Story [Multi-Fandom] UDC VI: For a Few Drabbles More (Week XX: Babylon 5)

Wow, these are great! You have the characters down perfectly. I especially like your use of the theme "Who"

 

Thanks. I'd wondered if anyone would read Psych drabbles.



* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Not-So-Gross Anatomy
Fandom: Community
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Return."


Annie stopped talking when she realized Britta was staring across the quad. "What is it?"

"Look who's back," Britta said. Annie followed her gaze and saw Vaughn walking toward them.

"Heya," he said, but they didn't rise from the bench.

"Did you transfer back?" Annie asked.

"No, I'm just visiting, but I wanted to show you what you're missing out on." He took off his tank top.

"We've seen your chest," Britta groaned. "Everyone has."

"No," Annie said, "something's different. Your nipples aren't tiny!"

Britta laughed. "You came all the way here to show us you had nipple enlargement surgery?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Theoretical Reciprocity
Fandom: Community
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Revenge."


Pierce threw his fork down so hard it bounced off the table and into someone's arm. "You've gone too far this time, Jeff Winger!" he yelled. "You'll rue the day you messed with Pierce Hawthorne!"

He rose to his feet. "Do you hear me? You won't know where! You won't know when! But I will get you back for this! This I swear!" He strode out of the cafeteria, slapping trays from people's hands as he passed. And then he was gone.

* * *

On the far side of the cafeteria, Shirley asked, "Jeff, what did you do?"

"I have no idea."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Dietary Archaeology
Fandom: Community
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Curse."


"Jeff," Abed asked, "where'd you get that Twinkie?"

Jeff peered warily at him. "From the vending machine. Why?"

"The one on this floor or downstairs?"

"Downstairs," Jeff said.

Abed nodded. "Thought so. I wouldn't eat that. They never restock that machine."

"So? Aren't these things supposed to last forever?" Jeff took a bite and immediately spit it back out. "Ugh! I guess not. How many thousands of years old is that?"

Abed took the wrapper. "There's something written on the inside. 'Eat this and know ye despair.' Also some hieroglyphics."

"It's not kidding about despair," Jeff said. "Here comes Pierce."



* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Linear Dynamics
Fandom: Community
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Wrath."


Mike saw the line further ahead shuffling forward, but the twerp ahead of him didn?t move. ?Hey, buddy! Line?s moving!?

Sr. Chang spun around. ?I am El Tigre!? he screamed. ?I am not your buddy! What is that, some kind of racist crack??

?Whoa, didn?t know you were a professor,? Mike said. ?Wait, since when is ?buddy? racist??

?If I were white and six feet tall,? Chang demanded, ?would you still call me buddy??

?Yeah.?

?All right, tough guy, what if I were seven feet all and black??

Mike stared in confusion. ?Why does this other you keep getting taller??


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Intestinal Physiology
Fandom: Community
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Attack."


"I'd love to go to your party, Annie," Troy said, "but I-" His face contorted, and he clutched his abdomen and doubled over, falling from his chair.

Shirley shook her head. "We don't fall for that when Pierce does it; ain't nobody believing you."

"If you don't want to go, just say so," Britta added.

Abed stood and walked away from the table. "I wouldn't stay too close if I were you."

Jeff said, "He's just faking."

The first fart was high, loud, and long. Then came several short, rapid, blasts, and another long, wet one.

Abed nodded. "Told you."

 

Once again, the characters are spot on. I especially like your Chang. And I love that you have a title for each drabble.

Very nice work!

 

Why wouldn't I have a title for each drabble?



* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Breakfast Interruptus
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Death."


Buffy froze, her spoon hovering halfway between bowl and mouth, as the tall, thin robed figure faded into the room and pointed a long, bony finger at her. "Buffy Summers," it intoned, its voice a deep rattle.

"This better not be my time," Buffy said. "Well, my time again. What, do I die choking on my cereal?" She slowly put the spoon back down.

The figure pulled an envelope from the folds of its robe and handed it to Buffy. "You have been served." With that, it faded away again.

"That's it?" Buffy screamed. "You were just a process server?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Judges Say
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Doom."


"In other news," the anchor said, "more trouble for the state's beleaguered university system as an appeals court ruled against it in a suit by former students of UC Sunnydale, which closed in 2003."

Footage showed a woman saying, "Without access to transcripts or even acknowledgement I attended, my degree's worthless! I owe sixty thousand in student loans for nothing!"

