My Arse Can Say "Pants"

I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly I felt a sort of distillation down below in my belly, a sort of blopboboaopbop sensation. A perturbation, a distention, a constriction.

Then suddenly, without any other warning, my bottom very loudly and distinctly said:

"PAAAHHHNTZ!"

Now, it was slightly indistinct, and the diction could use work, but it was quite clearly the word "pants" - and it makes sense that this would be my bum's first word, after all.

I've never attempted to teach my starfish to speak, although many claim I have always spoken thru it. No, this was completely unprecedented, and I must say I am very proud that my own arse has now learned to talk of it's own accord with no prompting whatsoever. Obviously it is a very intelligent arse.

Perhaps it was trying to tell me something about the state of my trousers. I don't know. In any case, it is certainly a welcome event, and I look forward to new pronouncements from my sentient sphincter. Now I will have to set about giving it a name, and perhaps a trust fund. I am beyond joy that my bum is conscious.

But I tell you what, his breath don't half smell.

 

I always thought you were speaking out of your arse!

 

oh my god, too many different ideas for posts running through my head! I can't decide!!!!

Just tell us more about your firm, apple-like buttocks.

 

Have you taught him to sing yet?

 

It's obvious. You arse is calling out for your pants. It's winter here in Australia, your arse is cold, and it's gone so far as to call out for them.

Put your pants back on!!! Listen to your arse!

 

We had a guy like that on our show once.
His name was Mr Methane. He got all the chicks.

 

"Put your pants back on!!! Listen to your arse!"


---- LOL!! Classic! Sig quote material!!

 

I fell outta my chair laughing after reading that one. Please keep us informed if your bums vocabulary expands.

 

Chyrens' Arse for Admin!

 

The ability to speek does not make you intelligent.
I wonder who will be the first to register the name 'Chyren's Arse'

 

The ability to speak makes it more intellegent than Chyren.

 

It's posts like this that tempt me into going back to alt.tasteless.

 

How charming. You could devote a chapter to this in your book.

 

I AGREE!

 

My arse says "COOOOORRRRRRNNNNNNN"

 

Everything's upside down, down under.

 

You should take it to a carnival and use it as a side-show.

DarthNut,
the nuttiest guy around.

 

Go-Get Beer, you just gave me an idea...

Now I can say lots of words!

Who do you think I am?

 

I think you're someone's butt. Maybe you kissed it too many times.

 

I think Chyren needs to wash his underwear...

 

Well good for you and your arse Chyren

 

My arse says, "PPPFfffffffffbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttttt!!" People must not like my arse. Every time it talks, people seem to leave the room.

 

Corn?! I don't remember eating corn.

 

any more obscure chryen threads you guys wanna pull up?

 

Humble extra belive me - there are lots of the beggers.