JCC My Fiance dumped me

Discussion in 'Community' started by PRENNTACULAR, Sep 30, 2012.

  1. Falcon Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2002
    star 8
    She could've waited a couple of weeks. That would've been the more mature route

    Sorry to hear that Pren, at least she made this decision before you two got married. Could've been a far worse situation. Still sad though [:D][:D][:D]
  2. Yo_Raja Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 2006
    star 4
    Sucks, Prenn :( [:D]

    Here's my story: a live-in boyfriend and me decided to move to another country. I got the job first, so we agreed that we'll go for it and he'll keep on looking (I would be able to support us both). We both quit the jobs at home and got ready for the moving. Then a week before the removal day, he says he won't go "because there's someone else" - over the phone. It took a lot of time to get over it, but now I'm single and awesome in Amsterdam.

    A lot of people told me that when I was down in the dumps, and of course I never took it in, but I'll say it to you nevertheless: it's probably for the best.
    Last edited by Yo_Raja, Oct 1, 2012
  3. Jabba-wocky Chosen One

    Member Since:
    May 4, 2003
    star 8
    It would have been more classy if she did it at a boat dock. Then you could have been left weeping at the pier while she stood on the deck and drifted slowly away from you. At last, your voice would have been overtaken by the dull roar of the sea, and she would have vanished into the horizon. It would have been a wonderful metaphor, you know.
    Last edited by Jabba-wocky, Oct 1, 2012
    JoinTheSchwarz and PRENNTACULAR like this.
  4. PRENNTACULAR VIP

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 2005
    star 6
    Darth Guy the booty call idea really isn't that complicated. We still love each other and like kissing each other. I mean, I get why it's a bad idea. But that doesn't mean it's not appealing. You know? A weekend with a girl you love? And sex? Sounds good on a variety of levels.

    Kid Cudi has been helping me with my emotions. And I would be lying if I said I hadn't listened to Adele a little bit. Went on a hike this morning with a friend. That was good. Sitting in Starbucks today. Cried a little bit. That was embarrassing. Other than that, I'm doing alright. Thanks for your guys responses. This thread has been good for me.

    Soundy, I love the post where you said 70/30 humping to talk ratio. Just because you brought up the idea of a humping to talk ratio. That made me laugh.

    I really appreciate all your guys' feedback and opinions. It's helping me maybe not be stupid about this.

    TheGuardianofArlon dude come on. It wouldn't be serious or anything. Just a little rebound. You know? Come on. I see how you look at me.
    Souderwan likes this.
  5. Jabba-wocky Chosen One

    Member Since:
    May 4, 2003
    star 8
    What do you mean you still love each other?
  6. PRENNTACULAR VIP

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 2005
    star 6
    I mean, I don't feel any different about her post-break up than I did pre-break up. And she says the same. Obviously, it's been an entire 1 day and time changes things. But I wasn't one of those "I hate you" break ups, or one of those "I don't love you any more" break ups. Or even one of those "I like you but I love this other guy" breaks up. She just needs to be single for a while. Like...developmentally. That doesn't change our feelings.

    Although, the more I talk about it and process it, the more the booty call sounds like a bad idea.
    harpuah likes this.
  7. Darth Guy Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 16, 2002
    star 10
    If you still love her, wouldn't the end of the "booty call" (Jesus Christ that's an awful term) be exceptionally painful emotionally? Like breaking up again?
    Last edited by Darth Guy, Oct 1, 2012
  8. Jabba-wocky Chosen One

    Member Since:
    May 4, 2003
    star 8
    Also, wouldn't being in regular and intimate contact with someone you love be pretty much the opposite of "being single?"
    Quixotic-Sith likes this.
  9. Souderwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 6
    I suspect that this is all the information you need.
    Darth_Invidious likes this.
  10. PRENNTACULAR VIP

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 2005
    star 6
    Well it would only be "regular" for a weekend. It's not like we're talking right now or anything.

    But I completely see what you guys are saying.

    Here's another things we can vote on. My friend who made me go on a hike today wants to make me an OK Cupid profile for shallow online dating. Good idea or bad idea? I say bad idea.
  11. Obi-Zahn Kenobi Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 1999
    star 7
    Prenn, I am so sorry.

    Almost exactly a year ago I essentially broke off a pre-engagement with my girlfriend of three years (we weren't pre-engaged like Anne and George Michael but there was an understanding). She broke up with me a week later. I know exactly what you're going through and it's rough. I'm still in pain every day because of it.

    What you need now is space. I know you don't feel differently, but she IS different. You two had an agreement to be married and she ended that agreement. It doesn't mean that she's malicious. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or care about you.

    But it does mean that she had serious enough doubts about you two to end it. If this IS truly the end break up, this needs to end now. If she still wants to be with you, she'll want to be with you two months from now. I think, for both your sakes, you need time on your own away from her.

    Dragging out my last two break-ups with girls who ended it but wanted to keep me around for company, help, romantic affection, or possible hook-up only resulted in me going through far more pain than I had to.
    MASTERPRENN likes this.
  12. Sinrebirth SWC and EUC Forum Moderator

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2004
    star 7
    I say bad idea to your friends idea. Way too soon.
    Last edited by Sinrebirth, Oct 1, 2012
  13. harpua Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 12, 2005
    star 8
    Bad idea... reeeeaaaallly bad idea.

