Saga My first ever fanfic!

Hi,

A while back I wrote a short story for English class about the evacuation of Yavin Base after Ep IV. I got an 85 for it and my teacher suggested i post it on the Net. I did and I got a couple of good reviews. I just want to see what you all think of it.

Here is the link:
http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=307280

Please tell me what you think. I thirst for feedback. Thanks in advance.

 

Last time I looked, just linking to a story isn't allowed. Why don't you just post it here?

 

I've read it. It was great!! Nice work.

 

Just a bit of advice. Copy and paste the story into the board and put some spaces between the paragraphs. I've only started posting stories here myself and put a link in your sig so that people will be able to find it easily. I know how frustrating it is when you first start out becasue not many people read your story and you feel like giving up.

I'll read it, when I get the chance and tell you what I think.

 

Oh, im sorry. How should I show it instead of just putting the link? Im kind of new at this...

 

There's a really easy way to get spaces in between the paragraphs without out all the work of doing it manually--I've recently discovered this. Copy your document into an e-mail, the spaces will come up automatically, then copy it from the e-mail to the boards. Piece of cake and it's saved you minutes of tedious, aggravating labor.

Oh yeah, I'll read your fic soon, sidious.

 

OK, here it is, so you don't have to click on the link. It's a bit of a read, but please bear with me. Here goes....

Author's note: I welcome reviews, as long as they are intelligent. Unconstructive criticism will be sauteed and eaten in a wine sauce.
I've probably played havoc with the actual, "official" Star Wars universe, but don't nitpick, OK?

Also, there are no Rebels in this part. Thay show up in Part 2. I reserve this section for everyone's favourite bad guys.

Part 1: The Empire

The Imperial Star Destroyer Villainy cut smoothly through the mass of civilian traffic surrounding the Imperial throne world of Coruscant. As the Villainy settled into orbit, a small shuttle dropped from its docking bay, unfolded its wings, and sped towards the planet.
Inside the shuttle, the pilot leaned over the comm. ?Coruscant Control, this is Imperial shuttle Praetorium requesting immediate docking clearance for the Palace.?
?Copy that, Praetorium,? a bored voice came back. ?Uh, I?m afraid you?re in for a bit of a wait. We?ve got a great number of ships docking at the Palace today. Something to do with a big Imperial reception. Very prestigious.?
?Look, Control,? the pilot snapped. ?I don?t care if the Emperor is holding a reception attended by God Himself. My passenger needs to meet with His Majesty - right now! So may I - please - have docking clearance??
?You just keep a civil tongue in your head, my friend or I?ll put you in a holding pattern until you fall out of the sky. The important people get to dock first; then we can deal with your little ship. Who do you think you?re carrying, anyway - Darth Vader??
The pilot?s voice became cheerful. ?Yes, Control, that?s exactly who I?m carrying.? He typed in some numbers. ?These would be his personal clearance codes.?
There was a long, long pause. Then, the controller?s voice came back. It was very quiet. ?Clearance granted, Praetorium, for Docking Bay 2, Level 443, Tower 78. I think I?ll spend my lunch break writing out my will.?
?Enjoy yourself, Control. Praetorium out.?

As the shuttle prepared to land in front of the monumental Imperial Palace, Lord Darth Vader sat in the passenger compartment and wondered to himself, How do I explain this? How can you explain that you?ve let a battle station the size of a moon get blown up out from under you? And, most importantly, How do I get out of this alive? Vader knew perfectly well what the Emperor?s reaction would be, and it wouldn?t be pretty. He sighed and resolved to place the blame on Governor Tarkin. He wasn?t alive anymore to defend himself, anyway?
A sudden thump roused him out of his musings. The shuttle had landed.

Vader stalked through the lavish hallways of the Palace. An aide had informed him that Emperor Palpatine was in the Grand Reception Hall. Vader arrived at the Hall, entered, and stopped dead. The Emperor was there, as the aide had said. What he had failed to mention was that he was in the middle of an enormous party. The Hall was crammed with people, ranging from lowly servants bearing food and drinks on trays, to the top brass of the Imperial Fleet. Palpatine?s cronies from big business were there, too, as well as aristocratic snobs from the grand old families of the galaxy. There was a festive mood in the air, although Vader couldn?t imagine why. He made his way through the crowd to the Emperor, who smiled and greeted him as he approached.
?Ah, Lord Vader! How delightful to see you! And how good of you to attend this little soirée of mine. It?s so thoughtful of you to bring us the good news in person.? One of the half-dozen concubines standing by him handed him a glass of wine. He chuckled and sipped at it.
Vader was taken aback. ?The good news, my master??
?Why,? the Emperor said, ?the news that the Death Star destroyed the Rebel base, of course! That?s what this whole party is about! Now, I want details. Were there lots of casualties??
?Yes Highness, but -?
?And a big explosion??
?Of course, but -?
?But what?? the Emperor was still smiling, an unattractive, toothy grin.
?But not on th

 

Long one? You should try getting thourogh wizard's story!

 

emimar's right about my story because it's actually novel sized and I have to post it in bits. But getting to the point, I thought this was a good story, especially for a first attempt. It was interesting and I didn't get bored.

 

Thank you. I did try to keep things moving as much as possible. So should I write another one?

 

Of course.

 

Of course....
By the way, I read the first part of your fic "The Legend of Black Saber".I like it alot. You're very good at description and creating an atmosphere. Just one question: How does a black saber work? Is it dark purple, like Blacklight and makes all your white clothes glow?

On another note...
I just realized, if I *do* write a second one, I'm gonna have to top my first effort with something really outrageous. I've got it! Somehow, someway, my next story will feature a Stardestroyer doing barrel rolls... God knows how I'll fit that in but I'll die trying....

 

Oh well thanks for reading some and thanks for the compliments, You can post comments in my thread though. And to answer your question, it is a touch black light looking, but then it sort of isn't. I don't know about the glowing white clothes part. Don't use that much white clothing.

About the Star Destroyer, that would be interesting to say the least.