Story [Multi-Fandom] The Count's Drabbles (12/30: "Ancillary Intervention Services" (Community))

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Count_Drabbu, Jan 1, 2012.

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  1. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Thanks. And, of course, today's is Doctor Who again.


    Title: TARDIS Technical Support
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Fourth


    "Do you know what you're doing?"

    The Doctor peered up at Romana's imperious visage, the TARDIS lights giving her black hair a beatific glow. "Of course I know! Anyway, it's not like I can call TARDIS Technical Support, is it?"

    "Why not?"

    "I'll tell you why not! I... don't know," he admitted. "K-9, call TARDIS Technical Support! Tell me when you finally get through to someone!"

    "Affirmative, master."

    * * *

    Romana tried blowing a stray blonde lock away from her face. "Doctor, why is K-9 beeping like that?"

    "Mistress, I have reached TARDIS Technical Support!"

    The Doctor grinned. "Sooner than I expected."
  2. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Turn West
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Eighth


    "Lucie Miller," the Doctor said, "that has to be the craziest idea I have ever heard in all my lives, and I've heard some crazy ideas. I've had most of them."

    "It won't work?" Lucie whined.

    He smiled. "I never said that. And it's the only feasible plan we have, so I'm behind you all the way. But remember, absolutely everyone else will have to be as well."

    With some persuading, everyone on the planet did get behind it, and one afternoon all were walking, running, swimming, or rowing straight west, hoping to restart the planet's rotation.

    They almost succeeded.
  3. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Title: Satellite Down
    Fandom: The Closer


    Brenda stared at the tangled mess of metal. "Lieutenant Provenza, what is that?" she asked.

    "That, Chief, is what they call a communications satellite," he said. "Or what's left of one, anyway."

    "That's what I thought, but why was Major Crimes brought out here over an accident, however spectacular it may have been?"

    A figure on the other side of the satellite rose. "I believe I can answer that."

    "Lieutenant Tao?" Brenda and the others came around the satellite and saw the hand, still in its glove, burned off at the wrist.

    "I hope," Andy said, "that's not an alien."
  4. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Title: Among the Fallen
    Fandom: The Office


    "I just stood there, silent, among the bodies. Some that I had fought alongside, others that I had fought against, all united in death," Ryan said. "And then they just faded away like they never were."

    "That's because they really never were," Oscar interjected. "Characters in video games aren't real."

    "Aren't they?" Ryan asked rhetorically. "Aren't they?"

    "No! Video game characters are just collections of pixels created by the computer and controlled by braindead players."

    Around the office, others groaned, but Kevin grinned. "I, for one, believe Ryan's story."

    "Uh, thanks, Kevin," Ryan said. "That means a lot. I think."
  5. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: In Concert
    Fandom: The Guild


    "That was an unmitigated disaster," Vork complained.

    Codex said, "That disaster was totally mitigated."

    "Ha! When we try this again tomorrow, you'd better-"

    "Tomorrow?" Bladezz asked. "No can do. I'll be at the Bloviating Bungholes concert."

    "Cool, me too," Tink said. "But if you see me there, you don't know me, got it?"

    "What about me?" Zaboo wondered. "I'll be there also."

    Clara added, "And me! I don't know them, but Mr. Wiggly got tickets. Codex, want to come with?"

    "Sure!"

    "Am I the only person on Earth not going?" Vork yelled.

    "Suddenly," Bladezz said, "I'm thinking of skipping it."
  6. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Monkey Shines
    Fandom: Psych


    Gus threw down his pen and stood up. "If you're going to keep jumping around and behaving like a monkey, I'm going for a walk."

    Shawn hopped down from his desk. "How dare you accuse me of acting like a monkey!" he insisted. "I was doing no such thing!"

    "Really?" asked Gus. "What were you doing then?"

    "I was acting like a chimpanzee, which is a member of the ape family, not the monkey one," Shawn explained. "Had I been acting like a monkey, I would've flung my poo at you."

