Story [Multi-Fandom] The Count's Shufflin' - Mods' Shuffle Challenge Responses (1/31: Fourth Set!)

Here's the first set of drabbles based on the Mods' Shuffle Challenge. For myself, the rules I added were that the drabbles had to be in different fandoms, and I couldn't pick any I had used in UDC VI. As for the music... I have a bunch of TV soundtracks, film soundtracks, and video game soundtracks. I have all of Weird Al's regular albums. None of those came up in the shuffle for this first set (though a couple did for the second), while 80% came from just two areas. I opted not to skip over instrumental tracks; the first of these is sans lyrics.




Title: Freddie Found
Fandom: The Italian Job (1969)
Theme: "Freddie's Lilt" -- Steve Martin, The Crow


Freddie stood by the window and watched the moonlit waves lap against the shore. He heard the front door open and close, but knew it couldn't be Moira. "Hello, Charlie," he said.

"It's been a long time, Freddie. After everything that happened, did you think Ireland was really far enough away to hide?"

Freddie laughed. "Hide? I retired -- with Mr. Bridger's blessing, I might add -- and started a family."

"I noticed," Charlie said. "Camp Freddie with a wife and kids. Lost five quid on that one."

"I'll give you the five quid to leave," Freddie offered.

"Don't think so, mate."


* * * * * *

Title: All You Need
Fandom: Las Vegas
Theme: "All You Need Is Love" -- The Beatles, Magical Mystery Tour


"Sam! Hold on a second!"

She turned and saw Mike weaving his way across the casino floor toward her, dodging around the tourists and little old ladies. When he reached her, he asked, "You have standing reservations at all the Cirque du Soleil shows, right?"

"Almost all of them," she replied. "Do you have a hot date tonight or something?"

"It's tomorrow night, actually," he said. "Jenna's a really great girl. She's also a huge fan of the Beatles so I told her-"

Sam held up her hand to stop him. "That is the one I don't have them for."


* * * * * *

Title: The Unquiet One
Fandom: Pushing Daisies
Theme: "Nothing Is Too Wonderful to Be True" -- Sherie Rene Scott, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels


Ned touched the man on the slab, who immediately sat up and yelled, "Are you kidding me? As if getting murdered wasn't bad enough! I figured at least I'd finally get some peace and quiet. But no, I can't even have that!"

"We'll let you get right back to that," Emerson explained. "We're just wondering if you know who killed you."

"I'm still here for this? Do I know who shot me in the back? No, morons, I-"

Ned touched him again, and he collapsed.

Emerson asked, "Why is it always the ones obsessed with quiet who never shut up?"


* * * * * *

Title: Fish Slapped
Fandom: 30 Rock
Theme: "Finland/Fisch Schlapping Dance" -- Cast, Spamalot


"Lemon," Jack said, "we need to talk."

Liz exhaled slowly. "This is about Tracy, isn't it?"

"I'd just like to know what happened."

"He wanted to give our visitors a traditional Scandinavian greeting," Liz explained.

"Did you point out that Slovenia isn't a Scandinavian country?" Jack asked.

"Several times," Liz answered. "On the plus side, they seemed to enjoy slapping him back with the fish."

"Very much so," Jack agreed. "Of course, that's because they thought it was a bit from the show. Which means you need to write fish slapping into this week's episode and five more this season."


* * * * * *

Title: Knowing You
Fandom: The X-Files
Theme: "Do You Want to Know a Secret?" -- The Beatles, Please Please Me


Mulder was checking out the new magazines when he noticed the man on the other side of the rack watching him.

"Are you Fox Mulder?" the man asked.

Mulder frowned. "Have you been following me?"

"I was told you'd be here," the man explained, "and that I was to give you this." He slipped a manila envelope through the rack.

Mulder took the envelope and hid it inside a magazine. "What is this? Who sent you?"

"I've learned never to ask." He turned and left the

Thank you, thank you, and thank you. Here's the second set. A couple areas of my collection that didn't get into the first batch - TV and video game soundtracks - finally make an appearance, but others remain unrepresented. Meanwhile, we get yet another Beatles song and another Broadway tune. Maybe if I do a third...


Title: Snow Business
Fandom: Red Dwarf
Theme: "Call of the Elements" -- Russell Brower, World of Warcraft: Cataclysm


"I suggest," Rimmer said, "we ignore the distress beacon and continue on our way."

"Somebody needs help," Lister objected.

"Better them than us. There's a blizzard covering half that planet down there."

"Maybe," the Cat offered, "it's the blizzard sending the distress call."

"Don't be stupid!" Rimmer snapped. "There's no such thing as sentient snowstorms."

Lister moaned, "Shut up, Rimmer."

"Me?" Rimmer whined. "What did I do?"

"At the last three planets, how many times did you say something wasn't real?" Lister asked. "And every single time, what happened?"

"This is completely different!"

Lister shouted, "Sharks with smegging wings, Rimmer!"


* * * * * * *

Title: Dufus Ex Machina
Fandom: Danger Mouse
Theme: "All I've Got to Do" -- The Beatles, With the Beatles


"...Then deactivate the solenoid, and you're done. It's really just that simple," Danger Mouse finished. "Have you got all that?"

