Story [Multi-Fandom] The Count's Drabbles (12/30: "Ancillary Intervention Services" (Community))

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Count_Drabbu, Jan 1, 2012.

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  1. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    This is the latest incarnation of my drabbles thread. Many of my other non-Star Wars drabbles, including those posted under my prior usernames, can be found in the following threads:
    UDC VII: Drabbles Unchained
    The Count's Shufflin'
    Salacious' Drabbles
    UDC VI: For a Few Drabbles More
    UDC 5: Thread Accumulating Response Drabbles in Sets
    UDC 4: Carry On Drabbling (First two weeks)
    Drabbi's General Drabbles
    Drabbles of Doom
    Sunnydrabble High
    Ultimate Challenge Drabbles




    As of 29 December, 2013, this thread includes drabbles in the following fandoms:
    [Warning: List may contain spoilers for individual drabbles.]

    *Action
    *The Addams Family
    *ALF
    *Angel
    *Animaniacs
    *Archer
    *The Archers
    *Arrested Development
    *The Avengers (UK)
    The Avengers (US)
    *Babylon 5
    *Back to the Future
    *Barney Miller
    *Better Off Dead
    *Better Off Ted
    *Beyond Belief
    *The Big Bang Theory
    *Blake's 7
    *Buckaroo Banzai
    *Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    *Burn Notice
    *Captain Laserbeam
    *Chuck
    *City of Heroes
    *The Closer
    *Clue(do)
    *Community
    *Conan the Barbarian
    *CSI: Miami
    *Dallas
    *Danger Mouse
    *Daria
    *Dark Shadows
    *Darkwing Duck
    *Die Hard
    *Dilbert
    *Doctors
    *Doctor Who
    *Eureka
    *Farscape
    *Firefly
    *Flash Gordon
    *Four Weddings and a Funeral
    *Fraggle Rock
    *Futurama
    *Garfield
    *Get Smart
    *Ghostbusters
    *Gilmore Girls
    *The Goonies
    *Green Arrow
    *Green Eggs and Ham
    *The Guild
    *The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
    *House
    *How I Met Your Mother
    *Indiana Jones
    *Into the Labyrinth
    *The IT Crowd
    *Jabberjaw
    *James Bond
    *Judge Dredd
    *King of the Hill
    *Law & Order: SVU
    *Lost
    *Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
    *M*A*S*H
    *Masters of the Universe
    *Maverick
    *The Mentalist
    *Mitchell
    *Modern Family
    *Modesty Blaise
    *Monk
    *The Monkees
    *Monopoly
    *Monster Cereals
    *Mrs. Doubtfire
    *Murder, She Wrote
    *My Mother the Car
    *Mystery Science Theater 3000
    *The Office (UK)
    *The Office (US)
    *Office Space
    *Old Harry's Game
    *Parks and Recreation
    *Person of Interest
    *Phineas and Ferb
    *Pinky and the Brain
    *Pitfall
    *Psych
    *Pushing Daisies
    *Quantum Leap
    *Red Dwarf
    *Saint's Row
    *Sapphire & Steel
    *The Sarah Jane Adventures
    *Seinfeld
    *A Series of Unfortunate Events
    *Sesame Street
    *Sherlock Holmes
    *The Simpsons
    *Sledge Hammer!
    *Star Trek
    *Star Trek: Corps of Engineers
    *Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
    *Star Trek: The Next Generation
    *Superman
    *Talespin
    *The Thin Man
    *30 Rock
    *Thor
    *The Tick
    *Tomb Raider
    *Top Secret!
    *Torchwood
    *24
    *The Warriors
    *The West Wing
    *When Things Were Rotten
    *Who's Harry Crumb?
    *Wonderfalls
    *World of Warcraft
    *The X-Files
    Last edited by Count_Drabbu, Dec 30, 2013
  2. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Digging In
    Fandom: Phineas and Ferb


    "And after you sabotaged my Molemaninator, Perry the Platypus," Dr. Doofenschmirtz monologued, "it went deeper and deeper into the Earth, until it emerged in a strange and mystical land at the planet's very core! This glorious place was ruled over by a super hot warrior queen who didn't wear a lot of clothing, which is why I can't do a flashback. She was totally into me, too, I could tell. And that's why I must get back there with this!" He whipped back the sheet. "Behold, my Super Molemaninator!"

    Perry purred, and Doofenschmirtz yelled back, "She was too into me!"

  3. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
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    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] I love Doofenschmirtz :D
  4. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
  5. Book-Geek Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2011
    star 3
    I'm so excited to see Phineas and Ferb fanfiction here! [face_dancing] I'm seriously watching it right now! It's the best! Doofenshmirtz is hilarious![face_laugh]

  6. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks. BG, there are more P&F drabbles in the first couple older threads listed above.


    Title: The Ventrance
    Fandom: Tomb Raider


    Lara's cautious descent in the sloping ancient air vent had turned into an uncontrolled slide as the stone became too smooth and slick; if she didn't find a way to stop herself, she would be dashed against the floor of the subterranean temple below.

