Story [Multi-Fandom] Salacious' Drabbles (12/31: "Supplemental Interpersonal Relations" (Community))

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Salacious_Drabb, Jan 25, 2010.

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  1. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Saving Time
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Originally Posted: 5 August, 2010


    "Adventurers," Andormu intoned, "I am heartened that you are back. The Infinite Dragonflight has returned, ready to wreak its havoc on another key event in the history of Azeroth.

    "Years ago, in the aftermath of the last war, as Stormwind was distracted by rebuilding efforts, something else was forming in the nearby town of Goldshire, an illicit enterprise that went unnoticed for quite some time.

    "But now, brave heroes, the Infinite Dragonflight seeks to crush this historical landmark at its very inception. You must follow this trail back through time, stop their plans, and ensure that the Goldshire brothel survives!"

  2. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: The Dragon's Delivery
    Fandom: Dragon's Lair
    Originally Posted: 14 August, 2010


    Dirk cautiously stepped toward the rattling door. He drew his sword and got ready to spring back as he threw the door open and saw... the outside.

    A man in a brown uniform stood in the doorway. "I got a package for a Mr. Singe." He looked at what he held. "Victoria's Secret, nice. Hold on, it says I'm supposed to go to the back entrance. Is this it?"

    Dirk leaned out and looked around. "I think it's the side entrance. The back would be around that way."

    "Thanks."

    Dirk closed the door and continued his quest into the castle.

  3. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Spa Day
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Originally Posted: 14 August, 2010


    Tyrande leaned back and moaned quietly. "Oh, that feels good." She opened her eyes. "I must admit, Varian, I never would've expected this from you."

    "Aye," Magni said.

    Varian laughed. "You thought I only cared about war? I like to take care of myself as much as the next monarch."

    "And what better way to get to know the other members of your Alliance?" Velen asked. "I must compliment the staff; this ungicure was excellent."

    "Where's Gelbin?" Tyrande wondered.

    "Still getting a massage," Magni said.

    "Still?" Varian roared. "How can it take so long, when his back is so small?"

  4. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: The Last Typhoon
    Fandom: The Addams Family
    Originally Posted: 14 August, 2010


    "Uncle Fester!" Wednesday and Pugsley yelled. "Welcome home!"

    "We were so disappointed they canceled your little game show," Morticia said.

    "Reality competition program," Pugsley corrected.

    Gomez grinned. "But on the plus side, what was the typhoon like? It must've been a strong one to wreck your campsite like that."

    "I don't even know!" Fester screamed. "The producers forced us to evacuate! We were stuck the whole week in a hotel where it barely rained!"

    "That's despicable!" Gomez agreed. "How did you cope?"

    "I had to sneak up to the roof," Fester explained, "just to get struck by lightning twice! Twice!"

  5. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: The Technological Marvel
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Originally Posted: 14 August, 2010


    "Behold," Plitz said, "the latest marvel of gnomish engineering!" He whipped off the sheet and stood proudly beside the device.

    The crowd, mostly dwarves, were silent. He hadn't really expected applause - hoped, yes, but not expected - but an "ooh" or "aah" would've been nice.

    "What's it do?" someone yelled. "Or don't you know?"

    "Of course I know!" Plitz shot back. "This wonder of modern science brews a perfect cup of coffee in mere seconds! I call it the Expresso Machine!"

    The audience laughed. "You made a miracle brewer," a dwarf near the front scoffed, "and you're wasting it on coffee?"

  6. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Gone Ape
    Fandom: Burn Notice
    Originally Posted: 15 August, 2010


    Whether it's the spy game or life in general, you're going to meet people who lost touch with reality years ago, and most don't know it.

    The woman slid a photograph across to Michael. "I need you to find this man. I knew him as Adam Long, but that's probably an alias."

    Michael glanced at the picture. "That's an orangutan in a suit."

    "I didn't know that when I married him."

    Sometimes you have to play along and hope there's a method behind the madness.

    "Why are you looking for him?" Michael asked.

