Story [Multiple Fandoms] Drabbi's General Drabbles - 12/31: Midnight Visitor (L&O:CI)

Title: Fashion Emergency
Fandom: Star Trek: The Animated Series
Originally Posted: July 30, 1999


Kirk braced himself and entered the supply office. At first it seemed empty, then a small figure struggled up onto the counter.

"Not again!" he screamed. He reached out and tugged on the remains of Kirk's shirt.

"Mr. Glocken, I'm not..."

"You never are! It's always a Klingon or Mugato or excited ensign." He groaned dramatically. "Starbase 18 had five times the personnel and I sewed fewer uniforms."

Just then, Spock entered with someone else. "Mr. Glocken, this is the new navigation officer, Lieutenant Arex. Could you sew..."

Glocken screamed and ran from the room.

"Something I said?" Spock asked.

 

Great job on these, Drabbi. I really enjoyed Fun for the whole family. Harry's confusion at using money and the Doctor's indignation at Operation is pretty funny.

Fashion emergency was fun too. Someone has to sew the captain's shirts. But this guy is really stressed over then volume of Kirk's need. Get Garak in there.

 

Thanks. At the time I wrote it, I said I imagined Glocken as being played by Michael Dunn (who'd been in the TOS episode "Plato's Stepchildren") but that, like half the minor characters on TAS, he'd probably have been voiced by James Doohan.


Title: You've Been Rumbled
Fandom: The Pretender / Discworld
Originally Posted: 16 March, 1999


Jarod adjusted his costume and slipped out into the hallway. So far, no one in the corridors had spared him a second glance, except one senior faculty member who suggested he add more sequins.

He stopped short as something like a leather bag clamped onto his shoulder. He turned around and saw an orangutan staring up at him. "May I help you?"

"Ook."

Jarod blinked. "I've been rumbled? What does that mean, 'rumbled'?"

"Ook."

"What? Well of course I'm a..."

The ape shook its head. "Ook."

Jarod sighed and knelt down. "Okay, so how'd you know I wasn't a wizard?"

 

Title: Il Maestro Falso
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Originally Posted: October 21, 1999


Captain Janeway looked around the workshop. "Everything seems to be in place, Seven. Are you sure Tom was messing with this program?"

"Ensign Paris's exact gigglings were, 'Wait 'til the captain sees this.'"

"Well, it all seems..."

Janeway paused as something moved in the shadows. "Maestro? Is that you?"

The something shuffled into the light. It appeared to be a small, scruffy man in a dirty raincoat. "Kathryn," it said, "could you, ahh, help me out a moment? How does this thing work?"

"That is not Leonardo," Seven stated.

"How... how," Janeway gasped, "did Paris find out about my ex-husband?"

 

A bit of a parody here.


Title: The End, Take Twelve
Fandom: The X-Files
Originally Posted: 30 June, 1999


"The X-Files are closed, and that's final!" Skinner yelled.

"Again?" Scully asked.

Mulder sighed. "Whatever. I'm going into suspended animation. Wake me when the Files reopen."

* * *

The door opened, and Mulder stumbled blindly out. "I dreamed about you, Scully."

"Who's Scully?" As Mulder's sight returned, he saw that the only other being here with him was a television on legs. A man's face filled the screen. "I'm Wendell."

"Well, Wendell, when am I?"

"Don't freak. Three million years."

Mulder freaked.

"Well, we did find someone else to keep you company."

"Who?"

"Hey, Mulder."

Mulder spun around and freaked again. "Krycek?"

 

This was for a title challenge. One of the listed options was "Janeway Meets Barbie," and this was first posted under that title. I later changed it.


Title: Late Night Snack
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Originally Posted: January 5, 2000


Captain Janeway breezed through the entrance to the Mess Hall. "Neelix, is it too late for..."

"Hello, Captain."

Janeway glared at the man behind the counter. "Suder! You're confined to quarters."

Suder tilted his head. "Sorry, Captain. I was watching some old Earth travelogues, and I got a bit peckish. Neelix was kind enough to help me with this dish I saw."

Janeway rushed through the kitchen door, then froze in shock. Neelix's body, drenched in sauce, was slowly grilling.

"I just had this urge," Suder said, "to throw a shrimp on the barbie."

