Beyond - Legends My Immortal (one-post Leia remembering Anakin songfic) *TAGGED*

I decided to write this songfic about Leia, concerning Anakin's death. As I was sitting here listening to the song, and holding my own son Anakin, I started to think about how Leia must have felt when Anakin died, and I really wanted to write this out. Writing Anakin's death may be something that's overdone, but sometimes when something hits you, you just have to write it. I'm not sure I did a very good job of expressing what I was feeling, but I tried.

This is written around the song My Immortal by Evanescence.

Disclaimer: Star Wars isn't mine. This song isn't mine. 'Nough said.

********

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

No one can ever describe the pain of losing a child. I watched it happen all the time during this seemingly endless war. I came close to losing my own children many times, but I told myself that it wouldn't happen to me. That wouldn't happen to my three little lives. It always happened to other parents. Every time I heard about or saw another child lost to the war, my heart went out to the mothers and fathers struggling with the grief. I could only imagine the sheer pain they must be going through. And even imagining it made my heart feel as if it would be ripped apart.

I knew that I could lose any one of you--my children, my flesh and blood--at any time. Did I ever really believe it would happen? No. I think if I believed that, I never would have been able to let any of you out of my sight. Any mother wants to think that she can protect her children. And with you three, that was harder to do. People were after you all of your lives, using you for their own ends, or to try to get to your father and me.

That is something that I regret. You never really had a normal childhood, did you? I don't want to count the number of times you were kidnapped. You grew up so fast...too fast. I wish I could have been there more than I was. The time I did have with you was precious, though. I loved watching you change and grow and learn. And you, Anakin, were always learning. That mind of yours could absorb so much. Your life was too short, but infinitely beautiful. You lived life to its fullest. There is so much about you that I will never forget.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I remember the way you would wrinkle your nose in your sleep when I would come in late to kiss you good night. I remember you running around with one of your father's shirts tied around your neck, pretending to be a super-hero. I remember you sitting on the floor and taking apart one of Jaina's mechanical toys, and the way she would exasperatedly make you put it back together.

There are so many memories--I hold onto each and every one of them. Sometimes I fear that I'll lose them, and you'll be completely gone. I keep holos of you, so that I will never forget your face. I touch them, recalling your warm skin, wishing that by touching an image I could ensure that you are alive and well. It brings me so much joy to look at them and think of the wonderful man you were turning into, but it hurts so badly at the same time. The thought that I'll never get to see you get any older, never see you get married or have children of your own brings regrets all of their own.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

Life goes on despite your death. Sometimes I don't understand how that's possible. Sometimes I'll find myself laughing or enjoying myself and I'll feel guilty. I've been told that it's just accepting your death and moving on, but how can I do that? Doesn't anyone understand? How can I live life without you?

I don't think anyone but a mother could understand the unique bond between a mother and a child.

 

Oh my gosh! I was seriousely crying as I read that! Poor, poor, sweet Anakin... If only he had known how many loved him.

*wanders off still weeping*

 

That was so sad . . . but so beautiful all the same. So well-written. Leia's memories of Anakin were so sweet, especially the one about him running around like a superhero in one of Han's shirts.

Wonderful viggie.

-duskwings

 

*passes Elven_Jedi_Maiden some tissues* I'm glad it touched you so deeply. Anakin did touch a lot of lives.

Thank you, duskwings. I liked the idea of Anakin running around pretending to be a super-hero. What little kid doesn't pretend that at one point or another?

 

*sniffle*

I don?t know how you can constantly post such awesome fics, Qwi, but somehow you manage it. There haven?t been many viggies about Anakin?s parent?s reactions, I liked that POV. Great job, as usual. You really got into Leia?s head.

 

I never really thought I could get tears in my eyes from reading something like this. I of course don't have children, but I have a neice, and I know, if I ever lost her, I would die. The emotions you protrayed were execptionally writen. Thank you for writing this.

 

Lonewolf- I don't think all of my stories are that wonderful. Thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked it. I wanted to write something from Leia's POV--I've never really written Leia except for cameo appearances.

pixy-Thank you so much! I don't want to imagine losing my baby...I don't know how Leia managed to survive losing hers.

 

Excellent fic. It was very sad, but the way you portrayed Leia's emotions really brought her character and memories to life. It made me cry, thinking about the loss of a child. Great job!

 

Thank you, Liana.

 

ahh!! how sad! its very very sad indeed! :_(

DM

 

This is my first post here and I wanted to say that was absolutely beautiful! I love Evanescence and I love what you have written around that song. In fact, I too write a lot and that song has inspired me so much!

Evanescence rocks!

 

Masan-I know. Thanks for reading!

silentstorm-Wow, your first post? I'm honored! Thank you! Evanescence has some very inspiring songs. Bring Me to Life is another of my favorites.

 

Wow!

That was really really good. I enjoyed reading that a lot.

 

Thank you for posting it!

And I very much agree, Evanescence does have many inspiring songs. I've seen them twice (rail both times) and have a guitar pic from Ben Moody. Okay, I better stop, I don't want to turn this into an Evanescence thread!

Again, absolutely amazing.

 

Wonerful viggie! I stumbled upon it late, so up! But wow, you wrote this really well. I love Evanescence too, their music is so fitting We all miss Anakin...