Story [Multiple Fandoms] Ultimate Challenge Drabbles - Bonus (Primeval) added 12/25 (up to 115 fandoms!)

These are most of my responses to Zonoma's Ultimate Drabble Challenge from the fall of 2006. Rather than write a hundred Star Wars drabbles, I added in a couple rules for myself to make the challenge harder. First, every drabble I've written for this challenge had to be in a different fandom; once I used one, I couldn't touch it again. This even applied to crossovers, so the final count was actually higher than a hundred. Second, for each set, I limited myself to fandoms within a small portion of the alphabet (slowly gliding from the beginning to the end). I did allow myself some leeway in crossovers; while the primary fandom had to start with one of the set's letters, the secondary one could come from elsewhere in the alphabet.

Yes, I've been called insane once or twice before.

What will follow are those response drabbles that I can post here; some may not fit within this board for one reason or another. I'll note that in the post for that set and in the fandom list.


The following 115 fandoms have been used:
(List may contain spoilers)

* Absolutely Fabulous (Week 2) [Not posted]
* Alias (Week 1)
* Alien (Week 2)
* The Amazing Race (Week 2 - Crossover)
* Angel (Week 12 - Crossover)
* Animaniacs (Week 10 - Crossover)
* Arrested Development (Week 1)
* Austin Powers (Week 2 - Crossover)
* The Avengers (Week 2)
* Babylon 5 (Week 3)
* Beavis and Butthead (Week 1)
* Blackadder (Week 3)
* Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Week 1)
* The Bugaloos (Week 1)
* The Cannonball Run (Week 2 - Crossover)
* Casablanca (Week 4)
* The Class (Week 4)
* Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (Week 3)
* Cluedo (Week 3)
* Dan Dare (Week 4)
* Dark Shadows (Week 5)
* Diagnosis: Murder (Week 5)
* Dick Tracy (Week 3)
* The Drew Carey Show (Week 4)
* Early Edition (Week 6)
* The Electric Company (Week 5)
* Everybody Loves Raymond (Week 4)
* Farscape (Week 6)
* Fawlty Towers (Week 7)
* Flushed Away (Week 6)
* Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (Week 5)
* Freakazoid! (Week 5)
* Futurama (Week 7)
* Gargoyles (Week 8)
* Get Smart (Week 7)
* G.I. Joe (Week 6)
* Gilmore Girls (Week 6)
* Good Burger (Week 7)
* Greg the Bunny (Week 11 - Crossover) [Not posted]
* Happy Tree Friends (Week 8)
* Harry Potter (Week 7)
* Heroes (Week 9)
* House (Week 9)
* How I Met Your Mother (Week 8)
* I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (Week 8)
* Into the Labyrinth (Week 10 - Crossover)
* Iron Chef (Week 10) [Not posted]
* The Italian Job (1969) (Week 10)
* It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (Week 10)
* Jackie Chan Adventures (Week 9)
* James Bond (Week 9 -- Crossover)
* Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (Week 8)
* Jurassic Park (Week 9 - Crossover)
* Keeping Up Appearances (Week 11)
* Kim Possible (Week 9 - Crossover)
* Liar's Club (Week 12 - Crossover) [Not posted]
* Live with Regis and Kelly (Week 11 - Crossover) [Not posted]
* The Loop (Week 10)
* The Lord of the Rings (Week 12 - Crossover) [Not posted]
* Lost (Week 11)
* Madagascar (Week 12)
* Malcolm in the Middle (Week 11)
* Mary Tyler Moore (Week 13)
* Masters of the Universe (Week 12)
* Monk (Week 11)
* My Name Is Earl (Week 12)
* Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Week 13)
* Nebulous (Week 13)
* Nero Wolfe (Week 14)
* Night Court (Week 14)
* A Nightmare on Elm Street (Week 12 - Crossover)
* The O.C. (Week 15)
* The Office (US) (Week 13)
* Old Harry's Game (Week 14)
* Overboard (Week 15)
* Pirates of the Caribbean (Week 15)
* Planet of the Apes (Week 14)
* Police Squad! (Week 14)
* [i

 

Week 1

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Quick In, Quick Out
Fandom: Alias
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Beginnings."


Sydney's mission had seemed so easy in the beginning, a simple exchange, quick in, quick out. How had it all gone so wrong?

Getting inside had gone smoothly enough, and she spotted her contact immediately, but a civilian, a little old lady, had his attention and wouldn't let Sydney get a word in.

Then Sydney got so panicked about being late that she made a classic rookie error and failed to examine what she'd been given. Sure enough, he'd slipped her the wrong box. Not only was the pizza cold, but it had those huge green pepper slices Francie hated.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Bitter and the Bulgy
Fandom: Arrested Development
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Middles."


Gob lifted his shirt and stared at his reflection. "Michael, am I getting fat?"

"Getting fat? No," Michael answered. "Going bald? Maybe."

Buster stood beside Gob at the mirror, holding his own paunch. "Wouldn't it be cool if I could bend over and give myself a raspberry? Mother won't do it anymore."

Recently, the elderly woman Lucille paid to blow on Buster's stomach had died.

"I should definitely go on a diet," Gob said. "How do I do that?"

"You could borrow one of Lindsay's old ones," Michael suggested.

"I'm a man, Michael."

"It's a diet, Gob, not a dress."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Childhood's End
Fandom:
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Ends."


My childhood ended, as so many things do, in fire. My counterpart and I had set some detritus ablaze in his backyard.

"Hey, Butt-head," he said, using the epithet I'd adopted for reasons lost to history, "wanna see something funny?" I answered in the affirmative, naturally; he turned his back to the fire, bent low, and released one.

