Saga My Immortal -- Leia Song Fic cameo by Han (Post ANH)

Title: My Immortal
Author: IrishEyedJedi
Timeframe: Post ANH
Characters: Leia and a cameo by Han
Genre: Drama/Song Fic
Summary: Leia deals with the grief of losing her home and her family.

I gotta thank Poe, Z, and Wyn for all letting me bug them while writing this. I've been working on this for a bit and I finally think it's ready to go. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy.
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My Immortal



I'm so tired of being here.


Nothing seemed to matter now. Not eating, breathing, or even living. A small part of her had wished that the Death Star had succeeded in destroying the small moon. That way, at least the pain would be gone and she?d be with the ones she loved. It was like a blanket of sorrow had wrapped its way around her heart and refused to let go. Even now as she listened about the impending doom of the Yavin Base, she cared very little. She had been given the opportunity to take leave, but what was she going to do? Sit in her room and watch old holo-vids until she cried herself to sleep every night? Having some sort of schedule gave her some small amount of normalcy, but normal was never a word that others used when describing her.


Suppressed by all my childish fears.


She suddenly realized everyone was waiting on her to answer a question she hadn?t heard. Her father would have been so disappointed in her lack on concentration if he were alive. Going over her notes, she was able to answer the question flawlessly, but the moment the meeting was done, she rose and exited. She did not wait for anyone to ask how she was doing, or if she needed anything. Unless someone could bring back the dead, she didn?t want to hear it. No amount of ?I?m sorry for your loss? and ?I?m here if you want to talk? would help ease the guilt which caused her stomach to knot at the mere thought of the planet.


And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave.


Walking through the base now took a great amount of effort. Avoiding eye contact with those who felt sorry for her, and to those who felt anger towards her. No Alderaanian would vocalize their anger, but she knew that they felt as if she betrayed their people. Luckily, a kid from Tatooine and a smuggler from Corellia had let it slip about all that she had gone through on the Death Star while under Vader?s care. This helped in quieting any rumor that she hadn?t done all she could. However, it wasn?t the people at the base that caused the most discomfort when she walked around. It was the father she?d never see again.


'Cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.


He was everywhere. In the ships that he had helped purchased, in the food, which he had helped smuggle from the Imperials, even in the leaders themselves. He had instilled a confidence in them, confidence that this conflict would end, as would the Empire. Her chest ached; it seemed that everywhere she looked, a part of him was there. She quickly walked to the hangar to get some air, feeling that she would drown in the memories and emotions that followed her every step.


These wounds won't seem to heal.


She could still see the small bruise the needle had left on her arm. The Imperials had done a good job of cleaning her up from any injuries the stormtroopers might have inflicted in their rough handling of her. Why they did she had no idea, but she couldn?t shake the feeling that Vader had instructed them to do so. Just the thought of the monster caused her head to spin.


This pain is just too real.


She closed her eye as a throbbing coursed through her. She had endured long hours of mentally battling the assaults on her conscious. Trying to keep her sanity through the images Vader forced into her brain, the faint whispers of compromise that would end her suffering. Through it all, she never wavered, even when he punched the wall just mere inches from her head.


There's just

 

wow... just wow. that was incredible ris. i honestly don't know what to say. that basically made me start crying several times. i've never done that before for a book in my life.

you captured leia so well, the hardness that she tried to portray, but the weakness that she had. great, great job.

i loved how you showed the scene with the closeness between han and leia, that was wonderful, and it showed a sign of han that doesn't turn up frequently enough.

also loved how you showed the change, the lost for the gained. that's something you always have to realize in that kind of situation. if you will let it, things can be gained even during the loss. not easy to realize at the time, or any time soon there after, but you had the timing perfect, as well as the emotions that were shown.

wonderful job ris.

 

Exquisite flow of memories and current agonies.

