Never Again- One post- Obi-angst, post-TPM

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by obi-wannabe_1138, Aug 28, 2002.

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  1. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
    All right, this is just a little thing that I wrote. I was inspired by back to back watching the end of TPM the other day and then going and listening to mournful Scottish music- particularly Loch Lomond and the theme from the double funeral scene in Braveheart. Obi-wan's thoughts during Qui-gon's funeral. First person, Obi's POV. MAJOR TISSUE WARNING!!! If you don't want to get deppressed avoid this.
    OK disclaimer: Naturally I don't own anything and am not making any money from this fic.

    Never Again

    Numbness is all I feel as I stand here, watching the flames consuming my Master's body. I'm oblivious to everything but the numbness and the shock and the pain, so deep that I know I will never recover. Now there is nothing else in my world but my grief.

    And the vision before me.

    And the gaping, sickening emptiness inside.

    The vision before me- Qui-gon Jinn's funeral pyre- is one that, I know, will be forever burnt into my very soul for as long as I live. Perhaps longer. I still can't believe he's dead. Gone from me. Forever. The shock is still there, every bit as crushing as it was in those first awful moments when helplessly I watched him die in my arms.

    Oh, Master, I think in anguish, half expecting his comforting reply through the bond we'd shared once. But no matter what I do it's too late. Never again will I feel anything through our old training bond. He's gone forever. I keep waiting for him to come back to me. A gentle but firm hand on my shoulder and a softly spoken word of advice. The sight of his tall robed figure returning from the odd solo mission. On one level I know that this will never happen again but on another level I can't believe it. I never will. Unconciously I keep reaching out for him trough our bond, only to feel nothing. Nothing at all. Complete emptiness. It's as if half of my soul has been stripped away and tossed into oblivion.

    What's worse is that I can't even seem to cry. Before I could but now I feel as if I've exhausted the flow of tears. Even that minute comfort is lost and empty to me.

    I don't think I can go on. I know I have to but I don't know if I'll be able to do so. Jedi are trained to first accept pain so that it can begin to heal- but how can I ever accept ths? I realize that I can't afford to live the rest of my life in denial- but on the other hand I just can't believe that he's gone.

    Force, I miss him. If only I had done something differently- had run faster, fought the Sith harder and killed him before- maybe I could have saved my Master's life. Since he died everyone has been offering me sympathy and comfort. But I do not wish for either of those things. I wish I could go back and change the past. I would gladly die in Qui-gon's place, if only to save his life. Yet that can never be. There's no way to go back and change what happened. It's too late. There's no way to help him again. Never.

    The first tears in I don't know how long stream silently down my face as I turn to look at the boy Anakin. It's so strange how he's simultaneously the only comfort and the greatest burden that my Master left to me when he died. I say comfort because, facing him I know that there is at least one other living being who grieves too and understands in some small way. And now I realize too that there's more to it. Perhaps, in becoming Master to my own Padawan, I can in a way be reunited with my Master deep down inside myself. Maybe, in my own heart, I can recover a bit of what I have lost. Perhaps he knew that too when he died. In any case I will honor Qui-gon's last wishes no matter what. I have an Apprentice now, and I will strive to ne as good a Master as he was.

    And even if I fail at that, I know that I'll yet be reunited with him in the Force at the end of my life.
  2. Wild_Huntress Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 4
    Up.... Go on, get up there.....
  3. astroanna Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 4
    Oh...

    :_|

    That's too sad!
  4. sheleigh Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 31, 2002
    star 4
    Awww!! :(

    Obi-wannabe- how incredibly depressing... but oh so good. Bravo!

    :)
  5. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
    Thanks guys.... Yeah this IS pretty D/G (doom and gloom). I got really deppressed writing it.... Sorry if it deppressed you.... But I'm satisfied with how it turned out and I think it was worth it. Sorry for all the D/G..... It's that Scottish music...
  6. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    *sniff*
    So sad and depressing.
    But nicely done, obi-wannabe.
    :_| :_|
  7. sheleigh Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 31, 2002
    star 4
    absolutely nothing wrong with d/g. I happen to adore reading it. And you write it incredibly well! :)

    Hmm... Excellent again, Obi-wannabe! :)
  8. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
    Jedi_Suzuran: Thanks. Glad you thought it was well done. I thought so too. [face_egotist]
    Sheleigh: One, I really like your name, and two, thanks again.
  9. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Beautiful!

    Depressing but beautiful! Great job!
  10. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
  11. astroanna Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 4
    Upping so obi-wannabe knows how awesome this is!!

    :D
  12. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
    Astro: Thanks so much. I really appreciate it. Lemme know if I can ever return the favor. ;)
  13. Arldetta Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Obi-wannabe_1138 - Very nice. Very touching. I just wanted to let you know that your link does work. ;) So UP with you!! :D
  14. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
  15. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
    Wonder what would happen if I upped this now.....
  16. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
    What the heck? One more up and give the title a wee bit of a face lift to see what happens.......

















    AKA hope this garners some more FB. Say "obi-angst" and everyone comes running. ;)
  17. Jedi_Knight_Hunter Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    star 4
    AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

    why didn't I find this sooner? Excellent post!
  18. MYSTIC_KNIGHT Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 4
    I love it. But it´s so sad. But you write good.
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