Story [Multi-Fandom] Salacious' Drabbles (12/31: "Supplemental Interpersonal Relations" (Community))

LOL

 

Thanks. This one has a SPOILER for the post-credit scene of Thor.


Title: The Most Dangerous Artifact
Fandom: Thor (SPOILER!) / Arrested Development


As agents took the cube on ahead, Fury guided Dr. Selvig through the complex to his new laboratory. "Are there many alien devices down here?" Selvig wondered.

"Don't ask," Fury ordered. "I just want you to worry about the-"

Selvig stopped suddenly beside an open doorway. "I remember those! My father had one. It burned his hand."

"He's lucky that's all he did," Fury said. "At least a dozen people accidentally converted theirs into time machines and had to be rescued from the distant past before they destroyed history. That, Dr. Selvig, was the real reason the Cornballer was banned."

 

You nailed Nick Fury!

 

Thanks, both of you. No, this one isn't a crossover, just something I typed up about three weeks ago.

EDIT: Whoops, I just realized this and the last one both started with "The Most..." That's entirely accidental; there were other (original) drabbles in between that didn't start with that, I promise.


Title: The Most Amazing
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother


"Kids, in the spring of 2011, I met the most amazing woman."

* * *

"So," Ted asked, not at all intimidated - maybe a little (okay, a lot) intimidated - by the statuesque blonde standing in front of him, "do you, uh, come here often?"

She tilted her head to the side but said nothing. After a moment, she licked her forehead with the point of her thick, green tongue.

* * *

"You've probably already figured out around now that she wasn't your mother."

* * *

Ted mumbled an apology and rushed back to the booth. "Struck out, little slugger?" Barney asked.

Ted shrugged. "She's all yours, buddy."

 

I love Ted and Barney!!

 

I'd love to see Barney tackle that one.

 

LOL! Hilarious!

 

Title: The Protected World
Fandom: Firefly


"Access to this planet is restricted," the voice over the comm announced. "It is under an Ecological Protection Order."

Mal looked out at the Alliance cruiser between it and the world below. "Just a moment," he said before silencing the connection. "How," he asked nobody in particular, "does a terraformed planet merit ecological protection?"

"Something survived."

Mal turned and saw River in the doorway. "Survived what, terraforming? Impossible. Ain't nothing around here but what humans brought. Don't go thinking we'll find aliens down there."

"There are no aliens down there," she agreed. Then she grinned. "We're all still up here."

 

I love River

 

Thanks.


Title: Intro to Public Speaking
Fandom: Community


"What," Dean Pelton asked, giggling, "do the big universities have that Greendale doesn't?"

Abed started to answer, but Jeff stopped him. "It was rhetorical." He turned back to the Dean. "What have you done now?"

"Madeline Albright's going to speak at Greendale!" He applauded his own announcement.

"How'd you swing that?" Jeff asked.

"I'm giving her an honorary doctorate," the Dean explained.

"We're a community college. You can barely offer an honorary bachelor's," Jeff said. "And what about her honorarium?"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"It's a fee for speaking. A large one."

The Dean nodded. "I'll be right back."

 

There are still a few older ones I've not posted yet (and a couple more I need to get typed in), but I wrote this last night after remembering that today was Canada Day, so...

Title: Stuffed in a Box
Fandom: Dudley Do-Right / Doctor Who


"Snidely, you fiend," Dudley yelled, "what have you done with Nell and my horse?"

"I threw them into this blue box, and soon I'll drop it into this bottomless pit!"

But before Snidely could carry out his villainous scheme, the box faded away. "Horse!" Dudley cried. "Nell!"

"I say," a tall man with a really long scarf wondered, "have either of you seen a blue box?"

Just then, it reappeared, a few feet to the right. Nell staggered out and ran to Dudley. The stranger asked, "Young lady, did you steal my TARDIS?"

"No," she said, "it was Dudley's horse."

 

Title: Empirical Xenology
Fandom: Doctor Who / Community
Doctor: Tenth


The Doctor grinned and turned from the board to face the class. "Hello, I'm Doctor Smith, and I'll be your new anthropology teacher." He noticed one student in the front row staring at him intently. "Do I have something in my teeth?"

"No. Do you believe anyone not human could be an anthropologist?"

Another student scoffed, "Like what, Abed? A squirrel?"

"No, Jeff, like an alien."

"Well," the Doctor hedged, "you don't have to be a fish to study ichthyology, do you?"

"I see your point," Abed said.

* * *

Annie leaned close to Shirley. "Do you think Doctor Smith's seeing anyone?"

 

Okay, those two were awesome.

 

Thanks. I think.


Title: Quantum Meap
Fandom: Phineas and Ferb


Meap peered around the corner. The weapons smugglers were on alert, so he'd have to be cautious. He tensed, ready to make his move, when he suddenly felt his molecules get pulled apart and yanked through space.

* * *

"Meap!" Phineas yelled. "But if you were brought here, where'd Perry go?"