He'd done it many times before, but something happened that day that never had prior. The flames followed the gas back to its source; he chuckled, said, "Cool," and then exploded.

I stood there, covered in bits of Beavis, thinking only, "Whoa."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The First's Noel
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "First."


The ancient evil left no footprints in the snow as it walked along the busy streets. It adopted the form of a young woman who'd killed herself, not that it mattered. Few could see the First without it wanting them to: kids; animals; the insane...

"Hey, baby, wanna sit on Santa's lap?"

...And those who crippled their sanity artificially.

The fat man in the sodden red suit waved his false beard like a trophy. "C'mon, honey, it's Christmas!"

"Drop dead, mortal."

To the First's surprise, the man actually collapsed on the spot, but the feeling evaporated when he began snoring.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Shoe, Fly
Fandom: The Bugaloos
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Last."


"If Peter Platter only wants songs people can dance to," Benita said, "I'll make sure everyone's dancing to mine with this!" She held up a metal object.

Tweeter asked, "What's that?"

"A last!"

"A last what?" Woofer asked.

Benita slapped him. "Quiet, you dummy! It's what shoemakers put in shoes when they're fixing them! Only this one's special! It will force any shoe it's put in to dance whenever my song plays!"

"Brilliant!" Woofer shouted.

"Wonderful!" Tweeter added. "Genius!"

"Yes, it is pretty good, isn't it?" Benita bragged.

"It sounds," Funky said, "like a load of old cobblers to me."


* * * * * * * * * *

Week 2

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Angel in the House
Fandom: Alien
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Hours."


The woman set her book down impatiently. "What is it, boy? What's wrong?" She got up and walked past her agitated Labrador retriever to the cabin door. She didn't even have time to notice what was amiss before the alien's secondary m

 

These are great!! My favorites are the Alias and the Austin Powers/Amazing Race ones. I adore Scott

 

Thank you for reading them. I hope you find some you like in these sets. I should note that these sets were originally posted in October, 2006; sadly, Peter Boyle died in December of that year. [I almost excluded the Raymond drabble because of this, but I think enough time has passed, and the drabble could be set early in the show's run.] Also, I didn't notice until just now that two of the main characters of The Class (a one-season CBS sitcom) have the same first names as two main characters from Highlander. Hmm.


Week 3

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: O'er a Wine-Dark Sea
Fandom: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Red."

They said no one had ever returned to Chewandswallow. They were wrong; expeditions had gone, but none were ever heard from again.

* * *

Henry had lost consciousness when the ship had crashed against giant, petrified buns along the shore. Day was breaking as he awoke. His forehead felt wet; when he wiped it, his hand came back red. Yep, ketchup.

A man stood over him, his umbrella up despite the lack of rain. "Phipps," he said, "gastrometeorologist." He helped Henry up. "Got flurries coming in, just a light dusting of flour, but murder to clean. Like your eggs scrambled or scrambled?"

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Night of the Worm
Fandom: Babylon 5
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Grey."

"We are Grey," the shrouded figures intoned. "We stand between the darkness and the light." But something was wrong, Delenn thought sadly. Not all the nine had spoken. And someone was sighing. No, three someones.

She lowered her hood, and five others followed suit. The warriors drew their Denn'Boks. The sighers floated from their pools of light to others, then shed their cloaks entirely.

Delenn couldn't fathom it. They were supposed to be dumb animals, weren't even supposed to be able to stand unassisted or move more than inches a year. She was still thinking that as the spoo lunged.

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Updating the CV
Fandom: Cluedo
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "White."

Blanche sat across from the agency representative and kept her hands folded in her lap. "Until Tuesday, of course," she said, "I worked for Dr Black."

She accepted the woman's condolences. "Thank you, ma'am. Before that, I was with Sebastian Scarlett and his daughter. No, I was already with Dr Black when Scarlett was murdered. Yes, ma'am, I'd been let go. No, nothing like that; he married the widow of my previous employer, Mr Peacock, and she understandably didn't... yes, he'd been murdered, too. If you put it like that, ma'am, I suppose it does sound a bit bad, yes."

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Brush
Fandom: Blackadder II
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Black."

"Ah, Percy," Edmund said, "do come in. I'd offer you something to drink, only..."

"You don't like me?" Percy offered.

"Precisely. Also, Baldrick's busy upstairs with the gutters."

Percy nodded. "Yes, I think I hear him stomping around on the roof."

"Oh no, that's a local boy named Tommy," Edmund explained. "He's sweeping out the gutters with a long-handled brush."

"But you said that Baldrick..."

"He's the brush." A moment later, they heard a scream and a crash right outside. Edmund walked toward the window. "That lad can't keep hold of anything. Come along, Baldrick! Get up! Back to work!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Wide Blue Swath
Fandom: Dick Tracy
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Blue."

Dick ducked back as bullets thudded into the plaster above his head. If he could just keep these thieves occupied until backup got here.

"May as well surrender now!" he shouted.

"Not happening!"

He heard the first car arrive less than a minute later. Within five, a dozen patrol cars and a SWAT van were outside; within ten, six SWAT units total and at least thirty others.

"Uhh, detective?" a thief asked.

 

Oh, I loved Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs when I was a kid!! And Clue is a great movie - and that was one of my favorites, along with the Raymond and Dick Tracy ones

 

Here are the fifth and sixth sets. If anyone has any questions (e.g., about a fandom or what the heck a particular drabble has to do with its theme), feel free to ask.

Week 5

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Odor Most Foul
Fandom: Diagnosis: Murder
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Smell."


The stench hit Mark even before he entered the house. Sadly, he was no stranger to the smell of death. His son, Steve, was waiting for him inside. "He's through here, Dad."

