Story [Multi-Fandom] It's a Drabble! (12/31: "The Giving of Thanks" (Guardians of the Galaxy))

Title: Never Say Never
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Twelfth


"'Never cruel or cowardly?'" The Doctor's scream echoed down the TARDIS corridor. Clara didn't even look up from her book when, a moment later, he burst into the console room and repeated, "'Never cruel or cowardly'? What idiot ever filled your head with such nonsense?"

"It was you," replied Clara.

"What rot!"

Now she did put the book down. "You really did, you know."

"I meant me! I was talking rot! You've met my previous selves. Would you describe any of them as 'never cruel or cowardly'?"

Clara considered. "How's this? 'Only occasionally cruel and rarely ever cowardly'?"

"Much better."

 

Title: Daves of Futures Past
Fandom: Red Dwarf


"I don't understand."

The old man staggered forward and grabbed Lister by the shirt. "Why do you have to make this so complicated?" he sputtered.

"It's really quite simple, buddy," said Cat. "This is a version of you from one of seventeen possible futures, all of them created by my death, come back to prevent that very demise, namely mine!"

"So how do we do that?" Lister asked.

The old man and his sixteen doppelgangers said, "You already have!"

The Cat grinned. "Thanks, buddies!"

"Then why are you all still here?"

The various future Listers all shrugged. "We don't know."

 

"What's the point of a secret hideout," shouted Felicity, "if random strangers can keep wandering in?"

I love Felicity

 

Thanks. I wrote this one the day Terry Pratchett passed away.

Title: Luggage, Run
Fandom: Discworld


The Luggage ran. It knew two things above all others: that it needed to find its owner; and that he was somewhere out there to be found. Everything else was secondary to its goal, including pesky obstacles like everything else that existed.

Most things, the Luggage just ran through - trees, rocks, buildings, people - and if it had to go over or around, it returned to its path immediately afterward. Some poor unfortunates found themselves in the way more than once, but the Luggage never noticed.

Ever onward, it ran. Never pausing, never slowing, the Luggage is out there, still running.

 

This made me a little sad! I know very little about Discworld, but I enjoyed this very much. And RIP Terry Pratchett.

 

This made me a little sad! I know very little about Discworld, but I enjoyed this very much. And RIP Terry Pratchett.

 

Title: The Soul of the Bayou
Fandom: Harry Potter


"The secret to the perfect jambalaya isn't about the ingredients. It's not really even about the method of preparation. It's about you. If you want your jambalaya to be the absolute best that a dish of meats and shrimp can be, you must put a little bit of your soul into every plateful."

Surprising nobody, a hand at the front rose. "I'm supposed to make my jambalaya into a horcrux? That's catastrophically reckless!"

"What's a horcrux?" someone asked.

Hermione suddenly realised she'd said that in a leisure centre cooking class. A muggle leisure centre cooking class. "Oh, not again. Obliviate."

 

Bizarre, in a food good way.

 

Title: Just Imaginin'
Fandom: Harley Quinn


Harley sat back on the bench and smiled. The park's other patrons didn't seem to even notice her. College kids, families with small children, old people, none gave this happy blonde woman a second glance. Soon, the smile became a light chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

An elderly man had sat beside her. She replied, "Just imaginin'."

"Imagining what, dear?" he asked.

"See that building there? If that fell forward, it would crush that entire picnic area!" She giggled. "And those people throwing Frisbees? What if those were sawblades? Wouldn't that be so funny? And then..."

But the man was gone.

 

Thanks.

Title: Mr. Monk and the Marked Man
Fandom: Monk


Adrian Monk examined the crime scene, his fingers framing his view. "I know who did it," he announced finally. He pointed and said, "Him."

Captain Stottlemeyer asked, "The man in the handcuffs?"

"Right."

"The man with two cops standing over him?"

Monk nodded again. "That's the one."

"The man we'd already arrested for this?" Stottlemeyer almost yelled.

"And now you can feel certain that you've arrested the right man."

"I was already certain until a particular police consultant came rushing up insisting that he needed to inspect the crime scene to prevent a miscarriage of justice."

"You mean me, right?"

 

Title: The Achilles Ankle
Fandom: Get Smart


Max stared up, and up, at the giant robot. Behind him, Siegfried asked, "You like? Zis new KAOS automaton is impervious to bullets!"

"We'll see about that!" Max retorted, drawing his gun. He fired up at the robot's torso, but every single shot just bounced off. He leaned against the robot's ankle and said, "You're right, Siegfried! It's completely impervious to bullets!"