"I understood everything up to, 'I'll explain this one last time,'" Penfold said.

"Right. Let me make it simpler. Flip this switch, press this button, wait for the red light, then turn this crank, press this other button.... Maybe I'll just put numbers on everything."

"Isn't technology grand?" Penfold mused. "My gran's old teapot took minutes to brew a cuppa! Now it's almost instant!"

"So long," Danger Mouse said, "as you don't count the half hour I've spent explaining it."


* * * * * * *

Title: About Last Night
Fandom: The Simpsons
Theme: "La Primavera" -- Antonio Vivaldi, The Four Seasons


Homer looked at his plate and pouted. "What's this?"

"It's pasta primavera," Marge told him.

"But tonight's pork chop night!" he whined.

"We had pork chops last night. Don't you remember?"

Homer started to think back.

* * *

Half an hour later, Homer snapped out of his reverie and yelled, "But the camel had stolen my wallet! Of course I punched him! What else was I supposed to do?"

"What are you talking about, Homie?" Marge asked.

He glanced quickly around the room. "Uh, nothing." He grabbed his fork and looked down at his plate. "Marge, what's this? Tonight's pork chop night!"


* * * * * * *

Title: Caught Burglar
Fandom: I Spy
Theme: "Hoodleehoo" -- Brak, Space Ghost's Musical Bar-B-Que


After removing his hood, Lee Hoo Yuan latched the window behind him and stepped further into the darkened room.

Suddenly, the lights came on; Alexander Scott sat on the sofa, pointing a gun right at him.

Lee raised his hands. "I thought you'd gone."

"No," Scott said, "but the microfilm has."

"Now what?" Lee asked.

"You could tell me whom you work for. I know it's not the Chinese."

Lee changed his accent. "Clever catch, old bean. I work for MI-6, recruited out of Oxford."

"Which college?" Scott asked.

"I just said, Oxford."

Scott pulled back the hammer. "Try again."


* * * * * * *

Title: Smarty Party
Fandom: The Guild
Theme: "I'm Not That Smart" -- Jesse Tyler Ferguson, 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee


Zaboo said, "I know I'm not that smart, but-"

"Are you kidding?" Codex snapped. "You're a genius!" The others voiced their agreement. Then she added, "I'm the one who can be so clueless sometimes."

"But you're like a really cool musician and stuff," Clara said. "You have to be smart to do that. I always thought you guys were all, oh, what are they called? Like Rain Man?"

"Savants?" Bladezz asked.

"Yeah, that's it."

"You're smart, too," Tink said. "Vork, tell her."

Vork grunted. "Clara, you, uh, have many wonderful qualities. Can we get back to this boss fight now?"

Thanks. Here's a third set. I somewhat cheated on this one, because the first three songs that came up were all by the Beatles. I kept the first one.



* * * * * * *

Title: All in Your Head
Fandom: Torchwood
Theme: "I Feel Fine" -- The Beatles, Past Masters, Volume I


"Why," Jack yelled, "are you all staring at me? I told you I'm all right."

The others mumbled nervously and glanced away. "Are you sure you don't feel an itch or anything?" Tosh asked.

"I feel just fine. Okay, what's wrong?"

Ianto stammered, "You should see for yourself," and handed him a small mirror.

Jack checked his reflection. "How long have I had this rod protruding from my forehead? Have I been out in public looking like this?"

"The other end comes out the back," Owen said.

"Good to know," Jack snarked. "Now who wants to make like King Arthur?"


* * * * * * *

Title: Ring a Ring o' Roses
Fandom: The Avengers
Theme: "Hullaba Lula" -- Kelsey Grammer, The Simpsons: Testify


Steed set down his book when the racket outside became too intrusive for him to concentrate. "Mrs. Peel, what is that hullabaloo?"

She went to the window and looked down to the street below. Twenty or so clowns in colourful regalia were gambolling past; some tumbled, some danced, and others played various instruments, mostly badly. She told him.

"Could you ask them to quieten down, please?" he asked. Suddenly, every single clown on the street dropped to the ground and lay, unmoving. "Thank you."

"I think they're dead, Steed," she said.

"Well, you didn't have to go quite that far."


* * * * * * *

Title: Mr. Monk and the Perfect Pancake
Fandom: Monk
Theme: "The Friendly Faith Plate" -- Aperture Science Psychoacoustics Laboratory, Portal 2: Songs to Test By


"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes," Captain Stottlemeyer said. "Who'd have figured Monk for the AME church type?"

"He doesn't actually go to the service," Natalie explained. "He just comes twice a year when they hold their pancake breakfast."

Monk grinned. "They're just how I like them: perfectly square. Leroy's a genius." He finished cutting another slice and popped it into his mouth.

Natalie gestured toward the older man working the griddle. "He uses a mold," she said. "I've offered to buy it, but he says he likes having Mr. Monk here."