"I can tell," Mark said.

"Oh, that's not the body."

Mark soon saw what Steve meant; an elderly man had been locked in a large freezer, but only after all the beef inside had been dumped on the floor.

"Such a waste," Steve said.

"Beg pardon?" Mark asked.

"Sorry, I was looking at the meat. This was prime steak, had to have been worth over a thousand dollars!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Where There's a Will
Fandom: Dark Shadows
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Sound."


"'I, Martin Collins,'" the executor read, "'being of sound mind...'" He trailed off as the gathered Collinses chuckled.

Barnabas and Quentin nodded to themselves. The first thing they'd discovered in this parallel time band was that Martin's mind was far from sound. He tried to kill them moments after their arrival and several times since, his last attempt resulting in his own death.

The executor coughed and continued, "'hereby bequeath my entire estate, including Collinwood, to whichever of you finds and kills the son of,' I mean the person, 'who killed me.'"

Barnabas and Quentin began edging toward the door.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Held-Up Hold-Up
Fandom: Freakazoid!
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Touch."


"Stop this at once!" Lord Bravery ordered as he landed between the armed mugger and his intended victim.

"Who you supposed to be?" the thug asked.

"I'm Lord Bravery! I'm a superhero!"

The crook laughed. "What powers you got, then?"

"You saw me fly down here, right?"

"That's not enough these days, is it? What else you got?"

Lord Bravery considered. "I'm impervious to pain."

"What's that mean?" the former victim interjected. "That his bullets would bounce off or that they'd do damage but you wouldn't feel it?"

For almost a minute, silence reigned. "Oh, shut up!" Lord Bravery snapped.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Everybody's a Critic
Fandom: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Taste."


"You're crazy!" Bloo protested. "This is a work of art!"

"It's disgusting!" Frankie said.

"Cococo cococo cocococococo!"

"Yeah," Frankie agreed, "what she said."

Wilt nodded. "It is pretty bad, Bloo."

"'Pretty bad'?" Mister Herriman scoffed. "It's atrocious! An abomination!"

"You people have no sense of style!" Bloo shouted.

"Eduardo won't even be in the same room with it," Frankie said.

"Is it gone yet?" he called from the kitchen.

"No!"

"He's lucky," Mac said. "It's too late for me. I already know I'll have nightmares. Bloo?"

"Yes?"

"Where'd you get so many toenails?" Mac asked. "You don't even have feet."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Slated for Demolition
Fandom: The Electric Company
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Sight."


Thousands gathered a safe distance away to watch the implosion, unaware that the countdown was holding at one minute.

* * *

"Oi!" the workman shouted. "This building's slated for demolition!"

The man pointed to the warning he was reading. "That's what the sign says: 'Slated for Demolition.' Groovy. Hi, I'm Easy Reader." He started to sing, "Easy Reader, that's..."

"And do you see when it's scheduled?" the workman interrupted.

"'Saturday the Fourteenth,'" Easy read, "'one o'clock.' Hey, that's now! Cool!"

"So we have to leave now or we'll get killed!"

"Can I take the sign?" Easy asked.

"Sure, whatever."

"Out of sight!"

* * * * * * * * * *

Week

 

Two more sets, and one of the board's more popular fandoms gets a look in. I wasn't sure about one of these, but after reading the FAQ, I think it's okay to post it. Those who remember Prose Charades from last year's Awards will find my first stab at the game below as well.

Week 7

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Good Morning
Fandom: Good Burger
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Breakfast."


"Welcome to Good Burger," Ed said, "home of the goodburger. Can I take your order?"

The customer said, "I'll have a bacon goodwich, goodlecakes, and a large coffee."

Ed stared blankly at the register. "I can't find those keys. How about a goodburger instead?"

"It's breakfast," the customer said. "The goodburger's not even listed yet."

"Sure it is," Ed said as he turned around. "It's right..." He screamed, fell to the floor, stood, and fell again. "Whoa, it's like a whole other menu!"

"One could even call it a breakfast menu," the customer said.

Ed nodded knowingly. "Riiiight. One what?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Health Code Violations
Fandom: Get Smart
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Lunch."


"For madame, the beef bolognaise, and for monsieur, the egg salad sandwich," the waiter announced. Grimacing, he walked away.

Max and 99 began eating. "Something's wrong with my sandwich," Max said, peering between the bread.

"Did the waiter spit in it again?"

"If he did, he's a robot!" Max lifted the bread, showing her the electronics stuffed inside.

99 gasped. "It's a listening device!"

"KAOS has put a bug in my food!" Max said. "There's only one way to deal with this!" He closed the sandwich and bit down hard.

"You broke it?" 99 asked.

"Yes, and my tooth. Ow!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Evening Meal
Fandom: Fawlty Towers
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Dinner."


Basil motioned toward the dining room as the new guest came downstairs. "Right through there, sir."

"Thank you," the man replied. "I've been looking forward to a nice supper all day." Straightening his tie, he went inside.

Basil's smile became a sneer. He marched back to the office and shouted, "It's called dinner! Dinner!"

Sybil set down the phone. "What was that, Basil?"

"That ruffian called it supper!"

"The ruffian in the nice suit?" Sybil asked.

"Probably stolen!" Basil screamed. "If we attracted a higher class of clientele..."

Sybil sighed. "Are you going to ban the word now?"

"I might!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Test of Courage
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Food."


Ron stared at the object in his hand, ignoring the chattering and taunting around him. Slowly, reluctantly, he lifted it up, counted to three, then closed his eyes and tossed it into his mouth. He grinned, raised his arms in the air, and yelled, "Peach!"

