Story [Multi-Fandom] It's a Drabble! (12/31: "The Giving of Thanks" (Guardians of the Galaxy))

Title: The Batman's in Action
Fandom: Batman (1966)


"Begorrah, Caped Crusader!" gasped Chief O'Hara. "It's that dastardly doer of devilish deeds, the Joker!"

Batman blushed beneath his cowl. "Uh, yes, that's certainly the Joker."

"Aren't you gonna stop him?"

"Right!" Batman waited for the light, crossed the street to where Alfred, in full make-up, was prancing along, and punched him.

* * *

"Gosh, Bruce, I'm grateful you and Alfred are helping me like this!"

Alfred nodded. "We know you didn't mean to back over the Joker with the Batmobile, Master Dick."

"He'll be out of traction in three months," Batman added. "A little Bat Amnesia Spray, and our secret's safe."

 

Title: A Sharper Image
Fandom: World of Warcraft


The farmer led his cart through the Trade District, but his eyes were on everything and everyone else around him. Stormwind seemed so different now, and he didn't understand what had caused this sudden transformation.

He felt a heavy gauntlet drop onto his shoulder. "Can I help you, sir?" asked one of the city's many security forces. "You seem a bit lost."

The farmer replied, "No, thank you. It's just that lately it's like everything on Azeroth is sharper and more detailed, and I'm still getting used to it."

"I see, sir. Tell me, are those new glasses you're wearing?"

 

Title: Pure Profit
Fandom: Firefly


Mal strode down to the edge of the loading ramp. Serenity was hovering several meters off the ground, but he showed no fear. "Ain't she a beautiful sight?" he asked.

Jayne, who stayed at the top of the ramp, glanced over at Zoe, then to Mal. "Ain't what a beautiful sight?"

"Ice," explained Zoe.

"We're standing," Mal added, "over one of the biggest, purest glaciers in this area of space. Plenty of people're willing to pay top dollar for however much we can carry back to their worlds."

Jayne shrugged. "Sounds stupid."

Zoe replied, "Stupid money spends good as smart."

 

that is one true statement.

 

Seriously, though Seems like an easy way to make a profit!

 

Thanks, everyone.

Title: Catch of the Day
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: First


The Doctor turned to Ian and Barbara and grinned smugly. "I promised I would get you home, and now here you are."

"And we're not shrunken or invisible or trapped in a time bubble of some sort?" asked Ian. "There isn't some compelling reason why we can't go back to our old lives?"

"Absolutely none," the Doctor declared. He clutched at his lapels triumphantly. A second later, a light on the console started blinking, and something else started beeping. "Ah."

Barbara asked, "What's wrong?"

"This may not be Earth or the twentieth century after all, but a theme park facsimile."

 

Yup, and I know exactly which one.

 

Title: Diplomatic Brief
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine


The ambassador waddled forward and raised two of his six tentacles. "Ah, greetings, Commander Sisko! Welcome to our humble diplomatic battle cruiser. We are so pleased to be given this chance to dock at one of your Federation's grandest stationary platforms!"

Ben tried to hold back his irritation and resist the urge to correct the ambassador's mistake. "Thank you for the honor. I must point out," he added, giving up the fight, "that I'm a captain, not a commander."

"A million apologies! I should have known from how your hair has all moved down to the front of your head!"

 

Excellent. The things a Commander, erm, Captain has to put up with.

 

Title: Beautiful Creatures
Fandom: Red Dwarf


"Mister Rimmer, sir, you simply cannot shoot that beautiful creature!" insisted Kryten. "I- I won't let you."

Rimmer barked out a single laugh. "Listen, Kryters," he said, "that's not a creature. It's a mechanoid representation of an animal, and frankly not a very good one. What's it supposed to be, anyway?"

"A wolf, I believe," answered Kryten. "But that's beside the point. I think it's a work of great craftsmanship."

"That's going to try to eat us any second now, unless we shoot it."

Kryten huffed. "Well, if you're going to insist on emphasizing the negative aspects of the situation."

 

Title: A Short Chat
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother


"Kids, I know it seems like I spent years trying to convince you to let me start dating your Aunt Robin, but you know how that's gone."

"They're not allowing her conjugal visits anymore?"

"Not since she orchestrated that riot. But it's more that we've been growing apart as people. And I've found someone else."

"It's not Aunt Lily, is it?"

"Uncle Marshall's not dead! He's just in a vegetative coma!"

"No, kids, it's not Lily. You see, it all started about six years ago, when Robin and I first got back- got back- got- why is everything going dark?"

 

Oooooh, Ted. I hated the way the show ended

 

Title: Stuck in the Middle
Fandom: Archer


The Russian gripped the railing with one fat paw and used the other to point as he yelled down, "You will rue the day, Sterling Ezekiel Archer, that you sought to mess with-"

Lana shot back, "That's not even close to his actual middle name!"

"Hush!" Sterling whispered. "It's way better than Malory!"

"I don't care!" the Russian screamed. "Malory, really? Anyway, as I was shouting... where did I leave off?" He shrugged. "No matter. You'll be dead soon." Without another word, he turned and left.

"Are you happy, Lana?" cried Sterling. "He never got around to saying his name!"

