Before Naughty or Nice--Qui/Obi holiday vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by DarthIshtar, Dec 24, 2005.

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  1. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Author's note: Jemmiah and Dex and An-Paj belong to...Jemmiah. She graciously loaned all three of them to me for the purpose of a sequel to her story "Ben."

    This is also a present for Noelie in fond remembrance of our very odd Qui-gon discussions.
    *****
    "Absolutely not!"

    Qui-Gon was doing his best to inflict the same sort of withering glare that had the ability to make a dent in his Padawan's attitude, but given the fact that the Council members were old, crochety and indifferent rather than fifteen and eager to please, it wasn't having much of an effect.

    "Who even suggested such a thing?"

    "Your ward, if you must know," Mace said drily. "I was inquiring after her well-being a few days ago and she mentioned that you were little more than an old softie who had a particular love for Corellian holidays..."

    "That was a year ago," Qui-Gon groused, "and it was for naught."

    "I wouldn't say so," Mace smirked. "She thinks very highly of you."

    "It has nothing to do with my ability to put on a strange frock and engage in breaking and entering!" Qui-Gon protested.

    Yoda shook his head. "Much rebellion I sense in you," he lamented. "Need that you do not..."

    "If you were going to be wearing green tights in full view of three hundred screaming initiates, you'd be rebellious, too."

    If Mace had possessed a single hair on his head, he'd be smoothing it nervously. "We also have some modifications to the costume," he said tentatively. "Hardly anything at all."

    "And if I refuse?" Qui-Gon growled in an unconvincingly menacing tone.

    "Well," Mace shrugged, "now that service with the Initiates is compulsory, you could volunteer for the next trip to the amusement park..."

    Visions of pint-sized projectile vomiters filled his mind immediately and the only phrase appropriate was 'the lesser of two evils.'

    "What sort of costume change?"
    *****
    "Hardly at all," Qui-Gon sniffed. "No one mentioned that Benbeau has a brew belly."

    "It's not a brew belly," Jemmiah reasoned, barely audible because of the hand clamped over her mouth to stifle the giggles. "It's a symbol of his prosperity..."

    "You keep quiet," Obi-Wan threatened. "It's your fault that we're going to be in tights on the Coruscant Evening News."

    Qui-Gon muttered something about adding insult to serious injury as he yanked at the pair of green tights.

    "These hose have shrunk in the wash," he protested. "Maybe I can convince our well-meaning Corellian to take over in the interest of safety."

    "No," Jemmiah said firmly. "There is no reason that you should punish Dexy for the fact that you've gotten..."

    She broke off in apparent self-preservation.

    "Gotten what?" Qui-Gon challenged.

    "Pudgy," she whispered.

    He threw up his hands in disgust. "This has 'disaster' written all over it."

    "Come on, Master," Obi-Wan said cheerily. "It's for the good of the Temple and the spirits of the children. Don't you remember what a miserable existence the life of an initiate is?"

    "Which is precisely why we should not engage in this," he reasoned. "There's no reason to make them suffer for the Council's stupidity."

    "Besides," Obi-Wan responded, "you can swap with me. My hose are fairly falling off of me."

    "No!" Jemmiah shouted. "If there's anything more terrifying than a fat man in tights, it's a prosperous scrub brush in tights!"

    "Thanks for the vote of confidence," he sniffed.

    "It'll be fine," Qui-Gon said unconvincingly. "We just stick to the script and nothing ill can come of it."

    The chrono chimed the ninth hour and he pulled on his tights at last before stuffing his feet into the oversized slippers with the bells on.

    "Show time," he pronounced.
    *****
    ?Well,? Qui-Gon murmured, ?this could have been worse.?

    ?Indeed,? Obi-Wan agreed. ?Permanent eardrum damage is quite easy to remedy, if An-Paj is to be believed.?

    It was true that they had been accosted by screeches of ?BENBEAU!? more times than they?d like to admit, but there was a certain satisfaction in being able to hand out gifts to the futur
  2. BrightFeather Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2005
    star 3
    ROTFLOLMTO!

    BrightFeather

    edited for acronym abuse.
  3. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    "If you were going to be wearing green tights in full view of three hundred screaming initiates, you'd be rebellious, too."

    Now that would be a sight to see! :p

    This was very funny but I have to feel sorry for the poor 8 year old who thought he murdered Benbeau!


    Bravo!!

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  4. PadawanKaterina Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2005
    star 2
    [face_laugh]

    Excellent!

    Wonderful story. I can just imagine the poor little kid. I just want to hug the poor little guy. [:D]

    Merry Christmas! [face_alien_1]
  5. Magenta_Moonshadow Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2005
    star 3
  6. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    :D Thanks!

    Which poor little guy--Qui-Gon or the initiate? I'm not sure which I feel more sorry for.

    LOL, we all wish we could see Liam in tights...Um, no. Yes, it's easy to feel sorry for the kid.

    LOL, thanks for editing that and the sentiment.
  7. Noelie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2005
    star 4
    I think we had the tights discussion the other night, and I said something to the effect that I was sure that no one would complain should you decide to keep both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon in tights. :) (except of course, the boys themselves), and again I really appreciated having a funny little story for my Christmas eve vigil, waiting for the children to come home from trying to scare their aunts by playing "Fatal Frame 3".

    We are doing a huge group run with kids to go see "Narnia" today after I get off work. It should prove interesting. I think my aunt will be the biggest "kid" of all, but I need another fix of a beautiful, Irish voice to listen to.
  8. DaenaBenjen42 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2005
    star 5
    Hmm... I like it!

    Well done. :)
  9. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Thanks, Daena. :)

    I just enjoy you sitting there with a dreamy expression, thinking of Qui-Gon in tights and muttering "Oh, the possibilities" over and over again.
  10. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
  11. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Just now catching up on everything I"ve missed while I've been away.

    Hilarious job Ish!!! [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh] Have to feel so sorry for that poor boy! :p Great job!
  12. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    ?You can?t have a tradition the first time around!? Qui-Gon protested.

    ROFLOL! The poor man is correct! Well, he knew it was all going to end in tears - for him - and he was right! Yes, I can quite happily think of any of our boys in tights. Poor Qui! I'd say Dex should have been on that 'naughty list' some time ago! :)
  13. Obi-WansApprentice Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2002
    [face_laugh]

    Well done, DarthIshtar! After a fairly bad day, I came here, and you've succeeded in bringing a smile to my face. Thank you! :)

    *mutters* Green tights... *snicker* [face_mischief]



    Obi-WansApprentice @};-
  14. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    LOL, glad I could brighten a dismal day. The green tights still give me fond dreams currently, I have to admit...

    I think Dex was on the naughty list long before Qui-Ben came along. And I think he's proud of it! I'd like to see Dex in tights. ::Hint.::

    Thanks, Layren. Yeah, we should all pity him, but not the onlooking females...

    :D Thanks, Mouse.
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