Story [Multi-Fandom] The Count's Drabbles (12/30: "Ancillary Intervention Services" (Community))

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Count_Drabbu, Jan 1, 2012.

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  1. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Over Thin Air
    Fandom: Sapphire and Steel


    Steel held the small girl tightly, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Remember," he explained, "whatever you do, keep your eyes closed. Don't even try to peek."

    "I won't."

    He stepped off the edge of the precipice. The chasm was just over twenty yards wide. Keeping his own eyes straight forward, he walked across over thin air.

    Once they were on the other side, he set her down. "You can open your eyes now."

    "How did you do that?" she wondered.

    "The secret," he told her, "is not looking down."

    She asked, "Like in cartoons?"

    "What are cartoons?"
  2. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Ice on the Prize
    Fandom: Farscape


    Crichton and D'Argo watched in horror as the fuel cell slipped from Aeryn's hands and slid out across the sheet of ice. Neither they nor any of Crais's Peacekeepers moved; then the fuel cell slowed to a stop halfway across, and everyone started moving at once.

    D'Argo, Aeryn, and the other Sebaceans tried running, walking, or crawling out onto the ice, and soon all were stumbling, falling, or sliding in random directions. Crichton, meanwhile, began calmly putting on his new skates.

    * * *

    "So you got the cell first?" Pilot asked.

    "No," Crichton admitted, "that was Crais, but I was this close!"
  3. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: What the Young Are Listening To
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Sixth


    "Why are you surprised?" the Doctor wondered. "I know music!"

    "But you're old! I figured you'd know classic music or oldies! Not, uh..."

    "What 'the young people are listening to'?" he asked. "Peri, I'm seven hundred, not seventy. To me, you're all young people. And remember, I'm also a time traveller. Thirty years into your future, and all the songs you're listening to now will be oldies. A hundred years, and they will be classical music."

    He started to leave but stopped in the doorway. "Just because I know it doesn't mean I want to hear it. Keep it down."
  4. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Intermediate Lamaze
    Fandom: Community


    Dean Pelton raised his hands above his head. "I'm so confused!" he yelled, to nobody's surprise. "What class is this? Did I authorize it?"

    A voice in his ear whispered, "It's a Lamaze class, dummy."

    Pelton spun around. "Dean Spreck? What are you doing here at Greendale?"

    Spreck looked down at the pregnant woman sprawled in front of him. "What's it look like? I'm here with my wife."

    "I never knew you were married," Pelton admitted.

    "I like to maintain an air of mystery," Spreck explained. "Otherwise, I'd be at a real school."

    "Well, I'm glad you chose Greendale instead."
  5. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Ear You Are
    Fandom: The Sarah Jane Adventures


    "There was," Sarah Jane explained, "nothing wrong with my ear that a good, thorough cleaning couldn't take care of." She held up a small phial containing the corpse of some kind of an alien parasite. "When the doctor extracted this, she was surprised."

    "What is it?" Rani wondered.

    Sarah Jane asked, "Mr. Smith, would you do the honours?"

    "It is a Tortilian Mindworm, often used to take over subjects' minds, but rarely attempted on humans; your biochemistry is toxic to them."

    Sarah Jane shuddered. "How long has this been dead in my ear?"

    "Based on rate of decomposition, six weeks."
  6. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Return to Maine
    Fandom: Dark Shadows / Murder, She Wrote


    Quentin Collins glanced over at his new bride and smiled. She smiled back without taking her eyes off the lonely forest road. He'd never expected he'd be returning to the Maine coast to live, but then he'd never expected to find happiness again either.

    He'd never told her about Collinsport, nor did he ever plan to. He wanted their life together to be quiet, free from the werewolves, ghosts, and murder.

    "Oh," she said, "I finally heard back from Aunt Jessica. If our house isn't ready, we can use her spare room. Quentin, I swear you'll just love Cabot Cove."
  7. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Unreality TV
    Fandom: Psych


    "That's just a television show," Henry said. "It's not real."

    Shawn rolled his eyes. "TV shows can be real, too! Duh, that's why they call them 'reality shows'! It's because they're completely real! Well, mostly real. Partly real. Like maybe ten or fifteen percent real."

    "Fine, reality shows are a little bit real, but-"

    "The news! That counts as a show! And you like sports, right? Or are you telling me those aren't real, either? Except wrestling. I'll give you that one. Also figure skating. You can't tell me-"

    "Shawn!" Henry snapped. "Shows about people on spaceships aren't reality TV!"
  8. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Resume the Resumé
    Fandom: Better Off Ted / Eureka
    Spoilers: Through "Double Take"/"Just Another Day"



    Phil groaned. "I thought the annual 'Make Everyone Interview for Their Own Jobs' Day wasn't for three months."