    "The lying jerk owes me child support!"

  7. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: The New News
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Originally Posted: 18 August, 2010


    "Hey, I know you!" the orc yelled, far too loudly. "You used to be on the Gnightly Gnews, right?"

    Mar'Lee nodded. "Used to be," he muttered. He didn't look up, hoping this fan would just go.

    "Yeah," the orc said instead, "I was so upset when they fired you and made that gnome Breezy anchor."

    "Dey said dey wanted younger and hipper."

    "They wanted an Alliance mouthpiece!" The orc pounded the table. "All the media are biased anymore. Somebody should start a Horde news channel!"

    "Yeah, right," Mar'Lee scoffed. "Are you independently wealthy, mon?"

    "No, but my uncle Rupert is."
  8. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    The next few posts are the set I wrote as I approached my 400th Doctor Who drabble. All were originally posted on 25 August, 2010.


    Title: Ten Count
    Doctor: Tenth


    Martha opened another trunk and found one almost immediately. "Number eight," she announced. She set it next to the others.

    "Only two to go," the Doctor said. "I've often found that a search gets tougher as you get down to- nine! Just one left now!"

    They continued hunting through trunks, cases, and bags; ten minutes later, Martha yelled, "Ten!"

    "Perfect!" The Doctor carefully scooped them up. "Last of their kind, these. They deserve a place of honour."

    As they walked out, Martha bumped into an unsearched suitcase. It popped open, and three more fell out. "Last of their kind?"

    "Weeeeell..."


    * * * * * * * * * *

    Title: Nine Down
    Doctor: Ninth


    The Doctor slammed his hand several times on the "down" button.

    "Ahem," Rose said. She pointed to the sign on the lift doors; they were out of order. "There's a fire escape back there."

    The sonic screwdriver opened the window easily, and Rose climbed through first. She raced down, using the railings to pivot herself around. She was most of the way down when she'd realized he never followed.

    "What's keeping you?" he yelled from the alley below.

    When Rose reached bottom, she could barely stammer, "How?"

    "I took a shortcut! Now come on, we have a Voord to catch!"
  9. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Eight Count
    Doctor: Eighth


    "Doctor!" Sam screamed. "We're in the middle of a war zone!" The ground shook as missiles rained down.

    "Right now, the entire galaxy's a war zone," the Doctor said. "This is the eighth and last Great Galactic War."

    "What's great about a war?"

    "Scale, Sam. There have always been wars somewhere, but just eight that really count galaxywide."

    Sam bit back a comment and instead asked, "Why is this the last war?"

    "I wondered when you'd notice," he said. "You know the expression 'Bomb them back to the stone age'?"

    "The entire galaxy?"

    The Doctor frowned. "No, only the survivors."


    * * * * * * * * * *

    Title: Seven Down
    Doctor: Seventh


    "What's the matter, Doctor?" He didn't respond, so Mel repeated the question.

    This time, he twitched and turned to stare at her. "Oh, Mel, how long have you been here?"

    "You looked like you were sad about something," she said. "I wanted to know what was wrong."

    "Oh, it's nothing, really. Or maybe everything. I'm not sure." He paused before adding, "I hope this isn't going to be that sort of regeneration."

    Mel smiled. "I have days like that, too, but you know what picks me up when I'm feeling down?"

    "Don't say a song, please."

    "I sing a song!"
  10. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Six Count
    Doctor: Sixth


    The judge shifted his bulk forward and looked down at the defendant. "Now y'all are charged with indecent exposure?"

    "Yes, Your Honour," the Doctor said.

    "If it were a choice between nudity and that clown suit, I might just have to pick getting naked myself." He glanced through the rest of the papers before him. "Mister District Attorney?"

    "Yes, Your Honour?"

    "Why do I have half a dozen counts of the same charge?" the judge asked.

    "There were six witnesses to-"

    "It don't matter how many people saw! Otherwise I'd still be in prison for streaking the stadium in college!"


