Story [Multi-Fandom] It's a Drabble! (12/31: "The Giving of Thanks" (Guardians of the Galaxy))

Title: Secondary Identification and Substitution
Fandom: Community


As Britta and Shirley entered the cafeteria, they saw a young man whom neither recognized sitting at a table with Abed. Suddenly, the man rose and stormed past them, muttering.

"Abed, what happened?" asked Britta a moment later.

Shirley added, "Who was that?"

Abed shrugged. "Some guy. Sophomore, I think. I didn't catch his name. I know that it wasn't Coy or Vance, though."

"Why would you know that?" wondered Britta.

"Because I asked," he answered. "Troy goes away, and a suspiciously similar substitute starts being nice to me from out of nowhere. Coy and Vance seemed like logical guesses."

 

Awww, I love Abed!

 

Title: Oh, for O2
Fandom: The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley


"I must say this is a fine predicament if ever I've seen one, and I have, you know, because I've seen this one, and no mistake."

"Mr. Grimley!" hissed the voice of Mission Control. "You're using up what little oxygen you have left! You must avoid any unnecessary words or movements."

"Right, shutting up now. You'll not hear another word from me," Ed said. "Nope, not one."

"Grimley!"

"Right!" Ed mimed zipping his lips.

Mission Control instructed, "Find the switch marked 'Oxygen' and turn it back to the 'On' position."

Ed flipped the switch. "Can I talk now?"

"Please don't."

 

Title: Stick the Landing
Fandom: Superman


His cape billowing behind him, Superman flew straight toward the building and crashed through a window almost eighty stories above the streets of Metropolis. He hit the floor hard and rolled forward, smashing several desks and sending others flying across the room. Just before he reached the far side and went right out another window, he managed to slow to a stop. After a moment, he stood, staggering slightly.

"Sorry, folks," he announced. He tried to take a step, and he stumbled to his knee. "I've had a bit of an inner ear imbalance today, ever since my morning swim."

 

Fun superhero foible there.

 

Thanks.

Title: The Pitfalls of Protocol
Fandom: Doctor Who


"Your Majesty." Romana stepped forward and introduced herself, holding out one hand. Almost immediately, she realised the blunder she had made and started to pull the hand back, but it was too late.

"What are you doing?" the monarch shouted.

"I apologise," she said. "It's a custom among the Earth people to-"

"Yes, of course!" Sarcasm oozed from the king's voice. "'Look at me! I'm a human! See my appendages! Aren't they beautiful! And I can use them too!"

The rest of the sluglike courtiers joined in the taunting. "Do you want to wave the other three at us too?"

 

Title: Straight-Up Fools
Fandom: Psych


The Gusters found Henry and Shawn waiting for them at the hospital. "Burton's in with the doctors now," Henry answered before the question was asked.

"He kinda broke both legs," added Shawn.

Winnie glowered. "What's 'kinda' mean?"

"He broke both legs," answered Henry. "Two fractured tibias and one fibula."

"How did this happen?" inquired Bill.

Shawn started to say, "We were trying to-" before Henry clapped a hand over his mouth.

"The boys were trying to make vertical leaps like Wonder Woman on TV," he told them.

"Wonder Woman?" Winnie shouted.

Bill nodded sagely. "She does jump a lot, dear."

 

Title: Judge Not
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Eleventh


The Doctor barked out a laugh and threw the message cube over his shoulder. "Well," he declared, "that was vaguely interesting."

Clara asked, "You're not thinking of accepting their invitation, are you?"

"No!" He leapt to his feet and began pacing around the console. "No, of course not. Absolutely, a thousand times no! It's obviously a trap!"

"Well, obviously," agreed Clara.

"Trust me," he continued, "if the Daleks are asking me to be a judge on Skaro's Got Talent, it's all part of some elaborate trap. Don't believe me? Right, I'll prove it to you! Off to Skaro we go!"

 

Great spoof of reality shows.

 

Of course Silly Doctor!

 

Thanks.

Title: Unfit to Imprint
Fandom: Doctor Who


"The world was stunned today when, at a press conference to outline his 'bold new policy direction for the UK,' Prime Minister Ramsay Bennett transformed into an alien being."

* * *

"How," Stivon hissed, "did my disguise fail? Even if you had removed Bennett from the machine, I would have retained his form until after the press conference."

"It didn't fail."

Stivon yelled, "Bennett!" as the new arrival entered the holding cell.

"Guess again." The 'prime minister' shifted his shape to become a perfect double of Stivon. And then he became a large penguin. "Never," Frobisher said, "try to copy a copycat."

 

Huh? A penguin for a prime minister. And now who's actually running the U.S. Congress?

 

I second Nyota!

 

Title: The Spreading Flame
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer


Flames rose up in front of the doorway and spread into the room, pushing everyone back. "Is there another way out?" Willow asked.