    "You didn't hear about Global Dynamics?" Lem asked.

    "I've never heard of Global Dynamics," Phil said.

    "Government contractor of some kind," Lem explained. "Only take the best of the best. Eight of my friends at MIT applied, and only two got interviews."

    "Again with MIT."

    "Anyway," Len continued, "suddenly they're all on the market. The top minds in every field, smarter than you, me, and Dr. Bomba put together."

    Across the lab, Dr. Bomba yelled, "Leave me out of your little fantasies!"
  9. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: A Clue to the Brew
    Fandom: Torchwood


    Valves opened and closed. Pistons rose and fell. Gears turned. Lights flashed, glowed, flickered, and strobed in patterns neither Gwen nor Jack could understand. The pair stared up at the gleaming silver contraption, towering a metre taller than either of them. "What," she asked him, "is that?"

    "That," he answered, "is the secret to Ianto's fantastic coffee."

    "All this time, he was using alien tech?" She laughed. "That dirty cheater!"

    "Less than you'd think," he explained. "There's nothing there that isn't already available in any hardware shop. Of course, this configuration won't officially be invented for seventy years."

    "Still cheating."
  10. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Unwelcome to Hades
    Fandom: Old Harry's Game / Doctor Who


    Satan gazed out over the fiery pits of tormented souls and frowned. "Scumspawn, something's amiss down there, I just know it."

    "Everything looks fine to me, my liege," his demonic minion said.

    "Yes, but that's because you have all the keen observation skills of a pomegranate," Satan explained. "Otherwise, you'd have spotted that."

    "That blue box? What's it mean?"

    "It means," Satan said, "that there are living people wandering around here somewhere. Go find the Doctor and friends at once, and bring them to me! And get that Dalek who wound up here because of clerical error to help you!"
  11. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: A Little Kitten
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Fourth


    "I'm surprised at you, Sarah," the Doctor said. "It's not like you to be scared of a little kitten." He reached up and tickled the underside of the creature's chin; it purred contentedly.

    "Little?" Sarah Jane gasped. "It has teeth bigger than my forearm!"

    "Fine, he's a big kitten." Looking up, he cooed, "You just want a big saucer of milk, don't you?" The creature leaned forward and tried to bite at the Doctor's hand, and he pulled it back. "I see what you mean. One playful nip, and I won't be half the Time Lord I used to be."
  12. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: In the Raw
    Fandom: The Mentalist


    "Jane!" Lisbon yelled. "Why are you naked?"

    Jane patted his chest. "I'm not naked."

    "Okay, fine. You're naked except for your waistcoat."

    "I wouldn't say that either." He glanced down at his feet.

    "And your socks," she admitted. "But I can still see your-"

    "Can you?" he asked, hands on hips. Sure enough, he was wearing boxers. A minute later, he was fully dressed again.

    "How'd you do that?"

    "I was never really naked," he explained. "It was a posthypnotic suggestion I planted. You only saw what I wanted you to see."

    "You wanted me to see a Chumbawumba tattoo?"
  13. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Old High Gallifreyan
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Fourth

    "This is in Old High Gallifreyan! Luckily for you," the Doctor told the archaeological team, "I happen to be something of an expert at translating Old High Gallifreyan."

    Behind him, Romana grumbled, "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

    "I don't understand," a young team member said.

    "What do you think Old High Gallifreyan really is?" Romana asked.

    "An ancient language of the upper tier of Gallifreyan society?" someone guessed.

    She barked out a laugh. "The reason it's called Old High Gallifreyan," she explained, "was that it was invented by a bunch of Time Lords who were on narcotics at the time."
  14. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Palace Guard
    Fandom: James Bond


    "Remember," M had warned, "at no point must Her Majesty nor any other member of the Royal Family even suspect that you are on the grounds. If they do, it would mean both of our heads."

    Bond glanced down at the barking Corgi bracing itself against his legs. He was tempted to kick it away, but that would be as bad for the mission as letting its noise lure someone to the pantry.

    Then he saw the dog treats on a high shelf.

    * * *

    The Queen found Mittens chomping away in an empty pantry. "How did you reach those this time?"
  15. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
  16. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks.


    Title: Chairman of the Horde
    Fandom: World of Warcraft / Animaniacs


    The Warchief bellowed, "What are these strange creatures that have invaded my throne room?"