    * * * * * * * * * *

    Title: Five Down
    Doctor: Fifth


    "Doctor," Tegan hissed, "they're getting away!"

    "We'll need a vehicle," he said. "Fortunately, I have an idea." They ran to a used car lot just across the street, and the Doctor found a salesman. "Sir, we need to take this car on a test drive."

    "Excellent choice," the man replied in a thick Quebec accent. "I'll just need the down payment - that's five percent - and we can be on our way."

    "Five percent you say? Ah." The Doctor scanned the other cars in the lot, then pointed to one that was a tenth the price. "Is that five percent also?"

  11. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Four Count
    Doctor: Fourth


    The Doctor and Romana ignored the guards' swords and looked instead toward the wan young man with the wispy moustache and too many frills.

    "It's coming along nicely," Romana said.

    "Another month, perhaps two, and it'll be almost presentable," the Doctor added.

    "Whom," the youth asked, "do you think you're addressing so disrespectfully?"

    "Some minor noble?" the Doctor guessed.

    "Not another count!" Romana moaned. "How many would this be?"

    "Well, there was Count Grendel," the Doctor said.

    Romana nodded. "Count Scarlioni."

    "Mustn't forget Count Rafaelelelelello."

    "You missed a syllable," Romana said.

    "You know, you're absolutely right."

    "Enooooooooough!" the count screamed.


    * * * * * * * * * *

    Title: Three Down
    Doctor: Third


    "Remember, Doctor," the Brigadier explained, "Queensberry rules, no alien aikido allowed." He rang the bell.

    "I'll have you know," the Doctor said, "I was there when the Marquess-" Benton's jab knocked him off his feet.

    "Good one, sergeant. This time, I'll be ready." The Doctor stood and raised his fists. Benton led with an uppercut that knocked him right back down.

    "One more, Doctor, and I'll declare a technical knockout," the Brigadier warned.

    The Doctor grew stern. "Time to show what I can really do."

    * * *

    "I can't believe Sergeant Benton beat you!" Jo laughed.

    "In nineteen seconds," Captain Yates added.


  12. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Two Count
    Doctor: Second


    The Doctor sat on the floor of his cell and pondered. He was shaken from his thoughts when the outer door creaked open. "Lunch already?" he thought.

    Instead, two very familiar figures raced up to the bars. "Jamie!" the Doctor cheered. "Zoe! I always knew I could count on you."

    "It was nae easy finding you," Jamie admitted.

    Zoe nodded. "But look what else we found!" She held up his sonic screwdriver. "Hold on just a moment!"

    "Thank you, Zoe, but perhaps you should let me use-" The door clicked open. "Ah."

    "Pout later," Jamie said. "We have to go!"



    * * * * * * * * * *

    Title: One Down
    Doctor: First


    The ground shook again, but Dodo kept her footing. The Doctor, who was already lagging behind her, wasn't so lucky. She ran back, helped him to his feet, and practically dragged him the rest of the way to the TARDIS.

    Once they were inside, the Doctor staggered to the console, set the controls to leave the dying planet, and collapsed to the floor.

    "Thank you, my dear," he said between breaths. "At my age, the body gets worn down so easily."

    "How old are you, anyway?" Dodo asked.

    "More years than you can count! I can assure you of that!"
  13. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    [Here it is, this was number 400.]


    Title: Kaboom!
    Doctor: Eleventh


    The universe exploded. Again. Matter and energy rushed out in every direction, cooling, coalescing, growing. The very laws of physics were coming together as the first waves slammed against the protective field across the open TARDIS doorway. "Now that," the Doctor said, "is cool. One more time?"

    Nobody answered. The Doctor realized he was alone. "Amy? Rory?"

    "Yes! Yes! Very impressive!" Amy yelled from somewhere deeper in the TARDIS. "Just like the last however many tiiiiiimes!" she added, her voice spiking suddenly on the last word until she was screaming.