* * * * * * *

Title: Pink Pussycat
Fandom: The Mentalist
Theme: "Pink Pussycat" -- Devo, Duty Now for the Future


Jane tilted his head as he regarded the body lying facedown in the pastel puddle. The dark red of blood had been mixed with pink and lavender, the pale blue and green dripping from dozens of overturned bottles on the floor and shelves above. "I've always wondered why someone would do that."

"Do what?" Lisbon asked. "Kill a pet groomer?"

"No, I get that. Why would someone turn their dog or cat baby blue? It seems cruel."

"I don't think dogs care," she said. "Aren't they colorblind anyway?"

He shrugged. "I so hope this guy's funeral has an open casket."


* * * * * * *

Title: Saved by the Bail
Fandom: Futurama
Theme: "Free Your Mind" -- Christophe Heral, Beyond Good and Evil


"Fry, there you are! Some friend of yours called," Bender said. "He's in jail and needs you to post bail for him."

"What friend?" Fry asked.

Bender glanced away. " I don't remember."

"When did he call?"

"Yesterday, maybe?" Bender guessed. "What am I, your answering service?"

"Do I even have any friends who don't work here?" Fry wondered.

* * *

Fry backed away from the bars. "No, forget it! I'm not helping you!" he shouted.

"Please, Fry!" the giant brain pleaded. "You're the only human I know!"

"What are you in for, anyway?" Fry asked.

"I swear I?d just fed that meter!"

Thanks. Here's one last set from me. These five fandoms all have one thing in common: before this set, I'd never written for any of them. They're all brand new for me.



* * * * * * *

Title: Arrest Stop
Fandom: ALF
Theme: "Out of This World" -- The Tony Hatch Orchestra, 60s TV Themes


"Hey, guys!" ALF yelled as he came in through the kitchen. "You'll never guess what..." He paused; the Tanners were tied up and bundled together in the corner. "Is this some new game? I want to play!"

A tall figure in heavy armor materialized beside them. "Gordon Shumway," it intoned, "you are under arrest."

"On what charge?"

"Your copy of To Kill a Melmackingbird is overdue," the alien explained.

ALF said, "I lost that when Melmac blew up."

"That is unfortunate. The penalty is death."

"Death?" ALF gasped.

"Or a fine of five Wernicks."

ALF asked, "Do you take Visa?"


* * * * * * *

Title: Seek and Ye Shall Find
Fandom: The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.
Theme: "It's a Small World" -- Disneyland, Classic Disney, Volume II


Lord Bowler only reluctantly dismounted and hitched his horse to the post alongside Comet. "What are we doing here?" he growled.

"Playing a hunch," Brisco said.

"Some hunch. We had a dozen leads on the guy, but not a one pointed to this town."

Brisco walked toward the saloon. "Which makes this as good a place as any to look."

"That don't make no sense!" Bowler hissed. "By that logic, he could be almost anywhere in the whole wide world."

"Or he could be at the end of that bar." Brisco grinned. "I guess it's a small world, after all."


* * * * * * *

Title: Bronx Bummer
Fandom: Royal Pains
Theme: "My Goody Two-Shoes Brother" -- Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb


"Well, what did you expect?" Divya asked.

"I expected," Evan whined, "that Hank wouldn't stab his only brother in the back like this."

She scowled at him. "That's not what he did, and you know it."

"I know, but I want to wallow in selfish misery for a few minutes," he said.

"You're still getting to see a game in Yankee Stadium."

"Yeah," he agreed, "in the nosebleed section. I can't believe Hank's trading away our box seats."

Divya watched the family, a father and two young children, happily thanking Hank. "Yes, you can."

"You're not helping my wallowing any."


* * * * * * *

Title: The Scene Change
Fandom: Galaxy Quest
Theme: "A Tough Act to Follow" -- David Hyde Pierce, Jill Paice, and cast, Curtains


"One of us needs to go out there and distract the Zin'Jorl," Commander Taggart says, turning to Lt. Matheson. "Tawny, we need you."

"No," Dr. Lazarus hisses. "No, you don't! Not again!"

* * *

"Cut!" the director yelled. "Alex, what's wrong?"

Alex stomped off the set. "You've changed the bloody scene again, that's what! You've replaced my scene with Gwen dancing!"

"Men eighteen and over love it."

"She's already done it twice this season!" Alex complained. "I was promised I could perform a Shakespeare soliloquy in this episode!"

"Why," the director asked, "would Dr. Lazarus recite an Earth piece?"

"I was promised!"


* * * * * * *

Title: Pot Luck
Fandom: Murder, She Wrote
Theme: "Another One Rides the Bus" -- Weird Al Yankovic, Weird Al Yankovic


The captain read the report. "Food poisoning, May?"

"Seems to be, sir," Officer May said. "The tour group had all brought food and were passing it around. The dead women likely shared something."

"I take it there's disagreement."

May admitted, "One of the other women from the bus, a Ms. Fletcher, believes it was murder."

"Do you know who she is?"

"No, sir."

"Now's your chance to learn. Unless the lab reports say otherwise, you and she will investigate this as a homicide," the captain said.

"With all due respect, I don't need help."

"You misunderstand. You'll be assisting her."