My new Fanfic.....In An Instant (A JA fic, kinda)

Stolid and Secure: regardless of what is happening, a Jedi is expected to project a certain demeanor. Unity begins in appearances.

 

These are some required reading for some of the courses listed.

The Force for Dummies - Jedi Knight Edition

The Force for Dummies 2 - Sith Edition

Sabre Answers! - Troubleshoot your sabre, step by step instruction!

Sabreshop 5.5 - Classroom in a book.

NADA's Guide To Lightsabres- Bluebook values and selling tips for used lightsabres

Complete Idiots Guide to the Force

 

From Shar Kida


"From a certain point of view: How to provide answers without ever really answering the question."

*coarse availible to Jedi Initates who were not choosen as a Padawan and are looking for career alternatives in the field of politics.


[This message has been edited by Sajada Donan (edited 12-18-1999).]

 

Jedi Probablity and Statistics: The finals will be held in Corcuscant's main casio. This course fulfills the field work requirement.

Fulfillment in the Jedi Community: When you joined as a padawan, it meant so much. Now it's just another negotiation, and it is all so disconnected from your personal meditation. It doesn't have to be that way! Remeber your roots! The order is your friend! This two video set is narrated by Ric Olie, that great communicator. Fulfillment can be yours again!

 

To the first page!

http://www.nwlink.com/~phoenix/phoenix2.gif

The Phoenix Liberators: Not Everything That Goes Right Is Our Fault.

 

This page is absolutely hilarious!

In response to Jedi Eowyn's announcement of the cancellation of "Jedi Retirement Planning", the Temple is pleased to announce the following short weekend courses:

"Just a Crazy Old Man"- seminar course explores techniques for developing a long-term "in cognito" persona. Especially useful if you foresee yourself hiding out from Sith Lords. Instr. J.K. Kenobi

"Happy Hovel in the Swamp: Building a Jedi Safehouse"- seminar describes techniques for identifying suitable primitive worlds for sanctuary, effectively masking your presence in the Force, and building stylish huts w/amenities (fireplace, hot tub, no window blinds) in inhospitable swamp. Swamp monster husbandry will also be discussed if there is interest. Instr. J. M. Yoda

"Nom de Plumes and Retirement"- learn to choose an effective pseudonym that will hide you from the Dark Side, but be obvious enough for noble Rebels to find you. Instr. B. Kenobi ([hand waves] B. Kenobi is not affliated w/Jedi Temple, B. Kenobi is of no relation to Obi-Wan Kenobi).

 

Planning your next mission, guest lecturers J. and E. Blues. Learn to kick off those pesky missions for the Chancellor with style...like so:

-"It's 12 parsecs to Naboo, we've got a powered up hyperdrive, half a pack of fuel cells, it's dark, and we're wearing lightsabres."

-"Hit it."

 

Thanks & welcome Alli-Wan!

Jedi Problem Solving 101: What to do when you return home, find your sweet aunts are serial killers, dead bodies keep appearing in the window seat, your uncle thinks he's Theodore Roosevelt Valorum and the plum wine has been poisoned? Solve it the Jedi way.

 

*Frowning 101--A semester lab on the techniques needed to never flex the mouth muscles. A lab fee is req. Note: Whiny farmboys need not apply!
Instructor: Q-G. Jinn

Special seminar: deciphering the ramblings of your Jedi Master, guest speaker Luke Skywalker

Don't forget the fashion show this Friday: Belts, cuffs and vests designed for the unlucky blade-magnet. Don't find yourself at the wrong end of a lightsaber!
Hurry, seats are limited!

 

Off topic, I know, but Eowyn-- a little theater group I was in during college almost did that play. I got into this insane group called "Theater for Engineers" (and that first semester, it was an all-engineer production), and we did "The Odd Couple" (I was Felix).

Then, the front runner for our second production was that play you reference (brownie points to anyone else who can ID it), but then non-engineers got involved, and the group (without me) did a bunch of one-acts. It ticked me off, because I was going to play the part Peter Lorre did in the movie-- I was all set to fall into that window box, and had been sharpening my Peter Lorre impression for weeks.

Okay, back to the humor. I promise I'll actually post an on-topic entry someday.

 

Practical Statistics: Determining Midi-chlorians. Sometimes counting isn't feasible.

Impractical Statistics: Winning bets everytime. "Luck" is your opportunity.

More Practical Statistics: Counting Sith. Two there are, always two. (Exam question: how many sith are there?)

 

hee hee Cara Jade!

Jaredan, hee hee, so who in that movie do you think was the Jedi? I'd have to go with uncle Teddy who told everyone that he was uncle Teddy, and they all agreed! hee hee! I AM Theodore Roosevelt! I AM Theodore Roosevelt! hee hee!

 

How To Use Multiple Bladed Sabres
Speaker: Darth Maul.

 

Leave it to Jedi Eowyn to once more resurrect this thread...