Janeway considered. "I'll take a leg."

 

I'm not sure why I've never done any more drabbles in this fandom.

Title: Best Laid Plans
Fandom: The Simpsons
Setting: After "Homer the Great"
Originally Posted: January 12, 1999


Lights exploded and beakers shattered as lightning arced around the form of the materializing craft. It finally thudded into place, and its sole occupant tumbled out. "Whahey!"

Professor Frink picked himself up and ran a hand through his hair. "Now I can take my rightful place as leader!"

* * *

Number One cautiously opened the door. "Can I help you?"

Frink turned around and dropped his pants. "I'm the Chosen One!"

"That was for the Stonecutters. We are the Club of No Homers."

Frink grew flustered. "But I created... I have the birthmark with the... thing and the... thing and the... hoil!"

 

Funny

 

Thank you. This was also for that ST title challenge. I hadn't even thought about it, but I guess it even fits the season.


Title: Interior Decorating with Data
Fandom: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Originally Posted: January 6, 2000


Data smiled at the camera. "Within seconds, the paint is dry, and your ornament is ready for display. If you have one, you can hang it from your tree."

Data slipped out of his uniform, then popped open the hatch on his chest. "Alternatively, I hang mine on my circulatory regulator unit. That way, I always have a bit of Christmas in my heart, or rather dangling from it."

He paused and sniffed. "Sorry. I smell something unpleasant." He reached deep inside himself and pulled out something gray and fuzzy. "Ah, that is where I hid that last Easter Egg."

 

Title: The Soap Sub
Fandom: The Pretender
Originally Posted: 9 April, 1998


"Sir?"

"What is it now?" the producer asked impatiently.

"Roark's been in an accident. He'll be fine, but the doctors say it'll be two months before he can come back to work."

"Two months? We can't delay the Mike and Carrie storyline that long! Get me casting."

* * *

"Next!" the producer said without looking up from his notes.

The actor stepped onto the stage and read his lines with warmth and passion. "That's brilliant!" the producer said.

"Brilliant!" his assistant added.

"What's your name?"

"Jarod. Jarod Weiss."

The producer looked up. "Wait. Sorry. You're not the physical type we want. Next!"

 

This one was inspired by a brief bit at the start of the P.G. Wodehouse novel with the same title.

Title: Summer Lightning
Fandom: Star Trek
Originally Posted: March 7, 2000


The black sky was rent as the yellow streak of electricity arced out from the clouds and struck the red soil, vaporizing the nearest of the methane puddles that littered the landscape. Seconds later, the methane cooled and fell back into the same pools while the lightning struck elsewhere.

Spock was sitting on a rocky outcropping and silently meditating on the scene when the greasy remains of a dissolving chicken leg bounced off his faceplate.

"Mister Spock, did you know," Christine Chapel asked accusingly, "what sort of planet we were going to when you agreed to go on a picnic?"

 

Title: Sons of Fathers
Fandom: The X-Files
Originally Posted: 2 July, 1999


Mulder was so engrossed in his issue of Abduction Monthly, he almost didn't notice the brunette running along the crowded sidewalk while carrying four espressos. Then she careened into him.

"Watch it, you son of a Bill!" she yelled.

"How'd you know my father's name?"

She smiled. "I didn't, but..."

* * *

"Scully, why don't you come to a meeting tonight?" Mulder asked as he bounded into the office.

"Elvis fans or abductees?"

"A support group for children of men named Bill. Hmm, perhaps I should invite Diana, too."

Scully grimaced.

A cabinet opened and Krycek emerged. "Can I come?" he asked.

 

Title: The Lodarean Trader
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Originally Posted: March 8, 2000


"Here comes Miles," Ezri said. "Let's ask him."

She called to the engineer and offered him a seat at their table while Worf continued to stare at the scene down by the bar.

"Why," he asked, "is Doctor Bashir shouting obscenities at that woman?"

"She's a Lodarean trader apparently," Miles answered.

Worf seemed none the wiser, but Ezri smiled. "Oh," she said. A moment later, she broke into a fit of giggling.

Eventually she said, "It won't work."

"What won't?" Worf asked impatiently.

"It's only while on their homeworld," Ezri explained, "that the Lodareans settle their disputes with ritual sex."

