 90% of the movie and it was pretty action packed...(so of course I have it on dvd)

But the absolute BEST is Snatch. I LOVE that movie. Lock Stock was great but Snatch was absolutely hilarious!

Pretty much any quote from Sgt. Hartman in Full Metal Jacket would work here but I can't post them.

From Blazing Saddles:

Lamarr:My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

Taggart: Gal-darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a 20-dollar whore.

"Truly, Madly, Deeply"

The scene: Jamie (Alan Rickman) has just returned from the dead. Nina (Juliet Stevenson) collects the laundry on the line in her backyard. Jamie sits at the top of the steps, watching her and grouching about how "everything" is in an awful state.

J: I blame the government.
N: What?
J: The government.
N: What's the government got to do with anything?
J (walks down the steps, snatches the laundry from N): I hate the bastards.

N: You die and you're still into party politics?
J (top of the steps): I still attend meetings ...
N (laughing): Oh, God.
J: ... Which is more than can be said for some people.
N (laughing): Ohh hooo hooo.

The Winslow Boy (1999)

Grace Winslow: You don't behave as if you are in love.

Catherine Winslow: How does one behave as if one is in love?

Arthur Winslow: [Looks at the book Catherine is reading] One doesn't read "The Social Evil and The Social Good." One reads Lord Byron.

And the *great* finale:

Sir Robert Morton: Oh, you still pursue your [suffragette] activities?

Catherine Winslow: Oh yes.

Sir Robert Morton: Pity. It's a lost cause.

Catherine Winslow: Oh, do you really think so, Sir Robert? How little you know about women. Good-bye. I doubt that we shall meet again.

Sir Robert Morton: Oh, do you really think so, Miss Winslow? How little you know about men.

THANK YOU! ANDIE SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN DUCKIE!! HE WAS THE GREATEST!!!

At least SOMEBODY gets that. geez. Blane is a dork. Duckie was her lobster.

"The saddest thing in life is wasted Talent." ~ Robert De Niro ~ A Bronx Tale


"Say Hello to my little friend!!!" ~Al Pacino ~ Scarface

"Leave the gun, take the Cannoli." ~ Clemenza ~ The Godfather Part I

"He's a very scary guy." ~ Michael Corleone ~ The Godfather Part I

"I believe in America." ~ Bonasera ~ The Godfather Part I

"Aww man, I shot Marvin in the face." ~ Vincent Vega ~ Pulp Fiction

"Two years, I had this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my a$$." ~ Captain Koons ~ Pulp Fiction

One of my favorite movie lines ever, since the first time I saw the movie...

From the movie SAY ANYTHING,
John Cusack standing in the pouring rain, on the payphone to his sister, crying:
"I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen"

It breaks my heart every time I see that part.