    Gus said, "I stand corrected, but I'm still leaving."
  7. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: The Last Costume
    Fandom: Red Dwarf


    "I must report," Kryten said, "that I have failed you, Mr. Lister, sir."

    Lister swung down from his bunk, narrowly missing Rimmer's head. "You couldn't find me a Batman costume?"

    Kryten explained, "I found the top half of one, but I don't think it would suit your needs." He held up the garment.

    "Why," Rimmer asked, "is the bat logo cut out?"

    "I believe that was related to these nipple clamps I also found. On the plus side, I did find one complete male superhero outfit."

    Lister smiled. "Who? Superman? Spider-Man? As long as it's anyone but Aquaman."

    "It's Aquaman."
  8. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: The Grand Redesign
    Fandom: How I Met Your Mother / The Avengers (2012 film)


    "Kids, in the summer of 2012, much of Midtown was rebuilding after the Chitauri invasion, and every architect in the city wanted a piece of that action."

    * * *

    Ted sat down in the waiting area and scanned the faces around him. He recognized many, including the man sitting beside him. "Hammond."

    "Mosby."

    Ted said, "I didn't know you were still in the city. Rumor was you were designing chicken places in New Mexico."

    "I'll have you know," Hammond bragged, "Tony Stark is a personal friend."

    "I thought you met once at a luncheon."

    Hammond yelled, "How do you remember that stuff?"
  9. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: So Go Downtown
    Fandom: Castle


    "Castle, why," Beckett asked, "did you just make us walk from Midtown to Canal Street?"

    Rick said, "Call it an experiment. Are you feeling worn out?"

    "Not particularly," Beckett answered.

    Ryan shook his head, while Esposito admitted, "Maybe just a little bit."

    "Okay, but you're trained police officers," Castle explained, "in peak physical condition. Here comes my second test group."

    Alexis trudged toward them, her grandmother draped across her shoulders. "Why are you trying to kill me, Richard?" Martha moaned.

    "And they," Castle said, "only walked from Union Square. I had a third group, but they quit after three blocks."
  10. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    I realized a few days ago that I'm rapidly approaching my 600th Doctor Who (or spinoff) drabble. That meant I needed to do a run of themed drabbles - one per Doctor - leading up to the event. But what theme of eleven (or perhaps twelve) parts could I use?


    Title: Drummers Drumming
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: First


    Dodo and Steven peered over the crates and watched as the line of giant ant creatures poured more of the glowing sludge into large steel drums, then sealed and stacked them. "What are those things?" she whispered.

    From somewhere behind her, the Doctor answered, "Zarbi. But they're a long way from Vortis." He walked past his companions and out onto the floor.

    "Doctor!" Steven hissed. "What are you doing?"

    "Zarbi are merely dumb creatures," the Doctor explained. "If I don't interfere with their programmed tasks, they'll ignore me. See?" As one, the Zarbi turned to face him. "Or perhaps not."
  11. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Pipers Piping
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Second


    Jamie peered at his reflection and frowned. This new silver outfit he'd been given was too tight just about everywhere, and the material was so thin that it left almost nothing to the imagination. How was this supposed to protect him from the cold airlessness of space? "Och, Doctor, we've worn spacesuits before, and they were nae anything like this!"

    "We're a few thousand years past that time, Jamie," the Doctor explained. "Remember the Moonbase's computers? There are more powerful ones running through the threads of that suit."

    Jamie nodded. "Do ye think I could wear my clothes over this?"
  12. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Lords A-Leaping
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Third


    "What I question," the Doctor said, "are your conclusions!"

    The figure floating before him reiterated, "The Master must be stopped by any means necessary."

    "Yes, you've made that abundantly clear," the Doctor hissed.

    "We know you have an affection for this planet," the figure explained. He spread his arms awkwardly, probably intending to convey sympathy. "That's why we placed you here. But no one world, even Earth, is more important than doing what must be done."

    "'What must be done'?" the Doctor screamed. "You're talking about killing billions of humans just to destroy one Time Lord!"

    "It is necessary."

    "Poppycock!"
  13. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Ladies Dancing
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Fourth


    "What," Romana asked, raising her voice to be heard over the music, "are those women doing?"

    The Doctor laughed. "Surely, even in the Citadel on Gallifrey, you must have at least heard of dancing!"

    "Of course I have! I just hadn't realized this was a religious ceremony."

    The Doctor turned from the performers on the stage to Romana, and back to the act on stage. "Yes, well," he stammered, "I guess you could call it that."

    She leaned in closer. "Doctor, I think some of those dancers may not really be women."

    "Romana, none of those dancers are really women."
  14. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Maids A-Milking
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Fifth


    Nyssa was returning from the TARDIS library found the Doctor in the corridor pulling some tubing from an opened roundel. "Ah, you're just in time," he said without looking at her.

    Rather than protest, she asked, "Just in time for what?"

    He handed her a length of hose; the material felt more like flesh than rubber. "The system's clogged, and we need to remove the obstructions. Gently and carefully squeeze out whatever's inside."

    As Nyssa started working, he added, "That's good, just like milking a cow. And I suddenly realise that may not have been the most helpful of comparisons."
  15. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Swans A-Swimming
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Sixth


    The banks of the Chao Phraya were packed with spectators, and Mel cheered along with them as the long boats, each paddled by dozens of men, raced past. "Mel," the Doctor wondered, "which team are you cheering for?"

    "I don't know. Both, I guess."

    "Admit it," he said, "you're having fun."

    She grinned. "Yeah, but I'm still mad at you. You knew perfectly well that I meant the kind of swan boats you pedal around a lake."

    "Really, Mel?" He feigned a shocked gasp. "It didn't even occur to me that you might've meant that."

    "Next time, Doctor. Next time."
  16. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Geese A-Laying
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Seventh


    Benny awoke to find herself in the corner of the TARDIS console room, a bruised and snoring Chris drooling on her. Luckily, both were fully dressed. "What happened?"

    From the other side of the console, the Doctor answered, "You and the inestimable Mr. Cwej returned from your night of drinking having rediscovered the joys of goosing people!"

    "Oh, goddess," Benny moaned. She gently shoved Chris's head off her; his snoring continued unabated. "We didn't goose you, did we?"

    "You did. And then young Chris there thought it'd be 'a laugh' to try goosing Roz."

    "That would explain the black eye."
  17. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Gold Rings
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Eighth


    The Doctor lunged across the console to activate the overhead display. The waves of time distortion buffeting the ship appeared as giant rings of swirling golden light, and the TARDIS was passing through every one.

    "Hold together, old girl," he muttered as he tried to steer through them. But whichever way he turned, the distortions became more intense. Whatever was happening, this had to be the heart of it; he slammed down the button to leave the vortex for regular space.

    The Doctor stared silently. Above him hovered the image of a planet he thought he'd never see again: Skaro.
  18. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Calling Birds
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Ninth


    The Doctor peeked around the corner and ducked back; the corridor was teeming with armed Ogron shock troops. He glanced at Rose and pointed back the way they'd come.

    And then her mobile rang.

    Seconds later, they were dodging lasers and running for their lives. "Doesn't that thing have a silent mode?" the Doctor complained. "Tell your mother you'll talk later, if we survive."

    "Gotta go, bye," Rose said before closing her phone. "That wasn't my mum. It was my mate Stacie."

    "I dislike her already."

    Rose's mobile rang again, and she glanced at the display. "This one's my mum."
  19. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: French Hens
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Tenth


    The sun had set some time ago, but still Doctor sat back on the terrace and stared out at the Mediterranean. After they'd defeated a Zygon plot here in Nice, Donna had insisted they stick around for a couple days and relax.

    Of course, she was now out with her raucous new friends, celebrating someone's impending wedding, which seemed anything but relaxing.

    He glanced back as the suite's door was unlocked. "Oi, Skinny, I've been tasked with asking you if you'd like to join us downstairs in the bar. Don't look at me like that. This was all Marie's idea."
  20. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Turtle Doves
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Eleventh (well, his companions)


    Rory quickly put the lid back on the box and stepped away from the table. "This," he said, "is what happens when you start getting wedding gifts from aliens."

    Amy set aside the seventh blender she'd unwrapped that morning and came over. "What did we get?" She lifted the lid and immediately closed it again. "Okay, those are well weird."

    "I think they're supposed to be turtle doves, maybe?" Rory suggested.

    Amy laughed. "More like dove turtles."

    The box's lid fell aside, and the pair of shelled reptiles inside spread their white, feathery wings and flew out the open window.
  21. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: A Partridge in a Pear Tree
    Fandom: The Sarah Jane Adventures / Torchwood


    Sarah Jane shone her torch up into the tree's branches. "Captain Jack Harkness, I thought it might be you. As soon as I stepped outside, I could smell the smug. What are you doing in my backyard?"

    He grinned and waved. "I'd rather hoped to make a more surreptitious entrance." He started to climb down. "I guess that's out of the question now. Sarah Jane, may I please speak to Mr. Smith?"

    "And your gun?"

    He showed his empty holster. "Left it in the SUV."

    "Fine, I suppose."

    * * *

    She glared at Jack's grinning form lying beside her. "This. Never. Happened."
  22. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    And now that the twelve days of Christmas are over, we now return to regular programming.

    Title: Accepted!
    Fandom: How I Met Your Mother


    Ted paused the movie when his cell phone, Marshall's, and Lily's all beeped at once. Lily was the first to read the text. "'Challenge accepted'? Guys, which one of you challenged Barney to something?" Marshall and Ted exchanged looks of aggrieved innocence.

    * * *

    "Kids, to this day, I have no idea who challenged your Uncle Barney or to do what. We're pretty sure, though, that his acceptance went to everyone in his contacts list. Over the years, we all developed our own theories about it. My personal theory?"

    * * *

    "Stinson," Bilson yelled, "I bet you can't annoy everyone you know at once!"
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  23. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

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    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: And a Sky Full of Sprinkles
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Tenth


    "The seas," Donna repeated sceptically, "are made of vanilla ice cream? How does that even work?"

    "Weeeell, it does get a bit melty during the summer months," the Doctor admitted. "And of course, all those fish do affect the flavour a bit. And if you want to get absolutely technically correct, it's not really ice cream as such, and definitely doesn't have any actual vanilla in it, but it is completely indistinguishable in every measurable way from vanilla ice cream. Which is sad when you think about it."

    "Why is that?" Donna asked.

    "The people there are completely lactose intolerant."
  24. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Fact and Fiction
    Fandom: Torchwood


    Gwen laughed. "Shut up! You do not!"

    "We do," Jack said, smiling. "He's downstairs in cryo."

    "You're telling me that the Easter bunny is real and you have him right here?" Gwen shouted. Jack just nodded. "Even when I was little, I thought he was fictional."

    "He is."

    "But you just said he was real," Gwen said.

    "He is."

    "Which is it?" Gwen asked. "He can't be both!"

    Jack's grin grew wider. "Of course he can. Happens all the time."

    She started to stammer something incoherent, while Owen said, "Give it up, Gwen. You'll just do your own head in."
  25. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    Title: Within Three
    Fandom: Sapphire & Steel / M*A*S*H


    Steel watched the humans in the valley below. "It's some kind of military encampment," he answered.

    Sapphire turned toward another valley on the opposite side of the ridge. "And there?"

    "Another encampment. No, the same one," he corrected himself. "How far apart are they temporally?"

    "These, five years, but I'm sensing that the fracturing extends for twice that," Sapphire explained.

    "All within a conflict that only lasted three years. Do they know?"

    "No," she replied. "Which version of the 4077th should we visit?"

    "The one nearest the end of the fractured time. It will be less traumatic for the humans."
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