"The panel of judges determined the system was liable for its failure to maintain records for the former branch," the anchor continued. "A UC spokesman had this response:"

A man in a suit yelled, "It was a sinkhole! A sinkhole!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Bad Dreams
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Terror."


Xander screamed and sat straight up in the bed.

"Was it the one with the clowns again?"

"No," Xander said. "I dreamed you were going to leave me."

"Don't worry," Angel told him. "I'll always be right here." He rolled over and smiled up at Xander.

* * *

Xander screamed and sat straight up in the bed.

"Was it the one with the clowns again?" Anya asked.

Xander glanced over to make sure it really was her lying beside him and absolutely not anyone else. He slowly exhaled with relief.

"Yeah," he lied, "the one with the clowns. I hate those guys."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Knit One, Peril Two
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Peril."


The sun was just rising as Vi trudged back to her apartment. Even at this early hour, Mrs. Sinclair was knitting on the stoop. "Morning, dear," she said. "Those hipsters still giving you trouble?"

Vi smiled. After she'd come perilously close to staking a couple guys who only looked undead ironically, the neighbors had thankfully misunderstood her complaints. "Not tonight, thanks."

She started up the steps but paused when she felt the familiar warning tingle. "Mrs. Sinclair, are those knitting needles wood?"

"Yes, they're so much easier with my arthritis. Why?"

Vi asked, "Could I borrow one for a moment?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Me and My Shadow
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Shadow."


Giles searched under tables and behind cabinets, even though he knew it was futile. He only stopped when Buffy and Xander entered the library.

"What's up?" Buffy asked.

"I'm, well, I'm missing something," he admitted.

"Is it something important?" Xander asked. "Maybe we can help you look."

"It is rather important, yes, but I don't think you can help. My shadow's gone."

Xander looked down at his own. "They can do that?"

"Not usually, no, but there is precedent. Shadows have broken free and lived their own lives, but some returned and supplanted the originals."

Xander asked, "Supplanting's bad, right?"

 

These were hilarious! I especially liked the one with Xander's dreams

 

I needed that.

 

Thank you.




* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Prime of Primes
Fandom: World of Warcraft
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Prime."


"You come for my glyphs?" the old troll woman asked. "My prime of primes?"

"Yes," Nerog said.

Her rheumy eyes studied him carefully. "I know you, orc. You want to take my glyphs, teach dem to all your little Horde scribes."

"Please," Nerog begged, "what will happen to your secrets when you're gone?"

She exhaled slowly. "You're right," she admitted. "Do you have my payment?"

"I couldn't find dwarf porn, only gnome."

"Dat be fine." She took it from him.

He said, "You are one sick old troll."

She shrugged. "I know, but not in de way you be thinking."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Of Two Minds
Fandom: World of Warcraft
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Composite."


Varian stared into the mirror and wondered, as he did many days, just who was staring back at him. While the physical reintegration of his two selves, the regal King Varian and the aggressive gladiator Lo'Gosh had been successful, mental reintegration was taking longer.

He felt worst for his son Anduin, who had gone from having no father, to having one controlled by a treacherous black dragon, and finally to one with two warring personalities.

Somewhere further down the list, he thought, came the poor kitchen staff, who still hadn't come to terms with Lo'Gosh's demands for orcish cuisine.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Intricate Understanding
Fandom: World of Warcraft
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Deficient."


"Warchief," the goblin said, "I don't think you're grasping the intricacies of-"

Garrosh slammed his axe into the floor and screamed, "Why does everyone treat me like I am mentally deficient? Did I not lead our victorious forces against the Scourge?"

"Yes, Warchief."

"Was I not chosen by Thrall himself to lead the Horde in this war against the Alliance?" Garrosh asked.

"If you wanna get technical... which I don't! I'm changing my answer to, 'Yes, Warchief.'"

"Then what," Garrosh wondered, "makes you think I can't understand how this samoflange works?"

"Because I barely do, and I built the thing!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Perfect Cut
Fandom: World of Warcraft
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Perfect."


Lissa fixed the loupe in front of her eye and set to work. She began slowly, cautiously, making and checking careful measurements before making the first cut. With each subsequent slice, her confidence and speed grew. She felt the familiar calm wash over her as she became one with the task. With the final cut, Lissa grinned proudly. "Have you ever seen one more perfect?"