 

Title: Surprise!
Fandom: Blake's 7
Setting: Immediately after "Blake"
Originally Posted: 24 October, 1998


Avon grinned as he raised his gun and started firing in a wide arc. Almost immediately, the guards surrounding him fired back. For many seconds, the blasting continued. Then Avon paused; the guards weren't falling. Even more surprisingly, neither was he.

He looked down at Blake, who was staring up and laughing. "Blanks?" Avon rasped.

"Surprise," Blake said.

Around the room, the others stood up. "Happy birthday!"

"Sorry it's a month late," Blake said. "We really expected you to come sooner."

Avon scowled. "Then all this..."

"Was a ruse, yes."

Avon calmly pointed his gun at Blake's head and fired.

 

This one was inspired by the episode of the same title and by... something else.

Title: Starship Down
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Originally Posted: March 9, 2000


Sisko listened as the Karemma representative listed some of the numerous hidden surcharges and taxes in their contract, then turned to the Ferengi. "Well, Quark?"

Instead of answering, Quark grabbed the sides of his head and screamed. "Doomed!" he bellowed. "Doomed! We're doomed if we stay!"

Sisko frowned. "This is neither the time nor..." The room shook, knocking him off his feet.

"Captain," Kira's voice called over the intercom, "we're under attack by the Jem'Hadar!"

"Understood. I'm on my..."

"Captain!" Doctor Bashir's voice interjected.

"Now what?"

"The animal pens in sickbay have broken open! We have rabbits on three decks!"

 

Maybe I should've dug this one up last month. Oops.

Title: Scarlet Across the Snow
Fandom: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Originally Posted: 17 December, 2005


Donner clutched his gun tightly, his eyes constantly scanning the trees lining the narrow ravine. They were deep in enemy territory here; he could smell their cooking fires. He pointed forward, and Comet slipped past to scout ahead. Suddenly, elven snipers along the ravine's ridge opened fire, the first shot catching Donner between the eyes.

He blinked away the paint and swore. "How'd you find us?" The elves just smiled, their faces suffused with a red glow. Donner swore again and stamped his hoof. "This, Rudolph," he hissed, "is why we don't let you play in our games more often!"

 

Title: Morthlan in Ten Forward
Fandom: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Originally Posted: March 9, 2000


Admiral Perez grinned. "I've spent weeks showing Ambassador Morthlan news footage from the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. We now have a complete diplomatic vocabulary."

The Tamarian held out his hand. "Begin and Sadat at Camp David."

Picard shook hands, then stepped aside and gestured toward the buffet.

Morthlan slowly walked past the main dishes to the dessert table. Solemnly, he picked up a pie and announced, "Moe at the society party!"

The assembled guests stood frozen as the pie sailed in a perfect arc and splattered against the captain's face.

"I swear I never taught him that," the admiral stammered.

 

Title: Sammy-Go-Round
Fandom: Quantum Leap
Originally Posted: 11 June, 1998


Sam tried to open his eyes, but a blinding light was pointed straight at him. What little he could see of his surroundings seemed to be spinning around him. No, the odd feeling in his chest and head told him he was spinning. He tried to move, but something held him so tight he could barely turn his head.

He heard a noise, like something hitting wood, and saw a handle poking up near his side. Sam tried to study the spinning glimpses again, and realized where he was.... A circus. Another knife missed his head by inches.

"Oh, boy!"

 

Title: Original Specs
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Setting: After "State of Flux"
Originally Posted: March 23, 2000


The Doctor glanced at his padd, then back at Captain Janeway. "Since Seska's, ahem, revelation, I have been running exhaustive tests on the crew."

"And there are more surprises," Janeway said.

"Indeed. Three 'human' crewmembers are actually Andorian, Talarian, and Ferengi. Conversely, Miss Shonbri isn't Trill; she's human. And most shockingly, Mister Tuvok's Romulan."

The captain gasped. "Are you positive?"

"Unfortunately. Finally, seven crewmembers underwent sex changes, probably while in the womb."

"That's barbaric!" She leaned forward. "Who?"

"'Mister' Paris for one."

"Who'd have guessed?" Despite herself, Janeway chuckled.

The Doctor frowned. "I wouldn't laugh if I were you, Captain."

