Saga Much Like Suffocating (Anakin vig)

Much Like Suffocating

Summary: Anakin's homesick.
Timeframe: pre-AOTC
Characters: Anakin Skywalker
Genre: Angsty Angst
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Not mine. I wish.
Author's Note: Short and unbetaed. Be kind. edit: Oops! Forgot to say that the title is from Chevelle's "Send the Pain Below."


When he walks through the Jedi Temple, he is surrounded by peace and beauty. The halls are bathed with soft light that beckons to the Jedi, and embraces them as they find their way home from a long mission.

He raises his hand, studying its soft glow and noting the harsh lines that have appeared over the years. He used to be proud of all the nicks and cuts, back when they seemed to mean something. Back when the blood that dripped had bonded him with the things he loved most.

Why does he bleed now? So that some slimy little politician can make his way back to his palatial estate, and pass more legislation that will ignore the plight of those whose only crime was to be born outside of Republic jurisdiction?

The hand becomes a fist, squeezing out the light to clutch at shadows.

The Jedi Temple is where he lives, but it is not home. No amount of amenities will keep him from crying into his pillow at night. Daily he begs his master to take on another assignment, anything that will get them out of these walls and into the open sky, if only for a few days. In between missions, he avoids the viewbays that look out over the sprawling metropolis of Coruscant, hoping that the lack of temptation will curb his anxiety.

And though he visits with a friend or two during his stays at the Temple, he does so reluctantly, departing their company while barely restraining his anger. These are no friends. They are not the companions of his youth who believed in him, who laughed at his dreams but still took his words seriously. These people at the Temple, padawans and masters alike, they are all fixed for the same goal. And even those who are not so sure they want that achievement strive for it all the same, for it has not occurred to them that their lives could be different.

It happens occasionally that a friend, or even his own master, will ask him to share his thoughts. In the beginning it was easy to tell them about his home, his friends, his mother. It was not so easy to take in their simple responses of, ?Oh, that?s nice.? It doesn?t bother him so much anymore, since it is clear to him that they are just not interested in hearing about the time he tried to rewire his podracer to run with a variety of power cells but ended up blowing off a whole engine.

No, the others are much more eager to hear about the exciting mission of a padawan who braved death to rescue his master, dodging laser blasts while his lightsaber struggled not to short out. The thrill of podracing is nothing compared to this feat. He tries to emulate it on his own missions but is unable to put his heart into the effort. Furthermore, such antics receive a stern lecture from his master. As a result, he stops speaking of his past and instead focuses on the present, dragging himself through each day.

He is tired of the lectures. He is tired of being misunderstood. He is tired of no one listening to him. And though there are a slew of mechanics who work inside the Temple, talking to them is never the same as talking to the mechanics who spent their lives fixing up junked spacecraft. He wants to go back home, to hear his friends say that they missed him, to feel his mother?s pride and love when she wraps her arms around him.

But they will never let him go for such a silly reason. Instead, he is to direct all his energy to fulfilling some role that he doesn?t understand and that no one will explain to him. He is to present himself in such a manner that does not show his distress over his current situation, for the masses respond enthusiastically to a noble and confident Jedi, not a sullen padawan who talks like a spare parts dealer on Tatooine. He is told to improv

 

Wow, Jade. You've really captured his frustration and the building anger that eventually erupts. That was really spectacularly written.

 

That's realy powerful. I haven't read Anakin's isolation from the temple that way before. It was very moving. I liked the symmertry between the light and dark as well.

 

Wow, Jade, that was great. The anger and the frustration were so well captured. If you want to write Anakin vigs 'til the cows come home, feel free.

Shaindl

 

Loved it, Jade. The weariness and anger that Anakin seems to feel at the same time are very well shown. He does what he is asked to do, but he will never believe in it and he will never truly serve the Jedi. I always like stories like that, which show that it's not always the Jedi-view, which is right, but that make you sympathise with others. The whole mood is extremely tragic without the story being a tear-jerker. Very well done.

 

Lovely, Jade!

Poor Anakin. I feel sorry for him.

 

That was awesome, JadeSolo! I could really feel Anakin's pain.

Uppies!

JS

 

That's very good. I like your portrayal. I think Anakin must be very lonely.

 

Nicely done, Jade! I really liked the way you captured Anakin's frustration and 'differentness' from the other Jedi. His whole existance has been skewed into reality while the Jedi live in their ivory towers and don't know how real people live.

Great job!

 

Poor Anakin! You did such a great job capturing his frustration and saddness, and how nobody understands him.

Great job.

 

Very nice.

 

Nicely done! A very good read. You captured his emotions really well.

 

Oh, I love this. A lot. I really like this view of Anakin, you can see how much anger and frustration he's holding in. Poor boy.

 

His ?arrogance? has become an issue, they say. They all wonder if perhaps his time on Tatooine fostered that superior attitude.

Tatooine, Tatooine, Tatooine, Tatooine, it is all because of Tatooine that he is an inadequate padawan. No amount of intelligence, passion, or talent will ever make up for the fact that he dares to not only think but also act differently. In the end, he has little choice left when it comes to his future.



Excellent insights!! Very well done.

 

Coolness. You made me feel sorry for Anakin. A feat that still escapes his creator.

No, seriously, excellent vignette, Jade. You did an excellent job showing an isolated, unhappy, misunderstood Anakin.

KD

 

Time for amusing author replies. Ha! I make myself laugh a lot.

LE - Aww, thanks. I was hoping I got the frustration part right.

Hananiah - I haven't read Anakin's isolation from the temple that way before. I got inspiration from living at home.

Shaindl - Don't say that! I live near a lot of cows!

Indra - The whole mood is extremely tragic without the story being a tear-jerker. Damn, I still can't make people cry.

He does what he is asked to do, but he will never believe in it and he will never truly serve the Jedi.

This I agree with. I do believe that kind of like Qui-Gon, he would serve an ideal form of the Jedi, where they're not always so attached to the whims of the government. I don't think he's wrong for not ever completely serving the Jedi, because let's face it, they're a little messed up as an Order.

Kma - Good. You're supposed to feel sorry for him.

Jazz_Skywalker - Oooh, an up! Thanks!

Dally - I think Anakin must be very lonely. I think so, too.

diane - Everything you said, yes. So then I must not be the only one who finds it a little strange that the Jedi forbid possession but live in a palace.

Noi - Thanks.

Leona - Thank you so much.

OE - Is that all you can say? Are you pulling a Birdy?

JMT000 - Thanks!

Analise - Poor boy. People keep saying that, and it never helps him. What's up with that?

RS77 - Thank you!

KD - A feat that still escapes his creator. Ha! For my next trick, I will make Padme emote...


Thank you all for reading. Especially since I was using this to vent out some personal frustrations. It is all Obi-Wan's fault!

 

I really liked this. You really got into Anakin's head and showed what it was like before his anger took over and erupted. The way he thought of Tatooine, the way he thought os the other Jedi- all exceptionally written. And the way he never releases his fist at the end...how telling. Just...excellent. Wonderful job.