The old woman yelled, "I've been waiting twenty minutes!"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Leonard," Elling Trias said. "We've had to hire new staff, and Lissa hasn't realized that selling cheese isn't like her old jewelcrafting job."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Reclaiming the World
Fandom: World of Warcraft
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Abundant."


Malfurion stood on the summit and smiled. The valley below was lush and green, full of new growth and teeming with wildlife. It had taken more than a hundred druids working together to reclaim this land from the fire that had consumed it.

He turned and started down the other side of the mountain, toward the valley where the reclamation was still underway. The first shoots were just poking up from the charred soil. It was a slow, tiring process, and there were more valleys after this one, but the work needed to be done, for the good of Azeroth.

 

Okay, I saw World of Warcraft and had to come in here. My other (former) fandom. You make me want to play again!

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Leonard," Elling Trias said. "We've had to hire new staff, and Lissa hasn't realized that selling cheese isn't like her old jewelcrafting job."

LMAO. I burst out laughing here. Stupid cheese shop...

Nice drabble for Varian. He can be kind of a you-know-what, but he does have a very interesting story.

Grr, these are making me want to write WoW fanfic, lol! Nice job!

 

I do what I can.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Canada Heat
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Toys."


"For one week every year, Marshall and I fled the City, and we made sure to take Barney with us, leaving Lily to take care of Robin."

* * *

"Get her out of here!" Carl yelled.

Lily saw Robin perched on a strange man's lap, vigorously licking his face. Several other chairs around them were broken. "I'm sorry. She must have escaped when I was out shopping."

She cautiously stepped closer to Robin. "Honey, you need to come back upstairs. Look, I got you fresh new batteries."

"Don't wanna," Robin said. "Got a real man."

"Do I have to get the taser?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Stalking Ted
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Bugs."


"Marshall, buddy, you gotta let me in!"

"Sure, Ted." Marshall stepped aside, and Ted squeezed through and slammed the door closed, locking it behind him. "Are you on the run from the cops or something?" Marshall asked.

"No," Ted said, "Barney! He's been stalking me all day. Everywhere I turn, there he is, and I don't even know why."

"Surely it can't be that-"

Both men screamed when they saw Barney in the open doorway to Marshall's kitchen. He was leaning against the jamb and munching on a carrot. "Eh, what's up, Ted?"

"All day, Marshall," Ted hissed. "All day."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Monsters Are Due on the Upper West Side
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Monsters."


When the lights and television went out, Ted groaned. "Must've blown a fuse."

Barney rushed to the window. "Everything's out across the street, too," he announced. "You know what that means, right?"

"It doesn't mean anything," Ted said. "I'm calling Marshall to see if they're out over there. That's weird; my cell phone's dead."

Robin added, "Mine too."

"It's the end of the world!" Barney screamed.

A few seconds later, the lights came back on. "Barney," Ted asked, "why are you holding my computer?"

"I wasn't looting."

Robin threw her armfuls of Ted's stuff back into his bedroom. "Me either."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: In the Mood for Food
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Heroes."


Marshall peered into Lily's eyes and smiled. "You know what I'm in the mood for?" he asked.

She grinned and chuckled. "Yeah, baby, I think I know exactly what you're in the mood for."

"Well, okay, that too. But after that," he said, "sandwiches!"

* * *

"Kids, you know how sometimes in these stories 'sandwiches' doesn't really mean sandwiches? This time he actually wanted sandwiches."

* * *

The teen behind the counter said, "That's two 'Mighty Meaty' footlong subs with cheese and extra meat. Do you want anything else with that?"

"I almost forgot." Marshall turned to Lily. "Did you want to get something?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Track Fighting
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Rats."


Robin stood on the subway platform, waiting for the uptown train. A few feet away, a teenager threw his empty chip bag onto the tracks. Within seconds, two rats were fighting over it.

She watched as the smaller of the two pushed its way inside the bag only for the larger to pull it back off. As they kept tugging it back and forth, Robin glanced along the platform and saw a dozen other people also watching the rats.

Moments later, the train arrived, and everyone started squeezing on, forgetting about the rats underneath. "I love New York," Robin muttered.

 

That was fun!

 

"Kids, you know how sometimes in these stories 'sandwiches' doesn't really mean sandwiches? This time he actually wanted sandwiches."

* * *

The teen behind the counter said, "That's two 'Mighty Meaty' footlong subs with cheese and extra meat. Do you want anything else with that?"

"I almost forgot." Marshall turned to Lily. "Did you want to get something?"