Cheers and groans erupted around the room, and money changed hands. George slid the bag of beans across the table. "Your turn, Harry. Only three left now."

Harry reached inside and pulled out a speckled bean. "You're sure only one of these is vomit?" he asked.

"Oh yes," Fred said. "We even licked them ourselves."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: For Points' Sake
Fandom: Futurama
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Drink."


Leela followed the trail of empty Slurm cans to the break room and the large heap that covered the couch and most of Fry. "What's all this?"

He belched, starting a small avalanche. "Hey, Leela! Wanna help? Three million Slurm Points, and I can get the MS Spacester with pinstripes!"

"Fry, those things are a scam. It'd be a lot cheaper just to buy a..."

"Pinstripes, Leela," Fry said. "Pinstripes."

Leela looked around at the mess. "How many points do you have now?"

"Eighteen."

"Oh," Professor Farnsworth said, shuffling into the room, "that's almost enough for the portable dialysis machine!"

* * * * * * * * * *

Week 8[/c

 

Week 9

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Secret of the Plate
Fandom: Jackie Chan Adventures
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Rebirth."


"What are you doing with that?" Uncle screamed.

"It's a sandwich," Tohru said.

"Not that! The plate! The plate!"

After stuffing the sandwich in his mouth, Tohru examined the plate. In its center, a dark cloud churned. Suddenly, a face emerged. Tohru reflexively stepped back, dropping the plate.

Uncle screamed again. "You killed him!" The cloud rose up from the debris, then dissipated, revealing a young Chinese man. "Or released him."

"You got old, Chan," the man said. He pondered, then asked, "Does this mean Li Ziyi is old, too? Is she here?"

"No," Uncle said, "she married your brother!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Night of the Hunter
Fandom: Jurassic Park (film continuity) / Crossover
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Scars."


Roland read in his study. The walls, once filled with trophies, now lay bare. They brought more pain than pride now.

A window opened on his computer; one of his security clients was shooting at something out of view. "Tembo!" the man shouted, panicking. "Help!"

"What's happening there?"

"They're... they're hunting us!" Three red dots danced across his forehead; a second later, what remained fell to the floor.

A shimmer in the image dropped away, and Roland saw a pitted, scarred alien face. The man had been right; this was a hunter. And it would soon be coming for him.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Joint Pains
Fandom: House
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Disease."


"Let me guess," House said as his next patient entered. "'Doc, doc, it hurts when I do this,'" he mocked, waving his arm.

"Actually..."

House pressed on. "And this is where I'm supposed to say, 'So don't do that.'"

"Umm..."

"Well, I'm not going to," House declared. He started writing a prescription. "This should help with that elbow."

She peered over his shoulder. "That's less than I'm taking now."

"What?"

"I'm not here about that," she explained as she unbuttoned her jeans. "I've developed this odd rash...."

"Looks exactly like a rose," House quipped.

"No, lower down, behind my knee."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Muse of Evil
Fandom: James Bond / Crossover
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Agony."


Bond barely held back a scream as electricity seared through his lower torso. After a few agonizing seconds, the pain subsided, and his tormentor leaned in close, his discolored face inches from Bond's own.

"You know what I like about you?" he asked. "You bring out this... creativity in me! I've been evil for years, and nothing like this--" Another jolt caught Bond unprepared, and he screamed. "--ever occurred to me while I was fighting her."

"Did talking her to death occur to you, Drakken?" Bond asked.

"And your accent! I love your accent!" Drakken said. "Say something else! Please?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Dangerous Moves
Fandom: Heroes
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Healing."


Claire winced as her shoulder reassembled itself. The agony was greatest when the severed nerve connections were repaired, allowing all the stymied pain signals from her arm to flood through at once. A few seconds later, she was able to wiggle her fingers again; a few more after that, the only signs that she'd ever been injured were the torn shirt and drying blood. If only my clothes could heal themselves, she thought.

"Are you all right?" Zach asked. He helped Claire to her feet, then began picking the pieces up off the floor.

"I'm fine. So that's chess, huh?"

* * * * * * * * * *

Week 10

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Diggin' It
Fandom: It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Bell."


"Dingy," Benjy asked, looking up and down the store aisle, "which shovel should I get?"

Ding rolled his e

 

Week 11

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Mr. Monk and the Color Yellow
Fandom: Monk
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Dawn."


Bowing to the inevitable, Natalie let Monk place the flags and ribbons on her house while she and Julie watched.

"Mom," Julie asked, "why are the ribbons yellow?"

"Don't know. The song, maybe?"

"He was coming home from prison," Monk said.

"What?" Natalie asked.

"In the song." Monk handed her a torn ribbon. "He was in prison for three years."

Julie grinned. "What did he do?"

Monk said, "I always imagined he was a litterer."

"You could get three years for littering?" Julie asked.

"I wish," he said, "but Governor Reagan never answered my letters, just sent me autographed photos."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Morning Blahs
Fandom: Live with Regis and Kelly / Greg the Bunny
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Morning."


[Yeah, real people again.]


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Here a Cluck
Fandom: Lost
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Noon."


Hurley could feel the midday sun beating down, and he wondered if that was what was making him hallucinate. "Dude, you don't see that?"

Sawyer glowered at him. "See what?"

"Mr. Cluck."

"That fast food thing?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah, that's him. He's dancing around you," Hurley said, "and waving his wings like he's playing that 'I'm not touching you' game."

"You've been out in the sun too long."

"I'm thinking the same thing," Hurley admitted. "I'm gonna go lie down now."

* * *

As soon as Hurley was gone, Sawyer let out the sneeze he'd been holding. "Watch it with those feathers!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Card Games
Fandom: Malcolm in the Middle
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Dusk."


