JCC Need help for book research

As many of you well know I won a modest lottery some time ago and am thus free to pursue futile time wasting ventures. One such venture is the writing of a great novel, to be self published and promote me to the ranks of the esteemed JCers who have done the same to great success.

Relying on past avenues of production for my written works concocted for scholarly assignments I am before you now asking for your assistance in this matter.

A chapter of my tale recalls the attempts of a group of drunk collegians to contrive a method of stealing one or several naval submarines for use in no purpose whatsoever.

I beseech of you this fine Saturday (or Sunday for those of you who find yourselves in the world of tomorrow) please drink heavily tonight with fine companions. While imbibing do discuss how you would commandeer these vessels and return here with whatever plans you might have created. I will then shamelessly adapt them into my writings and claim them as my own.

If I a scenario is presented here that meets my needs, I may be so inclined as to share a chapter of my as yet unfinished masterpiece. Free of charge.

 

join the navy

 

What you do is you get a really big magnet and you take it to the beach. Then you crack open a cold one and you wait.


You may get a few destroyers or aircraft carriers also, but you can just push these away.

 

You move to Russia and, in your best Scottish accent, explain to the Russian Navy that you're a submarine commander. On your next mission, make a dash to defect to the United States.

 

I'm magneto.

 

Listen up, you ****ing ***holes, we are going to get ourselves a ****ing submarine. And you know why? Because we can. And you know... you know why too? Because we are not ******s, gentlemen: we are real men. Gentlemen, I mean. Red blooded men. So we are going toget... oh shuddup Tim, you've always been a wet blanket. You know what? If we are the drunks, you are driving. I always loved you, Ross. You are my best friend.

 

You won a lottery, yet I have no yacht. I'll just hold back my NYT best seller idea then.

 

Souderwan

 

Since I live near where it currently resides, may I suggest the USS Silversides?

 

Men, I know you are all anxious to be reunited with your loved ones... in some cases your wives... but we have a few moments before we surface and I've just jotted down some things that I think are kind of important, I wouldn't take the time if I didn't. First of all, I think we ought to give the cooks a standing ovation for the wonderful job they've done. So, if you men want to stand now and let's really hear it for the cooks. I don't think you men realize the difficult problem it is aboard a submarine to... uh... you men want to stand now for the cooks ? Come on now men, let's let by-gones be by-gones and let's hear it for the cooks, huh?

Look men, I'm not going to surface until I hear it for the cooks!!!

Alright, that is a little better. Today, as we add another glorious page to the history of the U.S.S. Codfish, I think it is important that we reflect on some of the past glories of the Codfish... uh... I don't know how many of you men know this, but the Codfish holds a record for the most Japanese tonnage sunk. Being comprised of five freighters and fifteen aircraft carriers. A truly enviable record. Unfortunately, they were sunk in 1954. However, it stands as the largest peacetime tonnage ever recorded. Our voyage has received a lot of coverage in the newspaper and I would like to present our side of it... I think our firing on Miami Beach can best be termed ill-timed. It happened on what they call in the newspaper business a slow news day and as a result received a lot more space than I think it deserved -- since it was the off-season down there.

Men, I think you will agree, I have been pretty lax as far as discipline is concerned, and golly nobody enjoys a joke more than I do, but I would like the executive officer returned. Now we have looked in the torpedo tubes, we have looked in your bags and uh ...; I mean it's been over two weeks, men and I... we're just lucky that it wasn't the navigational officer or someone real important like that.
Uh... looking back on the mutiny, I think a lot of the trouble stemmed from the fact that you men weren't coming to me with your problems... as I told you, the door to my office is always open. I think you know why it's always open -- that was stolen, I'd like that returned. It looks like the work of the same man.
But since started the cruise on such a low note, I think it is important that we try to end it on a high note... and to me there is, there is nothing more impressive in the Navy as a submarine that breaks water to see a bunch of sailors in their dress blues as they come rushing up out of the... oh... the uh ... that, that hole there, uh ... and come to a parade dress. This, this to me is one of the, oh... oh, alright...
Men, I have just been notified that we will be surfacing in just a moment and uh... you might be happy to know that you will be gazing on the familiar skyline of either New York City or Buenos Aires ... is that right ? I can't quite make that out.. dismissed men -- that's all.

 

How about inviting the entire crew out for free pizza and wings and all the beer they can consume. That way the crew leaves with just a guard or two. Sub is free to whomever has the balls to steal it.

 

It's simple: become the Most Interesting Man in the World.

 

Souderwan Do tell us of these new fanged Sunmarines.

 

DAMN IT!

 

Maybe The Village People could help you.

 

I fear none of you are drunk for these ideas

 

It is my hope, slim though it seems, that this thread remains devoid of drunken ideas due only to the boards being down last night. By chance do any of the drinkers who pursued this task still recall anything that they discussed while under the influence?

 

Invite the entire crew on a pub crawl. Can't beat a pub crawl. Or perhaps a stripper club crawl. Visit as many strip clubs as possible in a single night. Along the way they will get completely drunk and have a great time. Give them all free rides to a hotel. When they come back and wouldn't care that the submarine is missing.

 

1. First you have to get on a base. There are guards, roving patrols, and high fences topped with barbed wire. I don't know how they handle things these days but you might be able to get a tour and you can definitely get onboard if you know someone.

2. The vessel themsealves also have guards, both stationary and roving. A typical sub goes on patrol for 3 months, and then is in port for 3 months, the first month back the crew is on vacation and the subs are guarded by Marines.

 

i think we're thinking too small. what you need to do is steal some submarine plans, not an actual submarine. then all you need to do is go back in time and invent the submarine. you would make a lot of money plus you'd own all those submarines.

 

Eh, never mind.

 

If your story is set in the present time and the sub you're looking for is US or UK, your stripper club crawl probably won't take care of all the crew. Women are now allowed to serve on subs for both countries.

 

U still want us to do your homework after all these years...

 

Yes that was addressed in the opening post. Truly your reading comprehension is rivaled only by your ability to spell simple pronouns.