 

Thanks, both of you.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: That's My Line
Fandom: Phineas and Ferb
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Breakfast" (UDC 1, Week 7, Theme 1).


"Phineas, I know what we're going to do today."

"Ferb," Phineas said, "that's my line."

Ferb took a bite of cereal, chewed thoughtfully, and set down his spoon. "I didn't say anything."

"But if you didn't speak, then who did? Perry, did you say it?" Phineas looked under the table, but the platypus wasn't there anymore. "Huh, where did Perry go?"

Ferb just shrugged and went back to his cereal.

* * *

Candace tried and failed to suppress her giggles. She hadn't known where this Voice Changinator doohickey came from, but she was going to have some real fun with it today.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Keep Calm and Shine On
Fandom: Phineas and Ferb
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Coruscant" (UDC 2, Week 18, Theme 1).


Perry looked down at his body; he was sparkling dimly.

"Odd," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "it was supposed to be brighter. Oh, now it's brighter. Now it's too bright." Perry was glowing so strongly he couldn't see. "Hold still while I get the salve." Doofenshmirtz put down his Glitterinator and started rummaging through drawers. "No worries. I just have to find it before you explode. There it is!"

He tossed a small tube to Perry and hit the device's destruct button himself. "I know what you're thinking," he said, "but I just don't have enough salve for the entire tri-state area."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Checkin' In
Fandom: Phineas and Ferb
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Aide" (UDC 3, Week 8, Theme 4).


Dr. Doofenshmirtz pushed the bellhops away from his bags. "Get back, you vultures! Back, I say! Why would I need a bellhop when I have my Bellhopinator?"

The device rumbled forward, grabbed one suitcase, and threw it straight into the air. "That was unexpected," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said. "Come back, you vultures! Back, I say!"

* * *

"I have a reservation under the name Doofenshmirtz, Heinz Doofenshmirtz."

The desk clerk started typing away. "Could you spell that, please?"

"D-"

"No, sir, just the first name. And is that your Bellhopinator outside?"

As Dr. Doofenshmirtz turned, the suitcase landed, crushing the device. "What Bellhopinator?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Rust in Peace
Fandom: Phineas and Ferb
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Out of the Blue" (UDC 4, Week 1, Theme 3).


"Mom! Mom!" Candace yelled. "You gotta come out here and see this!"

From inside the house, her mother said, "I'm kinda busy, hon."

"But... why bother?" Candace muttered. Sure enough, just then, a beam shot down from the sky right at the metal hull of the boys' latest creation. As she watched, spots of rust began growing. Within seconds, the entire thing had turned red, and holes appeared. Within a few more, it was gone.

Candace trudged into the kitchen. "Never mind," she groaned.

Her mother tutted. "You shouldn't stress yourself so much. You're starting to get crow's feet."

"WHAT?!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: I Forgot
Fandom: Phineas and Ferb
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Mystery" (UDC 5, Week 9, Theme 2).


"Hiya, Buford," Phineas said. "What brings you by this morning?"

"Have you guys ever had one of those days when you felt like you'd forgotten something, but you just couldn't remember what it was?" Buford asked.

Phineas thought for a second. "Not that I recall. How about you, Ferb?" Ferb just shrugged.

"Anyway," Buford continued, "I was hoping you could invent something that would help me remember stuff."

"Sure we could," Phineas said. "But, uh, Buford, could that thing you forgot have been putting on your pants?"

Buford looked down. "That explains all the yelling as I walked over here."

 

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Colonel's Promise
Fandom: Ghostbusters
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Avarice."


"Peter," Egon said, "we need to give the money back."

"But the Colonel promised us!" Peter cried. "On his deathbed, so it was like his dying wish! Who are we to deny that, huh?"

"That's not what it was, and you know it," Ray chided.

The Colonel's granddaughter, still clutching her mother's leg, stared up at Winston, tears forming in her big brown eyes. "They're right, Peter. We can't keep it. It's wrong."

Peter asked, "Winston, we haven't paid you yet this week, have we?"

"Right, about that," Winston said, turning to the others, "what if we only kept half?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: BEM on the Scene
Fandom: Ghostbusters
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Envy."


Ray groaned as he parked in front of the hotel; one of the ubiquitous green BEM trucks was already there.

The most successful of the corporate competitors that had sprung up in the last decade, BEM was driving them to the brink of bankruptcy. Again.

Sure, their chairman was a demon who wanted take over the planet and consume the souls of the living, but the same was true of at least three major fast food chains.