"No!" Lois said.

"But it's our money!" Malcolm shot back.

"Yeah!" Reese added.

"And I'm not going to let you waste it!"

"It's just a new graphics card," Malcolm explained.

"You don't need one."

Malcolm scoffed. "How would you know?"

"Please," Lois said. "You just want it so you can look at pictures of some naked fairy."

"She's not naked!" Malcolm insisted. At least she won't be, he thought, until I can get the patch from Stevie.

"Right!" Reese said. "She's wearing leather!" He stared off into space, smiling broadly and drooling just a bit.

Lois turned and walked away.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: A Matter of Priorities
Fandom: Keeping Up Appearances
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Evening."


Elizabeth watched through the window as a body bag was carried out of the Buckets' home. She knew neither Richard nor Hyacinth had died -- she'd seen both talking to the police -- and her curiosity was getting the better of her.

"Emmet, is it too early to--?"

"Yes."

Hyacinth's father was being led away in cuffs when Elizabeth's doorbell rang. Hyacinth stood at the door, smiling uncomfortably. "Hyacinth, I'm sorry," Elizabeth said. "Come in. Tell me all about it."

"Oh, that? Simple misunderstanding. I came to say tonight's candlelight supper is still on!"

"Really?" Elizabeth stammered.

"Yes. I'll hold it here!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Week 12

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Picked on Friend's Kid Sister
Fandom: My Name Is Earl
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Good."


"'Do good things and good things happen to you,'" Earl explained. "That's called karma."

"So you're changing my tire because you want karma to do something nice for you?" the woman asked.

"Kinda. Also, I have this list," he said, pulling out his yellow sheet. "It's bad things I've done to people and I'm trying to..."

Her eyes widened. "No, you couldn't be."

"It was a long time ago, and you may not remember."

Randy waved from the El Camino. "Hi, Casey's sister," he said. "You look different with hair." He paused, then added, "and being grown up and all."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The

 

Ping.

Week 13

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Blown Cover
Fandom: The Office (US)
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Kiss."


"Sorry, Pam, can't help," Kevin said. "There's a Battle of the Cover Bands up in Binghamton on Saturday."

"Bringing the glory of the Police on the SUNY crowd?" Jim asked.

"Yeah."

Michael came out of his office. "What's up?"

"Scrantonicity is playing this weekend," Pam told him.

"Cool!" Michael said, singing, "'I want to rock and roll all night!'"

"That's a Kiss song," Kevin told him. "We're a Police tribute band."

Michael looked over at Jim, who nodded. "Yeah, I knew that," he said. "Just testing you there, Kevo. 'And party every day!' Now why'd I come out here again?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Grip of Steel
Fandom: Ninja Warrior (Sasuke)
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Hug."


Kenishi was tempted to close his eyes but instead focused on the log directly in front of him. It made little difference; he could feel the world spinning around him. Still he clung on, arms and legs wrapped around the log and fingers desperately clutching the handles.

For a few milliseconds that seemed an eternity, he felt free, like he was flying. That ended as the log slammed back onto the track with a shudder that threatened to loosen his grasp. Then came the second drop, but Kenishi was ready and just squeezed tighter until he sensed the mat below.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Lights Fantastic
Fandom: Mary Tyler Moore
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Smile."


Lou sat in his darkened office and massaged his throbbing temples. This headache was all Ted's fault, and Lou was going to make sure he paid for it. He just didn't know how yet.

The pain was finally subsiding when the lights flared on, glowing brightly. "Slaughter!" he bellowed. Murray poked his head into the room. "Is Mary here?" Lou asked.

"Yeah, she just came in," Murray said. "You want to see her?"

"Yes! No, wait. Just go out there and tell her something sad. I don't care what you say so long as you get her to stop smiling!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Holofile 496: The Grin Reaper
Fandom: Nebulous
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Frown."


"But father, I'm getting dizzy. All the blood is rushing to my head."

"Come on, son, you'll have to learn to do the cartwheel if you want to succeed as a clown."

"But I don't want to be a clown! I shall not clown! I shall not clown!"

* * *

"I shall not clown!"

"What was that, Professor?" Paula asked.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry," Nebulous said, "that was unimportant. You were saying?"

"What I said, Professor Pouty, was that you should smile and, you know, turn that frown upside-down."

"Ah, yes." He considered for a moment. "No, Paula, I don't believe I will."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Cackling Dummies
Fandom: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Laugh."


"Check this one out! Mwahahahahahahaha!"

"What are you two doing now?" Mike asked.

"Oh, hi," Tom said. "We're practicing our evil laughs." He lowered his voice and bellowed, "Mwahahahahahahaha!"

Mike smiled. "Can I try?"

The bots held a whispered conference. Crow said, "Okay, but be careful. We're professionals with many years of evil laughter experience."

Mike nodded, threw back his head and laughed. "Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" His voice echoed around the room. The lights dimmed. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled. Eventually, the laugh died away, and the lights came back up. "How was that?"

"N-n-n-not b-b-b-bad," the bots stammered from the corner.


* * * * * * * * * *

Week 14

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: His Golden Splendor
Fandom: Nero Wolfe
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Sun."


"Confound it, Archie!"

Months back, my employer solved the murder of an astronomer, and one of the suspects compared Wolfe to a star at t

 

Since I'm now sure nobody's reading this, I'm going to tell you all what I really think of you at the end of the post. But first, the next two sets.

Week 15

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Meet Me on the Mountaintop
Fandom: The Pretender
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Indifferent."


Miss Parker unholstered her gun as she reached the cabin's door. After she'd chased Jarod all the way up this mountain, she wasn't about to let him go this time. She counted to one and went through.

