Story [Multi-Fandom] Salacious' Drabbles (12/31: "Supplemental Interpersonal Relations" (Community))

Thanks.


Title: Humble Origins
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Ninth
Originally Posted: 17 November, 2010


The crowd in the stands cheered as the Euroteam scorer leaped through the glowing portal, and the Doctor was loudest of all. "Come on, Rose!" he shouted. "Join in the fun!"

"I don't know what's happening."

The Doctor's explanation was interrupted by an older man behind them. "Bah! I liked it how it was, before it got all commercial."

"What," the Doctor asked, "you mean when it was the bonus round from Kiddie Smarts?"

"You're kidding, right?" Rose scoffed. "This is all based on some kids' show?"

The Doctor retorted, "So what? Quidditch has been an Olympic sport since 2048!"





EDIT: Though they were posted a few days later, this drabble and the last were written after I attended the Quidditch World Cup here in NYC. As you can guess, the Quidditch mentioned in this drabble is this version, not the actual flying one.

 

Quidditch becoming an Olympic Sport... hee hee! I love Rose's reaction.

 

Thanks.


Title: North by Further North
Fandom: Two and a Half Men
Originally Posted: 17 November, 2010


Charlie sat up groggily. "Where am I?"

The tent flap was lifted aside, and Alan poked his head in. "You're about fifty kilometers north of some town called Caribou Keister, Saskatchewan."

"So that's what her accent was. She still here?"

"Nope. You wearing anything in that sleeping bag?" Alan asked.

Charlie checked. "Nope."

"Then it looks like she stole your clothes," Alan said. "I have spares out on the dogsled. You'll need them. The digital thermometer froze around forty below."

"How'd you even find me?" Charlie wondered.

"I had a GPS chip installed in your skull."

Charlie nodded. "Good thinking."

 

Charlie so needs something like that

 

Thanks.

Title: Simple Applied Geometry and Physics
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: First
Originally Posted: 17 November, 2010


The Doctor grasped his lapels. "Ian, you really should be grasping this more easily."

"Look, Doctor, there's no need to be snide. I understand the theory well enough, but-"

"This is the theory put into practice," the Doctor interrupted. "Simple applied geometry and physics."

Ian breathed deeply to keep calm. "I know that. I'm just saying I don't think I could do it myself, at least not without a protractor and slide rule."

"Lucky I'm here, then, hmm?" The Doctor looked across the table to his opponent. "Where were we? Oh yes, eight ball in the corner pocket, I believe."

 

Title: The Elemental Invader
Fandom: World of Warcraft
Originally Posted: 19 November, 2010


The mage stared in fear as the fiery elemental bore down on him. He could see the writhing flames held together by magics more ancient and primal than any he'd learned in Dalaran.

He tried to push aside his panic and concentrate on the spells available to him, but he couldn't think of any that would do more than annoy it slightly before it annihilated him. If he hoped to survive, he'd need another plan.

He stood his ground and sang, "There she was, just a-walkin' down the street!"

The elemental rumbled, "Singing, 'Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do!'"

 

Title: Tryst Ending
Fandom: Star Trek
Originally Posted: 19 November, 2010


Sharl's antennae shot straight up as K'rezt bit him on the lower lip. He loved how the Klingon girls kissed. "Oh yeah," he moaned.

She let his lip go, leaned back, and whispered, "I should warn you, I've never done this with an Andorian before."

"And I should warn you," he said, "you only get half credit. My mother's human."

"You're kidding! So's my grandfather."

Sharl's antennae drooped. "Please say it wasn't James Kirk."

"How did you kn- oh." She stepped away from him. "You too?"

"Man," he said, "this is like the seventh time this has happened to me."

 

Poor guy

 

At the time, this seemed (based on an erroneous count) to be my 1000th drabble. Turned out I'd passed the 1K mark sometime earlier. Oh well.


Title: Then and Now
Fandom: Doctor Who
Originally Posted: 19 November, 2010


"Stop, thief!" a voice somewhere in the crowd yelled.

"I really should have updated that card," the Doctor grumbled. He grabbed Amy. "Run, now."

"Why? Who's yelling?"

"Just run!" They tried to rush through the throng, but stopped short as an old man stepped in their path.

"I'm told," the man said, "you have something of mine."

"Ah, about that," the Doctor hedged. "Amy Pond, meet, well, me. I'm the eleventh, right? And this was - is, rather - the very first."

"A pleasure, Miss Pond!" The First Doctor studied his future self. "Far too young, but I like the bow tie."

