Beyond - Legends ~*~My Immortal~*~ A Jacen/Jaina Songfic~*~Takes place after Invincible

Title: My Immortal
Genre: Songfic, based off of the song "My Immortal" by Evanescence
Characters: Jaina and Jacen/Caedus
Summary: Jaina tries to cope with the aftermath of killing her brother
A/N: This bunny bit me about... an hour ago. So I sat down and wrote it. I don't come into the beyond very often, so please go easy on me if my characterization is off! I was really feeling the story though-- I almost started crying a couple of times while I was writing.

My Immortal

I?m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you?d just leave
Your presence lingers here
And it won?t leave me alone

Jacen? Jacen can you hear me?

I wish you could hear me, but I know you can?t. I wish you could see what this has done to me. I know I did what I had to do, but that didn?t make it any easier.

It?s been a month Jacen, I wish you?d just leave. It?s like you?re everywhere. I see you in my reflection when I look in the mirror, in the memories that I?ve tried to erase. You?re in mom?s eyes and dad?s smile. How am I supposed to come to terms with myself when I can?t get away from you?

It?s like a ghost story, brother mine. I dream of you, and I see? well, honestly I don?t even see you. But I hear you, calling out to me. It?s like you?re so lost?like a child?and it?s my fault. In my nightmares, I can touch your hand, but I can never tell you that everything will be okay.

You?re always screaming.

I heard you scream. Right before the end?you were screaming for them. Now I wonder if you were really beyond redemption, or if that was just some sick trick that I had fooled myself into. Was I just desperate, or did I really have to cause you all this endless agony?

I could try to explain all of this to mom and dad, but they wouldn?t understand. I think they really did convince themselves that you died with the Yuzzhan Vong. I wish you could see what you did to them. They?re torn Jacen; you tore them in two.

But they didn?t have to kill you?they weren?t your twin. They weren?t the ones who cried with you as a child, who laughed with you and shared something far deeper than the bond of husband and wife. We were linked Jacen, linked by something that I never thought could be severed.

You?re eyes are always there before me?that sickly, pale, yellow. I?ve stopped taking walks anywhere at night without someone else. Everywhere I look I see those eyes; depthless, cruel, lost and desperate, groping for me, following me. I feel your touch, just a hand on my shoulder? but then you?re gone.

But what?s worse is that I know I?m not imagining things. I keep almost going to the med center, thinking that perhaps I am a bit delusional, but I know I?m not. Because it?s more than that?it?s more than my memories. It?s like you?re whispering in the air around me, and you won?t leave me alone.

These wounds won?t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There?s just too much that time cannot erase

The blood trail?it?s still there. I thought it might go away after you died. You hear me? It?s still there! You?ve not only scarred my last memories of you, but my physical self. I try to run away?try to hide from you, and I look in the mirror, and there you are.

It would be different if you had hurt me in another way?then it would be my burden to bear. But no, now I carry your blood. Eternally.

It hurts me, Jacen.

When you cried I?d wipe away all of your tears
When you?d scream I?d fight away all of your fears
And I?ve held your hand through all of these years
But you still have?
All of me

What happened to you? Don?t you remember? You?re plaguing me in nightmares far more vivid than anything I have ever had before.

When we were small, and you?d cry, I?d be there for you, and you for me. We were more than best friends?we were twins. There?s a blood bond that cannot be erased. I can see you now, crying in the dark, and I would hold you close until you?d stop.

And then when it was my

 

Wow. This was amazing! I can easily see how Jaina could be haunted by images - imagined or real - of the brother that she killed. They really were connected like no one else could understand, and it was tragic the way their story ended.

This was a tragic songfic, but the twins had a tragic end. I'd be surprised if Jaina will ever be "the same" (whatever that means, anymore) again.

Thanks for sharing!

~Jaina

 

Wow, that was very heartfelt.

Good job.

 

Ohmygoodness! This is so heartbreaking and stunningly well written.

Bravo!

 

W-O-W

I cried. I'm just going to say that now.

That was so beautiful and heartbreakingly amazing. The song fit perfectly and complimented the words in such a wonderful way that it's hard to believe it wasn't written for that story.

Awesome job!!!

MJR

 

Jaina_Solo_Goddess- Thank you so much! This is really my first time writing anything with Jaina and Jacen (anything serious anyway). I honestly don't think Jaina will ever go back to being 'normal'.

Zonzo- Thank you very much

Jade_Pilot- Thank you so much! That was a bunny that bit me at about... seven in the morning, so I had to get up and write it before anything else!

mara_jade_rox- Aw! You cried? I guess I did my job then huh? . I'm glad it was moving, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you!

 

Now, I hear that little boy that I called by brother, and I see his eyes and smiling face?

And I hear you scream

That alone threatens to drive me over the edge.

Wow. This was tragic, very nicely done. The emotions were great, Jaina's despair and slightly unhinged nature from what she'd done really jumped off the page - er- screen.

The line above was my favourite - very chilling. You write Jaina's voice well.

And a good choice of song, too! I love that song - I love Evanescence - and the next time I listen to it I'll think of this songfic.

Ant.

 

JediAnt- I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Tragic is what I was really aiming for. And, it's nice to hear that I do Jaina okay-- I've never written her like this before (or posted anything) so it's quite a compliment. And I agree, Evanescence rocks!

 

Wow. That was so powerful and sounds like something Jaina would say. I love Evanescence, and their songs give me lots of plot bunnies. You did something really amazing and powerful here. great job!