What bothered Ray most, though, was that the BEM gear was newer, cleaner, faster, and just plain cooler. "It's not fair," he muttered.



* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Mass Consumption
Fandom: Ghostbusters
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Gluttony."


The gray mass roiled toward the rusted remains of a hatchback and consumed it in one gulp.

"Is that machine ready yet?" Winston asked. At the sound of his voice, the mass turned toward them. "'Cause time's running out here."

Egon didn't look up from his device. "We're perfectly safe. Organic matter is toxic to it."

The mass turned again and ate the back half of a sedan. It stopped, quivered, and exploded. Egon said, "Told you."

"You said organic matter."

"It ate a sedan trunk in a New Jersey auto yard." The device beeped. "And yes, the machine's ready."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Vornok's Valentine's Visitation
Fandom: Ghostbusters
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Lust."


Vornok, the Warlord of a Hundred Galaxies, descended from his command ship in geostationary orbit over Times Square. All around, tourists and couples celebrating Valentine's Day screamed in abject terror. "People of Earth," he announced, "prepare for the foretold destruction of your planet!"

Fear gave way to confusion. "What are you talking about? This wasn't foretold!"

"Of course it was," Vornok insisted. "You've had almost thirty years to prepare since the warning."

"What warning?"

"I told that Elaine woman in Paramus! Ring any bells, humans? At the Holiday Inn! After we totally had sex! Nothing? Well, I'm destroying Earth anyway."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Lions Awake
Fandom: Ghostbusters
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Pride."


Peter fell to the ground as Patience leapt over him, and rolled to the side to avoid a swipe from Fortitude. "Why," he yelled, "can't we just shoot these guys?"

"They're cultural icons," Ray said.

"It would be like destroying the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center," Egon added.

"Fine, fine," Peter muttered. "I remember all the trouble we got in when we did that last year." The two stone lions were backing him up against a wall. "Uh, guys?"

"What?"

"The library just has these two stone lions, right?" Peter asked.

Egon nodded. "Why?"

"There are six more behind you."

 

These are fantastic.

Love Buffy and Ghostbusters

 

Thanks. This turned into a "show off the research" set, as three of these were inspired by looking up the themes. [Seemed entirely appropriate, given the fandom.]


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: If the Pattern Holds
Fandom: James Bond
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Pow!"


Bond dialled back the magnification on the binoculars and tracked the truck's progress through the camp. So far, it was following the same route as the night before. If the pattern held, he'd be able to use it to infiltrate the camp and find the prisoners.

And then it stopped. A hundred yards from the detention area, the truck halted, and guards with dogs began inspecting inside and under it. Bond swore to himself. In less than a week, the prisoners would be executed, and security was only going to get tighter.

Maybe, he thought, stealth wasn't the best approach.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Love Will Betray
Fandom: James Bond
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Bang!"


Liesl ran her hand through his hair, wrapping the loose strands over his eyebrow around her little finger. "James," she whispered, "when this is over, do you want to run away somewhere?"

She slid her other hand under the pillow, where she'd hidden a knife. If he suspected she was the mole, she had to be ready to eliminate him.

"As a matter of fact," he said, "I got brochures for some holiday retreats." He nodded toward the table by the door. "Could you get them?"

Warily, she rose and walked toward the table. And then she heard the gun.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Wing and a Prayer
Fandom: James Bond
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Boom!"


The SAAB 21 roared along the runway and lifted into the air. The takeoff was rough, Dominguez thought, but at least he was away from that insufferable British agent.

Or maybe not. Even if it was practically an antique, the Swedish plane wasn't handling nearly as well as it should. Dominguez looked back and swore; Bond was clinging to one of the craft's twin booms. Dominguez had no idea how he was maintaining a grip, let alone how he was crawling slowly, inexorably toward the fuselage.

"What do I have to do," he moaned, "to be rid of this man?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Road to Gorky
Fandom: James Bond
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Zap!"


Bond had been hiking along the road for thirty minutes before he heard a vehicle approaching. He'd hoped for a lorry, but it was a Zaporozhets, the ubiquitous Ukrainian economy car.

It stopped, and Bond walked over to the driver's window. "Thank you," he said, hoping he sounded like a Russian peasant. "I have been walking many days."

"How far are you going?"

"Gorky," Bond explained. "My cousin has a job for me in one of the factories."

"We are going through there," the driver said. He looked behind him. "Misha, Tatia, scoot over! Squeeze in closer to your grandmother!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Old Etonians
Fandom: James Bond
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Pop!"