    Sit with your emotions for a while... don't look for something to take them away or dull them. Interacting with people on a dating site would be a distraction from the emotions you're dealing with from the break up, and you don't need that. If you're going to come out of this okay (and you totally are), you've got to process it fully. I'm not saying that you need to lock yourself away in your apartment and immerse yourself in the depths of despair (though you may do that a little, and there's nothing wrong with it)... I'm saying that meaningless online flirtation is that that... meaningless, and I doubt you'd get anything out of it.
    MASTERPRENN and JediFalcon like this.
  14. SoloKnight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 13, 2003
    star 4
    Sorry to here that dude.
    Here's my personal story (for what it's worth): I was supposed to spend a week in Indiana with my girlfriend. She dumped me on the first day there. I learned it's very expensive to change dates on plane tickets from Indiana to California.
    Obi-Zahn Kenobi likes this.
  15. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I don't know, sometimes that meaningless online flirtation can at least put a smile on your face. It's not taking away or dulling the pain, but maybe it just lets you know things really can be fine again.
    MASTERPRENN likes this.
  16. Obi-Zahn Kenobi Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 1999
    star 7
    Sorry bro. That sounds rough.
  17. Darth_Invidious Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jun 21, 1999
    star 5
    From the gist of your replies Prenn, it sounds like both you and your ex aren't really sure whether you're broken up or, ugh, bringing up the dreaded Friends reference, "on a break". Maybe that's what she'd like but perhaps did not properly verbalize as such? I dunno. Regardless, I'll cast my vote and say that booty call with ex or jumping back into dating (whether IRL or online) are really bad ideas. One way or another, you'll both end up hurt. Give yourself time. Lots of it.

    If you love her and if she loves you, perhaps one day you'll find each other again. However, I can't really tell you to hold on to that hope since it's full of 'maybes' and 'whatifs' that won't do you any good both in the short and long run. As cliché as it is, time does heal all wounds. And that's all you need right now: time to let go.
    Last edited by Darth_Invidious, Oct 1, 2012
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  18. Falcon Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2002
    star 8
    I completely agree with Harpuah, it's a really bad idea to jump back into dating even if it's just a short term relationship. Way too soon. You need time to think and come to terms with if this is the end or if you're just on a break from each other. It might do both of you some good to get some time away from each other and it'll help you figure out what you really want. If you still love her when all of this is done and it was meant to be. The time will be right and everything will fall into place.

    Here's a question for you and you may want to give this some thought.

    Can you see yourself with her in the next five years? Be completely and totally honest with yourself.
    Last edited by JediFalcon, Oct 1, 2012
  19. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    Yeah, Prenn, this is one of the few occasions that you ought to be listening to us JCCers. Both the booty call and the shallow online stuff are not something you want to be doing right now.
    Last edited by GrandAdmiralJello, Oct 1, 2012
    MASTERPRENN likes this.
  20. harpua Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 12, 2005
    star 8
    I laughed (hard) out loud at Jello using the term, "booty call." :p
  21. Sith-Lord-Gunray Ex-Mod

    Member Since:
    Aug 20, 2003
    star 7
    I'm just going to throw this out there - too many people are incapable of being single without any sexual or romantic relationships and remain completely happy and content with themselves. A lot of relationship problems are caused by that and reliance on another person, whether it be hookups or regular dating. I would really recommend you take this as an opportunity to do exactly what she's doing, and prove that as an adult you can be completely happy on your own without thoughts of loneliness and dependency on another person. And I know that's hard getting out of a long term relationship, but it's the best time to do it. And you'll be better off in your next relationship because of it.

    (and I do realize there are exceptions to that and I generalize, but for the most part I think it's true)
    lexu, Souderwan, MASTERPRENN and 3 others like this.
  22. amidalachick Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2003
    star 5
    Sorry to hear that, Prenn. Break-ups suck, no matter what the circumstances are.

    I wish I could offer something witty or insightful, but I will just agree with the people who've said booty calls and online dating aren't the best idea right now, and that you need time to deal with it, and that things will work out and you'll be okay. [:D]
  23. Lady_Sami_J_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 6
    Sorry to hear about your breakup, Prenn. Just try to be by yourself for awhile.

    Here's my sad story (or maybe it's my ex's): I divorced my second husband many years ago. He remarried and had a son. That relationship lasted 20 years. My daughter (he is her father) saw him while he was married to the second wife and my daughter said he is still carrying a torch for me. I have no feelings left for him at all.

    So, don't let that happen to you. Find out how to be happy alone. It will make you a better person. And a better partner for the next relationship.
    Last edited by Lady_Sami_J_Kenobi, Oct 1, 2012
  24. PRENNTACULAR VIP

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 2005
    star 6
    Thread over. I actually started this thread to figure out a way to make Jello say the words booty call and it succeeded. So we all can go home now.

    Also, this may be morbid, but the stories about other people's love disasters have helped me today. It is good to not feel alone. Thanks for that.
  25. Aytee-Aytee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2008
    star 5
    Eh. It happens. But you'll move on.

    And when she comes crawling back begging for you, simply shake your head, look her in the eyes and say "youre too damn late".