Within seconds, the robot started to creak loudly and shudder violently. Ever larger pieces broke away, falling toward them. Soon, the robot was nothing more than a pile of metal debris.

"But not," Siegfried moaned, "impervious to leaning."

 

Somewhat of a design flaw there.

 

Way to take it down, Max

 

Thanks.

Title: By a Hair's Death
Fandom: James Bond


M glanced up from his paperwork to face Bond. Though the old man made no outward signs, Bond was certain that M had spotted the change immediately.

Finally, M said, "You have no eyebrows. Care to explain, 007?"

Bond rubbed his smooth scalp. "I have no hair anywhere, sir," he replied. "Something in that chemical plant must have had a depilatory effect. As of yet, we haven't identified what did this, but the current theory was that it was something gaseous."

"Well, I don't like it, Bond. Try to grow it back as quickly as possible."

Bond nodded. "Yes, sir."

 

Title: The Sham Rocks
Fandom: Ghostbusters


"Where are they?" the man screamed, his gun inches from Peter's face. "Tell me where my gems are! Now!" Though the ski mask covered most of his face, his eyes gave away how truly desperate he was.

Peter was much better at faking calm. "I've already told you. 'Your' gems never really existed. What you stole were the ectoplasmic afterimages of the original gemstones."

"They were ghosts? That's your excuse?" The man shook so much, his gun was rattling. "Why would I fall for that?"

Peter glanced around the firehouse. "Look where you are. Egon, you talk to this yutz!"

 

Title: There Came a Thwacking
Fandom: Dark Shadows


Carolyn glanced up from her reading as something thudded hard against the study's French doors. A few seconds later, she heard a second thud, this one a bit higher.

Her mother entered the room with Uncle Roger. "What's going on?" Carolyn asked.

"Birds," her mother explained. "They're smacking into the house. At least two have already broken windows."

Roger finished pouring himself a drink and added, "All from one direction, apparently, though I can't think why."

"I can." Dr. Julia Hoffman stood in the doorway. "The birds are loading themselves into a giant slingshot set up by the old greenhouse."

 

I love that she says it so matter-of-factly

 

Title: A Flair for the Dramatic
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Second


"You may scoff, Zoe," said the Doctor, "but I have been known to dabble in the dramaturgical arts once or twice before." He tried proudly grasping his lapels, but within a second, he'd let go and started awkwardly straightening them. "Um, yes. Actually, seven times."

"Ach, really, Doctor?" asked Jamie.

"You?" Zoe scoffed. "You've written seven plays? How come I've never heard of them?"

"Well, they're after your time."

She replied, "A likely story."

"I'll have you know," he yelled, "entire planetary festivals are dedicated to my seven plays!"

"Then let's go see one."

"Absolutely not," he said. "They're rubbish!"

 

I love it And even more, I love that he's too embarrassed to show her!

 

Thanks.

Title: The Gray
Fandom: The X-Files


Two powerful flashlight beams pierced the darkness of the room, and within seconds, Agents Mulder and Scully had a thorough picture of their surroundings. It was a gray cube, with no other entrance or exit, and no contents except for a single tiny speaker mounted on a ceramic pedestal in the middle of the room.

"Welcome!" announced a deep, masculine voice that seemed to fill the room. Both agents immediately turned their beams toward the speaker, which visibly vibrated as the voice continued, "I had begun to think you'd never arrive! Wait, where's my pizza? Are you two from Antonio's?"

 

Haha I love it! Priorities

 

Thanks.

Title: Stuffed Shirt and Stiff Collar
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Twelfth


The Doctor slammed his hands on the deputy minister's desk and leaned over it until his face was inches from the human's. "You, my good man," he hissed, "are a fool." He reared back from the desk and resumed his pacing.

"How dare you!" the man blustered. "Who do you think you are to talk to me like that?"

The Doctor stopped. "I am a constituent! Remember us?"

"I'll have you know that this-"

"I take it back," interjected the Doctor.

"That's better."

The Doctor added, "You are not a good man, deputy minister. You're barely even a mediocre one."

 

Title: Keep Calm and Carry On
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer


Giles didn't say a word at first, just went back to his office for a pair of gloves and the lead box. He came back out, set the box down on the counter, and finally replied, "In the one sense, no, you didn't completely ruin it, as the demon Acinom hasn't emerged to kill us all."

"That's good," said Buffy.

"Yes, quite. In another sense - and remember, I'm a librarian - I'd say that as a book," he added as he carefully lifted the sodden mess and gently lowered it into the box, "the Codex will never be the same again."

 

Oh, poor Giles! I love that the state of the book is still one of his priorities