Saga My Life as a Sith Apprentice (Vader fic, humor)

Title: My Life as a Sith Apprentice
Author: REVANLORD
Genre: Humor
Notes: I got this idea from "The obsession with buttons" and "I'm too Sexy for my Empire". This is my first comedy fic, so it may just be stupid.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my name, sig, and blaster rifle. Enjoy!



Vader's Journal entry 1-12-94


Dear diary, Master is getting terrible. He is killing all the Rebels and I like them, Mon Mothma is hot! Sith! She is so hot. But she doesn't want to date me. Why, because I can't make out? My armor is pretty sexy too, ya know! But she keeps trying to kill me along with the rest of the Rebels. If this keeps up, I may have to show her Master's "Home Video" to show her how great I really am.

Which brings me to another point. Master keeps trying to zap me around on the butt. I lost my fingertips! What I lose something more important next time...never mind.

I recently tried to kill Master in order to have a role in the galaxy that doesn't involve pizza and running "Palpy Johns". He forced me to watch his new "slideshow". It involved sliding. And showing. I shudder at that memory. He's always wanting to sell his "Sexy Flab" on the Internet. And when people never bid, he zaps me! If he's had a really bad day, he tries to "prevent any more Skywalkers". Hold up, I have to go to the bathroom.



I'm back. I must say that it is very hard to use the pot when you have a life support suit on. I remember when I forgot how to open the littlew door. I was so mad, I attacked the Tantive IV! I had to choke that Rebel to death so I could feel better about myself. It was fun. I like seeing their eyes get real big and scared like they've just seen "I wish you a Palpy Christmas". They also lose control of thier bodily functions and it makes quite a mess. Master makes me clean it up.

Holy Darth! Master just farted and we have to contain the explosion. I'll write later!

 

Vader is just as bad as Palpatine it seems. I'm happy to see Vader humor like this, hope you'll write more.

 

Holy Darth! Master just farted and we have to contain the explosion. I'll write later!



well, he had to pay for his sins anyway soooo....

 

Yes, I know these entries are a bit short, but it's Vader.




Journal entry 1-17-94


Dear Diary,

Master seems to have blown Alderaan into pieces before the laser could fire up. He was so happy, floating around the Death Star. It would have been better had he not "accidentally" dropped his robe in front of Mara Jade. She ran away, crying for her mommy and blankie. He growled at me and told me to come. I tried to choke him. He zapped me.

He seems to like pressing buttons even more than he used to. Thanks to my re-wiring, when he pressed the "Attack" button a photo of his "personal collection" came out. The mouse droids fled, along with Thrawn and Daala. I watched with amusement as he looked at it, then with disgust as he said: "Early to bed, early to rise, make Palpy sexy and makes the flab rise!" I have told him many times that he is not a sexy beast, but yet he insists on making a giant statue of himself naked in the middle of the Imperial Palace.

I recently went to see him to give him some reports when I found him with nothing but a leather strap around his neck on. He held a whip. I screamed. "Oh my sweet holy Dark Side!!!!!" I was scared. I ran off. I wanted my mommy!!!! I would have sobbed had this stupid, hard to walk in, poop-holding, suit! Hold up, I gotta use the pot.

O my Sith, I gotta leave, bye!