She couldn?t remember what happened next, or how she got back to her room, but when she woke up the next morning she felt rested for the first time in a week. As she sat up on her elbows, she noticed the Corellian asleep in her chair, while the kid was sitting on her steel box at the foot of her bed resting against the wall. Both men were sound asleep. The Princess looked over at her nightstand and noticed a new picture had been added. It was the three friends at the medal ceremony, each beaming a smile. She quietly put away the other pictures save one. Sitting next to the award picture was the picture of her father and her on the beach. One picture showing the family she had lost, while the other showed the family she had gained.

 

beautiful songfic!

jcs

 

- That was just beautiful!

 

Trimaj - wow... just wow. that was incredible ris. i honestly don't know what to say. that basically made me start crying several times. i've never done that before for a book in my life.

you captured leia so well, the hardness that she tried to portray, but the weakness that she had. great, great job.

i loved how you showed the scene with the closeness between han and leia, that was wonderful, and it showed a sign of han that doesn't turn up frequently enough.

also loved how you showed the change, the lost for the gained. that's something you always have to realize in that kind of situation. if you will let it, things can be gained even during the loss. not easy to realize at the time, or any time soon there after, but you had the timing perfect, as well as the emotions that were shown.

wonderful job ris. -- That's exactly what I wanted, that in all this sarrow and heartche was the small light of hope. I also think this time period isn't explored enough by H/L fans, cause I believe it was in these months before they got to Hoth that really played a key role in Han and Leia growing closer. Thank you for reading!

DarthIshtar - Exquisite flow of memories and current agonies. -- Thank you Poe, it wouldn't have been exquistite with out your beta-ing

jaina_clan_solo - beautiful songfic! -- Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoy it.

PonyTricks - That was just beautiful! Coming from you that means a lot. Thank you for reading.

 

I'm not sure what to say...that was so beautiful. You portrayed Leia's grief and pain so realistically, and you used the song perfectly.

A pair of strong arms wrapped their way around her. She fell back against the person?s chest as she continued to relive the memories. She finally had someone to lean on, someone to give her strength. She didn?t question the gesture but welcomed it. She poured her heart out in the darkened forest and to the stranger who she would be forever bound to for living in this moment with her. She felt the person weave their fingers between hers and hold her hand, trying to establish a level of intimacy.

She looked to where his finger was pointing and at first she didn?t understand, until the faint blue of the star she was starring at registered in her mind. It was the ghostly light of her planet.

?As long as that light shines,? the man spoke softly. ?You won?t ever be alone.?

These parts gave me goosebumps.

Absolutely beautiful, IEJ!

 

That was breathtakingly beautiful. I will never listen to that song in the same way again.

 

Wow!! That was really, truly great writing. You made everything fit so well to each verse. Beautiful!

 

I don't usually read songfics, but I saw who wrote it and gave it a try. That was so beautiful. You got me all choked up. Great job.

Arkady

 

What a great songfic, Leah! Though we've seen other stories where Leia's guilt/sadness over Alderaan plays out, you really put a unique spin on it here.

Great song choice as well...I always liked this one.

Even now as she listened about the impending doom of the Yavin Base, she cared very little.

I liked this line because I think it's not only understandable but very accurate. I've felt like that before - it's like your in an emotional void, too spent to really feel anything else. You want to, try to, but in the end you're just pretending.

Her father would have been so disappointed in her lack on concentration if he were alive.

Though at that moment, her real father was probably still spinning around in his TIE fighter, searching for the nearest intergalactic rest stop

Unless someone could bring back the dead, she didn?t want to hear it. No amount of ?I?m sorry for your loss? and ?I?m here if you want to talk? would help ease the guilt which caused her stomach to knot at the mere thought of the planet.

This is also true. You hear those phrases so often you grow to hate them, and that irritation often funnels against the people that say them, even though they only want to help and you know they only want to help. They don't call emotion a roller coaster for nothing, I guess.

Luckily, a kid from Tatooine and a smuggler from Corellia had let it slip about all that she had gone through on the Death Star while under Vader?s care.

I love how you captured her mindframe by this point - hard to believe how close she'll come to both of them in just a few months. "A kid" and "a smuggler," gotta love it.

