My new Fanfic.....In An Instant (A JA fic, kinda)

The Jedi Charter All the laws of the jedi

Jedi Hand Book For Dummies: For Retard Jedi ONLY





[This message has been edited by jasman (edited 10-14-1999).]

 

Bounty Hunters: What to do when your wife becomes one.

 

Shimmering Auras: Make Your Ghostly Image Work For You. (for Returning Jedi Only)

Techno 101 for Padawans: Fix any Alien Technology under Pressure from the Comfort of Your Own Chair! (please obtain necessary pocket gadget from Jedi Book Store prior to first class session)

The Simplified Rules: When You May Make Force Suggestions and When You May Not. (Thick Reference Book)

Jedi Swimming robes must be worn at all times. no exceptions.

Resisting Force Suggestions: You will take this course.

 

Tatoos to Ventilators: Everything you need to know in order to recognize your first Sith.

Points of View: master them all in one intensive summer course

 

LIGHTSABERS: how to keep your battery compartment from melting and burning you. Sponsored by Hasbro.

 

A Jedi's guide to Technology--Everything an aspiring young jedi needs to know to be able to fix, tinker and toy with gadgets of all kinds. From hyperdrives to sheild generators, we'll tell you how.

 

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons".
Find out why the boys with blasters get all the babes (by Han Solo)

 

500 instances in which it is permissible to "Have a bad feeling about this".

 

"Dismissive, Pensive or Frustrated? - Arm Crossing for Masters"

"Pull Up and Back - Avoiding Hood-Hair"

"Robe Repair 105" - Fixing rips, snags, and lightsaber burns; cleaning mud and alien food stains.

And if you're looking for help, there's always the 12-step "Gimer Sticks Anonymous"

 

Jaredan, you're killin' me here!

Hood Hair!! L.N. will never put the dam wig back on!
RC

 

Replacable Body Parts: 101
*An introduction to homemade body parts. Why go to expensive medical droids for replacing sliced off limbs when you can make your own for lower costs?

Death of Master: 210
*When your master hits the dust, you must be prepared let out a good scream. This course allows for proper breathing techniques and annunciation for that perfect, "NOOOOOOO!!!"

Replacable Body Parts: 102
*Prerequisites: Course 101. Multiple options for body parts. Why replace that hand with another hand when you can save yourself time by replacing with a lightsabre? Missing a leg? Try a pogo stick.

1001 Uses for Lightsabres: 41A
*From slicing bread, chopping down trees, and picking your teeth, you'll learn all the tricks of the trade to lightsabre uses.

Spotting Child Prodigies: 56B
*Looking for that next prodigy Jedi? Observe the speech patterns from young boys from "Yipee!" to "What's that flasing?!" and you can be hinted at greatness to come.

1001 Shades of Brown: 120A
Learn to color coordinate your Jedi robes with a selection of 1001 shades of brown from mud hole brown to tree bark brown to even royal brown. Even a Jedi has to have style.

 

Fixing J27 Nubians On A Shoestring

 

Fixing J327 Nubians On A Shoestring

 

Jedi Facial Hair- the right time and the wrong time for it, from qui-gon beards to stylin' yoda sideburns.

Effective lightsaber controls- guide to high visibility activation buttons.

Overcoming Jedi racism- a guide to black jedi to achieve sucess in a white jedi's world. (sorry if that offends, but that's the best i can do)

The art of teaching how to unlearn what you have learnt- too many learns? not for a jedi

 

Memo to all members of the Jedi community, Corcuscant. Masters, please read this memo at the beginning of all class sessions:

Chancellor Palpatine will be touring our facilities on Thursday. In anticipation of this event, please be at your professional best. Each one of us should attempt to put our best foot forward. I don't need to remind everyone that the Republic is our most important client.

signed: Jedi Master and Vice President of Communications

[This message has been edited by Jedi Eowyn (edited 09-07-1999).]

 

This stuff is way too funny to be relegated to page 6. Up, up I say!

 

Jedi Mind-tricks: On which species will it work, on which it won't.

Training Padawans: How to take a child away from his family to become a Jedi

Jedi Gambling: How to win at throwing dice and getting expulsed of Casinos

Just for Padawans: How to keep you temper when you master is an old narrow minded Jedi

 

DEFYING THE COUNCIL: a fun and inexpensive way to keep your day job exciting.

ADVENTURE, EXCITEMENT: a jedi craves not these things but they are still fun! includes primer on podrace gambling!!!

TAMING THE INSOLENT PADAWAN:what to do when your apprentice is a stickler for the rules of the council.

 

oh forgot one more hope its good:

THE JEDI KAMA SUTRA a home holo study program) the guide to the seduction of your young padawan's single mother. learn new uses for the jedi mind trick and levitation powers.

 

Short courses

Listening to the inner Force-I will do what I must.

Efficient leaping-an effective paradigm for somerault decision.

Too old to twirl? Maintaining an attitude as you gain in wisdom.

Avoiding untruth-explaining things from a certain point of view.

 

how to 'do and not try'

 

YDA 101: "Un-Learning for Beginners", taught by Master Yoda.

Note: classes YDA 205, "Un-Learning for Intermediates" and YDA 310, "Un-Learning for Experts", canceled due to contradiction in terms.

(And I don't care if I'm the only one who thinks that's funny.)

 

Communications 236b: Advanced Body Language.
Prerequisite: one or both of the following one-day seminars: Dismissive, Pensive or Frustrated? - Arm Crossing for Masters, and How to Put Your Hand On Your Chin and Nod Thoughtfully and Meaningfully.
This course will expand on the meaningful gestures and non-verbal communication methods that students have already learned. Special emphasis on effective obesiance: when to bow and how low to go. Students will learn how to get away with not bowing to the Council when said Council has made unsatisfactory decisions. (Fall, Winter quarters; instructor QGJ)

Communications 181: How to Deal With Royalty in Disguise.
Prerequisite: Communications 1A, 1B, 1C series, OR demonstrated competence in basic Jedi communication skills (Please see OWK for examination materials).
This course will teach students how to recognize queens disguised as handmaidens, how to avoid letting said queen know that the disguise is not fooling any Jedi, and how to be condescending to the disguised queen and get away with it. Students will also learn the proper reactions and facial expressions to use when the queen reveals the deception. Tips will be given for how to effectively ignore other handmaidens. (Fall quarter only. NOTE: Please register early, as enrollment is limited. Instructor: QGJ)

 

Oh, gotta applaud that one. Excellent.

 

Thanks, Jaredan (you did mean me, didn't you?...)

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