    Without warning, the vent ended, and she was in midair. In the gloom, she glimpsed a large pool directly below and hoped it would be deep enough.

    * * *

    Minutes later, she climbed ashore, her wet clothes clinging to her.

    The porter she'd left in the jungle above asked, "Miss Croft, why did you not take the stairs?"
  7. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Cleaning Service
    Fandom: How I Met Your Mother


    "Kids, did I ever tell you about the time Barney woke up next to a dead hooker?"

    * * *

    "She wasn't a hooker, Ted!" Barney sipped at his drink. "She was a European history major."

    "What'd you do?" Marshall wondered. "You called the police, right?"

    Barney scoffed. "How stupid do you think I am? Let them parade through my bedroom and mess up my suits? No thanks. I called my guy who takes care of these things."

    "You have a guy for removing dead hookers?" Ted asked.

    "She wasn't a hooker! And who doesn?t have a guy for things like that?"

    "Everyone!"
  8. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    Barney, Barney, Barney! [face_laugh]
  9. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

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  10. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks. In the past few weeks, I'd only written one fanfic drabble that wasn't for the Shuffle Challenge, but it featured drug use, so I couldn't post it here. Now that challenge is over, here's one I wrote a couple nights ago.



    Title: A Better World
    Fandom: Arrested Development


    Maeby looked up from her history book. "You know what would make the world a better place?"

    "If hookers didn't charge?" Gob offered.

    Michael said, "If everyone in this family got jobs."

    "Those poor starving people in the third world need better access to hair care products," Lindsay suggested.

    Buster asked, "What if we all had two heads?"

    "How about if cousins were allowed to marry?" Everyone turned to George Michael, who quietly muttered, "Yeah, like that's worse than free hookers."

    "Maeby, what," Michael asked, "do you think would make the world a better place?"

    "I, uh, don't remember anymore."

  11. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    One thing I forgot to mention last time is that I sorta continued the shuffling thing, even if the challenge is over. That last drabble came after I got "(What a) Wonderful World" by Herman's Hermits. For this one, I got "Luke's Nocturnal Visitor" from the ESB soundtrack.



    Title: The Nocturnal Visitor
    Fandom: The Sarah Jane Adventures


    Luke rolled over in time to see the second rock bouncing off his bedroom window. He crawled out of bed and staggered over. An alien he'd never seen before stood outside, beckoning him to come downstairs.

    Minutes later, he was dressed and standing at the front door. "Is Sarah Jane's boy?" the alien asked.

    "Yes. Do you want to speak to my mum?"

    It shrieked, "No! Must not spoil!"

    "Spoil what?"

    "Is not soon Sarah Jane's hatching anniversary? Have gift!" It handed him a soft bundle wrapped in paper. "Is socks! Humans like socks, yes? But don't tell! Is surprise!"

  12. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    For this one, I was inspired by "A Million Mushrooms" by the Gothic Archies (Lemony Snicket's band).


    Title: Zangarmarsh Melody
    Fandom: World of Warcraft


    The tauren warrior smiled grimly when he finally saw the troll settlement in the distance. He had come to Outland because he'd heard wonderful stories of a place called Nagrand, but the lands he'd seen so far did little to fill him with hope.

    As he passed through the gates and dismounted, he was met by a troll who said, "Welcome to Zabra'jin."

    The tauren grunted. "I don't envy you, troll, having to live in such a forsaken place."

    "Are you kidding, mon? Most of us begged for this assignment!"

    "Why?"

    The troll giggled. "Look around you!"

    "Right. Silly question."

  13. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    This one isn't inspired by a song; the idea came to me early the other morning.


    Title: The Petty One
    Fandom: Doctor Who


    "Why would you even bring that up?" Amy screamed as she ran up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door closed behind her. "In front of our daughter, too!"

    "What did I do?" Rory asked. "You and River were the ones ganging up on me, remember? You both said I looked goofy. All I did was point out that the TARDIS thought I was pretty."

    "No, you said it thought you were 'the pretty one'!"

    Rory laughed. "Is that what this is about? You're jealous that a machine didn't find you prettier than me?"

    "Of course I'm jealous, you moron!"

  14. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
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    star 4
    Very cute. :p You have your Amy and Rory interaction is down to a T. =D=



    ~MJ @};-
  15. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks.


    Title: Die Hard as Ice
    Fandom: Die Hard


    McClane took a quick glance around the corner. Why were two of the gunmen back in this area? The cash was all up front; it could've been cleaned out within ten minutes, and without the elaborate charade of taking everyone hostage. No, whatever these guys wanted, it had something to do with the pair in the freezer section.

    He drew his gun, breathed deeply, and charged the two men. He shot down the one who noticed him first and tackled the other. "Who are you guys? What do you want?"

    "Ice cream, man! It was always about the ice cream!"

  16. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    I've still been writing. I just needed to take a break from posting for a bit. So that means backlog!


