Before Myyyyyyy Prrrrrrrrecccccccciousssss [Obi-Tourtue/abuse/neglect tragedy] COMPLETED!!!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JediKlea, May 13, 2003.

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  1. JediKlea Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    Rating: PG-for violence and mental torture

    Disclaimer: All original characters are property of Me, you can rent them for $0.25 each, or a group rate of $0.75 an hour. And all the others belong to George Lucas [PLEASE DON'T SUE ME MR. LUCAS!!!! *falls on the floor with pleading expression and begs for mercy and forgiveness and long-suffering and kindness and and and, yeah, anyway* Wait, why am I pleading for mercy here??? Who's to say that I didn't make them up and he just stole the idea??? SUE GEORGE LUCAS!!! j/k, anyways...]

    I cannot accept responsibility for any trips to the therapist or other such mental institutions resulting from this story. If such a occurrence does happen, I would however advise a visit to Windu&Yoda counseling inc.

    And anyway, why should I be responsible??? NOBODY FORCED YOU TO READ IT!!! :)
    Ah well, if your still here [hello?] read on...In this tale of woe and tragedy... *blissfully evil sigh* [face_devil]

    **********************************************

    ?Lets try this shop? Qui-Gon called to Obi-Wan.
    Obi-Wan looked from him to the toyshop in bewilderment ?What for????
    ?Well the trip will take us about two weeks...You don?t want to spend the whole time meditating do you??
    ?Nnnnnnnnoooooooooo? Obi-Wan said slowly
    ?Good, because we are going to go get some games to play?
    ?Oh? Obi-Wan followed Qui-Gon into the store.

    They were about to embark on a mission to the planet Rohan to negotiate between some warring clans. From the sketchy information given it was a very backwards planet. There had parts living in crude caves and some in the height of technology.
    But all the tribes were fair in that they all fought traditionally with homemade weapons.
    Obi-Wan found it rather odd that they had rules to how they fought their wars, but Qui-Gon explained that fighting was really part of their culture.
    The problems had started when some of the Rohan clans had broken tradition and were using manufactured weapons such as blasters.
    Worried a handful of Rohan?s contacted the Jedi Council and requested that they send Jedi to help them negotiate at the council.

    Obi-Wan browsed the shelves slowly, his eyes going wide at all the toys. Being a Jedi didn?t leave much time for leisure. And getting an actual toy like other normal kids was rare.
    ?Need some help?? a friendly voice asked from behind him. Flushing Obi-Wan turned quickly to see a smiling assistant who was restocking the shelf next to him. He flushed deeper when he saw that it was a girl.
    ?Um, yeah, I don?t really know what to get, I mean, I?ve never really bought a toy before and...? his voice trailed off.
    She grinned, ?oh that?s alright? She went to a shelf in the front and grabbed a box. Returning she opened it showed Obi-Wan the game. The side of the box brightly proclaimed its title ?SpAcEbOy!!!? Obi-Wan stared as he slowly turned the box over to look at it.
    ?Its a very popular game, seems like a lot of fun,? she prompted.
    Obi-Wan glanced at Qui-Gon and saw that he was gesturing to him to hurry.
    ?I?ll take it? Obi-Wan said hurriedly ?Thank you?
    ?No problem!? She said with a smile as she boxed it for him and hurried to greet another customer. Obi-Wan quickly brought the box to Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon paid for the game and they hastily ran for their ship. They arrived right before take off.

    ***
    A week into their journey...
    Obi-Wan sighed as he finished yet another game of spaceboy and tossed the game on the table in boredom. The game wasn?t as great as the girl had said it was. Qui-Gon came in ?Do you want to swap games? This is getting really dull? Obi-Wan quickly agreed. Qui-Gon had gotten a battleship game and it looked a lot more interesting them spaceboy.