"You know," Xander said, "we could just walk through the fire."

He was about ready to sing when Buffy hissed, "One note, and I'll stake you."

Dawn pouted. "I like that song. I have it on my iPod."

"What?" yelled Buffy.

"Sweet's put literally thousands of songs up on iTunes," Dawn explained. "He's probably made like a million dollars."

"And you've supported him?" Willow wondered.

Dawn shrugged. "They're cool songs."

Xander asked, "Can we sue for royalties?"

 

Title: Lines of Non-Communication
Fandom: Guardians of the Galaxy


Peter trudged into the Milano's cockpit and slumped into the copilot's seat.

Gamora asked, "What is bothering you this time?"

"What makes you think something's the matter?"

"She has eyes," Drax replied.

"All right," Peter replied, pointedly addressing only Gamora. "I thought it'd be a good idea to teach Groot how to write."

Drax asked, "Write?"

Peter still didn't look at him. "Write, type, whatever. The point was I wanted to give him a way besides speech to communicate with us."

"Let me guess," said Gamora. "All he can write is, 'I am Groot'?"

"Don't get ahead of the story!"

 

This is great! I love Peter And, of course, Groot

 

Thank you. I wrote it the same day I saw the movie.

Title: The Chased
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Eleventh


The Doctor pulled Amy and Rory into an alley, and they hid as the screaming crowds raced past. Once the last stragglers had gone by, Rory was the first to poke his head out. "Why does everyone everywhere want to kill you, Doctor?"

"That's not what they wanted," Amy said.

"I swear, save a planet seven times," groused the Doctor, "and suddenly you have fangirls. I'm so glad I've never had this problem on Earth." He glanced at Amy. "Well, almost never."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

Rory said, "I love you, but you are a complete fangirl."

 

LOL Amy's busted

 

Title: Helps the Medicine Go Down
Fandom: Pacific Rim


Raleigh threw his helmet across the room. "But we closed the rift! We destroyed the kaiju! What did Stacker give his life for if they could just build new ones later?"

Tendo showed him the printout. "He bought us two years. And all the rifts we've found have been way too small for even a Category One to get through."

"So what are we doing about it?" asked Raleigh.

"Ever try to feed a dog pills?"

* * *

"You're confiscating my whole collection?" groaned Hannibal Chau.

The bureaucrat handed him a receipt. "Just the chunks big enough to hide a nuke in."

 

The day after I watched Pacific Rim for the first time, I followed up by watching Gamera (not for the first time).

Title: The 50-Meter Turtle
Fandom: Gamera / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


The flying object hadn't remained unidentified for long. The green shell and four fiery jets could only belong to Gamera. And he was about to take Manhattan.

* * *

April stood on the station's roof, watching Gamera's attack from a safe distance. "What's going on?" a familiar voice asked.

She spun around; Leonardo and the others were standing behind her. "You guys shouldn't be out here! With Gamera wreaking havoc-"

"Right," said Rafael, "humans are going to assume that because one turtle has turned evil, they all must be. That's called racism, April."

Donatello asked, "How's that different from any other day?"

 

Title: Rasp of the Zygon
Fandom: Doctor Who


"I don't think it would've mattered if you'd been able to see her or not," the UNIT captain explained. "Zygons can change their appearance. Really, the only way you might've been able to tell would've been the voice. When you called Estelle, did she ever sound high and raspy?"

Juan nodded. "Oh yeah, all the time, but I just always figured that it was just because that's what I'm into, you know?"

The captain replied, "You don't understand. I mean it was really super raspy."

"No," said Juan, "I understand perfectly. I'm telling you that's what I'm really super into."

 

That cracked me up

 

Title: Save the Last Stand
Fandom: Red Dwarf


Dave pulled back the bolt on his gun and slammed it forward again. He wasn't sure if that actually did anything, but it looked cool. "Rimmer, get that baby out of here now, while I hold off the simulants!"

"But Lister, that's-"

"No buts!" Dave yelled. "Go already before I change my mind!"

Nodding grimly, Rimmer grabbed the bundle and ran.

* * *

"Mr. Rimmer, sir," wondered Kryten, "do you think we should have told Mr. Lister that the BAY-B is a weapons system and not an actual infant?"

"If we all survive this, you can tell him later. On his deathbed."

 

Title: The Smartest in Town
Fandom: The West Wing / Mr. Smith


Toby covered the phone's mouthpiece as he yawned. Then he repeated, for the seventh news agency that morning, "President Bartlet was visiting an old friend, who also happens to run a private nonpartisan think tank." He added, "He wasn't at the think tank as a client." As he hung up, he told Charlie, "That ought to confuse them."

Charlie asked, "Why don't we get this think tank guy to step forward and confirm he's the one the president was meeting?"

"Not possible." Toby explained, "Mr. Smith is literally one of the smartest people in this town. He's also an orangutan."