"Don't shoot, it's only us," Broots said. He and Sydney stood next to giant gears connected to cables going out the nonexistent far wall.

"A ski lift?"

"For the resort on this side of the mountain," Sydney explained. "That's how..."

"And Jarod?"

"Went down as we were coming up," Broots admitted, his eyes on the gun. "You wouldn't shoot us, right?"

"Try me."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: High and Low
Fandom: Red Dwarf
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Exhausted."


As Starbug left the asteroid belt, Dave turned to Kryten. "Get us back..." he began, pausing as his voice's pitch suddenly rose. "What's happening?"

"The fusion reactor's exhaust is leaking into the ship, sir," Kryten said, his voice unaffected.

"Is it dangerous?"

"Not to mechanoids; it's pure helium." Kryten pressed several buttons. "That should solve the problem. In the meantime, it will help clear your lungs if you keep talking."

"About what?" Dave asked.

"Anything at all, sir," Kryten answered, suppressing a giggle.

"Smeg! Are you recording this?"

Kryten burst out laughing. "Perfect, sir! Now try threatening me with violence!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Prince Among Men
Fandom: Pirates of the Caribbean
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Hopeful."


"I ever tell you," Jack asked, "how Prince Ruprecht and I looked so much alike we could switch places whenever we wanted?"

Gibbs nodded. "Aye, several times. But why are we here now, Cap'n?"

"Ruprecht's been kidnapped," Jack said, "on the eve of his marriage to the Lady Penelope."

"So you've come to..."

"Take his place at the wedding, right. Penelope's probably behind it; she'd never admit it, but she's in love with me, poor thing."

"She's tried to kill you how many times?" Gibbs asked.

Jack thought for a moment. "Five. No, seven. That's how I could tell, savvy?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: A Moment's Rest
Fandom: Overboard
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Relaxed."


Captain Crow lay back in his deck chair and grinned. It was a beautiful day, and he had nothing to do but relax. There was only one more thing he needed.

"Charley!" he yelled. "Charley!"

Charley came strolling around the corner. "Yes?"

"You haven't seen Nate around at all, have you?" Crow asked.

"Uh, yeah."

"I need to see him." A few minutes later, a wide shadow fell across him. "Ah, Nate. Perfect," the captain said. "Could you stand just like that for an hour or so? I'd like to take a nap, but the sun's been in my eyes."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Nocturnal Wildlife
Fandom: The O.C.
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Restless."


Ryan set his textbook on the counter. To get this assignment done, he'd need caffeine and lots of it.

* * *

He was awakened by a light scrabbling noise. He looked around, but no one was there. Then he heard it again.

He sat up, fully alert. There it was, skittering across the floor, some kind of black, hairy bug, maybe a centipede.

Ryan calmly closed his book and smashed it down on the bug. "Gotcha!"

Moments later, the Cohens raced into the kitchen. "What's going on?" Sandy demanded.

"Sorry, there was a bug, and..."

"Dad," Seth asked, "where's your other eyebrow?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Week 16

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Looking for Mr. Badball
Fandom: Quark / Saturday Night Live
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme wa

 

High and Low indeed

Great, you managed to combine two elements that I find funny. Loser English space guys (and androids), and the judicious misuse of helium for entertainment purposes. Crazy, man, crazy.

 

Thanks. What did you think about some of the others?

Since I'm still working on Set 20 (as I approach the second anniversary of starting this thing), I'll slow down and just post one set at a time from here on.

Week 17

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Pendulous Plane
Fandom: A Series of Unfortunate Events
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Nothing."


Sunny tried to duck lower in the Sopwith's cockpit, but she could already hear Count Olaf climbing along the wing.

"There you are!" he shouted as he peered down at her. "Nobody can save you now, and there's nothing you can do!"

"Zero," Sunny said.

"Exactly! Nothing!"

Sunny, however, knew that zero wasn't only a number that represented nothing and sometimes acted as a placeholder but was also an old Japanese warplane, just like the one hanging behind Olaf.

Klaus rocked the Zero on its cable, smacking Olaf in the back and sending him tumbling to the museum floor below.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: To Touch the Heavens
Fandom: Quantum Leap
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Everything."


Sam stared through the tiny porthole at the Earth turning slowly below. He could see everything from up here. "Oh boy," he whispered.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Al asked. "That view never gets old."

Reluctantly, Sam turned around. "Does Ziggy know why I'm here yet?"

Al pointed to a panel. "There's a bit of loose wiring under there."

Sam grabbed a repair kit and fixed the problem within three minutes. "Anything else?"

Another astronaut floated into the module. "Hey, Calavicci, who are you talking to in here?" he asked.

Al grinned. Sam barely had time to look surprised before he Leaped.


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Mission Transmission
Fandom: The Secret Show
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Now."


Victor's transmission was interrupted by the roar of an explosion, followed by static.

"Victor!" Professor Professor yelled. "Are you still alive? Speak to me!"

"Still here," Victor said. "I'm making my way to-" Another explosion cut him off.

"Are you alive now?"

"Yes! If I'm ever not, I'll tell you!" Victor snapped.

Their boss, whose name was changed daily for security, pushed Professor Professor aside. "Victor, do you see the machine?" he asked.

"What's left of it, Betty McJellypants."

"The Milky Way bars? Are they unharmed?"

"All gone," Victor said. "Only thing left's a Topic bar."

"Blast! I hate hazelnuts."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: My Far Future?
Fandom: Scrubs
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Forever."


J.D. stopped by the nurses' station, leaning heavily on his cane. Why had he come this way again?

A whistle drew his attention. "Newbie, over here." Oh, right. To see Zombie Dr. Cox.