    1 hour later...
    Obi-Wan glanced at the time startled ?Master, we need to go spar? Qui-Gon didn?t answer. ?Master??
    ?Go spar yourself? Qui-Gon mumbled without looking up as he concentrated on the game in front of him.
    ?Uh...Master it takes two people to spar?
    ?GO AWAY!!!? Qui-Gon growled
    ?Go spar with that!? he motio
  2. Master_Kiona Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 1
    Good morning! You have finally posted the cute little 'tory!!

    Poor Obi-wan!! He's so adorable when hes being abused. :D [face_devil]

    ~pats Klea on head~ Good job kiddo
  3. Master_Kiona Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 1
    UP! hehe I'm hyper/sleepy... Be scared... I mean, ummm, read!!!
  4. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
  5. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Great start, when can we expect more?
  6. Master_Kiona Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 1
    Hello!! I'm here to up the cute little 'tory, and let ya'll know when you can exspect the next post from Klea....

    As soon as I can get her on the puter! :)
  7. JediKlea Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    Yeah!!! I have readers!!!

    Sorry for my long absence, I have just had a very hectic week [spring concerts and recitals :p]
    and I haven't been on the puter much. Next post will be up either later tonight or tomorrow morning.
  8. JediKlea Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    tadaah!!! More of my sad little tale...


    ************************************************

    The next morning he walked in the kitchen to find Qui-Gon still sitting at the table. Obi-Wan carefully walked to the other side of the table. ?Morning Master? he said cheerfully. Qui-Gon was focusing on something in his hands ?mmmmmmmmmyyy precioussss? he crooned. Obi-Wan groaned, it wasn?t a dream.
    He went the small cooler, grabbed some jenua fruit, and poured the last of the green milk. He dumped some crystals in that gave the milk purple sparkles. He carried his food to the table and sat down to watch Qui-Gon.
    ?Uh, master? Don?t you think its time to meditate???? Obi-Wan tentatively asked
    ?We is meditatings... We?s and our prrrrrrecious....?
    Obi-Wan swallowed.
    ?Would you like some breakfast??
    ?We never eatsss when we is hungry? Qui-Gon hissed.
    Getting desperate Obi-Wan asked ?Master, what do you want me to do????
    ?DIE DIE DIE!!!? Qui-Gon roared as he slammed the buttons on the spaceboy.
    ?When are we going to get to Rohan??
    ?NNNNOOO?
    Dealing with Qui-Gon worked up an appetite. Obi-Wan went to the cupboard to see what was left of their depleted food storage. He found to his horror that all that was left of the supplies set aside for onboard the ship was ration bars and gloppy shakes, enclosed in bright packages proclaiming that their contents were packed with nutrients.
    ?Anything that says that has got to be unhealthy? Obi-Wan muttered as he grabbed the least-poisonous looking ration bar and returned to the table.
    ?Nasty little thingsss.... We hates them!? Qui-Gon moaned
    As he struggled to swallow, Obi-Wan agreed.
    ?Master you couldn?t of picked a worse pilot, uh, what?s his name?? Obi-Wan asked, once again attempting to beam some sanity into Qui-Gon?s brain.
    ?My prrrrecioussss... My beautiful precious? Qui-Gon murmured soothingly.
    Obi-Wan was getting genuinely worried now. Was Qui-Gon seriously obsessed? Or was this another cruel joke to get rid of him, make him commit suicide or something...

