Before My Star - Qui/Obi one post - author replies

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by AthenaLeigh, Oct 3, 2004.

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  1. AthenaLeigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2004
    star 2
    title - My Star
    author - Athena Leigh
    summary - Obi-Wan watches his Master and thinks about him.
    notes - Obi-Wan's POV. Since this story was the inspiration for my first ever haiku/Quiku, I'm including the haiku in this post.



    Hidden in darkness,
    a guiding star to his boy,
    Master shines so bright.


    My Star

    He is out there again. He sits on the balcony looking at the sky. The pervasive light of the city drowns out the stars, but he looks up towards them just the same.

    I have seen him out there before, sitting on the railing, one leg up on the edge bent close to him, the other steadying himself on the floor. I cannot be sure what he is thinking about, but I believe he is thinking about the other one, the one before me. Many thoughts must share their space in his mind during the hours he sits out there alone, but they must most often turn to him. I know he hurts. Our bond is not strong yet, but through the quiet that customarily fills it, his pain leaks out. I pretend I do not notice; I know he values his privacy. I care about him and respect that.

    I have not been under his tutelage long, but I wish we could be closer. He has not opened up to me very much, but one thing has been clear to me. Qui-Gon is not the way everyone thinks he is; the cool, detached Master is just a façade to protect him, to hide the pain he does not want others to bear because of him, and to protect his gentle heart from atrocities that would tear his soul to shreds if he did not put up those shields. The real Qui-Gon is so caring, but they have not seen him around a hurt being, have not seen him in action, giving, caring, full of compassion. The true Qui-Gon is not a great Jedi because he lacks emotion but because he is so full of it. I wish I could learn his control.

    He is so even-handed in his teaching. He will tell me what I have done right, and how to correct what I have done wrong. He does not go easy on me, but I appreciate that he pushes me to be my best. I appreciate his hard work, his sacrifice, for I know he has gone through this before only to have it all blast back in his face in just a moment of lasting betrayal. It is this that makes me care about him, that makes me worry when his eyes darken and he falls quiet and I know that something - a movement, a phrase, an expression - has made those memories rise to the surface, and that I fear will keep us apart.

    It is also his deep love of all that lives that I cherish. I admire it and aspire to be able to love so deeply as he. Sometimes though, he forgets that he also is a living man and that he can be cared for. In the past few years, he has closed off and given of himself without accepting the slightest in return. It is very noble of him, but I think that it will destroy him if he continues. He needs someone's support; if he gives all that he is, there will be nothing left.

    He hardly moves out there. The stars are his only companions in this galaxy, his only steady guide. They will always be there; he needs them. No matter what happens in his life, in our lives, the stars will still shine. Even if he cannot see them during the daytime, through the city lights, or behind the clouds, they are there and he will see them again. He can trust in that as in nothing else. It is his one absolute.

    I want him to know that I am here for him, but even if I could, in an uncharacteristic, brazen moment, be so bold as to outright state it to him, he would not be convinced. I want to show him that I will not leave, but I do not know the way. As Master searches for a tender thread to keep from falling any farther from light, I seek for a way to show him that he has not wasted his life, that he is not filled with darkness. I have seen that thought in his eyes, when I make a mistake and he feels he is at fault. He thinks that there is darkness in him and it would be better to be alone and let it consume him than to let it destroy anyone who would potentially be close to him.

    My Master's instincts must be wearing off on me as I am suddenly seized by the notion of
  2. Jaxx_w Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2004
    star 1
    Thats so lovely. Obi-Wan's musings are so sweet.
    And I love seeing caring Qui-Gon. Wonderful how you made them both know and feel how special the other is to them.

    Wonderful. Thanks for brightening my morning. :)
  3. Altaira Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 11, 2002
    star 4
    That was so sweet. I liked the internal thoughts and doubts, and how quickly the doubts can vanish with only a few words.

    :)
  4. JediVeloJinn Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 23, 2003
    star 1
    I love this, AthenaLeigh.

    I'm supposed to be doing my lab writeup, but I couldn't resist. Ah well, if I'm doing something, I may as well do it properly.


    The fic was so nice. I liked how the whole thing was from Obi-Wan's POV, and all the descriptions not just of Qui-Gon's eyes, or how he was sitting, but also of what Qui-Gon is like and the developing relationship between the two: Our bond is not strong yet, but through the quiet that customarily fills it, his pain leaks out. I pretend I do not notice; I know he values his privacy. I care about him and respect that.


    I also liked this part: It is this that makes me care about him, that makes me worry when his eyes darken and he falls quiet and I know that something - a movement, a phrase, an expression - has made those memories rise to the surface, and that I fear will keep us apart. because I can imagine Qui-Gon doing just what Obi-Wan describes him doing, and I, too, feel a twinge of sadness and worry.


    I liked the part where Qui-Gon carries Obi-Wan to bed, and how Obi-Wan was so sleepy at the end, yet he managed to say what he wanted to Qui-Gon:

    "Qui-Gon, you are my star too, my guiding star. I won't get lost," I vow to him in a sleepy slur. I imagine he smiles, but my eyes are closed.