"James? James Bond? Is that really you?"

It took Bond a few seconds to identify the man, and he had to hide his revulsion. Billy Cranmer - now Sir William - had been several years ahead of him at Eton. One of the leaders of the Eton Society, also known as Pop, Cranmer had been little more than a pretentious bully. And he hadn't, until now, ever used Bond's Christian name.

"I'm surprised you remember me," Bond said.

Cranmer laughed. "After that scandal with the maid, who could forget?"

"Right. It's been nice catching up," Bond lied, "but I really must go."

 

Nice ones seeing Bond in action and the humor in the last one Pop

 

Thanks. This is a fandom I hadn't drabbled in for more than twelve years. Fortunately, YouTube had a few episodes to help me get the voices back. [We're still waiting for a Region 1 DVD.]


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: In Isolation
Fandom: Blake's 7
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Inception."


Soolin knelt down, examining the corridor's floor. "This base has been abandoned for centuries?"

"Vila definitely thought that hatch hadn't been open since before the Federation's inception," Tarrant said. "Assuming he wasn't lying, of course."

"I believe him. The dust on the upper level was uniform. But look at this."

Tarrant nodded. "It's all on the edges. There are people down here?"

"Not people."

He followed her gaze to the end of the corridor; two dogs stood there, staring back at them.

"Any chance they're tame?" he asked.

"You could go find out, or try the three more behind us."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Baby's Breath
Fandom: Blake's 7
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Babe."


Avon stared at the planet on the viewer. "Baby's Breath," he announced, "one of the most hostile, inhospitable planets the Federation was ever foolish enough to try to colonise. The very air can gelatinise human flesh."

"I always thought it was just a joke," Dayna said.

"It's real all right."

"Would someone care to enlighten me?" Cally asked.

"How do you entice people to your deathtrap? Give it the sweetest, gentlest name you can think of," Avon explained.

"And that worked?"

"Initially, in droves," he said. "Now, the name's a byword for idiocy."

"And yet," Dayna observed, "here we are."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Netcracker
Fandom: Blake's 7
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Network."


"Are you telling me," Avon taunted, "that there's a computer network in this galaxy that the great and powerful Orac can't crack?"

"Incorrect. I am telling you that it will take time to, as you say, 'crack' the computer network."

"How much time?" Vila asked.

"Approximately seven hours, eighteen minutes."

Avon said, "We don't have seven hours. Do it in two or not at all." Then he removed Orac's key before the computer could protest.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" Vila wondered. He knelt down and watched Orac's flashing, pulsing circuits. "I could almost swear it's sulking."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: False Face
Fandom: Blake's 7
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Avatar."


"My love, please help us!" the woman cried before Avon paused the recording.

"That," he explained, "is Elandra. She and I have been corresponding for some weeks."

"She's cute," Jenna said. "I wouldn't think her your type."

Avon hissed, "She's fake. 'Elandra' is a computer simulation created by Servalan to guide us into a trap."

"If you knew it was Servalan, why risk continued contact?" Blake asked. "Why are you showing this to us?"

"Because I intend to reverse the trap! Besides, I used my own false image." Avon rewound the message.

Elandra cried, "Vila, my love, please help us!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Snarl
Fandom: Blake's 7
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Traffic."


Even though the traffic hadn't moved in ten minutes, Jenna's grip on the aircar's steering column hadn't loosened. "I don't like this," she said for the third time.

For the sixth time, Vila checked his wig in the mirror. "Relax, would you? You're making me nervous. Nobody's going to recognise us!"

A patrol car shot past, and they both jumped involuntarily. "We're too exposed," she hissed.

"It's sometimes easier to hide in a crowd than on some frontier planet." Vila glanced back. "Besides, it could be worse."

From beneath the rear seat, Blake yelled, "Would you two kindly shut up?"

 

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Forthright and Wrong
Fandom: Better Off Ted
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Direct."


Veronica slammed her fist down on the lab table, rattling the test tubes. "Phil, how do you ever expect to get anywhere in this company if you're always so timid? You need to be direct, forthright. Always ask for - nay, demand - what you want. It was your timidity that got you into this mess."

"You're right," Phil admitted. "I should've stood up to the giant spider. Veronica, could you, I mean I demand you help me out of this cocoon!"

"I didn't mean with me." She looked around the lab. "Why am I down here again?"