    ?Qui-Gon, some big bully tried to beat up a little old lady on the ship, what should I do?? Obi-Wan asked [mentally pleading with his master to notice what he had called him, or at least the fast that there WAS no little old lady or big bully on the ship and that he was shamelessly lying.]
    ?DIE JEDI DIE!!!? Qui-Gon yelled
    ?That?s it? Obi-Wan thought ?he?s definantly trying to get rid of me!?
    He arose and crossed to the other side of the table to stand behind Qui-Gon. ?You?ve had my game long enough, my turn now.? Obi-Wan said as he tried to take the game back. THAT was a big mistake.
    With a roar of rage Qui-Gon jumped up and drew his lightsaber ?Try?s to steal the precious it does!!! Tricksy little Padawan!!!? With that, Qui-Gon attacked him. Obi-Wan stumbled backwards as he frantically tried to grab his own saber, tripped and fell over a chair. It probably saved his life as Qui-Gon sailed right over the top of him. Scrambling to his feet Obi-Wan uselessly tried to defend himself as he fled.
    He ran down the hall, ducked into a room and waited until he heard Qui-Gon finally give up the attack and return to the kitchen. Once he dared to breath, he got down a med kit and sat down to repair his various burns and bruises from Qui-Gon, the floor and the chair. Not to mention that obnoxious banana peel that had been waiting outside the kitchen door on the floor. How it had gotten there was beyond him as they hadn?t brought any banana?s with them...
    Unless or course the banana?s, [or at least their peels] were in league with Qui-Gon to send him to the Argi Corps...
    After his injuries were doctored, he decided to go meditate. The subject of his meditations? What on the seven moons of Endor, that assistant had had against him to get him THAT toy. [Another member of the Qui-Gon & Banana Peel Revenge Inc?] Moreover, how he would best get his revenge when he returned...

    ***
    At the planet Rohan...

    It was almost sunset [or rather, moon/starset; they didn?t have
  9. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
  10. Master_Kiona Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 1
    hehe is everybody confuddled yet?
  11. Tirra_Parr Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2002
    star 2
    I'm confuseled and i know whats going on
    even if that makes no sence.
  12. Tirra_Parr Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2002
    star 2
  13. JediKlea Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    This story is basicly an insane play on the mental sanity of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon.
    Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon purchase "toys" one of which is the spaceboy WHOOPS!!! I forgot to explain! A spaceboy is basically a SWs version of a gameboy. [I know little kids {and older kids} who are addicted to gameboys and get very violent when the gameboy is taken away]
    So Qui-Gon gets addicted to the game [similar to Gollum getting addicted to the ring in LOTRs], and so far the posts are about poor Obi-Wan dealing with his addicted Master. The banana peels are just some twisted part of Obi-Wans mind over-reacting [and the result of letting a VERY sugar-high author lose oh her story].

    The cat, what cat?
  14. Tirra_Parr Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2002
    star 2
    you said the cat tried to replace obi-wan
  15. JediKlea Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    Whoops, I thought I edited that out. It was from a fan fic that I read with a cat coming between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, you wouldn't really understand it unless you read the story, so yes, all edited out now and all better.
  16. Master_Kiona Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 1
    ahh good morning all!! Upping this poor little 'tory.. Don't worry - it gets worse!! hehe [face_devil]

    Hold on to your hats folks! I'm about to make her post the next bit on this terribly frighteningly amusingly tragicly horribly littly storyey!
  17. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    Wow. Qui-Gon's obsession with that spaceboy sounds like my boyfriend and my son, they don't like to give up their games either. Although, their obsesions aren't nearly as bad (yet!). Great story!
  18. JediKlea Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    Yeah! More readers!!! [I live on feedback and I seem to have scared most of them off, lol] So, enjoy!


    Okay this slows down for a bit...But don't worry, it'll speed up soon...



    5 hours later when Qui-Gon had finally given up racing around the pond with his lightsaber and returned to camp, Obi-Wan crept out of the water. He was shivering and miserable. [Not to mention a case of whiplash, a broken finger, two broken ribs and a serious case of depression]
    Obi-Wan crawled slowly back toward camp, pleading with the force, the trees, or even the bananas for this to be a serious obsession of Qui-Gon?s and not a plot to get rid of him.
    ?Oh Sith what am I saying?? He gasped as he stopped and smacked himself. [Instantly regretting it as his forehead rang with pain] ? How can I wish insanity on my Master?? No, if Qui-Gon wants to get rid of me, the best thing I can do is get him back to the temple and return to the Argi-corps.