    The Doctor nodded. "Right. I'll take that as a yes."
  14. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Beat It!
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Originally Posted: 6 October, 2010


    Garrosh grunted. "What is that noise?" he screamed. His flagon rattled off its table and crashed to the floor. Seconds later, the table followed. "Are we under attack?"

    "Sir," an underling explained, "that is the new nightclub that opened next door."

    "A nightclub? Is that racket supposed to be music?"

    "Yes, Warchief. It's extremely popular among the younger blood elves, and it's gaining a following among trolls as well."

    Garrosh rose to his feet and grabbed his axe. "That's it! That club is closing tonight! And come tomorrow, I want all those annoying elves and trolls banned from the valley!"

  15. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: K-9 and the Mucus Monster
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Originally Posted: 6 October, 2010


    K-9 rolled down the corridor, following the trail of radioactive mucus. When he reached the top of a staircase, he switched to hover mode and descended slowly. One flight down, he found his quarry; the Nasaloid was using his sticky slime to adhere his latest victim to the wall.

    "You will desist," K-9 said, "and let these people go, or I will be forced to shoot!"

    The Nasaloid looked down. "Oh no! A dog! I'm allergic to... to... ah... ah... chooooo!" He exploded, and everything, including K-9, was covered in mucus.

    K-9 whimpered. He'd definitely need a bath after this.
  16. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Best Impressions
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Tenth
    Originally Posted: 12 October, 2010


    "What we have here," the Doctor said in his best Strother Martin impression, "is a failure to communicate." He grinned expectantly, but Martha just shrugged and muttered more gibberish.

    He tried Chris Tucker instead. "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?"

    She held up a finger. "Charades!" he exclaimed. "Excellent!" Martha shouted something short and angry, and he shut up.

    She pointed at the console. "This?" he asked, also pointing to show he understood. She nodded, grabbed his sonic screwdriver, and aimed it at the controls. "You know," he said, "it's cheating to use props."
  17. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Love to Hate You
    Fandom: Sesame Street
    Originally Posted: 12 October, 2010


    "Gordon," Big Bird asked, "what does it mean to love to hate someone? I thought hating was wrong."

    "It is, but this isn't really hating," Gordon said. "Imagine there's somebody you don't like."

    "I like everyone."

    "Right." Gordon knocked on Oscar's can.

    Oscar came up. "What do you want?"

    "You don't like us, do you?"

    "Nope."

    "But you like the feeling of not liking us."

    "No!" Oscar yelled. "I don't... well, uh, I guess, kinda. Leave me alone!"

    "See? Oscar says he doesn't like us, but he'd still miss us if we were gone," Gordon explained.

    "Would not!" Oscar shouted.

  18. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: I, Myself
    Fandom: Battlestar Galactica (1978) / Battlestar Galactica (2003)
    Rating: PG


    The pair watched each other across the table, trying to spot any tells or signs of weakness. Starbuck grinned confidently and showed his hand. "Three," he said.

    Kara nodded. "Full." She dropped her cards on the table and started scooping up her cubits.

    "Have I ever told you that you are the best opponent I ever had?" Starbuck asked.

    "Every frakking time I win a hand," Kara grunted.

    "It's still true. And the hottest." He grinned.

    "Again with the sex talk? Wouldn't that be like incest?" she asked.

    "I don't think so," he said. "It might count as masturbation, though."

  19. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Not Quite Everywhere
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Eleventh
    Originally Posted: 12 October, 2010


    Amy leaned on the console. "Doctor?"

    "Yes?" he asked.

    "We can go anywhere in time and space, yeah?"

    He peered across at her warily. "Virtually anywhere. Why? Where do you want to go?"

    Over the following minutes, Amy explained where she wanted to go, why she wanted to go, and what she hoped to do there.

    "No," he said.

    She whined, "Why not?"

    "You can't go back to change history. Paradoxes are extremely dangerous."

    "I'm not talking about history," she said, "just a television show."

    "I mean it. Not one line! Not even one storyline."

    "But it was so bad!"