 

Title: Human Complications
Fandom: The Pretender/Due South
Setting: Late in "At the Hour of Our Deaths" (The Pretender)
Originally Posted: 26 March, 1999


The wolf stayed back and observed the human. It was obviously injured, but his attempts to help had been met with hostility. Then he tried playing into its fears, but couldn't scare it off. He was getting desperate when the helicopter finally arrived.

The wolf watched as the injured human was flown away. Once it was gone, he went to where it had been and dug. Moments later, he grabbed the uncovered leather satchel in his mouth and bounded off.

* * *

Fraser grinned as Diefenbaker trotted into the campsite. "I told you he'd find it."

"Took him long enough," Ray moaned.

 

Title: Creative Differences
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Setting: After the series
Originally Posted: May 2, 2000


"Harry, you're here!" B'Elanna ushered her former crewmate into the apartment.

"How could I miss the chance to see my best friend's first professional holoprogram?"

"Well, really," Tom admitted, "I just sold them Fair Haven."

* * *

Tom slid the chip into the reader, and the doors whooshed open. "Umm," Tom stammered, "they may have altered it a little."

"A little?" B'Elanna asked.

Harry walked in, ducking under some pipes and almost slipping on the wet floor. "Tom, I don't remember Fair Haven being set on a submarine."

Tom shrugged. "A lot, then. So long as their checks clear, I don't care."

 

Title: I Don't
Fandom: The X-Files
Originally Posted: 22 March, 2000


"No way, Mulder," Scully said.

Mulder smiled. "It could be fun."

"It's degrading! I can't believe you would ever sign me up for something like this."

* * *

Scully squirmed in her seat.

"Ever think you'd make it this far, Dana?" the smarmy host asked.

"Never in a million years," she deadpanned.

The host grinned stupidly. "Tell us, Dana, what you're thinking right now."

"Two things, really. First, I don't think it can be healthy to bathe in aftershave. Second..." She glanced over at the darkened isolation booth. "How did Melvin Frohike ever scrape up enough money to qualify as a multimillionaire?"

 

Title: Name of My Sorrow
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Originally Posted: August 14, 2000


Jadzia was practically skipping as she entered the captain's office.

"Good news, old man?" Sisko asked.

Jadzia slid a PADD across the desk. "Our two new runabouts have just arrived."

The captain read the report on the new arrivals, then reread it. Eventually he asked, "Is this a joke?"

"It doesn't seem to be."

"Starfleet does know our runabouts are supposed to be named after rivers, right?"

Jadzia grinned. "Well, these names do somewhat fit that pattern," she explained, suppressing a chuckle.

"There is no way," Sisko insisted, "that this station is going to keep runabouts named Joan and Melissa!"

 

Title: The Name Game
Fandom: Blake's 7
Setting: Shortly after "Gambit"
Originally Posted: 11 December, 1998


Krantor tried to change his scowl into a smile before entering the office, but failed.

"They're here," he announced. Toise did not answer. "Sir."

Toise nodded. "Then show them in."

Krantor waved a hand, and an elderly couple was escorted in. "Can we have the body?" the man said. "We're eager to leave."

"Of course," Toise answered. "But first, how exactly is your family's name pronounced?"

"Khevedikh."

They were escorted out, and Toise broke into giggles. "Both hard but aspirated! I don't think anyone chose that in the pool, so the house keeps the whole six million!"

"Fantastic," Krantor hissed.

 

In for the Valentine's challenge with time to spare. [The edit was just to replace the smart quotes.]


Title: The Nevada Actuation
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Originally Posted: February 28, 2009


"Are you drunk?" Sheldon asked.

Penny sighed. "I wish I were, but no. Stone cold sober."

"No one's bribing you or blackmailing you or threatening to hurt small animals?"

"Those have all happened before?"

"Not with real animals," Sheldon admitted. "Just the stuffed kind, but otherwise yes, in college mostly."

"I don't know whether to be sad or disgusted," Penny said.

"Either would be apt. And you're sure we won't have to have sex?"

Penny recoiled at the idea. "No!"

"No, you're not sure, or-"

"No sex!" Penny insisted.

"Fine." Sheldon turned to face the Captain Kirk impersonator. "I do."