"To let me out?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Dawn of the Veg
Fandom: Better Off Ted
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Produce."


"Ted," Veronica announced, "I have good news and great news. The eggheads up on the eighteenth floor aren't going to be able to work on the 'smart vegetable' project anymore. We're handing it over to yours now."

Ted agreed, "That is great news. For my team, I mean."

"No, that's the good news. The great news," she said, cocking her shotgun, "is that we're activating those Zombie Outbreak Protocols you scoffed at. Grab a weapon and meet me in the northwest stairwell on floor eighteen in five minutes."

"I never scoffed!"

Linda walked past carrying a baseball bat. "You scoffed."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Read the Fine Print
Fandom: Better Off Ted
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Perform."


"Veridian's new 'green' initiatives include a paperwork reduction plan."

* * *

"For the trees," Ted said.

Veronica tilted her head. "Yes, right, trees. Also money. Well, mainly the money. Do you know the cost per form? It's not just printing; there's shipping and storage. Vast underground bunkers stuffed with our paperwork."

"Whatever. I'm all for having fewer forms to fill out."

"Poor, foolish Ted. We're not reducing the number of forms," Veronica explained. "Each form will be one sixteenth the current size. Less paper, less ink, easier to ship and store. Here, you'll need this," she added, handing Ted a magnifying glass.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Paper Clipped
Fandom: Better Off Ted
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Edit."


Lem sat beside Phil. "Is that your paper on Newtonian forces in a non-Euclidean space?"

"No, I finished that already," Phil said. "Can you believe I have to get Veridian's permission to publish it?"

"They have to say yes; it's brilliant. If that's not your paper, what is it?" Lem asked.

"My Nobel acceptance speech. Want to hear it?"

Lem flinched. "That's like thirty pages."

"You think I should cut it down some?"

The lab door slid open. "Congratulate me!" Dr. Bhamba said as he entered. "Veridian wants me to publish a paper on Newtonian forces in a non-Euclidean space!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Shipping and Mishandling
Fandom: Better Off Ted
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Distribute."


"We've developed a new kind of lightweight shipping container to help our overseas distributors, and Linda's flying with it to Japan for its first field test."

* * *

"How's the new container looking?" Ted asked. "No strange bulges or cracks or smells?"

On the other end of the phone line, Linda said, "I have no idea."

Ted gasped. "The airline lost the container?"

"Not as far as I know," Linda explained, "but unless everyone in Tokyo speaks Portuguese, they managed to lose me."

"This is very bad," Ted agreed. "We were kind of relying on you to let Phil and Lem out."

 

Caught up with the reading

Blake's seven Loved that series.

 

Great Better Off Ted set! I really liked that show.

 

Thanks, you two.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Bouncy Frog
Fandom: Wonderfalls
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Spring."


The plastic frog hopped forward on its springy legs. "Rrrrip it up," it croaked.

Jaye looked down at the paper in her hands. "I am not ripping up my paycheck."

"Rrrrip it up."

"No!" Jaye hissed.

A voice behind her asked, "Jaye?"

Jaye spun around. "Peggy? I wasn't talking to the merchandise."

"Have you seen Alec today?"

"No, why?" Jaye felt a familiar dread creeping up on her.

"Last night's deposits never made it to the bank," Peggy said.

Jaye groaned. "Which means now this is going to bounce, right?" She tore the paycheck in half.

"No, that was fine."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Disco Duck
Fandom: Wonderfalls
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Summer."


"I am not a pathetic layabout!" Jaye whined. "Not all the time, anyway."

"We've seen you at your job, dear," her mother said.

"I'll have you know, I work hard for my money! On occasion."

"So, what, we'd better treat you right?" Sharon wondered.

"On occasion," Aaron added.

"Sharon," their father asked, "did you just quote a song about a prostitute?"

Everyone turned toward him, and the kids started shouting as his wife explained, "Darrin, it's about a waitress."

"I for one am outraged," Jaye said, "and I think we should all concentrate on yelling at Dad now."

"Nice try."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Movie Dolphin
Fandom: Wonderfalls
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Winter."


"I'm bored."

Jaye set her newspaper down and looked over at where her niece had been coloring. "You finished that entire book already?"

"Yes."

"Well, what do you want to do now?" Jaye asked.

"Mommy said you'd take me to the movies."

"Did she now?" Jaye held up the entertainment section. "What movie does she think I'll take you to that isn't about talking animals?"

"That one."

Jaye scoffed. "That's about a dolphin. It's right in the title."