* * *

Five minutes later, after some adjustments, the boys teleported Meap back, and Perry sat on the pad, purring vacantly. "He seems to have handled space well," Ferb said.

* * *

Meap reappeared in the middle of the smugglers' hideout, ready for a pitched battle, but they all lay unconscious and tied up. "Meap?"

 

Title: Bean Counting
Fandom: Get Smart


After only ninety minutes, Max had finished setting up the tent and returned to the fire. "Larrabee," he asked, "what are you eating?"

"Beans." Larrabee held up a spoonful and went back to shoveling them from the bowl into his mouth.

"I can see that," Max said, glancing at the five or six empty bean cans around Larrabee's feet. "Please don't tell me you've eaten half of our week's supplies already?"

"Maybe a little more than half, Max. They're really not that bad cold."

"I asked you not to tell me that!" Max whined. "And you're definitely sleeping outside tonight!"

 

Title: Jammed
Fandom: Babylon 5


Londo wiped the sticky purple slime from his eyes; more covered his face and the front of his formerly white tunic. "Vir, what is this foul sludge?"

"I believe it's what the humans call grape jam. They eat it on bread," Vir explained as he searched for a washcloth.

Londo ran a finger down his cheek and licked the jam off. "Revolting!" he shouted. "It tastes like my skin cream! I suppose these clothes are ruined."

Vir shrugged. "Probably."

"Tell me, how bad do I look?"

Vir tilted his head and smiled. "Ambassador," he said, "you've never looked more stunning."

 

Title: Stage Fright
Fandom: James Bond


Damien Show stayed at the piano, rehearsing his latest composition even as he heard Bond step over Liu's body and stride up onto the stage. "You never understood, did you, James? You never grasped what rock and roll are really all about!"

He played a heavy bass riff with one hand while he reached inside the piano for his modified AK-47. He grabbed it and spun around, ready to fire; Bond shot first, hitting him four times in the chest.

Damien dropped the gun and fell to his knees. "What will my fans say?" he gasped.

Bond said, "'Show's over.'"

 

Title: The Prime Mover
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Fourth


Romana ran into the console room, still wearing her pyjamas. "Doctor," she shouted, "I just had a disturbingly vivid dream!"

The Doctor looked up from the console. "A dream you say?"

"We were in a white void," she explained, "just you, me, and-"

"And the Earth computer we kept singing the praises of?" he asked.

"Doctor, are you telling me it wasn't a dream?"

"Of course it was!" he insisted. "What else could it have been?"

She thought for a moment. "I do recall that you offered to marry me."

"There, you see? Proof positive it was only a dream!"




[EDIT: It probably helps if you've seen these ads from 1980.]

 

Title: Snagged and Bagged and...
Fandom: Warehouse 13 / Doctor Who
Doctor: Eighth


"Excuse me," Pete said as he grabbed the silver device from the man's hand. "Just need to borrow this!" He dropped it into the bag Myka held open and waited for the familiar spark. And waited.

"I was sure it was the artifact," Pete grumbled. "I saw him... bzzzt." He mimed holding it like a wand.

"Well, it's not," the man said, "at least not like you mean. It's my sonic screwdriver. You're Warehouse agents, aren't you? What number are you up to now? Who's in charge? Tell them it's the Doctor. They'll know the name if not the face."

 

Title: Wicked Switch
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Tenth


Even before consciousness had fully returned, the Doctor recognised that he'd been tied up. He was sitting on a hard floor, his hands cuffed around a pole behind him. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and found himself peering down into ample cleavage.

"Those are new," he said.

"Don't get any ideas, sunshine." The tone was definitely Donna's, but the voice was a man's. It sounded familiar, but he wasn't sure from where. And then he realised.

"Switching bodies? Really?" Yes, he definitely had Donna's voice. Which meant... "Is that really what I sound like?"

"Yes!" she snapped. "Is that-"

"Yes!"

 

Title: The Invitation Contradiction
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory


Sheldon stood at the top of the bluff and checked the GPS tracker. The coordinates were in the northern part of the valley below. Normally, he abhorred nature; it was chaotic and dirty, and there were animals running around in it. But when he'd opened that little blue envelope, he knew that this would be the most important day of his life. Smiling, he began looking for a way down.

* * *

Howard snatched the binoculars from Leonard. "He knows the guy's fictional, but he still expects to meet him."

"Like you wouldn't have come?"

"Maybe," Howard admitted, "but, you know, skeptically."

 

Aww, poor Sheldon.

 

Title: Party Favours
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: First


Barbara slid the strip through the last link of the chain and taped the ends together. "Thank you for helping, Doctor. I know Ian will appreciate it."

"Nonsense, my dear, always happy to lend a hand!" He cut several more strips from the brightly coloured paper and handed them to her.

"We could do this for you too," she said, "if we knew when your birthday was."

The Doctor chuckled. "When you get to be my age, birthdays aren't so important."

"Grandfather, may I help with the cutting?" Susan asked. "I'm good with scissors."

"No!" he and Barbara yelled together.

 

Fun moment