No Alderaanian would vocalize their anger, but she knew that they felt as if she betrayed their people.

That's unfortunate but not hard to imagine. If not privy to the inside story of what really happened, I would probably suspect the same. Princess of Alderaan captured, interrogated by the Empire; not long afterward Alderaan itself is throttled by an Imperial space station. The facts are indeed damning, and I imagine it took a long time for Leia to gain back the trust of some Alderaanians.

The Imperials had done a good job of cleaning her up from any injuries the stormtroopers might have inflicted in their rough handling of her. Why they did she had no idea, but she couldn?t shake the feeling that Vader had instructed them to do so.

Tough love from dad himself. It's almost as if Vader was hiding her injuries from himself as much as anyone else.

She would forever be comparing planets to Alderaan, to the majestic mountains and sparkling lakes, to the peaceful nature of her people, and to the academic pride they had.

And few, if any, would match up to it. Alderaan was as beautiful a planet as they come - no doubt why it made such an effective target for the Death Star. Who would shed tears over Dagobah?

?Just remember,? he whispered. ?We fall so that we learn how to pick ourselves back up.?

Nice Batman Begins reference.

Never again would she have that safety net, someone to run to or someone to hold when the world was cold and cruel. She could never ask for his advice or listen as he talked about the days of the Republic. She was alone and her only comfort was the memories, which she would cling to.

Never fear, Han Solo is here!

Or, at least he will be. Eventually. When he gets around to it

For a moment the droid didn?t answer. ?It?s from your father.? The droid waited a moment before continuing. ?It seems he was able to send out a message just before the planet was destroyed. It was heavily encoded which is why it took so long for you to receive it ??

I enjoyed both the droid's hesitation (knowing the significance of the message and its author) and the way Leia doesn't even wait for the machine to finish, but just takes off.

?You have a great destiny before you. Rebuild that which was lost, learn from the mistakes of the past and usher in a new Republi

 

First of all on it's own I love that song! And what you did with it...POWERFUL. excellent job!

 

I, too, love that song.I always associated it with Leia and the loss of Alderaan but I never thought of a song fic. You did an excellent job with it. You are quickly becoming one of my favorite authors on the boards. Can't wait for more of your work.

 

amidalachick - I'm not sure what to say...that was so beautiful. You portrayed Leia's grief and pain so realistically, and you used the song perfectly.

These parts gave me goosebumps.

Absolutely beautiful, IEJ! -- Thank you so much, this event shaped how she became such a strong leader and I felt it needed to be looked at from the inside out.

Amidala66 - That was breathtakingly beautiful. I will never listen to that song in the same way again. -- That means a lot, especially since I feel the same way.

jedisister - Wow!! That was really, truly great writing. You made everything fit so well to each verse. Beautiful! -- Thank you so much, I think this was probably my best work.

Arkady - I don't usually read songfics, but I saw who wrote it and gave it a try. That was so beautiful. You got me all choked up. Great job.

Arkady -- Awww thanks for stoping by and checking this out. I know it's a far cry from 14 year old Leia bossing Senator Solo around

Exeter - What a great songfic, Leah! Though we've seen other stories where Leia's guilt/sadness over Alderaan plays out, you really put a unique spin on it here.

Great song choice as well...I always liked this one.

You really outdid yourself here, Leah. Frankly, I'm stunned at how well you integrated flashbacks and memories into her mourning for Alderaan. It felt like one fluid trip. Superb work, as always! -- It always means a lot when I get some of the old gang to read stuff. Thank you for putting up with me harassing you to read this. You really got everything I was trying to put into this and maybe found some thing I put in there unconsciously.

starwarsfan68 - First of all on it's own I love that song! And what you did with it...POWERFUL. excellent job! -- Thank you very much.

kimmi - I, too, love that song.I always associated it with Leia and the loss of Alderaan but I never thought of a song fic. You did an excellent job with it. You are quickly becoming one of my favorite authors on the boards. Can't wait for more of your work. -- Wow that is probably the best compliment an author can get, thank you. I always link all of my works in my bio so if you don't see me on the Saga bored (because it moves fast) you can always check there (I know shamless plug . . . but I had to)

 

?Just remember,? he whispered. ?We fall so that we learn how to pick ourselves back up.?

