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My first Star Wars story, please take a look, and tell me what you think

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Oakessteve, Apr 16, 2000.

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  1. Oakessteve

    Oakessteve Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    May 9, 1999
    This is just the first chapter of a Star Wars story I've worked out. If anyone here likes it, I'll go and stick the other chapters on to it. If anyone has any suggestions, or criticisms (good or bad), please give them to me. Anyway, here it is, and I hope you enjoy it:-


    In the deep of space, the small cruiser cut it's way through the stars, to the tiny planet in the distance. Captain Lance Aramayan lay back in the pilot seat, and sighed. The co-pilot, a Mon-Calamari, turned to him, and blinked his large, fish-like eyes.

    "What's the matter, Captain?" asked the Mon-Calamari, adjusting one of the ship's controls. Lance looked up at him, and sighed.

    "I...I just hope we get there in time," he said, returning to gaze at the tiny planet.

    "Well, if what you saw in that computer is anything to go by, they won't be here for at least another week."

    "Plans change. They might have gotten here early," offered Lance. The Mon-Calamari made a brief examination of the sensors.

    "No. There's no sign of any Imperial ship. They would have left something behind, if they had arrived."

    "Hmm," said Lance, in a non-comitial fashion. The Mon-Calamari shifted in his chair.

    "How long has it been?" he asked. Lance turned to him, and thought for a moment.

    "Five years. Five years since I saw her. I just hope we can persuade her to come on board."

    "If she's alive. She was an old woman."

    "No, if she died I would have sensed something."

    "You didn't sense that Imperial patrol ship back on Coruscant," the Mon-Calamari pointed out. Lance scowled, and flicked a few buttons on the control cockpit.

    "I got us out of there without being identified, didn't I?" Lance said, holding up his finger.

    "Fluke," said the Mon-Calarmari.

    "It's called the Force, and I'll thank you not to make fun of it," said Lance, sharply, but not unkindly. A buzz came from the controls, and a monitor flickered at the top of the viewpoint.

    "This is Drandania Space Control. Please state your business in this system," said a rather angry sounding young man.

    "Space control, this Lance Aramayan, captain of the Silver Sword. We've come here on a personal matter," Lance said. The man frowned for a moment, and then nodded.

    "Alright, Silver Sword, you may land at docking bay 56. The nav-droids will guide you in. Enjoy you're stay on Drandania, space control out." The monitor went blank. Lance glanced at his friend.

    "You better go and get the rest of the crew together, Anzar," said Lance, effortlessly guiding the ship to the docking bay.

    "Certainly, Lance," said Anzar, getting up from the controls. He stopped, midway through the door, and walked back to Lance. "I'm sure she will listen, Captain," he said, putting his webbed hand on Lance's shoulder. Lance looked up at him, and smiled sadly.

    "Yes.....I hope you're right, Anzar, I hope you're right."

    Admiral Canazz walked purposefully towards Lord Vader's cabin, and patiently waited outside. He certainly had a nerve, though Canazz. Keeping an Imperial officer waiting for as long as this was an outrage! Why the Emperor insisted on having that madman as the front of the Empire's military efforts was beyond him. He just turned up onboard Canazz's Star Destroyer, muttered something about some Jedi-Master, some treacherous mercenary, and ordered them to head for some planet Canazz had never heard of. Canazz's thoughts were interrupted when the door to Lord Vader's cabin slowly slid open. Taking this as an invitation, he stepped inside.

    "What is it, Admiral?" hissed the Vader, angrily. Canazz bowed his head, and stood to attention, trying hard to seem to respectful to the mad old fool.

    "My Lord Vader, the Hawk shall be coming out of hyperspace around the planet Drandania in thirty minutes," said Canazz, trying hard to sound courteous.

    "You have interrupted me to tell me what I already know?" snapped Vader, standing up from his seat.

    "I'd thought it was best to advice you, but I had no orders that you were not to be distur
  2. Oakessteve

    Oakessteve Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    May 9, 1999
    It's not that bad, is it?
  3. Oakessteve

    Oakessteve Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    May 9, 1999
    Hmmm...I suppose it is a little bit bad.
  4. Flamberge

    Flamberge Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 17, 2000
    I plan to add the sound effects (like buzzing and clashing sabers) after the film has been shot and edited, same with the soundtrack music. But what about the dialog?? I am unsure if I should try to get everyone to respeak their lines into my mic or just go from what they say while I film. The advantages to doing it later are that the words are clearer. The disadvanteges are of course that the lines might not be as convincing when not in the heat of the moment, and the words might not mesh with the actors mouths (Kung Fu Theatre anyone?) The advnatages to just using their lines from the shoot is that the acting is in the words, and they are of course in sync with the mouths that speak them. The disadvantages include being too quiet, or drowned out by other sounds. (I shot a 45 minute movie once called "Dead Men don't Wear Trenchcoats" where the cameraman's breathing could be heard over even the lines of dialog. We call him Darth to this day!) Help?
  5. TeKunRel

    TeKunRel Jedi Youngling

    May 24, 2000
    Flamberge, to answer your question, on the LEGACY project, we screened the rough cut, one actor at a time, and synced our dialogue to the movie. We used a portable Minidisc player with a mic, so we could isolate each take on a seperate cd track, then imported the best syncs onto the final cut. It worked very smooth. If you have any further questions, contact Mr. Jerman through our site. I'm sure he'd be happy to help. - TeKunRel (Tim)
  6. Flamberge

    Flamberge Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 17, 2000
    sounds complex, but thanks for the info. I will be contacting you.

    "Thank you for your help, we leave in peace."
    - QGJ
  7. Celes

    Celes Jedi Youngling star 1

    Jul 8, 1999
    You haven't forgotten this thread have you? Don't give up! We're still here!
  8. Master Lurker

    Master Lurker Jedi Youngling star 1

    May 14, 2000
    Osneal ben Cnazz. uh,don't mind that. Keep it up! Like it.
  9. Oakessteve

    Oakessteve Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    May 9, 1999
    I'm going to carry on with it after I've finished my masterpiece...which is Obi-Wan's Nightmare....please, go and have a look it, I think it's much better (it probably isn't though!)
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