"It's been sixty years. When are you going to stop calling me that?"

"Probably never," Cox admitted. "I would've said when I'm dead, but, well..."

"Plus," the Toddbot said, "'newbie' sounds like 'boobie.'" Cox shoved it onto its back. "Danger! Danger!"

* * *

J.D. snapped back to reality. "He's so cool."

"Zombie Dr. Cox again?" Turk asked. J.D. nodded.

Todd leaned in. "Was the Toddbot there? Yeah! Cyber five!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: A Lower Authority
Fandom: 24
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Fate."


"You must get those plans. The fate of the world is at stake!"

"Believe me," Jack said, "I know." He closed his phone and dropped it in his pocket. His shoulder still ached from the torture two hours earlier, but he pushed that to the back of his mind with everything else.

He slipped out into the hallway and sprinted to the stairs. Two flights down, he heard a distinctive pop and felt a searing pain through his lower half. He staggered and fell. "Not now!" he hissed, but there was no point denying it; his bladder had burst again.

 

Week 18

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Eyes of Chuck Campbell
Fandom: Soap
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Eyes."


Mary found Burt in the waiting area. "I came as quickly as I could. How is he?"

"The doctor says he has optic nerve damage," Burt said. "My son's blind, Mary."

She sat beside him. "We'll get through this. We always do. Maybe we can get Chuck one of those guide dogs."

"Forget it!" a high voice screeched. "I'm not sharing a house with some four-legged, slobbering fleabag! You two-legged ones are bad enough!" Bob's head poked out through a doorway and looked around. "I'll be his eyes! Now Chuck, just half a step to the left. Your other left!"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: The Face of Justice
Fandom: Sledge Hammer!
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Nose."


"Hammer!" Captain Trunk's voice echoed down the hall.

"Think he's upset?" Sledge asked.

"I wonder," Dori snapped.

"Sarcasm doesn't become you," Sledge said as they entered Trunk's office. "Captain, I can explain."

"Save it! You disfigured the leading senate candidate!"

"But he's a Democrat!" Sledge protested. "And one who was clearly jaywalking."

"It was a parade!" Trunk shouted.

"That would explain the bands and floats."

Trunk groaned. "So because you thought he was jaywalking, you shot his nose off?"

"I am sorry about that part, Captain, truly," Sledge admitted, drawing his gun. "She's been pulling to the left all morning."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Great Feats of Strength
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Ears."


[Since this was Star Wars, I'd posted it to my old drabble thread.]


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Mixed Drinks
Fandom: Undeclared
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Throat."


Marshall slowly rolled over and sat up. After the room seemed to stop spinning, he opened his eyes. "What happened last night?" he rasped.

Ron laughed. "Dude, you almost choked to death drinking an entire pitcher of margaritas."

"It wasn't the margaritas," Steven said. "It was the sock he nearly swallowed."

"For the last time, I don't know how that got in there," Ron said.

Steven's dad appeared in the doorway. "Hey, guys. Anyone find a sock in here? I took it off so I could put this new fungal cream on my foot, and I couldn't find it afterward."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: V for Veronica
Fandom: Veronica Mars / Crossover
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Skin."


Keith looked up. "What's that?"

"Part of a Halloween mask," Veronica said. "It looks familiar, but..."

"It should. You had her for third grade."

"Miss Amelia? Why would a dead mugger have a mask of my old teacher?" Veronica asked.

"Sit down," Keith said. "Honey, we never knew how to tell you, but Miss Amelia was a Visitor, one of the good ones who fought with our side."

Veronica stared blankly.

"Didn't they teach you anything in history?" Keith asked. "You'd think alien lizards invading Earth would come up."

"Is that why she didn't want me investigating Mr. Wiggles' disappearance?"

 

Week 19

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Where's My Line?
Fandom: 30 Rock
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "One."


"Liz," Jenna moaned, "who cut the 'Conservative Sex Line' sketch? Now I don't have any lines in tonight's show!"

Liz swallowed the pizza she'd been chewing. "Really? None at all? Well, you could have some in 'Devil's Island Activities Director' if you're willing to play a man."

"After last time? No thanks. Those rumors took forever to quell. Couldn't the resort be coed?"

"Devil's Island wasn't a resort," Liz said. "It was a French prison. And no, a female guard would not only would be inaccurate, it'd ruin the sketch's one joke."

Jenna considered. "The rumors did help boost ratings."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Doing Favors
Fandom: The Third Man
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Three."


The man stayed seated as he shook Holly's hand. "This manuscript, The Third Man, is maybe the best ever to cross my desk. In fact, it's so good, I'm going to do you a favor." Here it comes, Holly thought. "I'm doing you this favor by not publishing it. This is literature, and we're not in that business."

"I see," Holly said. The companies who were in the literature business wouldn't let him in the door, and the pulp houses called it a favor when they rejected him. "Too many more favors like this, and I'll be in the poorhouse."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Dishy Fishies
Fandom: What I Like About You / Crossover
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Five."


Lauren leaned back on the counter and grinned as she watched the four new arrivals sit at a table near the door. "Mmm, fishy goodness."

"Which one?" Holly asked.

"One? I'm thinking fivesome."

Holly laughed. "You are so wicked!"

Val came out of the kitchen and joined them at the counter. "Oh no," she moaned. "Why would they come here?"

"Val!" Holly gasped. "I never thought my own sister could be a racist!"

"But they're murlocs!" Val hissed. "Look, I'm sorry, Holly. It's just that I can never understand a word they say."

Lauren smiled wistfully. "Who needs to understand?"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: A Morning Cordial
Fandom: The Thin Man
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Seven."