 

Title: Ace in the Hole
Fandom: Maverick / Sherlock Holmes
Originally Posted: 22 November, 2010


Bart peered over his cards at the Englishman across the table. "You remind me of a cousin of mine. He spent some time in your country."

The man didn't react. "Raise."

Bart folded. He couldn't get a read on this guy, but he was sure the limey read everyone else like cheap novels. "If I didn't know better," Bart said, "I'd think these cards were marked."

"They are," the Englishman explained, "by the blacksmith impersonator beside you. Painfully easy to decipher. It's taken considerable willpower to ignore them and play honestly."

"That's a mighty risky thing to say, Mister..."

"Sigerson."

 

Tryst Ending-That is... I can so see and hear that in my head.

Then and Now-Well, One always had good taste.

 

Thanks.


Title: Enhanced for Your Safety
Fandom: Pinky and the Brain
Originally Posted: 22 November, 2010


"Sir, we need to pat you down." The screener snapped his glove for emphasis. "It's for your own protection."

"I just went through the scanner. Is this because of my height?"

"I can't answer that," the screener said. "This was a routine, random selection."

"Random?"

"'Eeny meeny miney moe,' sir. It's been scientifically proven as the most effective method for combating terrorism."

"But I'm already naked," Brain said. "Where would I hide anything?"

"You could have an explosive device under that fur. We have to check." The screener knelt down. "Now I need you to turn your head and cough."

 

Title: Small Green Planetoid
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Fourth
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


The Doctor wrestled with the unfamiliar controls; the Skaskis had replaced most of the parts with random objects, making it impossible to decipher them. You'll never catch me treating the TARDIS like this, he thought.

"Doctor!"

"Not now, Sarah Jane!" the Doctor snapped back. "I'm trying to get this thing to turn before we crash into that small green planetoid."

He turned a small crank, and a joystick popped from the panel. He yanked it hard to the right, and the ship began to turn.

"What," he asked, "did you want again?"

"To warn you about a small green planetoid?"

 

Title: Castle in the Sand
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: First
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


Ian carefully set the crenellations in place and smiled over at Barbara, but her attention was focussed on her novel. "Barbara," he said. "Barbara!"

She set her book down. "What?"

"What do you think of my sandcastle?" he asked.

She peered over her sunglasses at his creation, then past him at something else. Ian turned around and saw that Susan and the Doctor had been making their own sandcastle. It was five times as tall as Ian's, with much more intricate detail. He could practically see the stonework.

"Do you like it?" Susan asked. "It's even bigger on the inside!"

 

Title: As the Crowd Turns
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: None
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


"Why," Davros demanded, "is everyone staring at me like that?" He'd been doing so well; this rant was one of his best ever, and his delivery was flawless. But suddenly the tide had turned, and the humans were suppressing snickers.

Did he have a bogey dangling from his nose again? Dare he reach up and wipe? Would that undermine the moment? Could he even reach?

"It's just," one of the humans said, "your name." Good, he didn't have a bogey. Waaaaait a moment.

"What's wrong with my name? My grandfather was Sylvia Davros, and so was his grandfather before him!"

 

Title: The Right Fit
Fandom: Elf
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


Walter nodded, not caring that the guy on the other end of the phone line couldn't see. "Oh, yes," he said, "everybody's just clamoring for the movie rights, but we have to make sure we pick somebody who'll do it right."

He listened some more. "Really? You're this close to getting Brad Pitt attached for the lead? I'm sure Buddy would be thrilled." He covered the receiver before adding, "If he knew who that was."

"By the way," he asked, "who'd play the dad? Who? Is he still acting? I didn't know he'd made any decent movies since The Godfather."

 

"Really? You're this close to getting Brad Pitt attached for the lead? I'm sure Buddy would be thrilled." He covered the receiver before adding, "If he knew who that was."

 

Title: The List of Names
Fandom: 24
Notes: The following drabble takes place between Day 2 and Day 3.
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


Jack stepped out of the interrogation room as the medical team rushed in. Tony asked, "Will our hacker friend live long enough to arrest?"

"He lived long enough to talk. That's enough for me. Adam!"

Adam came down from his station. "Yes?"

"Run this list of names. I want full profiles on all of them in twenty minutes." He turned to Tony. "We'd better have Tom come in, just in case. Adam, why are you still here?"

"I know these names," Adam said. "Hartnell, Troughton, Pertwee, and the rest? They were all actors on a TV show."

Jack swore. Repeatedly.