    ***
    Obi-Wan cautiously crawled into camp; Qui-Gon was [fortunately], ignoring him. He went over to his packs to dig out the med kit. If Qui-Gon kept this up, he might be required to start carrying it regularly.
    When he finished applying bacta strips, he began hobbling around, trying to find dry wood, start a fire, and set up a tent. He gave up on the tent. It was made for a two-person set up to start with and he wasn?t even one. Instead, he found a cave. [There were plenty of caves on Rohan; the trick was finding an empty one]. He glanced worriedly at Qui-Gon; who hadn?t left his spot on a log since he?d arrived. A few drops of green water began smacking his head it had started to rain.
    Obi-Wan hesitated, then hobbled out and tapped Qui-Gon on the shoulder. Qui-Gon instantly snatched his lightsaber and activated it with a snap-hiss ?Where isss it? We wants it!? Qui-Gon roared. Obi-Wan wasn?t quite sure what to do so he pointed quickly to the cave ?Its in there!? Qui-Gon grabbed the spaceboy and tighter and ran into the cave. Obi-Wan heard him attacking the wall with his lightsaber and winced.

    ***
    The next morning found Obi-Wan sitting on top of the cave meditating. After seeing what his Master had done to the wall, he decided that it wasn?t safe sleeping anywhere near Qui-Gon. Instead, he spent the miserable, wet night under a tree. That wasn?t to bad, until fist-sized hail started falling. Luckily, the med-kit was still with his stuff.
    Obi-Wan had decided that it would be wise to contact the council about sending another team to take their place, if they went to the negotiations like this... [Obi-Wan didn?t want to think about that] unfortunately, Qui-Gon had the com link to contact the council.

    ?Sir??
    Obi-Wan almost jumped 10 feet in the air, turning, he found himself confronted by two small Rohan?s, which appeared to be twins.
    Some Padawan you make, you didn?t even sense a little kid coming! No wonder Qui-Gon hates you! I would too!

    Rohan?s have curly red hair and either purple, green, brown, or gold eyes. These two had especially thick mops of red curls, the girl had deep violet eyes and the boy had green eyes with brown flecks.
    ?Um, hi? great opener Obi-Wan! Couldn?t of been more profound or full of wisdom if I tried!
    Oh, shut up Mr. Purple Banana peel! What did I ever do to deserve you in my mind?
    You existed, that?s enough! Besides, you are trying to take my master.
    Qui-Gon is not your master!!!
    *Smirk* who do you think sold you that spaceboy?

    ?Are you the Jedi?? she asked, thankfully breaking him out of his insane conversation with a banana peel. About this time Qui-Gon came out of the cave, lightsaber swinging wildly as he attacked some invisible beasts. Satisfied, he returned to the cave.
    The little girl stared ?the council must be really low on Jedi if they had to send you two? she observed as she examined his battered condition. Obi-Wan sighed, ?What do you want??
    ?
  19. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    Poor Obi-Wan, how does he survive all this torture he gets put through in these stories? Wonderful story, though. Does Qui-Gon's sanity ever return? Or Obi's for that matter?
  20. Master_Kiona Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 1
    Yeah! Little Klea posted! ~party!!!!~

    Ahem, yes, anyways...

    Depends on which ending you read.... There will be more than one... ;)

  21. Tirra_Parr Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2002
    star 2
    I still don't understand how something has 3 1/2 tails

    ah the bordom
    should have known none of my friends would be on at <gasp> 8:00 in the mornin'

    Happy Christmas lestie, and master also

    Kurds are cool

    The end of my randomness for now

    or is it?
  22. JediKlea Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    It has 3 tails of equal length and one more tail thats half as long as the others. Okay here comes the reast of the main bulk of the story, then I will start posting endings, the first one is Kaiets idea and umm, well, if you want a truly happy ending you will have to wait for the 2nd ending...