Nick looked carefully left and right, made sure he was alone, then unlocked the door as quietly as possible before slipping through.

"Morning, Nicky."

Nick winced. His wife Nora sat at the breakfast table with their infant son. "Long night?" she asked.

"All the better to make me appreciate coming home to you, Mommy."

Nora stuck out her tongue at him.

The new maid entered carrying a pitcher of orange juice. "Can I get you anything, Mr. Charles?"

"Scotch and soda, please."

"Nicky!" Nora protested. "It's seven in the morning!"

"You're right, dear. Hold the soda."

Nora smiled. "That's better."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Glutton for Punishment
Fandom: Wacky Races
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Nine."


"The Slag brothers are out in front, just ahead of Professor Pat Pending, while coming up on the outside, it's Peter Perfect in his Turbo Terrific! But Peter, what smells like French fries?"

Peter grinned. "I've converted my car to run on biofuel!"

"How is that working out so far?"

"I'm hungry all the time!" Peter complained. "I've put on twelve pounds this week!"

Dick Dastardly pulled alongside. "Perfect!" he shouted. "Do you know where Muttley's gone off to?"

"No," Peter said, eyes darting left and right, "I haven't seen him."

Meanwhile, deep in Peter's stomach, something muttered, "Razzen frazzen!"

 

Here it is, the last of the "weekly" sets for the challenge! And it only took me 107 1/2 weeks (and 114 fandoms). However, I'm not quite done with this puppy yet. Y'see, over these last couple years, I got many things -- DVDs mostly -- to use for this that I never did. So I'm adding another step to this. Starting with Week 7, each of the sets was given an overarching title in the thread header. Taking these fourteen new themes, I'm going to write fourteen additional drabbles, with the condition that they be for properties I have to hand but have not used. I'm not holding myself to any alphabetical positions, and I'll probably post them as I write them rather than wait for a complete set. In any event, it'll mean that I'll have done at least 128 fandoms before I'm completely through. We did establish I'm nuts, right?

Week 20

* * * * * * * * * *

Title: My Own Muse
Fandom: Xanadu
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "A Light in the Dark."


"Perfect." Melpomene stared down at the keyboard and grinned.

"What are you doing?" Calliope asked.

Melpomene quickly darkened the monitor. "Don't you knock?"

"You're not Photoshopping pictures, are you? Zeus said that counts as art."

"I know," Melpomene sighed. "'Muses are not allowed to create art.' Only Clio, as part of that stupid Xanadu thing."

"So then why can't I see what you're doing?"

"Fine." Melpomene restored the monitor's brightness. "There. It doesn't count; I already checked."

"You're writing a story?" Calliope asked. "How does that not count as creating art?"

"Because, sister dear, this is what mortals call 'fanfic.'"


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Driven Crazy
Fandom: Will & Grace
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "Steer by the Stars."


Will groaned. He hated driving in the Village.

Beside him, Jack screamed, "Will!"

"What?"

"Will!"

"What?"

Without answering, Jack reached across and grabbed the wheel, wrenching it to the side. The SUV slewed sideways for several yards before screeching to a halt. "Wait," Jack said, "my bad."

"You could've killed us!" Will shouted.

Jack harrumphed. "I thought I saw Brangelina back there, and I wanted to say hi."

"By running them down?"

"It wasn't really them!"

An insistent tap on the window made Will look over. "Perfect. This cop's probably wondering why we're blocking Bleecker."

"We? You're the one driving."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Fallen Angel
Fandom: X-Men
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Shake the Heavens."


The pod streaked through the night sky and slammed to earth, its impact shaking the ground miles away. For some time, nothing stirred. Warren finally pulled himself from the smoldering capsule as a pickup arrived.

The driver climbed out and whistled appreciatively. "Hello, honey. Have I died and gone to heaven?" she asked.

Warren looked at the truck's Iowa plates. "I thought I was supposed to ask if this was heaven." He stretched, unfolded his wings, and flew away.

"Always the cute ones," she said. "They wake you at two in the morning and stick you with the burning wreckage."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Hair Today
Fandom: Up Pompeii!
Rating: PG
Notes: The challenge theme was "Beneath These Hands."


"As if I care where Master's hair tonic went," Lurcio said. "He doesn't even need the horrible inky sludge. Anyway, the prologue."

"Lurcio!"

"Ah, young Nausius, with another of his odes, I'd wager."

"Lurcio!" Nausius wailed. "Something dreadful's happened!"

"Couldn't find a rhyme?"

"Worse! I spent last night sharpening my nib-"

"Your nib?" Lurcio turned aside. "Don't laugh. Remember, this is Nausius we're talking about. It's a pen nib."

"Yes, for my newest ode. But this morning my hands are all hairy!"

Lurcio turned aside again. "Yes, all right, laugh if you must, but I know where the tonic's gone."


* * * * * * * * * *

Title: Into the Woods
Fandom: The Ventu

 

I promised some bonus drabbles, didn't I? Well, here's one, based on the theme from Week 11.


Title: The Night Off
Fandom: Primeval
Rating: G
Notes: The challenge theme was "A Single Day."


Lester cleared his throat. "Professor Cutter, why don't you and Connor take the night off? It's Christmas Eve."

"Someone has to watch for anomalies," Cutter said.

"I think we can risk leaving your detector off this once."

"Are you mad?" Cutter screamed.

"Afraid we'll detect Father Christmas?" Connor joked.

Lester looked around the empty ARC. "In a word, yes."

"You can't be serious," Cutter scoffed.

"His technology is such that Home Office believe it could appear as anomalies opening simultaneously in every home in the country."

"I don't think the system could handle that," Connor warned.

"Really? You don't say."