  20. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here
    Fandom: The Avengers
    Originally Posted: 12 October, 2010


    Large hail pounded on the roof and slammed against the walls and window of the tiny shack. "Are you sure we're safe in here, Steed?" Tara asked.

    "Safer than out there, surely."

    Tara flinched as one of their pursuers appeared at the window. "Steed!" she screamed, but as she yelled, the man's eyes rolled back, and he fell from view.

    "What?" He followed her stare and looked out the window. The man outside lay dead or unconscious, Steed couldn't be sure; near his head was a reddened hailstone the size of a cricket ball. "Oh, I say, jolly good shot."

  21. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    This finished off that promised bonus to UDC 1, bringing its final total to 129 fandoms.


    Title: The King's Honor
    Fandom: Fraggle Rock
    Rating: G
    Originally Posted: 12 October 2010
    Notes: The challenge theme for Week 17 was "Drama Queen!"


    "Junior!" the King of the Universe bawled. "It's infamy! Infamy! Your mother has been betraying our sacred marriage vows!"

    Junior's eyes widened. "No! Who with?"

    "I don't know," his Pa admitted, "but I found this love letter he wrote to her! He's taking her all the same places I did when we were courting!"

    Junior looked at the letter. "Daddy, I wrote that. I found some old letters in the attic and copied them to practice my handwriting."

    "Those were our old love letters!" The King ran from the castle shouting, "Oh, Duckykins, I'm so sorry! Can you forgive me?"
  22. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: The Dirty Ape
    Fandom: Doctor Who / Yvon of the Yukon
    Originally Posted: 22 October, 2010


    The scout party pushed their way up through the snow, grateful for the thermal suits that the Chief Scientist had given them. "Is it always like this on the surface?" someone asked.

    The leader said, "Apparently, this is summer here."

    "How can the apes survive such cold?" another scout asked.

    "I was actually referring," the first said, "to that wretched stench."

    "I am not smelling anything, mes amis," a new voice said. The Reptiles turned and found a short, pale human standing behind them.

    "Disgusting ape!" the leader growled. "Do you never bathe?"

    "Bathe, me? Never!" the human shouted. "Never!"
  23. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: Ledge of Darkness
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Seventh
    Originally Posted: 22 October, 2010


    Despite the total darkness, the Doctor inched his way along the ledge as quickly as he dared. He paused when his foot bumped a small stone and set it rolling off. He listened, counting the seconds, as it fell. That is one long drop, he thought.

    Even more carefully now, he continued creeping along, ever mindful of the danger. "Wait a moment," he said aloud. He never had heard the pebble land. Either it was an incredibly long fall, or...

    He leaned forward and lowered his umbrella over the edge. A few feet down, it hit the spongy ground. "Ah."
  24. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: The Geography of Mayhem
    Fandom: World of Warcraft
    Originally Posted: 22 October, 2010


    Muninn smiled when he saw young Marigold running toward him across the Hall; she was one of his most eager students. "High Explorer," she said, failing to hide her confused frown.

    "What's the matter, child?"

    "Where is the equator?" she asked.

    He showed her on his globe of Azeroth where the line crossed the Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor.

    "But that doesn't make sense!" she cried. "Based on climatology, geology, geometry, and every other relevant science, the equator should be down here." She drew a line south of the continents.

    "That would mean," he said, grinning, "there's a whole unexplored hemisphere!"

  25. Salacious_Drabb Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2007
    star 3
    Title: First Time's the Charm
    Fandom: Back to the Future
    Originally Posted: 22 October, 2010


    "Jennifer," Marty asked, "do you remember our first date?"

    She smiled. "I remember that, somewhere around the fifth time some woman in the movie took her top off, I glanced over at you, and you were looking at me instead."

    "You're kidding! I missed breasts?" He continued, "Anyway, we should recreate that night."

    "What, a bad movie and fast food after?"

    "I mean that theater, maybe a better movie," Marty explained, "and that Arby's."

    "They tore down the theater years ago," she said, "and the Arby's closed in the eighties."

    "Yeah, if only we knew someone with a time machine."
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