"Mommy said it doesn't talk."

"Not to you, maybe," Jaye grumbled.

Sure enough, the dolphin in the ad said, "Take her already."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Pepper Yak
Fandom: Wonderfalls
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Season."


The old woman opened the door. "You're not Simone."

"No," Jaye said, "but I have your lasagna. You want it or not?"

The woman grunted. "Come in."

Since the animals had coerced Jaye into letting her parents volunteer her for their church's program to feed the elderly, she'd endured one miserable geezer after another. At least this was the last one.

She stepped into the living room and gasped. "What are those?"

"My collection of salt and pepper shakers," the woman said. "There's more in the kitchen."

"More?"

Hundreds of shakers, every single one an animal, turned. "Drop the plate!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Quarter Horse
Fandom: Wonderfalls
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Change."


"See a penny, pick it up."

"You know," Jaye said, "you guys really need to learn the difference between pennies and quarters."

"See a quarter, pick it up."

"Fine, whatever." Jaye bent down to get the coin. Though the heads side was up, Jaye was relieved to see that it was one of the newer state quarters, meaning no screeching eagle.

Unfortunately, she realized as she turned it over, Kentucky's showed a horse in a stable. It turned and whinnied at her.

"Stupid Kentucky," she muttered.

"Hey!" a tourist yelled. "We're from Kentucky!"

"Then you know what I'm talking about!"

 

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: A Mighty Roar
Fandom: Babylon 5
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Cut."


"Mister Garibaldi!" Londo yelled as he pushed his way through the Zocalo. "I need to talk to you!"

* * *

"Commander Sinclair!" Londo shouted, squeezing inside the elevator before the doors closed. "Just the man I was looking for!"

* * *

"Captain Sheridan!" Londo bellowed. "A word, please!"

* * *

"Ah, my dear Ambassador Delenn!" Londo exclaimed. "We have urgent matters to discuss, you and I!"

* * *

"Vir! Drop whatever you're doing and come here now!"

* * *

"G'Kar, you villain! Don't you run away when I am talking to you!"

* * *

Londo opened his mouth to speak, but stopped on seeing Susan's glare. "Not one word, Ambassador. Not one."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: What a Drazi Wants
Fandom: Babylon 5
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Wrap."


Morden stepped out of the darkness of the corridor as he saw the Drazi approach. "Have you given my question any thought?"

"What question?" the Drazi asked.

"What do you want?"

"Is it not obvious?" The Drazi held up a gray sock. "I want other sock that went with this! These my favorite socks, but your human laundry service loses half of pair!"

"Really, Ambassador? All you want is a sock?"

The Drazi laughed. "I'm not ambassador! Come to see him. Typical human, thinking all Drazi look alike!" He pondered for a moment. "This mean you not help find sock?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: To Sin in Secret
Fandom: Babylon 5
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Done."


"This is an outrage, Captain Sheridan!" G'Kar screamed, slamming the newspaper down on the desk. "An outrage!"

John looked at the open page. "They didn't get your best side? Ambassador, compared to other times you've made the gossip pages, this seems downright tame. You're just having dinner with what I presume is a lovely young Narn woman."

"Whose very protective father is one of the First Circle of the Kha'ri!" G'Kar shouted. "If that picture gets back to Homeworld, I'll be done for! He'll have me-"

"Recalled?" John asked.

"If I'm lucky. If not, just parts of me will be."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Life Among the Humans
Fandom: Babylon 5
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Over."


Delenn smiled when she spotted her old friend coming through customs. "It's good to see you," she said.

"And you, Delenn." Together, they walked out to the corridor. "Though you look very different from when last we met."

"It has been many years."

He laughed. "A joke! Life among humans has been good for you."

"Thank you. But it's not just humans," she explained. "There are over a quarter of a billion beings here from many species."

He nodded toward something scurrying in a corner. "What species is that?"

"A rat. I don't believe they are included in the count."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Unchanging Twoness
Fandom: Babylon 5
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Finish."


Lennier studied the antique board. It was made of a hard Earth wood he could not identify, and the individual squares were finished to resemble other woods. "How did you acquire this?"

"I bought it from a human trader in the Zocalo," Vir explained. "He said it had been in his family for generations."

The board had far more squares than a chessboard, Lennier observed, but far fewer pieces. He was also intrigued by the two images that recurred around the board, seemingly at random. "What are those for?"

"These are the snakes," Vir said, "and these are the ladders."