HC101: Jedi Hair Care
Padawan braids, beard trimming and conditioning. What to do if you've got split ends and just a lightsaber. How to have great full, lively hair even if you've been running, fighting and swimming for an hour.
Instructor: J.M. Oppo Rancisis.

 

up

 

PH 406: The Worst Consequences Instructor O Kenobi

Upper divisional philosophy course which examines in great detail the consequences of abusing the power of the "Force Suggestion." This course is required for all Padawans who have taken any of the following: PH307, "Jedi Mind-Tricks," PH305 "Move Along," and others. Required texts include "The Simplified Rules: When You May Make Force Suggestions and When You May Not" by Jedi Eowyn.

 

Takes place 9 years before TPM, I always wondered what happened when Anikan was born...
//-indicates thoughts
----------------------------
In An Instant


On the far away planet of Tatooine?

Shmi Skywalkers body heaved as she prepared to give birth to a son, she did not know how, but some how she knew that it was male.
//But he will be a slave!// She thought //perhaps I should kill it before it has to go through so much misery...//

In the Jedi Temple on Courucant?

?Good morning Master, time for morning meal? 14 year old Obi-Wan Kenobi said with a yawn.

?Good morning Padawan, you?re hungry as usual! How did the practice duel with Bant go??

As the two continued on there way discussing various things the force stirred around them, neither Jedi could detect it yet, but something was about to happen, something that would change everything, forever?

?You have a son!? The mid wife declared, ?Tomorrow I will take him to get a transmitter placed in his body,? she dropped her eyes, ?Its not that I want too,?but my children also need a mother.?

Shmi nodded,?I know, thank you, I just wish, not for me but-?

?Wishing, never give up wishing Shmi, never, and never let your son, what are you going to name him, by the way??

?I- I don?t know, something with meaning, something with hope??

The same instant on Curuscant?.

?Remember, when you are facing an opponent-? Qui-Gon stopped suddenly, a look of amazement on his face.

?Master, What?s wro-? Obi-Wan stopped suddenly as well.

?What in the galaxy was that?? Qui-Gon Jin said, after getting over the shock of whatever that was.

?Something horrible, evil, the darkside,? Obi-Wan Kenobi said, still in shock staring straight ahead,?But yet there is good, kindness, love?But an evil, so much hate?

 

I like it. I always thought a wave of good would reach over and overwhelm the Jedi, because then Anikan was something the Force created as good. But I get the evil thing.

 

I thought that Anakin wasn't a slave until he was three. I thought that it was written well.

 

He was a slave his whole life, just not to Wattow until he was 3.

 

very good, erica, puhlease write more. now i have to go to music. buhbye.

 

How to Dress in Vinyl and Make it Work
guest speaker Darth Vader

How to Understand Jedi Masters 1001
guest speaker Yoda

How to Undertake an Afro then Lose it
guest speaker Mace Windu



Darth D

-The nuttiest Darth around-

[This message has been edited by Darth Dismembered (edited 03-13-2000).]

 

way to go erica, great start. keep up the great work. two thumbs up for a wonderful start.

 

whoa! it's a good thing I found this thread - it's hilarious!! keep it up guys!
Here are my pitiful attempts cool.gif :

AGE 101: Bypassing the age barrier by L Skywalker: Your master think you're too old? Disappointed that you've learned so much just to be sent away? This year long semester should help fulfill your dream to enter the ranks of the Jedi AND kick some serious butt after proving that you can never be too old to be a Jedi. Guest speaker A Skywalker

CHRM 510: How to get your own Master by M J Skywalker (first semester) and L Skywalker (2nd semester). Upon completion of this course the following criteria would be met by successful candidates:
1. Realization that 'love/hate' relationships don't work. It's supposed to be 'hate and then love'.
2. An acid tongue and sharp wit are essential in courting Jedis.
3. Anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering, but the end result may very well turn to love - but potential Dark Side students need not apply

CNVRT 210: Dark Jedis and Sith - convert or kill (or both)? by L Skywalker and O-W Kenobi. Special guests include A Skywalker/D Vader, D Maul, and K Durron. A fundamental course illustrating the need for quick decisions in regards to the inevitable confrontation with Dark Side manifestations. Conversion tactics are discussed by the leading authority in the field (L S) and the alternative methods of confrontation are reviewed and critiqued by the most popular affected entities. This course is a prerequisite to most of the advanced classes.
Limited class size - register NOW!!!

[This message has been edited by Jade Skyhiker (edited 03-13-2000).]

 

Orienteering: Finding your way around the Death Star without a map, compass, or signs to point the way.
Field trip mandatory, as is avoiding Imperial Troops. Taught by recognized expert navigator, Professor Ben "Spirit" Kenobi.

Space Station Vs. Moons: How to tell the difference without getting too close.
Short film narrated by Luke "Why are we still going towards it" Skywalker.

Survival 301: How to use a Tauntaun as a tent.
Professor Solo will discuss uses of this smelly but handy ice-hopper.