New Story:

Okay, as I said in my fan film thingy, I'd try to make my fanfilm into fan fiction.
Well, here it is!
This is just a work in progress, so i'll give you a chapter, you give feedbaack and so on, until I finish and try to post it in fan fiction.

(I'm posting it here first so I can get opinions)

Here's the story:



Over a century has passed since the destruction of the SECOND DEATH STAR over the Forest Moon of Endor. The NEW REPUBLIC was established, and after some confusion and almost complete destruction during the dark days of the YUUZHAN VONG, the collection of the JEDI ORDER has grown to be strong.

But in one swift strike, it was all destroyed. The Sith and the IMPERIAL REMNANT collected together as a huge force, and took the galaxy by storm, destroyed every Jedi they could, and sending the REPUBLIC into exile and division. Trapped on CORUSCANT, they have no escape.

Praying for his sister?s life, JACOB SOLO has begun a massive operation to evacuate the planet, trying to break free.
But a lost Jedi could help change everything, as his ship enters the system where the fate of the Republic lies on the brink of destruction?




AND THE STORY!Sorry for typos, and words marked (//) are thoughts

ONE

The Millennium Falcon entered the system in a shockwave of light, racing out of the oblivion of hyperspace. The ship started to slow as it headed past the towering wrecks of the Skyhooks, synthetic air rushing from the elevator shafts, in frosty steam. The pilot turned the ship, heading towards the North Pole of the planet, opening the communications port.
?Unknown ship, please transmit main clearance code.?
The pilot shrugged, pressing the comm. return button. ?John Mandel here, requesting dockage for Y1300 heavy class freighter. Republic Taskforce airspace please.?
?You are unidentified with the Imperial Code. Prepare to power down and be boarded.?

Then Mandel saw it. Why hadn?t he sensed it before? The Star Destroyer moved slowly from around the Eastern silhouette of the planet, shining in the Sun.

//Sithspawn.//

He hit the ships thrusters, speeding into the atmosphere, and watched the readout of the Star Destroyer as it got further away.
About twenty seconds later, he burst into the planet?s gravitational pull and slowed the ship.
Bad idea.
The TIE Fighters came in a line, all firing directly at the engine. Using the evasion tactic, Mandel turned the ship towards an Imperial Inter-Planet Invasion Cruiser, flying under the bridge and moving towards the engine wash. He hit the thrusters, feeling the stinging heat from the Cruiser?s power drive. He swore violently under his breath, hitting the thrusters again, and heading towards ground level, narrowly missing the countless speeders, taxis and hovercraft flying by.

The TIE Fighters were gone, destroyed by the engine wash, but the Cruiser began firing at the ship, causing it to rock and he started to lose control.

//C?mon, don?t fail me now.//




Aboard the Inter-Planet Cruiser Avenger, Captain Krisham stood in the bridge, watching. Most tactical manuvers he?d ever seen. Must be a Republican, like the one?s he?d shot down during the Invasion.

?Follow that ship, knock those damned vehicles out of the way if nesesscary! Fire at the ship!? He shouted to the gun controllers and pilots.
Grand Admiral Jeks smiled at Krisham?s attempt.
?Captain, you know civilians cannot be brought into this.?

Krisham gulped. His career was at breaking point. Two men with Jet-Packs walked in, brandishing blasters. Jeks smiled again.
?Pilots, continue Captain Krisham?s order please. Men, please remove Captain Krisham from his position and get him out of my sight.?

The two Jet-Packed men moved towards the emergency escape lift tunnel, pulling Krisham at blaster point inside, and shutting the door. They turned on their Jet Packs, and opened the manual release door below, revealing the 1000 foot drop. Then they released Krisham, watched him fall, and closed the hatch.




Mandel saw a small body fall from the underside of the Cruis

 

ooh, very nice! i demand more!

 

Thanks! I'm working on chapter two now, but the idea of this is it takes trilogy form.

Remember, tell me what changes i can make at any time!

 

Heres chapter Two. this story starts to get complicated in a few chapters, so good luck!
ENJOY!:


TWO

The bacta felt good against his burnt skin. The pain had vanished, so the bacta was working then.

Mandel opened his eyes, the medicinal liquid burning his eyes, and producing a green glow of the staff in the chamber.
Mandel closed his eyes again, thinking.

Why was he here? Why didn?t he stay at the settlement on Tatooine? The Bounty Hunters couldn?t get him there. Surely they thought he was dead by now, or were dead themselves.
Thinking of his parents. His mom and dad. Their deaths were?

In the past.

Jack? What had happened to him? His old master and trainer in the laws of the Jedi. Did Jack Remus survive the siege of the Jedi tower?

John felt the bubbles surround him as he was floated to the top of the tank where he was hoisted out.


Freshly dressed in black trousers, a brown shirt and a long black jacket, Mandel proceeded to the Comms. Room and looked around for Commander Delias Thror. Upon seeing him, he walked over to the small computer screen he and a technician were looking into.
?Commander.?
?Ah! Captain Mandel! How good to see you again!? the aging Commander told him, recollecting the last time they?d met aboard the Republic StarShip Victoriam during the rescue of a Jedi Knight from a group of crazed slavers.
But now everything was different.

?Commander, how could we have let it all go??
?What??
?The Republic. The entire Galactic Senate. The Jedi Order for crying out loud!?
?Unfortunately Master Skywalker is no longer the head of the Council, nor his son Ben. Alas, we were taken by surprise, a Dark Jedi Bounty Hunter and his accomplice, another Hunter that you know.?
?Who??
?Lorane Feth, but we have a way to leave the planet.?
?What??
?The hidden force. Hidden in some of the wrecks we have Freighters, Star Cruisers, X-Wing Squadrons, Rogue Groups 3 and 6. Almost an army.?

//Perfect.//

John smiled, and grabbed a transmitter.

?Tell me where Jacob is.?


John turned the corridor and went through the heavy durasteel door into the hangar. Leaning over by the Falcon, tampering with a piece of metal-connector was Jacob Solo, the descendant of the famous Han Solo and Leia Organa Solo. He bore a scar on his chin, similar to that of ancestor and called it his ?good luck charm.? He was well trained in the force and lifted his eyebrows as Mandel entered.

?I wondered if you?d ever come back.? He remarked.
?You know what they say, you can?t keep a failed Jedi down.?

Jacob brought himself to full height, and walked over to face Mandel. Then, raising his fist, he knocked him to the ground.
?That?s for my ship.?
Solo offered his hand, and Mandel took it, pulling himself up to stand again, wiping his mouth and rubbing his jaw.
?Good shot.?
?Thanks. Do you know what we do now??
?Nope. Where?s your sister??
?Gone.? He said sadly. ?She went to Dranor Five on a diplomatic mission a few days before the siege. I?m struck here, and who knows where she is.?
?We need to get off-planet. Tell Commander Thror to alert all commands. But there?s something else.?
?What??
?Get the ship ready for almost immediate departure, we?re heading down to pay a little visit to an old friend.?
?Feth.? Jacob sensed, his voice turning stern.
?Yeah, we need a?chat.?

Jacob nodded, opening his commlink.
?Jacob here, get the hidden force ready for attack on my signal. We have some business that may slow us down, but get everyone off planet.?

Mandel hit the ramp release button on the Falcon, letting the ramp slowly drop.

//Let?s go.//

Jacob nodded again, and they headed up the ramp.

The Falcon left a few moments after, dipping down to the dark under-levels of the Imperial City.



To be continued....

 

Jack, John, Jacob...

More imagination needed with the names.

 

yeah, ok. any new name suggestions for the characters? I can chnge 'em as i go along.