    Title: Up the Down Elevator
    Fandom: Better Off Ted


    Ted checked his watch. In five minutes, they'd only risen three floors. "I guess the dispute with the elevator maintenance company still isn't resolved?"

    "It's only gotten worse since you've been away," Lem said.

    "Everyone was told to take the stairs instead," Phil added. "That didn't go well at all."

    Lem shrugged. "It wasn't too bad at first. My calves never looked better."

    "They are magnificent," Phil agreed. "But then people started dropping like flies. Huge, huge flies. Have you ever been trapped under a dead 350-pound man for an hour? I have."

    Lem said, ?It was seven minutes.?
  17. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Down Mexico Way
    Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
    Setting: Between Seasons 6 and 7


    Andrew was pretending to carefully inspect the fruit in the village market when someone bumped into him. He turned around and gasped. "Anya!"

    She stared at him, confused, for a moment before finally saying, "You!"

    Panicked, they talked over each other rapidly until Anya grabbed him by the shoulders. "Shut up! Listen, if anyone ever asks - though I can't think why they would, but if by some weird chance they do - you never saw me because I was never here. Got it?"

    "Right," he agreed. "You were never here. And neither were we."

    * * *

    Jonathan screamed, "Why did you say 'we'?"

  18. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

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    Jul 20, 2002
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    [face_laugh] Andrew actually cracks me up :D
  19. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks.


    Title: A Mammoth Predicament
    Fandom: Pushing Daisies


    Emerson and Chuck watched in horror as the mammoth's head swung around and knocked Ned unconscious. Then the creature bolted from its display. They raced over to where Ned lay, Emerson swearing the entire way.

    "But if it hit Ned," Chuck asked, "shouldn't that count as a second contact?"

    "Not if the fool forgot to let go from the first one!" Emerson bent down by Ned. "Help me lift him onto my back. We got about forty seconds to get him and Jumbo over there back in touch."

    Chuck shook her head. "Sorry, can't touch him, remember?"

    Emerson swore again.

  20. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    One thing I forgot to mention earlier. The Better Off Ted drabble was inspired by "This Elevator Is Slow" from the Grim Fandango soundtrack, and the Buffy one by "South of the Border" from Songs in the Key of Springfield. If yesterday's or today's had been, I forgot what songs they were.


    Title: Nature Finds a Way
    Fandom: Firefly


    "What," Jayne asked, horrified, "are those creatures?"

    Kaylee chuckled. "You ain't never seen chimpanzees before?"

    "When would you have ever seen 'em?" he snapped back.

    "I've seen pictures."

    He snorted. "Did those pictures tell you what they're doing here?"

    "After terraforming, this world was turned into a nature preserve," Simon explained. "The Alliance got distracted by, um, other issues during the war. It looks like at least some of the species are doing well, though."

    "They're cute," Kaylee said, grinning.

    "They're still wild animals," Simon told her, "so don't get too close."

    Jayne shrugged. "Tell that to your sister."

    "River!"
  21. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

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    [face_laugh] Of course (for all of them) :D
  22. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2004
    star 4
    [face_laugh]! Spot on for everyone's voices.

    And one would think that Jayne bears much in comparison with the chimp. :p


    ~MJ @};-
  23. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks, MJ and NYCG.


    Title: Going to Reno
    Fandom: The Thin Man


    Nora knelt down and kissed her son on the forehead. "And be good for Nanny Louise while Daddy and I are away," she said.

    "Yes, Mommy."

    She stood and turned to the nanny. "Louise, Mr. Charles and I should only be gone a few days. We're just taking a trip up to Reno."

    The nanny gasped.

    "Mr. Charles has to go there to see someone for a case he's working on," Nora explained, "and I'm accompanying him to keep him out of trouble." Grinning, she added, "We haven't yet decided whether or not to get a divorce while we're there."

  24. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Nominate This!
    Fandom: Action


    Peter put the car phone on speaker. Stuart's voice asked, "Did you see the Oscar nominations this morning?"

    "No, I overslept," Peter said, thinking of the redhead he woke up next to. "But I know Chateau Marmot's up for Best Animated Feature. There were like thirty messages congratulating me this morning, and the studio wants to see me right away."

    "Yeah, about that, you might want to take your time getting there," Stuart hedged.

    "Why?"

    "The nomination credited the film to you and DreamWorks," he explained. "The studio is-"

    "Oh *BLEEP*!" Peter shouted. "Are they *BLEEP*ing blaming me for this?"

  25. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Slow Terror
    Fandom: Doctor Who


    "Basically," the Doctor shouted, "run!"

    "What do you think I'm trying to do?" Amy yelled back up at him. She finally managed to pull one leg free and take another step. "It's easy for you to tell me to run, but you're not the one up to your knees in treacle, are you?"

    He looked past her to the oncoming flood of mutant dormice. "Well, do it faster!"

    "Lots of help you are! Isn't there some setting on your gizmo you can use?"

    "No, of course not!" he snapped. "Don't be silly! Why would I- oh, I do have one!"

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