    The tallest of the three smiled. "I'm Yakko!"

    The other male added, "I'm Wakko!"

    The female said, "And I'm Princess Angelina Contessa Luisa Francesca Banana Fana Bo Besca the Third, but you can call me Dot!"

    "Just who might you be?" Wakko asked.

    "I might be any number of things, but what I am is Garrosh-"

    Dot reached out and squeezed his lips. "Could you hold that thought, hon? We're trying to read a map."

    "It's no use," Yakko said. "This thing's from three expansions ago!"
  17. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: My Mate, Mosby
    Fandom: How I Met Your Mother


    "Ted, I need your help," Barney declared.

    "What did you do this time?"

    Barney grinned. "Using my impeccable mastery of accents, I convinced this hot blonde I was British. But it turns out her even hotter roommate really is British! And I'm this close to getting to nail her too."

    "And why would that involve me?" Ted asked.

    "You got that I nailed the blonde, right? Twice. Anyway, she said she only likes guys who like Marmite. Whatever that is."

    "It's a kind of English chocolate," Ted lied.

    "Thanks!" Barney said. "You're the best!"

    Ted laughed. "No, I'm really not."
  18. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Horror of Fraggle Rock
    Fandom: Fraggle Rock


    Gobo had just been so happy that his Uncle Matt was back that he'd been the last one to notice that Matt had come back wrong. The doozers had been the first to notice something was amiss, and they'd had the sense to flee before the nightmare began. Or so everyone had thought. Now Gobo knew they'd merely been the first victims, but he wondered if there was anyone left to tell.

    Gobo also knew that, whatever had happened to his uncle, it had happened on the other side of the gap before him. It had happened in Outer Space.
  19. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Femme Fatale
    Fandom: James Bond


    Bond dropped to one knee, raised his Walther, and fired until his gun was empty. The figure staggered back slightly from the first few shots, but stayed up and shrugged off the rest. "That hurt. It really did. Just because you can't kill me doesn't mean I don't feel pain. I do. A lot. And it's not just physical-"

    Bond emptied another clip into her. "What did I just say?" she yelled, baring her fangs. "This is what I mean when I'm talking about emotional betrayal. I'm not angry, James, just disappointed. Of course, I'll still have to kill you."
  20. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Threat to Arlen
    Fandom: King of the Hill / Doctor Who
    Doctor: Tenth


    "Mister," Hank said, "I haven't understood a word you said since 'Hello, I'm the Doctor.'"

    "Yeah," Boomhauer agreed, adding his own thoughts on the Doctor's "dang ol' accent" and rapid speech.

    Bill chimed in, "I like how he talks. I feel classier just listening to it."

    The Doctor turned to Dale. "Do you want to add your thoughts on my accent?"

    "No, I understood everything you said. I just know that you're wrong. The real threat to Arlen isn't the underground reptile men," Dale explained. "It's the underground ant men."

    "What? No, don't be stupid! They don't emerge until 2012!"
  21. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
  22. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks. I think you might be my only reader.

    Title: Russkie Business
    Fandom: Sledge Hammer!


    "You do not understand," Yvette said, her perfect Texas twang taking a sudden trip eastward. "I am Russian agent here to seduce you."

    Sledge massaged his aching jaw. "So far, lady, you're not doing a very good job of it."

    "You on other hand have been doing fantastic job!" She draped her arms around his shoulders and whispered in his ear, "I love you. I want to become American for real so we can be together forever."

    "I wish I could believe you," he said, "but there's one problem."

    "Yes?"

    "That sedative you just injected into me." Sledge collapsed, snoring.
  23. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Java Hero
    Fandom: How I Met Your Mother


    "Kids, Robin came back from covering a story overseas with a big surprise."

    * * *

    Barney looked down the couch toward Lily and Marshall, then at the photo again. "It's her doppelganger."

    "You mean the stripper?" Robin asked.

    "Why not? Or another one. Can you have more than one doppelganger?"

    "It's me!" Lily blurted. "All right?"

    Ted yelled, "There's a ten-foot statue of you in Jakarta-"

    "Twenty," she corrected, "but that's not counting the base."

    "And you never told us?" he finished. "Marshall, did you know about this?"

    "Yeah, kinda, for a couple years now, but she won't even tell me why."
  24. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
  25. Rew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 22, 2008
    star 4
    I skim. :p

    Alas, I'm not familiar with most of these fandoms. (I really need to get into Doctor Who one of these days.)

    The James Bond one with the Corgi was spot-on, though.
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