 

Title: The Paying Gig
Fandom: Flight of the Conchords
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


"And I'm present, of course." Murray grinned. "I've got wonderful news, guys."

"You've booked us a paying gig?" Bret asked.

"As a matter of fact, I have. It's this weekend. And it's in an actual club and everything."

"Oh, great," Jermaine said. "I take back everything mean I've said about you."

"There is one slight thing, though," Murray admitted.

Jermaine nodded. "I knew it. I take back that taking back."

"It's in some town called Omaha. I think that might be out on Long Island somewhere."

"I don't want to go all the way out to Long Island," Bret moaned.

 

Title: Stink
Fandom: Spaced
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


Daisy came home to find Tim and Mike still playing the same game they had been when she'd left three hours earlier. They hadn't even moved. She was about to complain when the smell hit her.

"Who's been farting?" she asked.

Tim shrugged. "Don't look at me."

"It's not a fart," Mike said.

"Ugh! Mike!" Tim yelled.

"What? I'm on the best win streak of my life, and I wasn't going to risk losing that for the sake of a dump."

Tim paused the game. "Go clean up. Now."

Mike went, muttering, "You didn't even notice until she said something."

 

Title: Get the Sensation
Fandom: Psych
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


Shawn looked up from his computer. "Gus, I'm sensing something."

"We're alone here," Gus said. "You don't need to go through all that."

"No, I mean it. It's a tingling, right about here." Shawn gestured toward his lower back. "And all down my leg. I think I might be having a heart attack."

"Shawn, that's if you're getting a tingling in your left arm. You've just been sitting in that chair too long. You need to stand up."

"You're right, Gus," Shawn said. He pushed his chair back, stood... and collapsed to the floor. "You're wrong, Gus. Wrong, wrong, wrong."

 

Title: A Programming Note
Fandom: Animalympics
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


Henry Hummel shuffled his notes as he read from the teleprompter. "Welcome back to ZOO's coverage of speed skating, brought to you by Swine-Sol, the official sty cleanser of the Second Animal Olympic Games. We'll return to the competition after this brief programming note.

"Following speed skating, we'll present the finals of beach volleyball, sponsored by Carcinosweet, the official artificial sweetener of the Second Animal Olympic Games. And then, an unbiased, hard-hitting exposé on the controversy over the commercialization of the Animal Olympic Games, brought to you by Beeatrice, the official mysterious multinational corporation of the Second Animal Olympic Games."

 

Title: The Friendly Client
Fandom: Las Vegas / Wallace & Gromit
Originally Posted: 4 December, 2010


Sam raced across the casino floor; her latest whale was due any moment. Getting Ed to sign off on the dog had taken finessing, but otherwise, the guy's demands were right up Sam's alley.

She reached the foyer just as he entered, followed by his dog, who was carrying the bags. Sam motioned for a porter to get them, while she met her client.

"Miss Marquez?" he asked.

"Please, call me Sam."

"And you can call me Wallace."

She smiled. "Okay, Wallace. Your room's ready, and I've had it stocked with every kind of cheese I could get."

"Even Wensleydale?"

 

Title: Salad Days
Fandom: Doctor Who
Doctor: Sixth
Originally Posted: 12 December, 2010


Mel pushed her way past a pair of haggling aliens and stormed toward the Doctor. "Oh no you don't!" she yelled, pointing furiously. "Put that fork down now, Doctor!"

He looked up at her innocently. "Mel, this is a salad, nothing but nutritious, organic, local vegetables. It's exactly the sort of food you've been pushing me to eat."

"Really?" Mel asked. "It doesn't look like any salad I've ever seen."

"Not every vegetable in the universe is going to resemble what's sold at Sainsbury's," the Doctor chided.

"But that one's moving off your plate!"

"Oh, right. Get back here, you!"

 

This one was inspired by that Gylne Tider promo that had just gone briefly viral.


Title: Norwegian Would
Fandom: Doctor Who
Originally Posted: 12 December, 2010


As the transmat's glare faded, the Doctor smiled. He'd never been here before, but he recognized it immediately: Bad Wolf Bay. Why was he here, though? Who had brought him?

Around him, others appeared. He saw many former companions, friends, a few strangers, and some -- no, all -- of his past selves. Everyone mingled, reminiscing, catching up, asking questions. But it was clear that nobody had any idea why they'd all been brought to some Norwegian beach.

Then, from somewhere, the music began, and Doctor's first self, looking very confused, began saying, "It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll."