Story [Multi-Fandom] The Count's Drabbles (12/30: "Ancillary Intervention Services" (Community))

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Count_Drabbu, Jan 1, 2012.

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  1. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks, I think.

    Title: My Brain, Migraine
    Fandom: Get Smart


    Max stood in the doorway of the darkened office. "Chief, you wanted to see me?" he asked.

    "Shh, not so loud," the Chief whispered. "My migraines are really bad this morning, so I'm trying to avoid bright lights and loud noises."

    "I didn't know you got migraines," Max whispered back.

    "Neither did I until I got this job."

    "Anyway," Max said, "I have the Lehman report."

    The Chief sighed. "Okay, you can bring it in, but you have to walk slowly and-" Thirty seconds later, as the last echoes of devastation faded away, he added, "Carefully."

    "Sorry about that, Chief."
  2. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Comic-Con Conundrum
    Fandom: The Big Bang Theory


    As they entered the Main Hall, Penny pulled Leonard aside. "Why'd I come with you guys again?" she asked.

    "To see this?"

    Moments later, Sheldon joined them, his robot rolling along behind. "Why are you stopping? You know I need to get good spots in the lines for the Doctor Who and Marvel panels. I'll never forgive the idiot who scheduled them opposite each other."

    "Are you sure using your robot to attend two panels at once is a good idea?" Leonard wondered.

    "What could possibly go wrong?"

    "For one thing," Penny said, smiling, "it's headed toward the Twilight line."
  3. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
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    Jul 20, 2002
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    [face_laugh] Sheldon stuck watching Twilight would be amazing :D
  4. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Well, it wouldn't be watching it, just being stuck in a room with hundreds of screaming fangirls. So, really, a whole lot worse. Anyway, usually my responses to io9's Concept Art Writing Prompt are original, so they can't be posted here. But, once, back in October...


    Title: Kitty Vittles
    Fandom: Green Eggs and Ham
    Originally Posted: 6 October, 2012


    Agatha searched through the cabinets, the fridge, even the freezer. She wasn't sure how the cats had got them open, but there wasn't so much as a nibble left anywhere. "Oh, the poor babies. They must've been starving."

    "They look healthy enough," Frank grumbled, knocking one animal off the table as two more jumped on.

    Agatha wondered, "Do you think the neighbors have been feeding them?"

    Frank said, "It's obvious that idiot Sam has." He stared at the felines' deep emerald fur and shook his head. "This is why I wouldn't let you try his freakish green eggs and ham!"
  5. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Aground Running
    Fandom: Maverick


    "It seems," Captain Buford said, "that this riverboat has mysteriously run aground in almost the very same spot where you had wanted me to stop, Mr. Maverick. Now you wouldn't have had anything to do with this astonishing coincidence, would you?"

    "I assure you that this truly is nothing more than, as you say, an astonishing coincidence," Maverick lied, even as his mind was preparing to hurl invectives at the crewmen he'd bribed earlier. "But, and this is merely for the sake of discussion, mind," he added as nonchalantly as he could, "exactly how 'almost' are we talking about here?"
  6. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    As much as I was immersing myself in the latter fandom at the time (for obvious reasons), the inspiration for this was that I had a sudden urge to cross Into the Labrinth over with something, anything.


    Title: Rogue
    Fandom: Into the Labyrinth / City of Heroes


    "Don't ask questions!" Rothgo screamed as another fireball missed him by inches. "Just run!" He pushed the children ahead of him, deeper into the cave and whatever unknown dangers lurked. How could he have brought them to this benighted place and time? And where was Belor?

    * * *

    "You think to haggle with me, witch?" Lord Recluse demanded. The eight spidery limbs growing from his back clicked menacingly.

    Belor tried a different approach. "No, my lord. I merely seek the help of Arachnos in recovering the Nidus."

    "If this Nidus is all you claim, why should I not take it for myself?"
  7. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Face of Fear
    Fandom: Doctor Who
    Doctor: Sixth


    Mel screamed. "Doctor!" she yelled. "DOCTOR!"

    She continued to scream and yell for several minutes, until the Doctor ran up to her, wheezing badly. "What do you want now?" he demanded.

    She pointed toward the corner. "There's a face, staring at me!"

    He stepped behind her and peered over her shoulder. "It's an optical illusion," he concluded. He stepped around her and waved his hand in front of her. "There, Mel, you see? Just a coincidence of different elements that, when viewed from a certain angle, resemble-" His hand hit something. "I'm so sorry."

    "Don't mention it," the face said.
  8. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    I wrote this after meeting Caitlin Blackwood (Amelia Pond) at NYCC back in October.


    Title: Somewhere in Housewares
    Fandom: Doctor Who


    Amelia's aunt was busy looking at dresses, so Amelia used the chance to sneak back to housewares, where she'd seen the familiar blue box. She knew that her Raggedy Doctor had to be somewhere nearby, and she wasn't about to let him get away again.

    "Excuse me," a man in a cricketing outfit said as he rushed past her. To her surprise, he was running straight to the box.

    "You can't go in there," Amelia told him.

    The man stopped and turned around. "Pardon?"

    "That's the Doctor's," she explained.

    He said, "Ah, but I'm a Doctor too," and went inside.
  9. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Hammer in Time
    Fandom: Sledge Hammer!


    Dori gaped in awe at everyone and everything around her. The sights, the smells, the sounds, the smells. Okay, maybe the smells inspired something other than awe. "Sledge," she whispered, "this isn't a Renaissance Faire. We've actually traveled back in time! Do you know what this means?"

    "That I can't reload for almost three hundred years?" Sledge guessed.

    "No! Well, yes, but besides that. We've gone back into human history!" she gushed. "The professor's perfected time travel!"

    Sledge looked around and shrugged. "I wouldn't say she's perfected it, Dori. How are we supposed to get back to the twentieth century?"
  10. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    In case anyone's wondering, yesterday's drabble was for Star Wars, so I had to post it over there.

    Title: The Four
    Fandom: Seinfeld


    "This is terrible!" Jerry's voice wailed. "It's all wrong!"

    George snapped, "I told you that fogbank looked radioactive!"

    From his seat on the couch, Kramer reached into the kitchen for a drink. "I think it's cool having superpowers. What's not to like?"

    "I set my mother's sofa on fire," George said.

    "And why am I the invisible one?" Jerry asked. "That's the woman's power! Elaine should be the invisible one!"

    George wondered, "Where is she, anyway?"

    "She won't leave her apartment."

    Kramer grinned. "You think she's turned all orange and rocky?"

    "Probably."

    Seconds later, they were racing for the door.
  11. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Wired
    Fandom: Eureka


    Vincent held up the glass of clear green liquid. "It's my own creation, a revolutionary new energy drink. The ingredients are all completely natural, and there's no caffeine."

    "Yeah, that's what I've been wanting to ask you about," Jack said. "What would happen if someone were to add caffeine?"

    "I shudder to think."

    A shape raced through the cafe in a blur, grabbing a sack lunch on the way. "That," Jack explained, "is what happens."

    "Was that Fargo?" Vincent asked.

    Jack nodded. "But there a dozen others just like him. Thirteen if you count the guy whose head exploded."

    "Ew."
  12. Tarsier Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2005
    star 3
    Love the cast of Seinfeld as the Fantastic Four! :D
  13. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks.

    Title: Verdict
    Fandom: Blake's 7


    "Avon?" Blake whispered into the darkness.

    "I'm still here," Avon said, not bothering to whisper.

    Suddenly, a harsh white light flared somewhere far above them. They could now see each other clearly, but nothing else.

    "Roj Blake, Kerr Avon," a deep, resonant voice echoed around them, "you have been found guilty."

    "Verdict without trial, how novel," Avon quipped.

    "Guilty," the voice continued, "of future crimes against this world."

    Blake asked, "How can we be convicted for crimes that haven't happened yet?"

    "You've been convicted for crimes that never happened at all," Avon said. "This is a step up for you."
  14. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: A Quiz There Was
    Fandom: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


    "You'd think," Trillian explained, "Marvin would be perfect for a pub quiz team, with his 'brain the size of a planet' and all."

    Ford nodded. "I've heard he has one of those."

    "He answered every question, 'Who cares? I don't.'"

    "Ah," Ford said.

    "Eventually," she continued, "we turned him off, and Arthur and I played alone."

    He asked, "Where was Zaphod?"

    "The other team's captain argued he should count as two players because he has two heads. So he offered a compromise by getting the second head so drunk it passed out."

    "Didn't work?" he wondered. "Or worked doubly well?"
  15. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    [face_laugh] This sounds exactly like Marvin and Zaphod :D Wonderful!
  16. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks. I do try.

    Title: Cereal Killer
    Fandom: Clue


    Mister Boddy lay sprawled on the dining room table, his face lying in the puddle of milk from his overturned cereal bowl.

    * * *

    "He choked," the coroner explained, "on a marshmallow from the cereal he was eating."

    Sergeant Gray nodded. "Any idea which shape it was?"

    "Which shape?"

    "The marshmallows in MurderO's cereal are shaped like weapons. Was Boddy killed by," Gray asked, reading from the box, "the revolver, knife, rope, wrench, lead pipe, or candlestick?"

    The coroner grabbed the box from him. "What kind of cereal is this?"

    "The kind full of sugar and little else. My kid loves it."
  17. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

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  18. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Thanks.

    Title: Waterwall
    Fandom: The X-Files


    As the hurricane's winds and rains lashed against the bamboo hut, Mulder shook his partner awake. "Scully, we've got a problem."

    "Your ghosts are back?" she asked sarcastically.

    "Only if they're manifesting as water." He pointed his flashlight at the far wall. Along the line where wall met ceiling, water was leaking in from outside and flowing evenly over the entire wall.

    And then the creaking began.

    Moments later, the entire wall collapsed outward into the storm. "I'm sure," Mulder said, "that there's a perfectly natural explanation, but think of it while we're running for our lives."

    Scully nodded. "Agreed."
  19. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Network Programming
    Fandom: Get Smart


    Max shook his head. "I don't get it."

    "It's very simple. This computer," the Chief explained, "is now linked with a network of others within the Defense Department. This way they can share important information. It's called an Internet."

    "But Chief, CONTROL is a secret organization. How can we be secret if we're sharing information?" asked Max.

    "I wouldn't worry," the Chief said. "None of the classified information is on this computer. It's all on that one over there."

    "You mean that one with the cables all coming out of it?" Max wondered.

    "Yes, that one with all the... CABLES?!"
  20. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: The Cover of Truth
    Fandom: Babylon 5


    "What a stupid expression!" Ambassador Mollari yelled. "Of course you can judge books by their covers! That's what covers are for, isn't it?"

    Commander Ivanova knew she shouldn't answer him, but she did. "But covers sometimes lie."

    "And this was so widespread that humans had to invent an expression about it?"

    "Maybe. Also, the quality of the cover artwork usually has no relation to the quality of the prose inside."

    "Feh," he said. "Commander, how many books are in the station's library? Thousands?"

    "I guess so," she answered.

    He asked, "And how many have you read?"

    "I don't read much."
  21. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: A Brace of Races
    Fandom: World of Warcraft


    The elderly Jinyu smiled. "I would never have believed, young gnome, that the world beyond Pandaria would be home to so many different and varied races."

    "You ain't even seen half of it," Tyrril said. "There are a lot more races that aren't even in the Alliance or Horde."

    "Really? I didn't think that was allowed."

    Tyrril shrugged.

    "Tell me," the Jinyu continued, "are there any races out there like mine?"

    "What, you mean fish people?" Tyrril asked.

    "If you like."

    "Well, uh, you see," Tyrril stammered, "there are, but let's just say you and Murlocs probably wouldn't get along."
  22. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    As you might notice, this is set sometime in the first couple seasons.

    Title: Appointment in Samara
    Fandom: 30 Rock


    "Please, Jackie, you gotta pull some strings for me!" Tracy pleaded.

    Jack poured himself a scotch. "I don't think President Bush could pull enough strings to get you back into the USO tour. Why do you want to go to Iraq, anyway?"

    Tracy yelled, "If I stay in New York, I'll die!"

    "And you think Iraq's safer?" Jack asked.

    "Reverse psychology, Jackie!" Tracy grinned. "Death expects me to hide after he saw me today, but-"

    "Wait, you saw Death? Tracy, are you sure this isn't some 'Appointment in Samara' scenario?"

    Tracy nodded thoughtfully. "I knew a stripper named Samara once."
  23. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Snow Flake
    Fandom: Star Trek: The Next Generation


    "I loathe snow," Worf grumbled.

    "Fascinating. Both you and Commander Riker grew up in areas with abundant snowfall," Data observed, "but you hate it while the Commander..." They both watched as Riker stopped his giddy run down the hill from the Away Team's landing site just long enough to throw a snowball back at them. Seconds before it hit Worf in the head, Data caught it in midair and finished, "Does not. I wonder what that means." He threw it back at Riker, knocking him off his feet and into a snowdrift.

    "Only," Worf said, "that the Commander is insane."
  24. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Blackout
    Fandom: The Avengers


    When the lights suddenly went out, Steed ducked behind a sofa and hoped Emma had done likewise. He barely breathed as he listened for the sounds of their ambushers. After a long, silent moment, he ventured, "Mrs. Peel, are you there?"

    "Of course. Steed, come over to the window. The power's out for this whole area," she explained.

    He joined her. "So it is. You don't happen to have any candles to hand, do you?"

    "We're in your flat."

    He grinned mischievously. "You don't happen to have any candles to hand, do you?"

    Sighing, she handed him two long tapers.
  25. Count_Drabbu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 30, 2007
    star 2
    Title: Uncle's Will
    Fandom: Monopoly


    "As most of you know," the video image of Rich Uncle Pennybags announced, "I'm dead. Don't pretend to be shocked about it! For most of you, I'm your great, great, great rich uncle Pennybags.

    "Before I start divvying up my estate, I want to say I'm grateful that you've been keeping all of Atlantic City's real estate in the family and not letting nutcases from New York buy it all.

    "Because I can't remember your names, I'll call you by the random trinkets you're being given by my executor. And nobody gets my vintage roadster! Now, who got the thimble?"
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