Lovely line. I can picture Bail saying that, as well.

?As long as that light shines,? the man spoke softly. ?You won?t ever be alone.?

The nerfherder has his moments, eh?

She couldn?t remember what happened next, or how she got back to her room, but when she woke up the next morning she felt rested for the first time in a week. As she sat up on her elbows, she noticed the Corellian asleep in her chair, while the kid was sitting on her steel box at the foot of her bed resting against the wall. Both men were sound asleep. The Princess looked over at her nightstand and noticed a new picture had been added. It was the three friends at the medal ceremony, each beaming a smile. She quietly put away the other pictures save one. Sitting next to the award picture was the picture of her father and her on the beach. One picture showing the family she had lost, while the other showed the family she had gained.

AW, Han and Luke are so sweet! I just want to give all three of them a big hug. And I absolutely love the last line. Perfect.

Excellent story. Good writing, good characterization, not to mention good song.



Evil_Charity

 

Oh poor Leia. I'm completley lost for words.



All I can say is that, this is an excellent songfic, both beautiful and powerfully written.
It's also a good insight to were we see Leia trying to recover from her suffering after the destruction of her homeworld and what she had endured aboard the Death Star...
Anyhow you've done a great job interweaving the song My Immortal
with the story and that the ending was truly enchanting as she shares it with the 'Corellian smuggler' Han.

She finally turned to look at her savior and saw the face she least expected. The smuggler had a tender look about him. He used his thumbs to wipe away her tears in a way that mimicked Bail. Her breath caught in her throat as she began to see similarities in the two men. He held her face and looked at her in a caring way.
?Thank you,? she whispered before leaning forward and resting her head on his shoulder.

Wonderful! You have truly captured Leia's grief of losing those she loved and with her need of comfort in the form of Han.


EmpressJade.

 

Man, Irish, that was heart wrenching! The level of thought you put into her emotions was incredible, and using that song was brilliant; it's just so sad! (It helps that I use it for anything sad that I've got to write!) I love how Han and Luke have become her support, even though they remind her so much of her father; that was a nice touch. And the bit with Vader ordering her to be cleaned up, nice foreshadowing!

Great job with this!

Stormqueen

 

I'm not usually a fan of son fics but this was so emotional. What a powerful bit of writing. My complements to you.

 

oh. my. god.

that was absolutely...wow. i seriously don't know what to say...i can't even quote a line because everything was so perfect. ahhhhh! i'm speechless!

i hope you get that i'm speechless from just how brilliantly wonderful this piece of writing was. the emotion behind it literally makes your own heart ache. i never thought about Bail's death and what it meant to Leia that much...the mourning process was never shown but now...now you have written Leia grieving and it really hit me.



i mean this from the bottom of my heart. gorgeous work!

 

Loved it Poor Leia she loved Bail so much. But at least she can have peace with her new family and be happy the way her father would have wanted. Good job Irish Eyed Jedi.

THE PIED PIPER

 

Forgive me for taking forever and a day to get over here and read this wonderful piece. I absolutely love the song and this storyline made it even more heartbreaking a beautiful. Well done.

 

Evil_Charity - Just remember,? he whispered. ?We fall so that we learn how to pick ourselves back up.?

Lovely line. I can picture Bail saying that, as well.

?As long as that light shines,? the man spoke softly. ?You won?t ever be alone.?

The nerfherder has his moments, eh?

Han and Luke are so sweet! I just want to give all three of them a big hug. And I absolutely love the last line. Perfect.

Excellent story. Good writing, good characterization, not to mention good song. -- Thank you so much. I was going to have Leia say something at the end of the story, but when I wrote that last line I knew it was the perfect way to end it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

EmpressJade - Oh poor Leia. I'm completley lost for words.