 

Title: No True Scotsman
Fandom: Archer


"Why," Malory Archer screamed, "did you chop off Angus' head?"

Sterling dropped his sword to the carpet. "Because he's a Highlander, mother! Now stand back, because there's going to be a Quickening!"

"A what now?"

He explained, "Lightning shoots out of his body, and his immortal powers are transferred to any other Highlanders in the area. Don't you know anything?"

For a long moment, they stared down at the headless corpse, but the only thing coming out of it was blood, and even that had slowed. Malory poured herself a new drink. "You're paying for my new rug," she hissed.

 

Title: Circulatory Inspiration
Fandom: Community


Dean Pelton spun in a circle, his ermine cape billowing around him. "I have inside me the blood of kings!" he exclaimed, clumsily waving his plastic scepter. "And you can too, if you come out and donate in the Greendale Spring Blood Drive!"

"Wouldn't that only work if we were the ones taking the blood instead of donating it?" asked Annie.

"And if the people donating were kings," Troy added.

Abed wondered, "Dean, did you think of using the Queen lyric and then come up with the costume, or was it the other way around?"

"I honestly don't remember anymore."

 

Title: Like Fish
Fandom: Gotham


Even before he'd waddled into the room, Oswald knew whom he would find inside. Nodding to the two men in turn, he said, "Hello, Don Falcone, Mayor James."

"Aubrey, this," explained Falcone, "is Oswald Cobblepot. He works for Maroni." While the mayor was shaking Oswald's hand, Falcone sniffed the air. "Why do you smell like Fish?"

Oswald shrugged. "It's the lilac."

"He meant the animal, moron," snapped the mayor. "The one that swims in the ocean that you eat with tartar sauce."

Falcone said, "No, the kid was right the first time. I meant Mooney."

Oswald grinned but said nothing.

 

Title: A Current Event
Fandom: The Addams Family



The current arced up through his entire body and sent sparks flying from his eyes for almost a full minute before the power went out. In the darkness, his body tumbled to the floor.

A moment later, a voice called out, "So, Fester, what did you think?"

"It was a little stronger than I thought it'd be, Gomez," he replied. "So yeah, I liked it. Can we go again?"

"Maybe later. I think your robe's smoldering," Gomez said. Just then, Fester's clothes burst into flame.

After he'd patted out the fire, Fester chuckled, "You know, I thought I'd smelled something."

 

Title: Flash Flood
Fandom: James Bond


Bond stared down at the body and shrugged. Soon, the pounding rains would fill the ravine enough to lift up the waterlogged corpse and wash it further downstream, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Not anymore.

Less than an hour ago, before she'd died - before he'd killed her himself - he would have cared very much. But after he'd discovered her betrayal, she became just another enemy, then just another lifeless husk.

He stayed there, staring silently, until the body was taken by the floodwaters, then turned up his collar and walked away. No, he definitely didn't care at all.

 

Title: Shawn's Unplugged
Fandom: Psych


Henry pointed at the unplugged minifridge sitting in the corner of his son's latest apartment. "Shawn," he yelled, "why haven't you thrown that old thing away yet?"

"That's just what people ask me about you," Shawn retorted.

"They do not."

"They absolutely do, Dad," he said. "Just the other day, someone asked me that very question, word for word, and they definitely meant you."

"That never happened, Shawn, and you still haven't answered my question."

"Look inside."

Henry opened the fridge, and some of the dozens of bundled pairs of socks fell out.

Shawn grinned. "Don't you feel silly now?"

 

Thanks.

Title: Golddigger
Fandom: Beware the Batman


Magpie leaned in close. "Oooh," she whispered, grinning. "Shiny, shiny."

"You like 'em?" asked Tobias Whale. "That's real gold."

She nodded and licked her lips, her gaze not straying.

After a moment, he said, "Lady, you're starting to worry me a little. Even my dentist never stared at my teeth this much."

"I want them."

"Well, you can't have 'em!" he yelled. "They're my teeth, I'm using them, and there ain't nothing you can do about it!"

She held up a pair of pliers and repeated, "I want them now."

"You're cute, baby, but you are one stone cold freak!"

 

Title: Myth or Legend
Fandom: Knight Rider


Vito dropped the report on Mr. Andriesson's desk. "We had the boys in the computer department check out this Michael Knight character, boss. They say it doesn't add up, that his whole identity is a fake."

Andriesson didn't bother opening the folder. "Knight's not real?"

"No more than Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny." Vito chuckled.

"So is the guy fake or not?" asked Andriesson.

"Huh?"

"Which is it, Vito? Is he as phony as Santa or as the Easter Bunny? Because we both know that only one of those is fake."

Vito scratched his head. "We do? Which one?"

 

OK... Only one...

 

Title: One-Hacked Play
Fandom: Better Off Ted


The lights flickered back on for a moment before going off again. "Perhaps," Ted mused aloud, "putting controls for the lights and doors on the internet wasn't the wisest course."

Veronica retorted, "Welcome to the twenty-first century, Ted."

"I can't help feeling partially responsible," said Linda.

"Right, because it was your little skit at the holiday party," Veronica replied, "that led some petty third-world tyrant to declare war on Veridian and hire Chinese hackers to lock us all in."

"I guess it sounds silly when you put it like that."

"No, Linda, I meant it. All this is your fault."