    I do not remember reaching my bed, but one last perception reaches me before sleep encompasses me.

    "I love you too."


    The part where Obi-Wan imagines that Qui-Gon smiles is so sweet!


    I really like fics like these that explore what the two of them are like, and you've written a wonderful fic about them.


    Velo
  5. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    [face_love] how sweet!!! *dreamy sigh* That's juz awesome! The two admit their love for each other and affection! A true father and son!! :D

    Great job!!
  6. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    That was incredibly beautiful! What a tender show of emotion on their part. A lovely moment between these two.

    I have not been under his tutelage long, but I wish we could be closer. He has not opened up to me very much, but one thing has been clear to me. Qui-Gon is not the way everyone thinks he is; the cool, detached Master is just a façade to protect him, to hide the pain he does not want others to bear because of him, and to protect his gentle heart from atrocities that would tear his soul to shreds if he did not put up those shields. The real Qui-Gon is so caring, but they have not seen him around a hurt being, have not seen him in action, giving, caring, full of compassion. The true Qui-Gon is not a great Jedi because he lacks emotion but because he is so full of it. I wish I could learn his control.

    Beautiful!
  7. Healer_Leona Scattegories Host. Manager Emeritus

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    There is nothing in that I don't absolutely love! If I copy and paste my favoprtie parts your whole post would be repeated. Certainly all of Obi-Wan's thoughts are exactly how I see Qui-Gon. You've filled me with warm fuzzies this morning, thank you Athena!
  8. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awww that was so sweet. I think I remember reading this one on Fanfiction.net awhile ago but I don't remember if I posted a review or not so I am now :D Great job sweetie I really liked it. I can see Qui as being the type to go stare at the stars especially since the Star Map Room was mentioned in the JA books as being his favorite room in the temple. That was really good! Bravo!
  9. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    This was lovely. I loved that they were really becoming more a pair and that Qui-Gon recognizes the star he has in Obi-Wan. Wonderful.
  10. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    *sniff* Touching to say the least! Beautiful job!
  11. SenatorHermione Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 21, 2004
    star 1
    That was really beautiful! What a lovely introspection.
  12. LukesTheMan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 30, 2004
    star 3
    Incredible! Lovely and moving, it was a very nice peek into Obi-Wan's thoughts about his master.
  13. CapNJaxWench Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2004
    star 1
    That was beautifully written.
  14. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    Athena, ...wow, how I love this story. It's funny, because you think "My Star" would be a sappy parental Qui talking about Obi fic, so the first really lovely thing is that it's about Qui. It's a really different perspective, I love it!! You always have such a fresh new take on stuff, that's one of the greatest things about your work, sheer creativity. Love it. :) Just beautifully done.
  15. PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  16. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    I like this the best of your stories so far, Athena. It was so beautifully written and excellently described from POV, something that can be difficult sometimes. ;) Really great work. I [face_love] it.
  17. AthenaLeigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2004
    star 2
    Jaxx_w My pleasure. :) I love how deep their relationship is, that they care that much about each other.

    Altaira Thank you, one just has to find the right words.

    JediVeloJinn Gosh, thanks so much. Haha, yes lab writeups are silly, fanfics much better. ;) I'm glad you like those parts, especially the end. It was hard to figure out just the right way to end it. It's fun to explore them, I'm glad you approve. :)

    Thanks, Kyn, I love writing their father/son-ness, is just so sweet.

    VaderLVR Thank you. :D It's hard to get it just the right tenderness. Glad you enjoyed.

    Thank you, Leona. I'm glad I could affect you so. I certainly enjoyed writing it. :)

    Layren I don't remember either, lol. Yep yep, but I always thought Qui-Gon would be much more fascinated by the real ones, although those starmaps are pretty neat. Thanks!

    diane Thanks so much. I thought they needed to recognize that they are both stars to each other.

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Thank you so much. Love to know I've gotten such a strong reaction. :D

    SenatorHermione Thank you, is what I was going for. :)

    LukesTheMan Thank you, I thought we should get to see what Obi-Wan really thinks of him.

    CapNJaxWench Thank you. :D

    Thank you, Jess. You know I always try to go for something different. I'm glad you could enjoy it. Thanks for the support.

    PadawanKitara Isn't it? Yum. ;) Thanks!

    LuvEwan Thank you, I'm honored. Yes, and Obi-Wan's POV in particular can be so hard, but in this case it just poured out. This came out even better than I'd thought, and it seems to be the most popular of my stories. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :)
  18. Handmaiden Yané Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 6
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....that's so sweet!

    I really do love Qui-Gon fic. ;)
  19. AthenaLeigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2004
    star 2
    Handmaiden_Yane Thank you! :) So do I, heehee. Glad you enjoyed.
  20. Arwyn_Whitesun Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 2002
    star 4
    That was so lovely. I love reading about Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. And you illuminated so beautifully a really sweet and tender moment between Master and Padawan. Truly lovely piece of work. :)
  21. AthenaLeigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2004
    star 2
    Thank you very much, Arwyn. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I thought it would be a lovely way to show such a moment. :)
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