    ************************************************
    To his horror he realized that were 5 of the nasty things. He began carefully backing away, then he changed tactics and ran, they immediately gave chase. Luckily, he wasn?t far from camp. Desperately limping, he finally reached the cave. ?Master!? he yelled as he ran in. Qui-Gon ignored him.
    Obi-Wan thought quickly ?Master, the Zorks are attacking! There outside, look!? Obi-Wan pointed. Qui-Gon saw them and arose with a bellow of rage. ?They trys to steal my preccciouss!? he shrieked as he ignited his lightsaber and ran out of the cave. Obi-Wan followed with his own saber and did the best he could to help. Qui-Gon did it mostly by himself however, Obi-Wan spent most of the fight trying to stay alive. [The purple banana peels trying to trip him did not help]
    When it was over Qui-Gon returned to the cave unscathed and resumed his game. Obi-Wan limped over to the med-kit. As he did, he kicked something, the comlink! Qui-Gon must have dropped it. He went to the top of the cave for a clear transmission and called the temple.
    ***
    15 minutes later...
    Yoda nodded ?serious this is. Finish this mission you will not. Send a team to replace you I will? Obi-Wan bowed ?Thank you Master Yoda?
    He returned to camp, Yoda seemed to have believed his story except for the part about the purple bananas. He had gotten a little worried about that.
    Entering the clearing, he saw Qui-Gon dancing in front of the cave. Several monkeys were there to witness the entertainment. Obi-Wan moaned and ran for bed.

    ***
    18 days later...
    The ship with the new Jedi team had arrived. After quickly briefing them on the mission; Obi-Wan set about finding a method to coax Qui-Gon on board. Luckily, the batteries in the spaceboy were finally running low. Using a fresh battery pack Obi-Wan had lured him aboard. They were now arriving at Courscant.

    Obi-Wan was wondering how he was going to get Qui-Gon off the ship this time. Luckily, Master Yoda had already provided a solution. A team of cold-faced Jedi awaited them on the landing platform.
    Using the force, they lifted Qui-Gon and his chair [he was still playing the space-boy] and carried him to a large covered cage. After setting Qui-Gon inside, they closed and recovered it, lifted it and headed for the temple; forgetting Obi-Wan and leaving him behind.
    Obi-Wan was very grateful to Yoda for his thoughtfulness in covering the cage to save Qui-Gon from future embarrassment.
    Grabbing their things [including the med kit] he hobbled hurriedly from the ship to follow. On the way down the ramp he slipped on a pink banana peel.
    ?Ow? he muttered as he sat up rubbing his head. His pain turned to horror as he watched purple and orange banana peels join the evil pink one in the tango.
    He quickly left the party and ran to keep up with the Jedi.

    They finally arrived at the council. The Jedi deposited Qui-Gon, bowed and left. Obi-Wan barely made it inside as the doors closed.
    Yoda waved his hand, and the cage unfolded, revealing Qui-Gon franticly working the controls ?mmmmmmyyyyyyyy prrrrrreeciiiooouuss? he hissed.
    Yoda hobbled over ?Give it to me you will? he said as he reached for the game ?Mine!!!? Qui-Gon roared and smacked Yoda. There was silence for a moment. Then Yoda raised his cane and began silly stringing him ?JEDI COUNCIL DOGPILE!!!? he shrieked. The council leaped up and tackled Qui-Gon.
    Mace Windu snatched the Spaceboy and ran, the rest of the Jedi stuffed Qui-Gon in a straight jacket and stuck him in a room with conveniently padded walls.
    Obi-Wan stared at the rest of the council in stunned silence, then his physical and mental strength comp
  23. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    So now for the endings, huh? Well, I can't wait to see what you'll do there. Great post, btw, although the dialogue in the healers was a bit hard to follow. Don't worry, I figured it out. All's right in the universe!! (Actually, it's half left, but I won't get too picky.)
  24. Tirra_Parr Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2002
    star 2
    just so you guys know
    I'm the kaeit lestie was talkin about. The first ending was my idea though lesie did the work and actualy wrote it.

  25. JediKlea Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    Oh! I am very sorry, I had the conversations seperated with different fonts in Word, I forgot to put them in when I posted. All better now!

    Yes, and if you have any other ending ideas you would like me to write, just PM me.
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