All I can say is that, this is an excellent songfic, both beautiful and powerfully written. It's also a good insight to were we see Leia trying to recover from her suffering after the destruction of her homeworld and what she had endured aboard the Death Star... Anyhow you've done a great job interweaving the song My Immortal with the story and that the ending was truly enchanting as she shares it with the 'Corellian smuggler' Han.

She finally turned to look at her savior and saw the face she least expected. The smuggler had a tender look about him. He used his thumbs to wipe away her tears in a way that mimicked Bail. Her breath caught in her throat as she began to see similarities in the two men. He held her face and looked at her in a caring way.
?Thank you,? she whispered before leaning forward and resting her head on his shoulder.

Wonderful! You have truly captured Leia's grief of losing those she loved and with her need of comfort in the form of Han. -- Thank you. I've said this before, but this period right after ANH is really important in shaping who the Princess becomes, why she's seen as an ice queeen and why she keeps Han at bay for so long.

stormqueen874 - Man, Irish, that was heart wrenching! The level of thought you put into her emotions was incredible, and using that song was brilliant; it's just so sad! (It helps that I use it for anything sad that I've got to write!) I love how Han and Luke have become her support, even though they remind her so much of her father; that was a nice touch. And the bit with Vader ordering her to be cleaned up, nice foreshadowing!

Great job with this!

Stormqueen -- Thanks lady! I always suspect Vader felt some type of connect to Leia, her resistance to the mind probe I think tipped him off that she is no average human. Though he might have been openly pursuing Luke in ESB I think Vader was pleased that he was also able to capture the Princess as well . . . though he has a hard time keeping her doesn?t' he?

chloe2102 - I'm not usually a fan of son fics but this was so emotional. What a powerful bit of writing. My complements to you. -- Thank you for taking a chance and exploring a genre you're not a fan of.

anakin_luver - oh. my. god.

that was absolutely...wow. i seriously don't know what to say...i can't even quote a line because everything was so perfect. ahhhhh! i'm speechless!

i hope you get that i'm speechless from just how brilliantly wonderful this piece of writing was. the emotion behind it literally makes your own heart ache. i never thought about Bail's death and what it meant to Leia that much...the mourning process was never shown but now...now you have written Leia grieving and it really hit me.

i mean this from the bottom of my heart. gorgeous work! -- Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. When I can get someone to think about a different aspect of Leia it means I've done my job as a writer.

THE_PIED_PIPER - Loved it Poor Leia she loved Bail so much. But at least she can have peace with her new family and be happy the way her father would have wanted. Good job Irish Eyed Jedi.

THE PIED PIPER -- I always thought Bail would have loved Luke and Han. Though I think

 

Just found this...wow. Um, yeah....wow.

Sorry, now for a slightly more coherent response...that was really good...well done I mean. (okay, maybe not so much more coherent... ) I really liked this. I love the song, and the way you incorporated it was wonderful! I guess I've never really dwelled on Leia's thoughts on loosing her planet, but this made me think! The story of she and Bail at her mother's funeral was really poignant, and I loved this part:

she and Bail turned around they discovered that no one had moved. The shoreline was now lit with small fires as the crowds remained. Winter approached them with warm blankets.

?No one will leave until you do, Your Highness. Take as much time as you need.?

For some reason that really stood out to me. The end was sweet to, with Han being the one to comfort her, and I could totally picture him and Luke slumped over random surfaces in her room--the fact that they were both there and trying to instill in her a sense of protection and strength so she could sleep, and then her waking up to find them so cutely vulnerable --that stood out, too.

 

That was simply amazing! The emotions were so well put and beautiful. I love the way you interwove the song without taking anything away from the story. It's nice being able to see Leia grieve, because we've never ever seen that, and with her reflecting on the family she had gained.

Bravo! One of the best fics I've read in a long time!

-Krystal

 

Ah, that was lovely.

I love the way you blended the heartbreak, frustration, and sweet memories together and ended on a happy note - sort of.

Beautiful job!