Beyond Moving on, A Tahiri Viggie

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Tahiri_Rose, Oct 4, 2005.

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  1. Tahiri_Rose Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 22, 2004
    star 1
    This is just a Tahiri Viggie that I wrote that shows her moving onwards after Anikins death. She was only about 15/16 and as much as the pain hurts I strongly belive that she will move on. This is just my take on it. Its set an unspecified number of years after TUF.




    I?ve realised something as I sit here and look out the window. I?ve realised something that I?ve always known. I sit here and I look out, waiting for something, I don?t quite know what. Well, if I am honest with myself, I know that I am waiting for him. Waiting for him to walk back into my life, to say that it had been some terrible mistake, that somehow against all the odds he survived, that the hero blood that flowed in his veins sustained him.

    I know he?s not coming back.

    I realised that when they burnt his body, not one recovers from that. Not even a Skywalker-Solo. I realise that I will always be less because of his loss from my life. Yet I realise that I will always be more for the time that we spent together and the days in each others company.

    Yet still I sit and I wait, for him, not for him, but for the hope that he represented. For the security I felt with him. The knowledge that when you were around him you were a part of something more than yourself, something greater, that you associated with Hero?s and Hero?s sons.

    I loved him.

    I know that for a fact. He was the first one to befriend me, to have fun with me. He was my first crush, my first kiss. He was always the first for me, the first to rescue me, to welcome me. The first person I truly lost.

    The first one to break my heart, to cause me to suffer pain. No fifteen year old should have to confront the reality of death.

    I knew death existed. I grew up with the Tuskan Radars. I lost my parents, but I did not understand. Death was a part of the desert, the ever present threat. It was a necessity. His death wasn?t. It was a waste. It was different.

    We were trying something that hadn?t been done before, going into the Yuuzhan Vong?s space. Attacking them. Well maybe it had been tried but not at this scale. It worked. We won. But at a cost.

    He would have said it was something worth doing, it was worth the price. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. It would have worked or failed. We could have learnt from their mistake. I suppose that?s the price you pay for hanging around with heroes. They always try something different.

    I feel like I?ve lived a lifetime, that I?ve experienced everything there is to experience in this world, the highs, the lows. I?ve loved and lost, I?ve killed, been shaped, had a skitsaphrenic breakdown, come out half-human half-Yuuzhan Vong. I?ve had a full and broad range of experiences.

    But I realised that I?m still only young, that I have perhaps another 50 years to live if I?m lucky, or unlucky as the case may be. I will forever love Him, that he will never leave me, but I know that there is life beyond. He will be with me always.

    I seek someone to share this with, someone who can understand who I am and where I have come from and what I have gone through. I do not fear pain, I welcome it. It is a way of feeling of feeling alive. Yet as I feed of the pain a part of me yearns for this understanding, for this hope.

    I?ve realised I?m falling in love again.

    This time it?s different, It?s slower, gentler. Its about companionship, friendship. Shared experiences and knowledge. It?s about accepting and moving on. He understands. It is not as passionate as the first time, not as deep. Yet it is there. It will not replace the love that I have for Ani, nor will it change it. It is a different kind of love.

    Mostly it is hope.
    />
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